Hi everyone! I wrote this on a whim and this was originally intended to be a one shot. But, midway through writing this piece. I made the decision to develop this into something more. So without further delay here we go:

I often dream that I am standing on a cliff. Below the ocean always stirs restlessly whipped up by the hurricane force winds that in turn cut at my exposed skin sending small drops of blood down to the hungry sea below. I wonder what would happen if I gave myself over to the sea. If I just dove into the dark oblivion and relinquished all my pain. I always awaken before I can make my choice though.

Today I am not dreaming.

I stand on a cliff somewhere in Northern California. The ancient redwoods for which this coast is famed stand ready to bear witness to my dive into freedom. The ocean below churns hungrily, ready to receive me. I inhale the alluring salty scent that it gives off, coaxing me closer and closer to the cliff's edge. I stop when my toes just peek over the edge and I take another deep inhale. In the bitter cold night air, warmth somehow finds its way to my cheek. I realize, when I tough them that the warmth is supplied by tears. My heart is pounding in my ears and my chest is tight, not with fear but with excitement. I am ready to embrace my oblivion.

I never intended to come this far. I only wanted to escape New York for awhile, but the only other available domestic flights were to Chicago and Tulsa. Neither of those places sounded remotely appealing. Instead I chose San Francisco. The city Is a lot like me. On the outside it looks like your average city but a short time spent examining it, would reveal that it is much more strange and complex and sometimes much more dangerous.

But when I arrived in San Francisco with nothing more than a purse, my plans to stay and ease my suffering in the city had changed to a much more permanent solution to my pain. Upon my arrival I rented a car and I drove north into the wilderness. I drove for hours along the 101 until I came upon this spot just outside of a college town. I believe the last sign that I had seen read Trinidad. It doesn't really matter though. This is where it all ends for me.

Esme creeps into my mind. Sweet Esme with the fire that burns so passionately. I hope that she isn't like me. I hope that she can escape this pain and live a life without excess suffering. A little is necessary to effectively teach lessons about life. But she doesn't deserve the kind of misery that only pills can control. No one deserves it, no matter how dark they are on the inside.

I slide my hand into my pocket and my fingers wrap themselves around the translucent, orange pill bottle; one of the few that contain the key to my self control and my oppression. Without even looking at it I chuck it over the cliff and then without any further thoughts, I follow it down throwing my arms out as I do. For a moment I feel like I'm flying and then all too quickly the knowledge of what I have just done takes hold and suddenly I realize that I don't want to die. If I die I will be just like my mother disregarding all of her loved ones like they were nothing. I will have quit and abandoned everyone I love just like my father. Two people I have always feared that I would become. But before I could even try to fight I hit the water and there is nothing but oblivion.

I know it's short, but this was originally all I was going to write. The next chapters will be longer I swear. I hope you all stay with me.