DISCLAMER: NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGMENT INTENDED. ALL SETTINGS AND CHARACTERS ARE PROPERTY OF STEPHENIE MEYER.
Now that that's out of the way.
Summary: For those of us that have went through the tedious horrors of Driver Education, and a melodramatic reference for those who haven't. This is a two-shot.
References/Notes: Twilight was published in 2005, and Edward as well as Alice were both juniors, it would have been Fall 2003 when they were enrolled as freshmen. In Spring 2003 the S60 R's were introduced. I'm excited this works out perfectly with the story timeline. There's some Volvo history in here too, I couldn't resist. In case your wondering, I am going to get a Volvo. . .when I can drive. And no, I never had a driver's ed teacher that opened with a joke, I found the joke and had to throw it in there.
From Edward's Point of View
I'd have to admit after considering several locations, the sunless town of Forks would suffice for the next four years. After several arguments Alice and I ended up registered as 15 year old freshman, while Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper were enrolled as 16 year old sophomores. We seemed to have fight every time we moved, Alice and I were both tried of playing the younger rolls in an eternal performance. The next time we relocated, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper were to be enrolled as seniors, with us a year behind them. Alice has seen it, and for that I was glad. I would only be subjected to two years of hell, where at least I could drive to school.
"Esme will take us to get our permits this afternoon, class starts tomorrow evening." Alice thought.
I gathered up all the necessary paperwork and ambled down the stairs from my new third floor room, gold had not been my first choice, but I had compromised with Esme on the color for good acoustics. When I arrived downstairs, Esme and Alice were both on the couch, watching TV.
"I'm ready whenever you are." I said.
"We'll go right now then." Esme said, always eager to do motherly duties, even if they were human ones.
After starting to rise of the couch, Alice went blank.
"There's a line, every 15 year old child in Forks has got their paperwork today for Driver's Ed," I too could see the tiny bureaucratic office, overwhelmed with pimple-faced teenagers. "If we wait another 15 minutes to leave, thinks should have slowed down by the time we arrive."
Esme went back to the program as Alice went off to gather her paperwork as I trudged over to the piano. It too was a compromise, a new piano if I cooperated with school registration, and I had. I fooled around with a new section of music and penciled in the new notes as well as erased ones that no longer fit until we were ready to leave.
"I assume we are taking my car?" I asked, thinking about it. It was that or Emmett's Jeep. Carlisle, and his Mercedes, were at work. Rosalie had forbidden us all to coming within a foot of her new M3. I wasn't nearly as protective as my Volvo, it was only 6 months old, but I'd wanted another Volvo with an R trim for a long time now. I loved my Volvo 850 T5 R sedan. After 10 or 11 months, the color had to go. Sure there were only 185 of them in the US, but the cream yellow was just plain disgusting. Rosalie only had silver paint at the time, and I told her that would to, anything but yellow. This time around I had them order in a silver one.
"If you don't mind dear," Esme assumed, though she hid it well, her thoughts still practically screamed "I HATE Emmett's Jeep! One day I'm going to end up stuck in the offloading harness!" "and no, you do not get to drive Edward. How would that reflect if we pulled up to get your learner permit and they see you driving?" After all these years, I still wonder if it's intuition or she's hiding a gift from us.
When we arrived at the DMV, Alice's vision was true, and were quickly seated across from a female employee. There was only one other student in line, Mike Newton. He was already at the end waiting for his permit to finish being made. An employee reached over the counter and handed him his permit. He had smiled all right, and all the wires of his braces had reflected light as he did so, creating a grey oval glare where his teeth should be.
"It looks like there's a crystal ball in my mouth." He mentally sighed. "I bet he angled the light just because he's jealous he has to work here and we own our own business. This is worse than my 8th grade photo with the glasses glare. At least it's got my weight, 150 pounds of pure muscle!"
"Is there anyway we can retake this?" Mike asked unhopefully.
"No son, I'm sorry, but hey no one looks good on their license photos." the man confirmed.
I gently nudged Alice as Esme started filling out paperwork. "Check out Newton's photo." I whispered.
"Ha, it looks like there's a crystal ball in his mouth!" she remarked.
"That's what he said." I confirmed as Alice started her vision test. She was then taken down to the other end to get her picture taken as I completed my vision test and was instructed to wait until Alice was done. The attendant came back shortly and she shoved the card in my hand.
"I'm glad most of the myths aren't true. But I really wish we didn't show up in pictures." she stated, disappointed. She pointed to where one spike of her hair stuck out at an odd angle.
