by Arriall
-- You can E-mail me at skyfox@interlog.com --
-- Rating: PG-13 --
-- Summary: Harm and Mac help each other deal with the funeral.
Alternate universe. This will make more sense if you have
read previous parts of "Soul Survivor" first. Parts I, II and
III are archived at Ex Libris: exlibris.simplenet.com --
-- Author's Notes: Thanks to Win and Suz for beta-reading and Pat
for the info on military funerals. --
-- Disclaimer: The characters included in this story belong
to their creators (Bellisario, et al) and the current
network/production company (CBS, Paramount).
No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan
fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story
itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be
sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be
made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and
copyright notices.
Please do not further distribute without the consent of
the author. --
~~~~~~~~~~
"Will morning come soon,
This mourning makes me blue."
~~ This Mourning -- Chris Tate
~~~~~~~~~~
Two days, sixteen hours and twenty-nines minutes. . . .
Mac wondered briefly if she would ever stop counting the
minutes since the accident. Harm was going through some tests and
so she was left to wander around. There was a quiet hustle of
activity here in the main lobby. It had become her favourite place
to wait.
A mother with two young children stopped beside her to fasten
the kids' jackets. Mac could not help smiling as the older one
struggled with her buttons. Adjusting the shoulder straps of her
purse, the mother took each child by the hand and started to leave.
Mac glanced down at the stuffed bear the boy had left one the
seat beside her and instinctively said, "Excuse me, you forgot
this."
The young boy looked around, his bright blue eyes meeting hers
and then skipping down to the his toy next to her. He tugged on the
woman's hand.
"Mommy. . . mommy, Wobbie. We forgot Wobbie." He pulled free
and raced back to pick up the bear.
Once again she felt his eyes meet hers.
"Thank you, lady." He smiled then turned and ran back to his
mother.
Mac's eyes widened in surprise as she called after him,
"You're welcome!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Admiral A.J. Chegwidden stepped out of his car in the parking
lot of the hospital. He looked up at the large building with a soft
sigh. He hated hospitals. He had never had reason to visit them
except on sad occasions--and this was another one to add to the
list.
He wondered how Harm had taken Mac's death as he walked inside.
The atmosphere at JAG Headquarters was sombre. Everyone continued
with their daily routine, but without the usually chatter and
joking. Yesterday he had spent the day with Ensign Sims clearing
out Mac's office. In one desk drawer, he had found a photograph of
Bud, Harriet, Harm, Annie, Mac and himself taken at Harm's
apartment. He had smiled as he remembered how excited Josh had been
at being allowed to use Mac's camera. The picture now lay in his
desk drawer.
He took a quick glance around as he entered the lobby and
headed towards the information desk.
"Admiral Chegwidden!"
He stopped and turned around. It had to be someone who knew
him--he had chosen not to wear his uniform for this visit; coming
not as Harm's commanding officer, but as a friend. A smile creased
his face as he saw the smiling young Naval officer crossing the
lobby.
"Lieutenant Austin. It's good to see you again." He
hesitated. "It's good to see you here."
"It's good to see you too, sir." She shook the hand he
proffered. "I only wish the circumstances could be better."
"They could also have been worse, Lieutenant. Have you seen
Commander Rabb?"
"Yes, sir. I was there when he came around, but I haven't seen
him since then. He's going through some tests right now. They are
trying to assess any damage that may have been done to the brain.
He suffered a bad blow to the head. His left leg is broken just
below the knee. . . but his right was shattered. They had to pin it
in two places. But the doctors are confident that, with proper
therapy, he will walk again."
Chegwidden grimaced.
Meg paused, feeling inexplicably nervous in front of her former
C.O.
"Well, Lieutenant. If Rabb is going to be tied up for a while,
perhaps we should find somewhere to get a coffee and you can tell me
how you are doing."
"Yes, sir." She smiled.
He returned the smile, ruefully. "What's the coffee like in
this place?"
