The black Balloon Contest
Title: Too late for goodbyes
Your Pen Name: SamieManchester
Characters: Edward and Bella
Disclaimer:I am not Stephenie Meyer. I own no rights over her works or the Twilight Empire.
Quote: Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
-- Anon
Beta'd by: smmiskimen
Edward was watching Bella quietly. She looked beautiful today. She always looked beautiful, but today she was glowing. Today was a good day. He watched as she sat up slowly on the bed, each movement labored, she smiled when she caught sight of him, trying to mask her pain. She was so brave, so strong.
"How long have you been sitting there?" She asked, taking in his crumpled clothes.
The duty nurse smiled at her, whilst preparing her morning pills. She had to take seven in the morning, seven at dinner and seven in the late evening. All these on top of the constant drip she was on to hydrate her. Still, she smiled. So brave, so strong.
She patted the bed next to her and Edward walked across the small hospital room towards her, sitting on the edge of the bed to her left. Sitting this close he could hear her shallow breaths, each one too short.
"I slept in the chair whilst you were sleeping darling." He told her, kissing the top of her head lightly.
"Do you believe him Kate?" She asked the nurse.
The nurse laughed, shaking her head softly.
"He's a good man you have there, girl. A good man indeed."
A beaming smile she did not have the energy for lit up her face.
"I know. Believe me I know." She placed her left hand on his leg, stroking it softly with her thumb.
Edward stared at her yellow tinged hand. She was so thin her wedding band was hanging loose on her finger, spinning around when she moved, yet she refused to take it off. In fact, the only time she had taken it off was for her scans and operations. So many operations...but not enough. The one she really needed eluded her. 'Inoperable' they had said. He refused to accept this.
"Alice and Rosalie are coming in to see you later, and Emmett and Jasper will be here after work."
Bella's eyebrows narrowed. She knew what he was about to say.
"Please don't leave Edward, not today." Tears filled her chocolate eyes and Edward yearned to reassure her, to stroke her hair and promise her he would stay.
Anything for her. Anything to make her happy.
But he couldn't, he had to find someone, anyone that would take this burden from her. She was his world; couldn't she understand that he couldn't give up on her without a fight? She couldn't die, it was unacceptable.
"I promise I won't be long darling, and the girls will be here to keep you company. No doubt Alice will paint your nails and Rosalie will bore you with tales of how her new garage is going."
She blinked furiously, no doubt trying to stem her tears. She knew how they upset him. Always so brave, so strong.
"It's not the same."
Edward rose from the bed as the nurse began handing Bella her pills one by one. She swallowed them obligingly, as much as she displayed a brave face; it was no secret she was in constant pain. The pills helped with this, but it was never enough. He wouldn't give up until he had his beautiful, vivacious wife back.
After her pills she dozed, although she had fought it like she normally did. Sleep gave her great solace, it was easier for her to sleep, she was free of pain when she slept, but she always fought it when he was here, not wanting to miss a moment.
Edward left the room quietly after kissing her head gently once more. He would be back before she missed him too much.
*
Edward's appointment with Dr. James Jenks had not gone as well as he'd hoped. He had said the same as all the rest, that Edward was chasing a dying flame. He walked back to his car with tears freely falling down his face. Edward didn't care who saw his pain, it was nothing compared to hers, not even close.
He sat behind the wheel of his silver Volvo, a car he and Bella had picked out together, and cried bitter tears. He couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist. He thought back to the moment they had found out; ever since the beginning they had both been sure she would beat it. Medicine was advanced these days; cancer was no longer a death sentence. That's what they had thought…what they had hoped for.
The doctors had scanned Bella various times, carefully pinpointing where her tumor was, and how large it had grown. Chemotherapy hadn't been an option, they had said it was too advanced, even if the chemo had ridded the cancer that had spread, the tumor was inoperable. Too close to major organs and arteries.
Bella had taken the news on the chin, comforting everyone else, reassuring her loved ones that it was okay, that she was okay. But nothing was okay. Edward knew Bella as well as he knew himself. He could see the fear in her eyes. She was always a happy girl, they had been childhood sweethearts, each others first and only, the love of each other's lives, and now he was losing her. She was right in-front of him and yet he couldn't grasp her.
