TENCHI MUCHO!
A Tenchi Muyo Fanfiction
By Dave Menard
Started Feb. 28th, 2000, 2:42am EST.
Finished Feb. 28th, 200, 6:27am EST.
Tenchi Muyo and all associated characters is copyright
Pioneer/AIC and distributed in anime form by ADV Films and in
manga form by VIZ comics in North America.
This fic starts in the Tenchi TV Universe, and moves on from
there...
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Chapter One: Washu talkin' about, Willis?
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It started, as so many adventures do, in Washu's laboratory.
The diminutive scientist was hunched over her holo-laptop wearing
an expression sentients the galaxy over (not to mention
her housemates) had learned to dread.
Washu was bored.
An infrequent occurrence to be sure, since the Greatest
Genius in the Universe was generally more than capable of amusing
herself, and if that proved impossible, the antics of her guinea
pigs, er, housemates were usually sufficient to prevent her from
suffering from ennui.
Today, however, that was proving impossible. She had made
the inadvertent error of sealing her lab off from the rest of the
house after weathering one too many intrusions from Mihoshi, and
had gotten lost in her latest project. The Planet-Smasher 4000
(tm) had functioned perfectly in both the simulations and in the
real-time trials (no one was going to miss that tenth planet
anyway; it had no inhabitants and it's gravitational effect on
the Earth was negligible. And so what if the solar year was now
2.5 minutes longer?) but when Washu had emerged from her lab to
bask in the praise of her admiring public, she discovered the
Masaki home empty. A note stuck to the refrigerator with a Hello
Kitty magnet explained it all...
"Washu-chan:
We waited and waited, but we had to leave without you. The
free passes for the onsen had to be used by the end of the week.
We'll be back by Sunday. Sasami saved dinner for you in the
fridge, and there's plenty of food in the cupboards, help
yourself. Sorry we missed you,
Tenchi."
"Hmm... Well, now. Looks like I'm home alone..." Washu mused
aloud. She checked the local calendar. It was Friday. Two days.
Alone. No interruptions, no distractions, no one asking to use
the computer to play "Quake"...
It was heaven! It was bliss! It...
It got old, real fast.
By eight a.m. Saturday, Washu had already exceeded her
self-set quota of forty-two new inventions, at least three of
which actually had a practical use. She'd mined her mind all she
could, and now she was stymied.
Fortunately for the cosmos at large, by nine a.m. Washu had
actually managed to find something to occupy herself with. She'd
been absently scrolling through her files, searching for the
perfect diversion. She found it in one of her "old project"
files, under a triple-encrypted black-ice anti-Mihoshi seal.
"Well, well well, what do we have here? A-ha, the
Dimensional Tuner..." A flurry of keystrokes opened the files,
displaying the results across the laptop's holographic screen.
Washu looked around. She _was_ alone, no Mihoshi or Ryoko or
Ayeka around to mess with the settings... "I'll rebuild it!
Finally, I can visit MY perfect world!!! Hahahahahah!" She stood,
striking a triumphant pose. Her two robotic Washulings appeared
on her shoulders with a fanfare of miniature trumpets.
"You're the greatest, Washu!" Washuling A encouraged.
"No one is as clever as you are, Washu!!" Washuling B
seconded.
"They don't call me the Greatest Mad Scientist in the
Universe for nothing!" Washu concurred, before rolling up her
sleeves and beginning construction.
Sunday morning...
The crimson-haired genius wiped a bead of sweat from her
brow and stepped back. The Washulings blared out another tinny
fanfare to celebrate.
"Ha Ha!" Washu cackled, only slightly maniacally. "Finished
at last! Soon, I visit Paradise!!!" With a flourish, she hit
"enter" on the Tuner's keyboard and stood back as the golden
lighting began to coruscate around the eye-like focusing orb,
building up a charge.
At that moment, the Masaki family Land Rover pulled up
outside of the house and disgorged her motley crew of passengers.
Sasami leapt out happily, Ryo-Oh-Ki perched jauntily on her head
like a bizarre hat. Mihoshi stumbled out the hatchback, dragging
an exhausted Kiyone in her wake. Nobiyugi and Katsuhito clambered
wearily out, followed by a harried looking Tenchi. Last but not
least emerged Ryoko and Ayeka, continuing the verbal sparring
that had begun as soon as they left the onsen and had continued
non-stop for the last hundred kilometers.
"I'm telling you, princess, you'd better learn to keep your
big butt off my side of the back seat!"
