Just A Little Hug!
Summary: Rumple has an unexpected visitor to the shop... and an awkward problem to solve for his oldest nemesis.
Notes: As always, here's my disclaimer, I do not own anything affiliated with Once Upon A Time. This is just for fun and laughs. No profit to be made etc etc. No copyright infringement intended. Now, this funny one-shot was inspired by a thought-bubble caption contest on one of our OUAT FB pages. The hilarious and creative comments provided by list members and the list moderators made me laugh and so this spurred me on to write this. Although I've been a fan of OUAT since the very first episode, and in my distant past I've written a lot of other fanfic in a completely different fandom, this is my very first new fanfic of any sort in 16 years.. and my very first OUAT story. So... please be kind! thanks. (and much thanks to my wonderful betas, Shannon and Greg, for their help and advice!)
Rumplestiltskin was caught completely off-guard as Capt. Killian Jones stumbled into the pawnshop, looked around with a somewhat dazed expression, then suddenly launched himself at Rumple and wrapped his arms around the sorcerer, placing his head on Rum's shoulder, holding him tightly.
"Hook! what the HELL...?" Rumple managed to choke out, grabbing the pirate, trying to push him away. Rumple was so stunned he couldn't even think coherently enough to magic himself away.
Hook said nothing, but continued to hold Rumple in a rib-crushing embrace.
"Uh... " Rumple managed, "... can't... breathe..." He saw black spots swimming in his vision.
Hook immediately loosened his bear-hug, but kept himself wrapped around the Dark One, and turned his head to bury it against Rumple's neck, underneath the edge of his long hair, inhaling slowly, smiling vapidly, and then he whispered in the sorcerer's ear, "Hey Rum... is that a wand in your pocket? or are you just happy to see me?" Then he giggled.
Rumple managed to inhale some oxygen, enough to save himself from fainting. Then he carefully waved his free hand, magically freezing the pirate in place and locking the shop door so nobody else could walk in. He slowly disentangled himself from Hook and stood back to look closer at Jones' frozen form. He detected something odd about the pirate. Some kind of a spell gone wrong... or...?
He circled Hook a couple of times, finally honing in on the faintest hint of magic lingering on him. Almost too easy to overlook. But now Rumple was certain. Hook was suffering from some kind of impulse enchantment. Not a love spell, per se. But something which made the pirate suddenly fall for the first person he saw after it had been administered. But who the hell would have given Hook such a thing? Rumple knew Regina didn't dabble in such things, and Zelena certainly didn't. Her style was much more... direct. And painful.
Wincing and turning his thoughts far away from those particular memories, Rumple cast his magic over Hook's form and tried to figure out the magical signature of whatever had bewitched his long-term nemesis into suddenly passionately hugging Rumple. (One did NOT just waltz up and HUG the Dark One!) he thought to himself indignantly.
Next, Rumple carefully inspected Jones' immobile form. No fairy dust. Well that was good. Then he checked his pockets. In one of them he spotted a small red glass vial... which was broken. This was it. And whatever was in it had leaked out and infected the pirate. Rumple was very careful not to touch the vial with his bare hands, but magicked it out and placed it carefully in a handkerchief. Moving over to his shop backroom, he placed it down on his work table and started examining it with his magic to determine exactly what it was. And how to counteract it.
After an hour or so, Rumple had figured it out. He felt his heart sink & his gut clenched up.
"Ohhhhhh...damn..." he swore out loud, once he realized what he was up against. It was a relatively simple enchantment... which meant that breaking it would be pretty simple too. He just didn't relish the thought of having to do what he must in order to break it. Just like how True Love's kiss could break all curses... True Hate's kiss could also wipe out any enchantment. Luckily, once the impulse was broken, the victim would also never remember what had happened while he was under the spell. "When I find out who made this thing and gave it to HOOK, of all people... I am going to make them wish they'd never been born!" the Dark One growled angrily.