"Alice," I sighed, as I bent over to sign my name electronically so it could be etched into the card, "if it bothers you that bad make a new one later." Alice was probably one of the best at foraging documents, only under Carlisle and myself, and it was simply because we'd been doing it longer.
"You may drive now Edward." Esme allowed.
I sat down at the desk at the end of the last row. Textbooks were already sitting on the desks, and I flipped it open in search of a copyright date. 1998. Sometimes I wondered where school funding ended up. Alice took a seat to my right. I looked around and saw mostly freshmen with a few sophomores in the mix. Jessica Stanley had sat in front of me, and was obnoxiously popping her gum while trying to discreetly send a text message to Lauren two seats in front of her. Mike had sat to the right of Jessica, desperately trying to get her attention, Eric Yorkie was already asleep half way across the room. The one advantage to being human: sleep.
"Hello students, my name is Samuel Rivera, in this course you will learn to be a defensive and responsible drivers under my instruction. This first class is just for an hour. Your in car driving will start shortlyI've been teaching high school driver education for the past 5 years and also taught defensive driving to adults the previous 10 years. This is a rather small class, so I hope to speed through the classroom portion and proceed to in-car learning. " He droned on and on taking about his teaching and driving career and exactly what he was going to cover, twice.
"For those of you who don't know me, I like to start class off with a joke."
He thinks he's a comedian. Lovely.
On that thought, Mr. Rivera started his joke "A man in a Porsche 911 stops at a stoplight and a guy on a scooter pulls up next to him. The guy on the scooter leans over and takes an admiring look at the inside of the Porsche and tells the driver that he has a really hot car. Well, the light turned green so the driver of the Porsche decides to show off and peels out and leaves the guy on the scooter in the dust. Then, all of a sudden, he sees the scooter zip on past him. So, being a little cocky, the Porsche driver floors it again and blows past the guy on the scooter. A few seconds later, he again sees the scooter zip on past him. So now he's a little irate as well as a little miffed that that scooter keeps passing him so he floors it until he is going over 100 mph. He thinks to himself that there would be no way that scooter could catch him now, but then looks in the rearview mirror and sees that scooter starting to catch up. He then decides to find out what that scooter really is and slams on his brakes. Then the scooter crashes into the Porsche. After the dust settled, the Porsche driver sees the scooter driver lying in the road and goes over to him and asks how he could go as fast as the Porsche on a little wimpy scooter... The dying man replied, "I can't really, but my suspenders were caught on your side mirror..."
"I don't understand why they aren't laughing!" Mr. Rivera thought. "That one always kills!"
Alice leaned over, "Who wears suspenders!? Remind me NEVER to get a Porsche 911!!" she hissed at me.
"Done." I whispered back, and then the fact that I was whispering registered in his thoughts.
"Mr. Cullen is it?" He inquired while staring me down.
"Yes sir, Edward Cullen." I replied.
"I will dismiss you from my class if you are ever rude during one of my jokes ever again. Do you feel like you cannot gain knowledge out of this class?"
"No sir, I feel I can gain knowledge from this course." I bet I could. Lesson One: Never open with a bad joke.
"Everyone please turn in your books to page 6. We will start with the section questions. Mr. Cullen this question is for you."
"Well this one's not in the book smart ass. I bet he can't name the inventor of the first car." He clearly didn't enjoy smart ass teenagers. We had something in common.
"Mr. Cullen can you tell me who invented the first car and who constructed it? He asked.
I didn't need a book for this one. I didn't need to read his thoughts. "The first car was designed by Nicholas Joseph Cugnot and constructed by M. Brezin in 1769, however, an Italian man named Guido da Vigevano invented a wind powered vehicle in 1335."
Alice winked at me. Mr. Rivera was awestruck. With that he moved on.
"Correct. The next question is for you Miss Stanley. Question one on page 6 please."
"Ummm. . ." she stammered and popped her gum. "Is it D?"
"Is that your final answer?"
"Ummmm. . . yes?"
"Miss Stanley are you color blind?" he asked, agitated.
"No. . .."
"Miss Stanley if you think a stop sign is brown I'm going to have to ask you to leave my class, but not before you hand over the cell phone. You will be able to make up this session at a later time. Please gather your things."
At the same moment Lauren Mallory's phone started ringing with an obnoxious rap ring tone.
"Miss Mallory I will be confiscating your phone as well. Outside with Miss Stanley. I will be outside to talk to the both of you shortly."
They both strutted out of the room, both completely disgusted that he took their phones.
"Please complete the exercise on a sheet of paper, and I will be failing anyone who puts D down as the answer for #1. You have 15 minutes until the end of class. When you are finished you can leave." He sighed and walked out of the room to attend to Jessica and Lauren.
"Alice please hurry."