"My posterior is most certainly NOT big, you-you CRIMINAL!
It's petite and well formed, as opposed to YOUR ever-expanding
behind!"
"HEY! I've got a _great_ butt! Isn't that right, Tenchi?"
"Ah, er..." Tenchi blushed. "I think I should really stay
out of this one..."
"A wise decision, Tenchi." Katsuhito confirmed. "Sometimes
the only correct response is no response at all..."
"LORD Tenchi would certainly NEVER stoop so low as to ogle
the behind of a woman, you shameless hussy!" Ayeka announced
stridently, before dropping her tone to a conspiratorial stage
whisper. "And if he WERE to be looking, he certainly wouldn't
waste his time on your droopy hindquarters, anyway. Not when he
has a ROYAL posterior to gaze at..."
"Ladies, please!" Nobiyugi said reasonably. "From what I can
see, you both have very nice behinds..."
"Quiet, you!" barked Ryoko. "What makes you think Tenchi'd
even look twice at a big ol' caboose like yours, little princess?
It's plain to see that Tenchi only has eyes for me!"
"Is that so?! Well then, I think we should simply ask Lord
Tenchi, then. Lord Tenchi?" Ayeka looked around. The boy in
question had wisely made himself scarce. "Now look what you've
done! Your foul mouth and shameless manners have frightened off
Lord Tenchi!"
"Why you snobby little..."
And so it goes...
Inside the house, Sasami, Tenchi, Kiyone and Mihoshi were
unpacking their things. Sasami noted with surprise that no dishes
had been dirtied, and the meal she had set aside for Washu was
still untouched.
"Oh dear... Can someone check to see if Washu's lab is still
sealed? I don't think she's come out yet!"
"I'll do it, Sasami!" Mihoshi called cheerfully from the
hallway. The blonde Galaxy Policewoman peered curiously through
the porthole to Washu's subspace lab. The glass was blue, meaning
the door was unlocked. "The door's open, Sasami! I'll just go in
and let her know we're back..."
Inside the lab, Washu felt the strangest feeling of
impending doom. (Not an unfamiliar sensation, but still...)
Briefly, she checked the power readouts on the monitor.
Everything was still charging smoothly. No technical malfunctions
were visible. On a hunch, Washu checked the time. Instantly, her
hair stood on end. It was Sunday morning already? Then, that
meant...
"Oh, hello Miss Washu! What'cha doing over there?"
Mihoshi... Curses! She'd forgotten to reseal the door!
"Oh my, is that the Dimension Tuner? How wonderful!" Mihoshi
wandered over and began pushing buttons randomly. "Are you going
to send us off on another fun adventure? That would be really
neat!"
"No, don't touch that! Get away from there!" Washu cried
frantically, trying to pry the bubbly blonde away from the
controls. Mihoshi merely babbled on obliviously.
"Do you think we can go to a world where Ayeka _isn't_ my
sister-in-law, though? Not that I want to be rude, but she was
_very_ pushy, not to mention an old maid..." She continued to
punch random buttons as the Tuner Orb began to convulse
spastically.
Knowing where this was going, Washu clambered up the
apparatus as fast as her panicked limbs would allow her. Wincing
as she received a series of mild shocks, Washu managed to remove
the Orb from the arch-like strut where it was housed. "There! Ha!
You won't spoil my experiment _this_ time, Mihoshi!"
"Hmmm? What was that you said?" Mihoshi asked as she pushed
a Large Red Button. "I couldn't hear you..."
With an electrical zorch, Washu vanished in front of
Mihoshi's surprised eyes.
"Wow, what a neat trick!"
*-*-*
With a puff of smoke and a whiff of ozone, Washu found
herself alone in her lab. With a start she realized that all her
equipment had been rearranged! Glancing around, she noted that
the D-Tuner had also been dismantled, and that whoever had done
it had done an excellent job. The machine was in pieces, laid out
in an easy-to-assemble pattern.
"Ye gads, how long was I out? And who's been messing with my
personal space?"
"Wow, you're pretty darn cute, for an invader!" A
hauntingly-familiar voice called out. Washu spun, only to spy...
Herself?
An exact duplicate of the crimson-haired scientist was
standing not three meters away, a smirk on her face. Washu
recognized the look. It was her patented
"I-don't-know-what-just-happened-yet-but-it'll-be-fun-finding-out
" smirk. The second genius bowed dramatically.