It took Rumple a few minutes to get control of his anger and his magic; enough so that he could actually perform the simple task and dis-enchant the awkwardly passionate pirate. Rumple shuddered in disgust at the thought, then got control of himself physically too. But he held onto the anger. He'd need it to make this work.
He took a few deep calming breaths, then carefully approached Hook. He waved his hand, freeing the pirate from his magical immobilization. Hook's eyes were still closed, but now off-balance, he nearly fell forward onto Rumple, realizing the sorcerer was no longer clasped in Jones' arms. Rumple steadied the enchanted rogue, and said sharply, "Killian Jones! Look at me!"
Slowly, Hook opened his eyes, which were entirely dark, the pupils blown wide open with lust. He had a dazed expression on his face, but as soon as he focused on Rumple, he grinned and started to lean forward and wrap his arms once more around the Dark One.
Nimbly, Rumple ducked the embrace, but leaning forward, he swiftly and firmly pressed his lips to the pirate's, kissing him once. Then he stepped back to watch the results.
They were instantaneous. A flash of bright light, and Jones' eyes went wide, then rolled up into the back of his head. The pirate's body hit the floor like a sack of rocks. The sorcerer stood back with a slight grin on his face, staring down at the unconscious man. About a minute passed before the pirate started to moan and shake his head, coming back to consciousness.
Rumple stepped away, and gave Hook some room to maneuver. Slowly, the pirate staggered back to his feet, holding his head and moaning. After a bit, he managed to look around. He spotted Rumple. "YOU!" he roared, but then flinched at the noise and clutched his head again, whimpering in pain. "What did you do to me, Crocodile?" he managed to gasp.
Rumple didn't hold back the smirk. "Not me, dearie. You did this one all to yourself. With the help, I suspect, of someone else, if this is any clue." He pointed to the broken red vial on the countertop. "I just want you to tell me exactly who was stupid enough to brew this up and give it to you. You owe me for ... services rendered... in breaking this spell on you."
Hook looked very confused for a moment. "Huh? Spell? what spell? I don't know what the hell you're talking about," he said. "I don't remember..." Then slowly a horrified look came over Jones' face and he stared at the vial with dawning horror. "Oh..." he whispered. "Oh... shit."
"Memory coming back now?" snarked Rumple. "So who was it? Why did they give you an impulse enchantment to make you act like ... that?" Shuddering slightly, Rumple couldn't even bring himself to say it.
Hook looked frightened and a bit guilty now. "I've... I've had it for a long time now. Got it in trade from someone on one of my voyages. But..." he nearly blushed, "Um... well... er... it wasn't for ME..."
Rumple's eyes narrowed dangerously, getting angrier. "Oh?"
"Dammit... It was for Emma! I was worried. Afraid that she was losing interest in me. I just thought I could use a little... magical boost. To make sure..." he trailed off, suddenly realizing what he was saying. And to whom. "Er..." Hook did some quick thinking. The vial had obviously broken somehow and... he had fallen under its effects. He looked up at the angry Dark One, but had trouble meeting his eyes. "I... didn't ... DO anything... whilst I was... incapacitated. Did I?" he muttered nervously, dreading the answer.
The spark in Rumple's eyes and the smell of ozone in the air were the only warning Hook had that his ancient nemesis was about to blow up. (maybe literally) He decided he'd rather not know exactly what had happened, but he did want to get out of there in once piece, so he quickly ran out the door, breaking the door lock on his way out, and not even bothering to close it behind himself, as he high-tailed it up the street as fast as he could.
Rumple grumbled under his breath as he magically re-locked the door to his shop, summoned a vial of memory potion, then pulled out a large bottle of goblin-made fire whiskey ... some of the last in his possession. He took a long healthy swig, washing his mouth out from the experience of having to KISS that scummy pirate, and cursing his luck that he had been the first one Jones had laid eyes on after the vial in his pocket had broken.
At least he had the satisfaction of knowing that neither of them would EVER speak of this incident again. (especially not Hook, if he ever wanted to continue to walk on two feet - in human form) Rumple took another drink of the whiskey, then contemplated taking some of the memory potion himself to erase the last few hours from his mind.