He cried until the sky darkened and the rain started to fall, even when his tears had stopped falling he stayed sat motionless in the car, staring at the wedding band on his finger. Two years they had been married and the vow he had meant the most, the vow he had taken at the time to mean they would never leave each other was now swimming in his mind, mocking him.
Till death do us part.
*
Bella was awake again. Alice and Rosalie had arrived, and true to form, Alice had painted her nails, blue, Edwards favorite colour, and Rosalie was regaling her with tales of her new garage.
"Honestly B, he is so damn hot! And the body on him!" Rosalie mouthed WOW at Bella and all three girls laughed, although Bella's was more of a long smile.
"Rosalie McCarty you're a married woman!" Alice teased, throwing a magazine at her which she caught.
"I know! I know! But damn girls, Jake has one of the hottest bodies I've ever seen!" Rosalie was telling them about a new mechanic she had hired, Jacob.
Alice was humming the marriage walk tune when Edward entered the room.
His face was no longer red and puffy; he had stopped at home and grabbed a quick shower. It would have been selfish to allow Bella to see his pain.
"Any luck?" Bella asked, trying to sound enthusiastic.
Edward shook his head slowly.
"Not today, but tomorrow is another day right?" He reminded her.
Rosalie and Alice fell quiet. They knew he was giving her false hope and neither was happy about it.
*
Bella was being examined by her doctor so Rosalie, Alice and Edward were waiting outside the room. Both girls looked pissed at him, but it was Alice that first spoke.
"Edward, you have to stop. Can't you see it's upsetting her?" Alice's eyes were threatening to overflow with tears. No one was composed when Bella wasn't around. Each and every one of their little tight knit group was falling apart.
"What do you want me to do Alice? Give up hope? Let her die?" Edward's voice wasn't angry, it was broken, and hearing it caused Alice's tears to fall.
"This isn't about you Edward, it's about her. Every moment you are out there pursuing superman, Bella is here without you, and it's another minute you will never get back. Don't waist these last few weeks we have with her Edward, you will regret it forever." This from Rosalie who was more composed than Alice, but was still aching acutely inside.
Their words were hard to swallow, the voice at the back of Edward's head rejoiced. It was exactly what it had been screaming at him for weeks.
"I can't accept this. She cannot die." Edward's voice threatened to break from his pain, and he turned away from them resting his forehead against the wall.
Rosalie placed her hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.
"Edward, we don't want to lose her either, but you have to accept that it is going to happen. If not for your own sake, then for hers… Be her Edward. Love her for as long as you can, otherwise you will let her die with a broken heart."
The doctor left the room then and Alice and Rosalie walked back into the room, fake smiles plastered back on their faces. Edward hesitated a moment, reading a sheet of paper he was now facing on the wall.
Dr Laurent Volturi
Call – 0161 345 9876
It was a new name. A name he hadn't tried, typing the number into his phone he saved it and re-entered the room.
He hadn't listened to a word Rosalie had said.
*
Emmett and Jasper turned up within ten minutes of each other. Emmett had brought Bella some chocolate covered strawberries, her favorite.
She smiled, and placed them on the side, not having the heart to tell him that she was drip fed only now.
"How you holding up?" Jasper asked emotion heavy in his voice. Aside from Edward, this was affecting him the most. After all Bella was his little baby sister. He had watched her grow her entire life and had never once thought about her not being around. Why would he? You don't think that your siblings are going to die.
"Peachy keen Jelly bean." Bella replied, it was a saying there mother had said to them and Jasper smiled nostalgically upon hearing it.
*
Bella was sleeping once more; Edward and Jasper remained at the hospital. Alice had gone home ahead of Jasper; she had an early start in the morning as did Rosalie and Emmett. Jasper had booked the day off, his parents were coming to the hospital and he was going to spend all day with them and Bella.
"I found a new doctor." Edward told Jasper, calling over his shoulder to him from where he sat beside Bella.
