Chapter 1 Sam was quiet during our ride to my place after the service. I offered her my house to host the wake, mainly so that she wouldn't have to deal with any of the cleanup involved afterwards. Daniel and Teal'c were behind us, following in Daniels car. I try not to pressure her into talking, knowing full well that when Carter is ready, she will. If she doesn't, then she won't. She's staring out the window as we drive by the various neighborhoods in Colorado Springs. I know she's not seeing anything there, that she's lost again in her own thoughts. If she only knew how much I'm worried about her, she'd probably kick my ass, but I can't help it. Its like telling someone to not breathe. So much has happened in the last two years, personally and professionally. I know if I ask her how is she doing, I'd get the standard, "I'm fine, Sir.", so I don't attempt it. We finally pull up my driveway, and I turn the truck off. She makes no moves to leave the truck, and I stay there with her. I notice that Daniel and T are not behind us, for which I'm grateful. A little alone time is always nice. Finally after a few moments, I lay my hand gently on Carter's shoulder. "Sam? Do you want to go inside?" I ask her softly. She nods her head but doesn't respond so I move to get out of the truck and go over to her side. I open her door and reach in and undo her belt buckle. "Come on. Lets go in and rest before everyone gets here." She doesn't move, so I take her hand in mine and squeeze gently. She finally looks at me and slowly climbs down out of the truck. I wrap my arm around her waist and guide her inside. I take her uniform jacket and her cover and take them into my room and place them on my bed. When I come back out, she's still standing where I left her in the hallway. "Carter? Do you want a drink"
"Yes, Sir." That's all I get out of her. I move to stand in front of her, trying to read her. She's not going to get through this afternoon. My wonderfully intelligent 2IC has been reduced to one or two word answers. I can't let her face all the people coming to Jacob's wake like this. I gently turn her towards the back bedroom and tell her, "Go get some rest, Carter. We've got a bit of time before everyone will be here." She goes and once I'm sure she's going to lay down, I head into the kitchen to call Daniel and to start getting things ready. After nearly thirty minutes of preparations, I decide to go check on Carter. When I open the door to the guest room, I'm panicked to not find her there. I know she came down this way and so I call out, "Carter?" No response. I check the bathroom, the doors open and no ones been in there. I check the other bedroom, my "office" and no such luck either. Only one other place she could be, and sure as hell there she was, curled up on her side, on my bed, holding my pillow like it would vanish if she loosened her grip. She was asleep, but I could also see the tears on her cheeks. I can' t bring myself to wake her just yet, so I cover her with my quilt and shut the door. People could wait for her.
The wake ended, uneventfully, only a couple hours after it began. I woke Sam up once more people started to arrive, and she slipped back into Super Soldier Sam mode, not once showing any emotion. Daniel and Teal'c had already left, after helping me clean up the majority of the mess. I finished loading the dishwasher and headed into the living room to sit with Sam. She hadn't moved from her spot on the couch since everyone left. I knew once Jacob passed away, that she would be hurting and reserved. I just never expected it to this degree. I take a seat next to her on the couch and gently rub her back. "You hungry, Cater"
"No, Sir." She finally turns to look at me and I flinch internally at the pain and suffering in her eyes. "Thank you, Sir, for everything. My dad would have appreciated it too"
"No problem, Cater." I held her gaze while I spoke my next words. "I meant what I said about always being there for you"
She nodded her head and turned away again. "I'd like to go home now, please, Sir"
"Are you sure? You're more than welcome to stay here for the night, Sam"
"I'm sure, Sir. I need to be in my own home for awhile." She brought her gaze back to mine then and I understood. Sometimes its better to be surrounded by your own things. Kind of like a security blanket. "Okay, Cater. Let me go get your jacket and cover and we'll head over." Once I've retrieved said items, she's waiting at the door for me. I lock up and we head to her place. Once there, I walk around the truck to help her out again, but she's already out and heading to the porch. I follow, tentivly, only because I really don't know what to do or say right now. I'm letting this be on her terms. Once she's opened the door, she stops and turns to me again. "Seriously, Sir, thank you. I don't know how I'd have gotten through it all without you." She moves her gaze down to the ground and I bring my finger under her chin, lifting it so I can look in her eyes again. "No apologies needed, Sam. I'd do anything for you." She nods and before I know it, I've got a crying Samantha Carter in my arms. I rub her back, holding her tightly to my body. I don't say anything, because nothing I say can erase what she feels. I just hold her, soothe her. I maneuver us into her house and shut the door. We go into the living room and I move us to the couch, bringing her next to me so I can continue to hold her. I'm not sure how long we sit there, but when I look down at her, I notice she's asleep again. Not wanting to leave her alone, I move us so that we're lying on the couch, me on my back with Sam cradled in my arm against the back of the couch. I place a gentle kiss on the top of her head and then tuck her head under my chin. I fall asleep, gently rubbing her back and arm, my other hand interlaced with hers on my chest.
