Hello, there!
I am a recent convert to the cult of 'Criminal Minds' (watched the whole series in less than a month), and this is my first story. I recently read online that Prentiss will be returning in the new season (YAY!) and that Seaver will be going away (double YAY!). This news, which I dearly hope is true and not just internet gossip, is what inspired me to write this.
I guess I should mention that Reid is my favorite character, both because he is completely adorable (especially with his hair cut short) and because I find him to be one of the most interesting and layered characters on the show, which is why I wanted to write a short story that ties him with Prentiss's return.
Unfortunately, I own nothing but an apartment full of stuff and a very ill-behaved cat, so no profits from this.
And away I go!
Now You See Her…
Monday…
"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you."
- Joseph Heller
It started on Monday.
Reid sat on the train, reading an article in Behavioral and Brain Sciences. As he flipped the page to a new article, Infants' representations of causation, he inhaled sharply and looked up.
He couldn't explain why, but he felt a tingling sensation on the back of his neck, almost like he was being watched. He looked around, but the train was crowded, and he couldn't see anyone in particular that seemed to be focused on him.
Reid mentally shrugged and turned back to his magazine, but he couldn't shake the feeling that there were eyes on him. It wasn't easy because the feeling was so strong, but he did his best to ignore it.
Every time the train came to a stop, he tried to casually look around to see who was coming and going, but he didn't spot anything unusual.
Finally, the train started pulling into his stop. He stuffed the magazine into his bag and got up, making his way to the doors. As the doors slid open and he exited, he caught a whiff of a scent. He stopped dead and didn't move until the frustrated passengers behind him nudged him in the back.
Apologizing, he moved away from the train, but he couldn't help looking back. He was certain he had smelled her perfume. A lot of people must wear that, he tried to reassure himself. She's just on your mind.
He headed for the stairs, trying to put both the feeling of being watched and the smell out of his mind.
"Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower, or a-a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten."
-Rupert Giles, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
Thursday…
"Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,
Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness;
So on the ocean of life we pass and speak one another,
Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
By the time Thursday came around, Reid had managed to convince himself that the oddities of Monday were just his mind playing tricks on him. After all, Tuesday and Wednesday had passed without incident.
Yup, he thought, two completely normal commutes and on my way to a third. The thought made him smile.
He exited the train and made his way to the stairs. As he started walking up, he felt his PDA vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out and kept moving, trying to read JJ's text message as he went.
As he neared the top of the stairs, Reid heard a voice going past him that tore his focus away from his messages and made him whip his head around.
The down escalator was crowded, but –
THERE!
He could see the back of her head and shoulders, a few feet past him and heading further away. It was a woman talking on a cell phone, and her hair - it was straight and dark brown, and it hung to just below her shoulders. He could tell from the back of her jacket that it was expensive and well tailored. However, it was her voice that had caught his attention. He knew that voice!
Reid's heart started to pound, and he wanted to run down the stairs after her to try and catch a glimpse of her face, but with the crowd surging up from behind him, he knew it would be impossible.
Almost as if he was in a trance, he kept on going up the stairs until he reached the station exit. Once outside, he found a bench and sat down, trying to gather his thoughts.
It wasn't her, he told himself. You were thinking about her because you smelled the perfume the other day.
It took all Reid had to talk himself into believing that it was just his imagination, but he eventually got his thoughts to slow down.
Stay calm, he instructed himself. Everything is fine. Just go to work, and forget about this.
Taking a few deep breaths, Reid stood up, and continued on his way to work.
"Intelligence is quickness in seeing things as they are."
- George Santayana
Friday…
"Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtaxed."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
By Friday, Reid was almost ready to believe he was losing his mind.
It happened at the coffee shop he stopped at on his way into work. He was heading towards the door, coffee in one hand and buzzing PDA in the other, when he looked up through the glass.
There she was, on the sidewalk across the street. He recognized the suit she was wearing as one she had worn so many times before. The sunlight shone off of her dark hair, which she slowly brushed away from her face with one hand as she looked right at him.
He felt like his heart had stopped, and almost of its own accord, the hand holding his coffee opened, sending the cup tumbling to the floor. The hot liquid splashed everywhere, including on his pants. The scalding heat hitting his leg snapped him out of his daze, and he looked down.
Noticing the mess he had made, he went to move to the napkin dispenser on the nearby counter, but before he did, he looked back at the street. There was nobody there.
He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before giving himself a mental shake and carrying on with getting some napkins to clean up the mess. As he bent down to mop up the spilled coffee, the girl from behind the counter hurried over with a rag and put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.
"It's alright, sir," she said. "I've got it. Do you need another coffee?"
Reid shook his head. "No. I mean, no thanks."
His hands shook as he hastily exited the coffee shop. What's happening to me?
He walked around the corner of the building and stopped, leaning back against the brick wall. Bringing his hands to his face, he pressed them over his eyes.
He could see words flashing before him from a text he had read about the symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia.
"Visual hallucinations may occur but are rarely predominant."
So in the space of less than a week, he had experienced the feeling of being watched, smell and auditory hallucinations, and visual hallucinations. Three textbook symptoms and one rare, but completely valid, symptom, he thought.
Reid rubbed his hands over his face and ground his head against the wall behind him. No. This can't be happening. This can absolutely NOT be happening!