Jasper pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew Edward meant well, and truth be told he wanted nothing more than to cure Bella, after all, how long had he spent searching Google for herbal remedies and special diets that might help? He, though, had given up when Bella had asked, nothing was more important than what she wanted.
"Edward..." Jasper began reproachfully.
"I don't want to hear it Jazz." Edward cut across him.
"I know its hard Edward." He opened his eyes to look across the room, only to find Edward staring down at Bella, not looking back at him.
"If it was Alice, would you give in?"
"She is my sister Edward; I don't want to lose her anymore than you do." Jasper's voice almost broke, his mind flashed with the images he tried to avoid, coffins, funerals, last goodbyes...
"Then please stop fighting me on this, even if it is futile, I have to do something. I cannot wait for her to be gone from me. My world doesn't exist without her." Edward stroked the hair from Bella's face gently, kissing her temple.
He rose from the bed, pulling on his jacket.
"Where are you going?" Jasper asked, hoping he would say home for some much needed sleep. The bags under his eyes resembled deep bruises, and he was losing as much weight as Bella.
"The only appointment the doctor had spare was tonight. I won't be long." He called, walking from the door without a goodbye.
*
Frustration and despair ran through Edward's veins. It had been another dead end and he was running out of time, Bella was running out of time. Dr Volturi had said no, just as Dr Clearwater had said no today. How easy it was for them to list the risks, the complications. Didn't they understand that the risks were worth it? Without this operation, Bella would be dead in less than three months. The very thought of that ached his heart.
He was driving sedately back to the hospital, unable to cry any longer. He thought of how Bella had seemed that morning, smiling and talking animatedly with Alice and Rosalie, she was so beautiful. He had never thought she would be his, not even really believing it until the moment she said. 'I do.' But now she was his, and he was hers, they were a pair, a package, one could not live without the other. You would not wish to separate night and day, so how can they be parted? Impossible. One simply could not be without the other.
The radio was playing, although Edward had been ignoring it up until that moment. He listened briefly and instantly wished he had continued on oblivious to it.
It was playing their song.
Barry White My First, My Last, My Everything
The lyrics had fit them perfectly, and the song usually made them both smile, but now it only served as a reminder to Edward of what was wrong. Would he ever see Bella smile when this song played again?
*
Bella lay in her hospital bed listening to the rain tap softly against her window. She had never noticed the beautiful sounds the world made before, never appreciated the surrounding beauty. Now she cherished it, reveling in finding knew things she had missed her whole life. She had made peace with what was happening to her, the fight had left her body almost as quickly as it had come. No, she was not fighting any more; she could feel in her body that she didn't have long left. The doctors had said three months, but she knew three days was nearer the mark. She was okay with this; she could die happily with her loved ones by her side. The only reason she was even still holding on so strongly was because of Edward.
She was scared of the change in him. She knew she had to hold on until he could accept this, but it was getting harder. Every breath was a battle, and despite the drugs she was in constant pain. Her body was slowly shutting down, and drowning her from the inside. The nurse had explained it all, if this dragged out then she would lose her senses one by one, before slipping away. The very thought of this terrified Bella. She had accepted death, but she wanted it on her terms. She felt in her bones that she could easily slip away during the night, if only her mind was at peace.
The radio, which was playing softly, began her wedding song, the first song her and Edward had danced to, and she smiled in the dark room to herself, tears glistening her eyes.
Yes, once Edward could handle it Bella would slip away, be at peace forever.
*
Edward called the nurse, to check on Bella. He was at their home, bringing her fresh pajamas and changing his own clothes. The nurse told him Bella was awake, listening to the radio and waiting for him to return, Edward thanked her and was hit with an idea.
Dialing the number to the local radio station, he requested they play a song for his wife, and read a message to her from him.
*
Bella was feeling sleepy, but was determined to wait for Edward. The radio announcer spoke at the end of the song, and Bella's ears perked up.
"This one is for Bella, from your adoring husband Edward, he says hang in there, he loves you and he'll see you soon."