Neither one of them saw Mac as she watched them walk by on
their way to the coffee shop.
~~~~~~~~~~
Harm sighed.
"This is ridiculous!" He glared at the flash-card in the
woman's hand.
"Please just answer the question, Mr. Rabb."
"Purple," he growled.
She flashed another card.
"Crimson." He smirked.
This time Jill sighed.
~~~~~~~~~~
The coffee shop turned out to be a pristine, functional room
with a self-service counter. Chegwidden insisted on paying for the
coffees and led the way to an empty table in a quiet corner. He
watched the young woman play with her cup, sensing her discomfort.
He cleared his throat.
"Lieutenant Austin. . . . I do remember the circumstances
of your transfer from JAG." He saw the faint flush on her cheeks
and continued, "I didn't have a chance to know you very well, but I
admired your determination to manage your career and your. . .
relationship with Harm. I'm just sorry that it didn't work out the
way you had hoped."
Meg's voice was soft as she replied, "Sir, even with twenty-twenty
hindsight, I still believe that I made the right decision.
My staying in JAG would have been detrimental to both Harm and
myself. Our working relationship would have suffered, whether or
not I told him how I felt. Being around him would have been a
constant reminder of my feelings, being away from him made them
easier to deal with."
"But you still love him."
It was more a statement than a question. Meg looked up, for
the first time meeting his eyes. "Yes, sir."
~~~~~~~~~~
Harm was even more frustrated now. After finishing with the
colours, the therapist's aide had asked him to identify shapes,
solve simple mathematical equations, list animals, presidents,
states and countries. They had reached capital cities when
rebellion set in.
Jill looked at him with exasperation. "Sir, I need you to give
me the names of five capital cities."
Harm smiled. "I did: Washington, London, Paris, Ottawa and
Bujumbura." He spelled the last one out for her. "Just so you can
look it up later. It's the capital of Burundi.
"I'm tired now." To his surprise, he realized he meant it. He
dropped his head back against the pillow and rubbed his eyes with
his right hand. "Can we finish this later?"
The woman nodded. "Sure," she said, only too glad to make an
escape.
Harm heard her leave and relaxed. He was tired of the constant
poking, prodding and questions. He allowed himself a small chuckle
as he thought about the look on his doctors' faces should he tell
them that Mac was still around. He shrugged mentally--the look on
anyone's face. . . .
Harm heard someone come into the room, but he kept his eyes
closed, ignoring them.
He still was not sure why he did not question his own mind.
Perhaps he just wanted to believe too much. Maybe he had been too
hard on Jill. Maybe he really did need some kind of help. Or maybe
it was a result of the drugs they had him on and when he stopped
using them, he would stop seeing Mac.
Harm groaned as the person bumped against the bed. The
medication was beginning to wear off and any movement sent pain
radiating throughout his body. He reached for the button to
activate the pump on the IV--to feed himself some more Demerol.
The bed jerked again and Harm opened his eyes. He had only a
moment to think that the man standing over him looked familiar
before a dark plastic bag was placed over his face.
~~~~~~~~~~
Mac wandered through along the corridor, heading back towards
Harm's room. She hoped that he was finished with the testing. She
was feeling lonely and was looking forward to talking to him.
She glanced in the open doorway and stopped in surprise as a
man placed a bag over Harm's face.
"Hey! Stop!"
The man ignored her. Mac clenched her hands in frustration.
Dammit. What could she do?
"Help," she yelled. "Oh God, somebody, please, help him!"
She heard the sound of voices. Looking around, she saw Meg
and the Admiral approaching.
"Admiral! Lieutenant Austin!"
They continued their conversation.
Mac rushed down the corridor, practically screaming in their
ears. "Harm needs your help."
Meg paused, looking around with a slightly perplexed look on
her face.
"Something wrong, Lieutenant?" The Admiral asked.