"Yes, Sir." That's all I get out of her. I move to stand in front of her, trying to read her. She's not going to get through this afternoon. My wonderfully intelligent 2IC has been reduced to one or two word answers. I can't let her face all the people coming to Jacob's wake like this. I gently turn her towards the back bedroom and tell her, "Go get some rest, Carter. We've got a bit of time before everyone will be here." She goes and once I'm sure she's going to lay down, I head into the kitchen to call Daniel and to start getting things ready. After nearly thirty minutes of preparations, I decide to go check on Carter. When I open the door to the guest room, I'm panicked to not find her there. I know she came down this way and so I call out, "Carter?" No response. I check the bathroom, the doors open and no ones been in there. I check the other bedroom, my "office" and no such luck either. Only one other place she could be, and sure as hell there she was, curled up on her side, on my bed, holding my pillow like it would vanish if she loosened her grip. She was asleep, but I could also see the tears on her cheeks. I can' t bring myself to wake her just yet, so I cover her with my quilt and shut the door. People could wait for her.
The wake ended, uneventfully, only a couple hours after it began. I woke Sam up once more people started to arrive, and she slipped back into Super Soldier Sam mode, not once showing any emotion. Daniel and Teal'c had already left, after helping me clean up the majority of the mess. I finished loading the dishwasher and headed into the living room to sit with Sam. She hadn't moved from her spot on the couch since everyone left. I knew once Jacob passed away, that she would be hurting and reserved. I just never expected it to this degree. I take a seat next to her on the couch and gently rub her back. "You hungry, Cater"
"No, Sir." She finally turns to look at me and I flinch internally at the pain and suffering in her eyes. "Thank you, Sir, for everything. My dad would have appreciated it too"
"No problem, Cater." I held her gaze while I spoke my next words. "I meant what I said about always being there for you"
She nodded her head and turned away again. "I'd like to go home now, please, Sir"
"Are you sure? You're more than welcome to stay here for the night, Sam"
"I'm sure, Sir. I need to be in my own home for awhile." She brought her gaze back to mine then and I understood. Sometimes its better to be surrounded by your own things. Kind of like a security blanket. "Okay, Cater. Let me go get your jacket and cover and we'll head over." Once I've retrieved said items, she's waiting at the door for me. I lock up and we head to her place. Once there, I walk around the truck to help her out again, but she's already out and heading to the porch. I follow, tentivly, only because I really don't know what to do or say right now. I'm letting this be on her terms. Once she's opened the door, she stops and turns to me again. "Seriously, Sir, thank you. I don't know how I'd have gotten through it all without you." She moves her gaze down to the ground and I bring my finger under her chin, lifting it so I can look in her eyes again. "No apologies needed, Sam. I'd do anything for you." She nods and before I know it, I've got a crying Samantha Carter in my arms. I rub her back, holding her tightly to my body. I don't say anything, because nothing I say can erase what she feels. I just hold her, soothe her. I maneuver us into her house and shut the door. We go into the living room and I move us to the couch, bringing her next to me so I can continue to hold her. I'm not sure how long we sit there, but when I look down at her, I notice she's asleep again. Not wanting to leave her alone, I move us so that we're lying on the couch, me on my back with Sam cradled in my arm against the back of the couch. I place a gentle kiss on the top of her head and then tuck her head under my chin. I fall asleep, gently rubbing her back and arm, my other hand interlaced with hers on my chest.
End Chapter 1