His breathing started to get harsh as panic began to set in. He tried to slow it down and get a hold of himself, but he knew he needed help. He didn't want to go home and be alone with his thoughts, but he didn't know if he should continue on to work either.
He tried to control his breaths, inhaling over a count of five and exhaling over a count of five, as he reached for his phone. He dialed almost without thinking.
The phone rang twice before a deep voice answered, "Morgan."
"Morgan?" he repeated the other agent's name in a voice that shook.
"Reid?" Morgan's voice held a note of concern. "You ok, kid?"
Reid shook his head before thinking about the fact that Morgan couldn't see him. "I don't think so."
"What's wrong? Where are you?" the older man questioned immediately.
"Ummm," Reid paused, blinking up at the sunlight. "I'm around the corner from the coffee shop."
"Hold tight," Morgan said. "I'll be there in 10 minutes."
"Thank you," Reid whispered before hanging up the phone.
Dropping the phone into his pocket, he closed his eyes and let his back slide down against the wall. He ended up sitting with his knees bent in front of him. He rested his elbows on his knees, crossed his arms, and let his head fall forward onto them.
He spent the next 10 minutes in complete silence, trying to keep control of his breathing.
Eventually, Reid became aware of another presence next to him. He knew it was Morgan from the smell of the man's aftershave. I'm picking up smells all over the place, he thought.
Morgan slowly placed a hand on Reid's shoulder and crouched down next to him. "What's going on, kid?" Reid raised his head and looked up at the other man. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
Reid let out a strained laugh. "You're not too far off."
Morgan lowered himself until he was sitting next to Reid but maintained the grip he had on the younger man's shoulder. "You going to explain that one to me?"
Reid nodded and took a deep breath. "I think I'm going crazy."
"Why would you think that?" Morgan questioned.
"It started on Monday," Reid began. "I was on the subway, and I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I looked around, but I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. But when I was getting off the train, I could smell it. It was her perfume."
Morgan went to interrupt, to ask who the "her" was, but now that Reid had started, he just plowed on ahead.
"I thought it was just my imagination, you know? Or maybe wishful thinking. But as soon as I got off the train, it was gone. Everything was normal on Tuesday and Wednesday, and I really did begin to think that everything was ok, just part of the grieving process. But yesterday, when I was coming up the stairs out of the metro, I could have sworn I heard her voice going past me on the down escalator. I turned around to try to see who was there, but it was so crowded that all I saw was the back of her head, so I thought I was just hearing things."
"Reid," Morgan broke in. "What happened today? What has you so freaked out?"
"I was in the coffee shop," Reid told him. "I had gotten my coffee and was checking my text messages while I was walking to the door. When I looked up, I could see her standing there, across the street. She was looking right at me."
"Who?" Morgan asked.
"Emily," Reid stated in a broken voice before resting his forehead against his folded arms once more.
Morgan remained silent for a few minutes, trying to take in everything his young friend had just told him.
"You think something is starting with you?" he asked. "Something like your mom?"
Reid nodded, his face still buried.
"And why do you think that?" Morgan questioned.
"Because Emily is dead!" Reid blurted out as he looked up at Morgan. "I could smell her, and I could hear her, and I could see her, but I know it can't be her…"
"Reid, it hasn't been that long," Morgan said, shaking his head. "It could just be you missing her."
"Do you really believe that?" Reid asked.
"Yes, I do," Morgan insisted. "There is no good reason to jump to the worst possible conclusion."
Reid leaned his head back and looked up to the sky. He sighed. "Logically, I know that there are a lot of good explanations, but when so many of these things happen so closely together, my mind can't help but go there."
Morgan nodded. "I understand that, and I'm glad you called me. You don't need to handle this alone." Reid tried for a smile but had a feeling he failed. He felt Morgan's hand grip him under the arm and help pull him to his feet. "Come on, Pretty Boy. The way I ran out of the office, I think I might have started a panic. You'll feel better when we get you somewhere comfortable."
Reid tried for another smile, this time more successfully. "Thanks, Morgan. Thanks for coming."
"Any time, kid," Morgan responded, patting Reid on the shoulder.
Reid followed as Morgan led him over to the SUV parked in front of the coffee shop. Before he got into the car, he looked over to the empty sidewalk across the street. Shaking his head, he got in, unable to let go of the feeling that he was slowly going insane…
Reid had no way of knowing just how sane he would prove to be.
"You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don't recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble?"
- Albus Dumbledore, "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"
The End
C'est tous! I always got the feeling that Prentiss had a special sort of affection for Reid, so if she were to reveal herself to any of the team, I feel like she would reveal herself to him first.
I did do a tiny bit of research for this, but not a whole lot, so any errors regarding the nature of paranoid schizophrenia are mine. By the way, Behavioral and Brain Sciences is a real psychology journal, and the article Reid is reading is from the May 19, 2011, issue (thank you, Google!).
In my writing, I try to stay as true as possible to the characters' voices and natures, so if you have any suggestions with regard to that goal, please let me know. Comments, compliments, and criticisms (as long as they are constructive) are all welcome!
By the way, I seem to be having some formatting issues, so if you're seeing the entire story in italics, I apologize because it's not supposed to be.