Then the rich voice of Lionel Richie began singing, 'You're once, twice, three times a lady.'
Soft tears glided down Bella's cheeks at the lyrics.
Thanks for the times
That you've given me
The memories are all in my mind
Edward entered the room as the song was coming to a close, and Bella turned her head from the window to face him, the tears still wet on her cheeks.
He rushed to her side, kissing away her tears.
"Don't cry my beautiful; I just had the urge to remind you how much I loved you."
Bella kissed his cheek before he pulled back, a smile on her face.
"I'm not sad Edward. I love you, always have, always will."
He stared into her eyes, the eyes in which he had woken to every morning since college.
"Don't talk like that Bella. Don't you dare say goodbye to me." His voice was fierce.
Bella smiled again, reassuringly.
"Okay, I won't say goodbye Edward." He hugged her to him then, cradling her until she fell asleep. It was then that he told her he loved her too.
*
Edward awoke in the chair opposite Bella's bed. She was already awake. His heart almost stopped in his chest when he noticed a new addition to her medical set up, an oxygen tube up her nose. It was another nail in the coffin. He couldn't take this, he had to fix her.
Hiding his panic, he greeted her, and felt his heart restart when she smiled. She was so beautiful, so delicate. People like her didn't die young, not at 26; it was no age to die.
*
Mr. and Mrs. Swan arrived at lunch time, accompanied by Jasper, Alice and their daughter, Milan. Milan was 10 years old; Alice having been a teenage mother, in-fact, Bella had been the first person Alice had told when she had found out at 15 that she and Jasper were going to be parents. Bella, being her usual cup half full kind of self, had reassured Alice, and true to her promise that day, had stuck by her side every step of the way, even during the terrible two stages!
Milan ran straight to Bella, throwing one arm over her and resting her head on Bella's stomach.
"How are you Moo?" Bella asked. Alice scrunched her nose slightly, she detested the nickname Bella had for Milan, but Jasper smiled fondly, he personally loved it.
"I'm good auntie B, Nanny and Granddad just bought me McDonald's." Milan smiled to show her delight and Alice scrunched her nose again.
Alice was a strict vegan, and she couldn't understand why everyone else wasn't. Although she would never force her daughter to give up meat, she always secretly wished she would.
Bella stroked her fingers through Milan's long, dark red hair meekly. Jasper had been shocked when Alice had given birth to a red head, but Alice had soon eased his mind, reminding him her sister was a red head.
"You keep growing Moo, next time I see you you'll be taller than Uncle Edward!"
Milan turned to face Edward, who stood leaning against the wall watching his wife with a lump in his throat.
*
Edward and Bella caught a moment alone as Jasper showed his parents and family to the canteen, Bella smiled softly at her husband, savoring every inch of him.
"Please Edward don't leave today." Bella asked, her voice soft.
"I won't be long, plus I have a really good feeling about this one baby. I promise I will spend all day tomorrow with you."
Bella's only reply was a smile, oh how she wished he would stay.
*
Bella was having her daily assessment from the cancer aid nurses as Edward returned from his failed mission to yet another doctor, so he waited in the waiting room. It was early evening now and the Swans waited alongside Edward. Jasper had left to take Milan and Alice home, promising to return after he had eaten dinner at home.
"How are you holding up Edward?" Asked Charlie Swan, Bella's father. Edward had known him his whole life, and had always feared him on the grounds of him being Bella's father. Not now though, now he felt nothing but respect for the man who had raised a fine and wonderful daughter.
"Better than she is." Edward replied.
Renee Swan dabbed her eyes with her tissue, sniffing loudly in the quiet of the room. This was too much for her to take; it was too much for either parent to take. Who dreams of burying a child? It was too hard, it was wrong. Renee Swan would do anything to trade places with her daughter now, just to take away a moment of her beautiful daughters suffering.
She heard the machines beeping frantically at the same time Edward and Charlie did, and she began crying harder.
Please God, just make her pain go away. She thought, clutching one arm around her stomach as though to hold herself together.