"I don't know, sir. I've got a strange feeling." Meg
glanced over her shoulder. "You know, like when they say someone
has walked over your grave. . . ."
Mac stared at Meg. Could it be possible? She stepped up
beside the young woman.
"Meg? Meg, listen to me. . . Harm is in trouble. You've got
to hurry. . . ."
Meg shivered.
Mac could see the confusion in the other woman's blue eyes.
Instinctively, she reached out and put her hand on Meg's arm.
"Please, Meg. Harm needs you now." Mac had barely finished
speaking before the Lieutenant spun around.
Meg did not know what was going on, but she was beginning to
feel afraid--something was wrong. Harm was in trouble. She could
hear the Admiral calling her name as she ran down the corridor to
Harm's room. The sight that greeted her filled her with horror.
She threw herself across the room, smashing into the man and
knocking him into the equipment at the side of the bed with a crash.
She landed hard on the floor beside him. She gasped as his foot
lashed out connecting with the side of her head. She fought to hold
on to her consciousness and caught his leg as it moved towards her
again, clutching it tightly. The sounds of more crashing filling
her ears.
She cried out as his leg pulled free of her grasp and
struggled against the strong hands that grabbed her arms. Slowly,
she became aware that it was the Admiral. He pulled her to her feet
and sat her in the chair in the corner. She stared past him in a
daze, watching the doctors and nurses with Harm.
A couple of orderlies were putting Harm's attacker on a
stretcher, under the watchful eye of a security guard. The man was
out cold. The former SEAL shook the sting out of his hand and
glanced down at the young officer.
"That's some bruise you're gonna have."
Meg raised her hand to her temple and looked up at
Chegwidden.
"What happened, sir?"
"I was about to ask you the same thing, Lieutenant. How did
you know that Harm was in trouble?"
"I-I don't know how, sir. . . I just knew."
~~~~~~~~~~
Chegwidden had stopped in briefly to say that Harm's attacker
had confessed to working for Gregson. The two of them had been
responsible for running the car off the road, fearing that the JAG
investigation would uncover their illegal activities. He was here
under Gregson's orders to 'finish the job'.
Harm had thanked Chegiwidden and then, claiming exhaustion,
he asked that he be left alone. No more visitors to be allowed.
The nurses and doctors had finally left him alone--but Mac had not.
He opened his eyes slightly and looked at her.
"Why are you still here?" He mumbled.
"Someone has to look out for you, Harm. You can manage to
push everyone else away, but you can't do that with me."
"Listen, Mac. They caught the guy--in the act. He'll be
going away for a long time. I'm fine, I don't need anyone's help."
"What about Meg? And the Admiral?"
"The Admiral will understand." He closed his eyes briefly.
"I don't understand, Harm. And I don't think Meg understands
either."
"Meg means nothing!"
"Give her some slack, Harm , she cares a great deal about you.
What happened between you two anyway?"
"She left, that's what happened. One day she walked into my
office and told me she had requested a transfer out. She walked out
on me. . . walked out on us."
"So that's what she gave up," Mac spoke softly.
"What are you talking about?"
"Harmon Rabb Jr, you are a pig-headed fool!" Mac looked at
him, meeting his glare. "She left so you could be together."
"Huh?"
"You were her superior officer; she was in your chain of
command. Nothing could have happened between you if she had stayed.
Meg left JAG so that the two of you could be together. She left
JAG, Harm, not you." Mac shook her head. "And I'll bet you never
gave her a chance to explain."
Harm closed his eyes. He felt Mac's hand on his.
"You must love her very much to let it hurt you this way." Mac
felt him shift. She gripped his hand tighter. "Talk to her, Harm.
Tell her how you feel."
The desolation in Harm's eyes when he looked up at her tore at
her heart. "It's too late, Mac."
Mac smiled at him.
"She's here, isn't she?"
~~~~~~~~~~
Eight days, fourteen hours. . . .
Mac had decided to stop counting the minutes.
