Well there was a request for me to repost this story, so I guess I am reposting it with a minor…disclaimer per say: I am not really into Twilight anymore, so as far as updates are concerned I will not really be updating this unless I am extremely bored or have major writers block.
Anyway now what this story is about: this is the fourth segment in the "Fun Times" Twilight series. In order to maybe understand as to what is going on you can read the other three that are completed:
Fun Times in La Push is the first story
Fun Times at Rocky Horror is the second story
Fun Times in Phoenix is the third story.
IF YOU HAVE NOT READ ANY OF THE THREE HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED SO FAR; BUT FOR LAUGHTER BEYOND NORMAL CAPACITY READ THEM:
Nessie found a box in Jake's attic that had videos of him and Bella doing some crazy stuff behind Edward's back in La Push; from there it went into a war between Bella and Jake as to who had the most embarrassing videos of one another ending with a truce.
Then Jake's last video would have been of Bella at Rocky Horror with the pack but they decided on taking the Cullens to experience Rocky Horror. The drama continued with Nessie and some of the Cullens being mentally scarred from the show and turns out that vamps could get drunk. Because of that fact some painful memories were brought up and Nessie starts to understand how Edward's leaving really affected her mother when Jake, Bella, and Edward get into a major fight. They make up and the family vows to never watch home movies for a while.
As Christmas starts to roll around a box gets delivered and Bella ends up reliving her days in Phoenix when craziness hits the fan. The Cullens learn of why Bella hates her birthday and why she really left Phoenix. There was really a lot to learn about their family member. Jake gets beaten to a pulp and there was a promise made that had been fulfilled. YAY FOR CONSPIRACIES!
And there you have it. You have now been officially caught up. Once again if you have not read the other three please do. They are rather funny and will brighten your day. Now without further ado here is the fourth segment:
Fun Times in Italy
Edward POV-
"Like no way! OMG HE DIDN'T…HE DID? LIKE OH MY GOD!" Yes, my wife was talking on the phone like a valley girl to Jane Volturi.
"Dude are you sure your wife is from Phoenix Arizona and not Beverly Hills California?" Emmett asked staring wide eyed at his little sister.
"Yes Em I am sure."
"How the hell can she be friends with the…Volturi?" Rose spat out angrily.
"I do not know. She tries to see the good in everyone." I reasoned but secretly agreeing with Rose about how could this possibly be happening.
We all sat in the living room while Bella was lounging on the couch. It seemed like after watching her videos from Phoenix she is starting to act like what she used too…which is starting to become rather scary. I mean she is sprawled out on the couch twirling her hair with one finger! Who the hell is she? My wife…my love…my Bella never did that!
Jasper was starting to twitch while thinking, girly…way too much girly stuff going on over there…action figures…bugs…guy stuff…must think and feel guy stuff…EDWARD MAKE HER STOP!
I sighed and got up thanking god that Nessie was with Jake for the day and went to my wife, "Bella love?"
She groaned and said to Jane, "Hey Hun can you like hold for a sec?" Turning to me she growled, "What?"
"Why don't we uhm…take a break from the phone and let someone else have it?" I suggested
She groaned and said, "Fine." Turning back to the phone she said, "Hey Jane I got to go. Someone thinks that I am spending too much time on the phone…yea I know right? Like WTH? Ok see you on FB…yea…oh wait what? Ok hold on," She sat up and said, "Carlisle?"
My father for all intense and purposes came downstairs in a flash, "Yes?"
"Here," Bella handed him the phone and he took it upstairs.
"Why the hell are you friends with the Volturi…I mean after all they did to you how can you be friends?" Rose growled at her.
Getting up in a proper sitting position Bella said, "They are not that bad. Besides I gave them a little help in the anger management department. That is all that was wrong was they needed a little anger management."
"Love?"
"You do not want to know…even though the video I have is funny as hell." Bella laughed.
We all stared at her as Alice went stiff. Her eyes glazed over and she moaned. Before I could read her thoughts she blocked me.