"Greeting, oh gorgeous intruder! I am Washuu! Greatest
Genius in the Universe! And who are you?"
Washu was mildly take aback, but retained her composure. "I
am Washu! Greatest Genius in _My_ Universe!" Washuu smiled
delightedly as the tiny Washulings appeared on Washu's shoulders
and gave three hurrahs before vanishing once more.
"Chibi-Mecha-Washuus! I almost built myself a set years ago,
but never got around to it... I see you managed to build
yourself a D-Tuner, cutie! You _must_ be a parallel me..."
"Mm-hmm..." Washu nodded, pondering the implications.
"Although it wasn't supposed to do this. It was supposed to
remake local timespace-"
"-into our perfect world." Washuu finished. "I know, I was
building the same thing... So this is our perfect universe, eh?
Can't say as I'm too impressed..."
"Oh, I don't know," Washu wondered aloud. "A colleague I can
respect, at last! We simply HAVE to collaborate on something..."
With a pop and a puff of ozone-tinged air, a third identical
genius appeared, a second D-Tuner Orb in her arms.
"Greetings! I am Washyuu-"
"-The Greatest Scientist in the Universe..." Washu and
Washuu chorused. Washyuu blinked hard and glanced around.
"Say, this doesn't look like my lab..."
*-*-*
By that evening, no fewer than five dimensional analogues of
the Greatest Scientist in the Universe were chatting merrily
together. The quintet had adjourned to the large floating
bath-island that Washuu had built for her Masaki family
analogues.
The Washus were interested to note that two of their number
were in fact Earth-born and American, but were rapidly forgiven
their poor taste in birthplaces. Three were actually humanoid
aliens, one was a goddess, two had been imprisoned in crystal for
centuries, and another was a wanted fugitive from the Galaxy
Police.
"So you're a space pirate?" Washuu asked Washyuu as she
scrubbed her back.
"Not really, more like a Genius-For-Hire." Washyuu
explained. "I was hired by the Space Pirate Ryoukou to help steal
a Juraiian power source, but we were shot down and stuck here on
Earth by the Galaxy Police and Princess Aekaa..."
"Hmm, so my daughter's a space pirate in every universe..."
Washuu mused.
"Rioko? A space pirate?" Professor Washu gasped, in her
American-accented Japanese. "She's just a schoolgirl! And she's
our daughter?"
"I don't know who this Ryoko person is," interjected Washu
Fitzgerald Kobayashi, "But she sounds an awful lot like a
Juraihelm ninja-woman that I met... Daughter you say?"
"Well, mine, anyway." Washuu said as she slipped into the
warm waters. "Does everyone have a Tenchi?"
All the girls nodded, except for Washu F. Kobayashi. "Never
heard of him. Is he a boyfriend?"
The other Washus, with the exception of Prof. Washu, sighed
dreamily. "No, not really..." They said in unison. "Just the
cutest lil' guinea pig in the universe..."
At that moment, the guinea pig in question happened to step
though the portal to the baths, a towel tied around his waist.
"Yeeps!" He covered his eyes immediately and flushed a deep
crimson. "S-sorry Washuu, I'll come back later..." He practically
dove back through the portal, his towel floating to the ground
behind him, giving the quintet a brief glimpse at his lily-white
tush.
"Yowza!" W.F.K. exclaimed. The others nodded in agreement.
"Say..." Washu pondered aloud. "He really shouldn't be
running around without his towel..."
"Quite right," Washuu nodded. "He'll catch cold."
"We really _should_ go return it to him..." Washyuu stated.
"Mmm-Hmm..." chorused the rest.
And with a hew and cry (and a loud fanfare from the
Washulings), the chase was on...
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NEXT: No Need For Quantum Tenchis!
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AUTHOR'S NOTE:Programs! Getcher Programs here! Can't tell a
Genius from a Mad Scientist without yer program!
(I'm simply using various romanization patterns to differentiate
the Washus. No bias or preference towards a particular form
should be implied)
Washu: Tenchi Universe TV Series
Washuu: Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Oh-Ki OAV series and No Need For Tenchi!
Manga
Washyuu: Shin Tenchi Muyo! (Tenchi in Tokyo)
Professor Washu: Pretty Sammy the Magical Girl OAV series
Washu Fitzgerald Kobayashi: Magical Project S TV Series
All forms of C+C, including MST3K's are welcome, I have thick
skin! Send to: deibu_kun@sympatico.ca
This fic and all my others are archived at:
http://spghome.tripod.com/