Inside the chapel, the pews were filled with the men and women
from JAG Headquarters. Mac watched Imes slip in beside Matonni and
his wife. Music played quietly in the background as mourners
stepped up to pay respects. The rosewood coffin was closed, draped
with the flag. A photograph of her sat on a stand beside it. It
had been taken on the day she had graduated from law school--proud
and happy in her full-dress Marine uniform.
~~~~~~~~~~
The ambulance hit another bump in the road. Harm winced as the
pain shot through his leg. The doctors had warned him that the trip
would be hard on him and offered him pain killers, but he had
refused. Today he wanted his mind to be clear. He almost needed the
physical pain--to keep at bay the emotional turmoil of the last few
days. He groaned softly.
This morning they would bury his friend and partner. . . .
~~~~~~~~~~
There was a sadness in Meg's eyes as she watched the ambulance
pull into the parking lot. Admiral Chegwidden and Bud stood at the
curb to assist Harm into the chapel. Everyone had tried to dissuade
Harm from coming, suggesting a memorial service after he had healed.
But Harm had been adamant and the service had been delayed a few
days, until the doctors gave their reluctant okay.
Meg saw Harriet, walk over and straighten the blanket with a
smile. She sighed and went inside to find a seat.
~~~~~~~~~~
Admiral Chegwidden had read the eulogy, but Harm had asked to
say a few words. Mac bit her lip as she watch him reach out a shaky
hand and place a single white rose on the coffin.
He stared at the flag-draped coffin for a moment before
speaking in a soft voice.
"Major Sarah MacKenzie--a remarkable woman and officer, whose
dedication to duty and devotion to her country epitomized the Marine
Corps. Mac stood for something that many today might consider
trite: truth and justice. . . ."
Harm's voiced broke slightly. He wanted to say so much more,
but the words would not come. Clearing his throat, he continued.
"Semper fi, Mac. . . God bless."
~~~~~~~~~~
Mac felt a hand on her arm and turned.
Angelico smiled softly. "I stopped by to see how you were
doing, Sarah." He gently wiped the tear off her cheek.
She looked at him in surprise, touching her face. "I didn't
realize. I didn't think that I could cry anymore."
A sad look passed over his face as he nodded. "Angels cry too
often these days.
"Still, I came here to cheer you up not to make you sad. You
have a lot of people who care about you, Sarah. And you will see
them again someday." He smiled gently. "Or rather, they will see
you."
~~~~~~~~~~
The sun shone brightly on the group gathered by the grave
side. Harm concentrated on watching the Marine Honour Guard lift
the flag from the coffin and proceed to fold it. Even in the
sunlight, the blue of their uniforms was so dark as to be nearly
black.
One length-wise fold. He flinched at the sound of the first
salute of gun-fire. In the moment of silence that followed, he
could hear the snap of the flag as they folded it a second time
length-wise. The tall dark Marine holding the stripes of the flag
folded one corner over to meet the open edge, forming a triangle.
Harm barely heard the second volley as he watched the
white-gloved hands fold the triangle of the flag over five more
times, until one perfect square was left. The second Marine snapped
his corner over to form another triangle and tucked it into the
first triangle. The third and final round was fired as Admiral
Chegwidden received the flag from the young Marine.
Harm saw the older man swallow hard as he turn smartly and
marched over to Mac's Uncle Matt. Chegwidden's words drifted over
to Harm on the breeze.
"Colonel O'Hara, on behalf of the President of the United
States of America and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as
a thank you and a reminder of your niece's ultimate sacrifice."
Harm lifted his eyes to the sky. Right on cue, the Marine
fighters flew over head in missing man formation. He allowed
himself a small smile.
"Not bad," he murmured. He glanced over at Mac and then
indicated the planes with a tilt of his head. "Not bad. . . for
Marines."
A hand touched his shoulder and he looked up at Meg.
"Harm?"
He smiled and took her hand.
"Hello, Meg."
finis. . .