Just then Carlisle came downstairs along with Esme, "Ok I know that you guys are not going to like this but we are taking a small vacation."
Emmett started to bounce up and down like a little kid at Christmas, "REALLY? WHERE? I REALLY HOPE IT IS DISNEY WORLD!"
Alice groaned and before I can read her mind again she blocked me, "Do we have to?"
"Yes I was persuaded." Carlisle said rolling his eyes. I tried to red his mind but he was also blocking me...why must everyone block the mind reader?
"But Carlisle-" Alice groaned
"No buts. Now pack your bags because we are going to Italy!" He said
"NO!" We all shouted in agony
"HELL YEA!" Came the loan cheer from my wife, "Come on Alice let's get packing!" And she dragged Alice who for once was complaining.
What the hell happened to my wife?
One hour later-
Ok so tell me how my wife can pack 'Alice Approved' clothes in less time than what Alice could do? Explain that to me please.
"She packed good looking clothes...in less time than me...how? How can that be?" Alice was sitting on the couch in a fetal position, "I don't even wanna go to Italy for once but yet she dragged me upstairs and packed my clothes that I would actually wear if I wanted to go."
"Dude how the hell can your wife out pack my wife?" Jasper asked comforting Alice as she dry sobbed into him.
"I don't know. I don't even wanna go!" I shouted, "After all the crap that they put us through for god knows how long I do not want to see them!"
"So why don't we tell Carlisle?" Rose asked also leaning into Emmett who was busy running his hands through her hair.
"Because Aro begged him. I heard it in his thoughts after he told us. They also would like to change their diet or some crap like that." I said in a huff.
"Oh yea that'll happen when pigs fly." Emmett growled remembering the incident in the clearing.
"Come on guys they changed." Bella said coming in, "By the way I packed Nessie's stuff and Jake is coming to."
"HOW CAN YOU BE STUPID? YOU ARE GOING TO BRING THE MUTT AND YOUR DAUGHTER TO THE VOLTURI?" Rose yelled astounded.
"Yea and I said they are fine. Look Jerry Springer helped them. Besides Jane said that Aro said that it was ok because Jake is not a 'Child of the Moon'." Bella said pulling up the video on her laptop.
We all gathered around and I asked, "You recommended them to go on Jerry Springer who is human and they are vampires?"
"Well for one I couldn't let them go to Dr. Phil because he sucked helping me. And two Jerry Springer is not a human he is obviously a vampire." Bella shrugged as if we all should have known this.
"WHAT?" We all shouted as Carlisle and Esme came downstairs to see what was going on.
"How is Jerry Springer a vampire?" Esme asked wondering if my wife somehow lost her marbles.
"How else could he get into those fights and not get hurt?" Bella asked and now we were left to wonder.
"Wait how was it that they were able to keep this a secret?" Carlisle asked.
"Easy it was only broadcasted in front of vampires at the show and no one ever played it nationally. She only managed to get this because she was the one that secretly taped it and sent one to me to watch whenever I need entertainment." Bella explained.
Seeing that we weren't going to ask her anymore questions Bella hooked her laptop up to our TV and we watched the video that was saved on Bella's computer.
The crowed was cheering Jerry Springer's name as he came on stage. Behind him was Jane, Alec, Felix, Demetri, Aro, Marcus, and Caius sitting in the chairs.
"Now I know a dysfunctional family when I see one, but this has got to be the most dysfunctional family of all. Aro was telling us back stage that that he was blackmailed by his kids. Is that true? Jane?" Jerry started out as the crowd's cheers dyed down.
"Yes I did blackmail my father into doing this. We used to be happy and all but now it's depressing." Jane said as the crowd awed in sympathy.
"So now according to Marcus: you and Caius were being blackmailed by your brother Aro...correct?" Jerry asked and the crowded booed at Aro.
Marcus cleared his throat, "Yes that is correct. He said that if he is going down then we are all going down together." The crowd booed again.