*
Edward ran into the room at the same time two doctors did, they were standing over Bella. One was shining a light into her eyes whilst the other was removing the pillow and laying her back. The machine, which had been frantically beeping, was now beeping one long note. Edward recognized it from movies. It was the sound of flat lining. He must have walked into the wrong room, Bella wasn't flat lining, he had a few more weeks to save her. There was no way that was Bella the doctors were shocking on the bed, no chance at all it was her the doctors were shouting "clear!" over.
That wasn't Bella. It couldn't be.
Then he saw it. As her hand fell limply off of the bed a ring fell to the floor.
A wedding ring.
Bella's wedding ring.
Pain of that which didn't exist ripped through him as he felt strong arms pulling him back, out of the room. Another noise joined that of the machine, it was a loud, feral sound, it wasn't until Edward had been dragged successfully back into the waiting room that he realized the sound was coming from him.
*
1 minute passed.
10 minutes passed.
30 minutes passed.
The beeping noise had stopped. The panic was over. Edward sat beside Bella's bedside, holding her hand.
"It's okay darling, I'm back now. You scared me for a moment there, but I promise you I won't leave your side again, I'll give up on my obsession." He stoked her thin hand, bruised from cannula after cannula.
He kissed her palm as her eyes remained closed, and he thought to himself that she looked beautiful when sleeping. So peaceful, so calm.
Everyone was in the waiting room, giving Edward some alone time with his wife. He needed this. He needed to apologies for chasing a cure when he should have been here by her side. He needed to apologize for their argument. He needed her to wake up so he could tell her.
He thought he heard the machine beep noisily again, and he spun his head around, but it remained the same. The sharp pain in his chest remained at the thought of that machine...
He felt the tears come to his eyes as he brought his lips to her forehead. Kissing her softly, he turned as he pulled back, hearing the door open.
Emmett walked quietly into the room, placing a hand on Edward's shoulder.
"She really is dead isn't she Em?" The tears fell down his face as the realization dawned on him. He could deny it no longer, he had felt it as his lips touched her skin. That was not his Bella any longer. The Bella he loved was dead. Bella Swan, whom he had worked so hard to make Bella Cullen, who he had loved far too much for the best part of his life, was dead. Gone. He had not been here for her; instead he was out chasing a dream. She had begged him to be by her side, and he had let her down. Now she was dead.
Emmett nodded sadly, tears falling down his own cheeks as he pulled Edward into an embrace. Both their bodies racked with sobs as Emmett looked over Edward shoulder at Bella lifeless body.
The Swans, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie entered the room, tears abundant on all their cheeks. Alice and Rosalie cried harder at the site of their friend's body; the finality of the situation finally hitting them. Bella was dead.
Edward clung to Emmett, a pain like nothing he had ever felt before raged through his body. He felt like he would combust.
A doctor walked quietly into the room, telling them that the body needed to be taken to the morgue, and to say their goodbyes.
One by one they sat by the bed, telling Bella how much they loved her, and promising to watch over Edward.
When it was Edward's turn he sat once more beside his wife, holding her hand just as tenderly as before, he looked more closely at the changes in her. Her lips had blued, as had her complexion, and her eyes were closed, but she wasn't sleeping. Her eyes would never open again.
"Goodbye my love. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you needed me most. I'll love you forever."
*
Edward left the hospital before everyone else; he couldn't stand being there as they led Bella's body to the morgue. He walked out of the main exit in a daze, having parked across the road; he made his way towards his car. His mind was focused on Bella, on their happier times, on her beautiful smile. The wind was whistling, and he convinced himself he could hear her voice. Closing his eyes at the beautiful, familiar melody, he didn't see the truck approach his left side. It hit him full force, sending him flying across the road. He died on impact. Reunited with his beloved wife, he died with a smile on his face.
When Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett heard the news their tears could be heard all around the surrounding area. Their pain so acute you could taste it in the air. Watching as Edward's body was taped off as an accident scene, the four friends looked at each other, all thinking the same thing.
'Typical Edward, he would follow Bella anywhere.'
My Entry for the Black Balloon Contest.