"Caius do you have anything to comment on? You're quiet. Is everything ok?" Jerry asked faking concern.
Caius looked around and said, "I can really give a crap. No family is perfect and there far better things than to worry about being a fricking family." The crowd started booing at him.
Emmett was rolling on the floor, "Wow this is great!"
I heard the thoughts around my family...this was rather entertaining.
"See told you so." Bella said.
"You really do not mean that." Jerry spoke
"Oh yes I do. These 'kids' are ungrateful! They run around the world and go shopping playing video games and whatever the hell else kids do without a single thank you! I mean I seem to be the only one who actually works. Aro is always being a spaz everything, Marcus is all doom and gloom, and I for one can't take it!" Caius yelled.
Aro, Jane, Demetri, Alec, Felix, and Marcus looked insulted, "WHAT?"
"Hello you idiot! My wife died! Of course I am all doom and gloom. Cut me some slack!" Marcus yelled, "Not everyone can get over death as easily as you!"
"So sue me for trying to be upbeat once in a while!" Aro yelled also.
The crowd in the background was cheering, "FIGHT! FIGHT!"
There was growling going around as Jane yelled, "We hardly go shopping! The one time I did want to go you said no! That I had 'work' to do. Heidi and I hardly hang out anymore!"
"Yea and besides when was the last time we played video games? You send us on missions and have us gallivant all over humanity!" Felix yelled
"Yea and besides I do not even care for video games!" Demetri yelled also.
"I would have rather been burnt at the stake than live this pitiful existence!" Alec yelled.
There was a major gasp as Jane rounded on Alec, "You do not mean that brother...please say you do not mean that!"
"Better off being dead like we were supposed to be than being called a witch twin. God I hate that name!" Alec yelled.
Jane growled, "But we lived we got our revenge!"
"I NEVER WANTED REVENGE! BESIDES I HATE THE WAY YOU BECAME!" Alec yelled, "YOU ARE ALWAYS SO ANGRY AND BITTER ALL THE TIME! WHERE IS THE SISTER I USED KNOW THE HAPPY PLAYFUL KID THAT USED BUG THE HELL OUT OF ME JUST TO PLAY WITH ME?"
"Dude this is awesome." Jasper said.
"I feel so sorry for them." Esme said.
Rose was even astonished that she could not speak.
"She is still here Alec. I am sorry I didn't know...I was so caught up that I..." Jane started to sob and Alec went over to her, "It's ok sis...It'll be ok."
The crowd awed and cheered as Demetri and Felix was grabbed into the group hug. Jerry started to speak again, "It is never a good idea for anyone to bottle up emotions. How about you guys. Can you forgive your brothers?"
"If Aro stops being a pansy." Caius grumbled.
"I am not a pansy!" Aro yelled, "Marcus and Caius have to stop acting like there is a stick up their butt!"
"Hey we resent that!" Marcus and Caius yelled and growled
The crowd started to cheer for a fight. Soon chairs were thrown and words were yelled and they attacked each other.
Jerry was laughing not even bothering to break up the fight, "Well that is it for this segment. If you have issues in your family please call this 1-800 number and tell me your problems. Until next time folks!"
"You are an idiot!" Marcus yelled at Aro while punching him and dodging Caius
"Takes one to know one!" Aro yelled punching Marcus and kicking Caius.
"It doesn't matter who is the idiot! I hate all of you!" Caius yelled punching Aro and kicking Marcus.
The video turned off and Bella unhooked her laptop, "See told you they got help."
"It does not look like they got much help. Phil would have been better." Alice commented.
"Phil does not even have a real PH.D...that guy is a quack. Now when are we leaving?" Bella asked
"Two days from now." Carlisle said
Two days... "How long are we staying?" I asked
"A week give or take." He responded
I groaned. We are leaving in two days to spend a week or so with a dysfunctional family...someone call the men in white because I have a feeling I will need them.