Hola people of Earth. I hope you like this wonderful one shot and maybe if you like it I'll make this a series of one shots. Just helping me with my writer's block. Enjoy!

I don't own anything. Well, I do own Herman I guess…

Emmett's Idea

One boring day at the Cullen house, Emmett got an idea. A brilliant, but possibly disastrous, idea.

"Emmett!" Edward called from inside.

"Shit," Emmett muttered before flitting in the house. "What?" he asked.

"Don't do it," Edward said sternly.

"Do what?" Emmett asked innocently.

"I know what you're thinking Emmett and it's a bad idea. Carlisle wouldn't want you to do it," Edward said.

"Carly's not here," Emmett said childishly.

"You know he hates it when you call him that," Edward pointed out.

"Whatever, I won't do anything bad," Emmett said.

"Then why are you reciting the alphabet in Pig Latin?" Edward asked with a smirk.

"Because it's a cool language!" Emmett yelled before running out of the house and into the woods behind the house. He just had to find the perfect…there! He ran up and caught it in his grasp before it could run away. "Sorry about this little guy," Emmett muttered before sinking his teeth into it's fuzzy brown fur.

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"You did it, didn't you?" Edward accused as Emmett walked back in.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Emmett said coolly as he sat on the couch.

"I can smell it on you!" Edward exclaimed.

"No you can't," Emmett said.

"Yes. I can," Edward assured him.

"My hunting preferences have nothing to do with you," Emmett said, folding his arms and turning away from him.

"You better destroy that thing it's too late. I don't want it anywhere near Nessie or Bella," he said. "Before everyone comes back from their hunting trip," he added sternly.

"I can't kill Herman!" Emmett exclaimed.

"You named it?" Edward asked.

"Herman is not an it. He's a squirrel," Emmett said dubiously.

Edward groaned and put his face in his hands. "Where did you put it?" he asked, sounding defeated.

"I tied him to a rock," Emmett said smiling.

"That'll work for now but where are you going to put it when the change is complete?" he asked.

"Hm. I forget about that part…," Emmett trailed off. "How long do you think the change will take?"

"Not very long-he doesn't have that much blood," Edward said. "You should probably make a cage or something," he suggested.

Emmett jumped off the couch. "I'll be right back!" he said before running out of the room.

"Oh no," Edward muttered to himself.

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"Done!" Emmett said as he walked back in, hands behind his back. You could hear faint whimpering and tiny claws scratching against something behind him.

"What did you do?" Edward asked.

"I made a cage," Emmett said triumphantly, holding out what looked like a pot and a pan welded together.

Edward looked at him incredulously. "You actually think that's going to work?" he asked.

"Sure, why not?" Emmett asked, setting it down on the coffee table.

"Whey not? Well for starters: there's no air holes," Edward said with a smirk. (Just so you remember-they still have to breath and keep their heart beating during the change. Okay, continueJ)

Emmett gasped and snatched up the 'cage' before flitting out of the house again.

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"Okay," Emmett said, coming back in the house and setting the box back down. "Now it's done," he said confidently.

"What are you going to do once it transforms?" Edward asked.

"I'm not sure," Emmett shrugged, looking at the cage thoughtfully.

"You know it'll be able to break right out of there, right?" Edward asked.

"He will?" Emmett deadpanned.

"Yeah. He'll be just as strong and fast as the rest of us-it this even works," Edward added.

"Oh yeah…," Emmett said thoughtfully. "Maybe I could transform a bunch, race them for a while, then train them in combat and take over the world!" Emmett exclaimed excitedly.

"No," Edward said.

"You ruin all my fun," Emmett muttered.

………………………………................................................................................................

TWO HOURS LATER

"Emmett has something he wants to tell you guys," Edward said as everyone walked in, finally back from their hunting trip.

Emmett glared at Edward. "I, uh…well you see…," Emmett stuttered nervously; trying to figure out exactly how to tell them.

"What is it Emmett?" Esme asked.

"How about I just show you," he suggested.

"Show us what?" Carlisle asked. "You didn't try building an ostrich farm again, did you?" Carlisle asked quickly.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "It was an emu farm-and no-I didn't," he said.

"You tried to build and emu farm?" Bella asked with raised eyebrows.

"He's done worse," Rosalie muttered as she held Nessie who looked like a six year old by now.

"Anyway, follow me," he said leading everyone out the back door.

Alice suddenly gasped. "Emmett, you are suck an idiot!" she exclaimed.

"Hey! You cheated! It was supposed to be a surprise," he said.

"Oh, they'll be surprised alright," Alice muttered.

"Shut your yap and follow me," Emmett said as he lead them out to the back yard and to a tree that he tied the cage to.

"What is that?" Rosalie asked, looking at the cage with a confused expression that matched everyone else's.

"Are those my pot and pan?" Esme asked in slightly angry tone.

Emmett gave her a sheepish smile. "We never use them," he said.

"What is it Emmett?" Jasper asked, looking at the box with a raised eyebrow.

Emmett grinned and held up one finger before going over to the cage and picking it up. His eyes widened as he found a huge hole going through the side of it. "Uh oh," he muttered.

"Oh my God Emmett," Edward said, reading his mind.

"What is going on here?" Rosalie asked, clearly ticked because she had no idea what everyone was talking about.

"Emmett transformed a squirrel and it got away," Edward said.

"Traitor," Emmett muttered.

"You changed a squirrel?!" Carlisle exclaimed. "Emmett, it won't have any control at all. How could do that?" he asked.

"I don't know. You know I don't think things through-well at least Edward does," he said.

"You guys, we have to find it. Now," Bella said.

"I suppose that is the most important thing now. We'll have to follow the scent," Carlisle said.

"Nessie can't go, she's got human blood and it might attack her," Bella said.

"I'll stay with her," Esme said, taking her out of Rosalie's arms. "Be careful," she said before flitting back into the house.

"Let's go," Carlisle said, leading the way as they followed the trail. About two minutes later they came to the baseball clearing. "Do you see it?" he asked quietly.

"There!" Emmett yelled, pointing to a spot at about where their second base was set up. A small brown darted a few yards away before turning back to look at them.

"Emmett, be quiet. You're scaring it," Jasper muttered.

"His name is Herman," Emmett grumbled back. Jasper just rolled his eyes.

"Shut up Emmett," Rosalie muttered exasperatedly.

"Okay, we're just going to slowly approach it. When I give the signal, we'll grab it," Jasper said quietly.

"What's the signal?" Emmett asked in his normal tone of voice-which was pretty loud.

"Shh!" they all hissed.

"Sorry, sorry," Emmett whispered back as they slowly crept toward the squirrel.

"Be careful Bella," Edward whispered, Bella just nodded back.

"Oh please, she's still a newborn," Emmett muttered, rolling his eyes. Bella shot him a grateful smile, glad someone had faith in her. Edward just shot him a glare.

"Okay. One…two…three!" Jasper said and the Cullens all immediately tackled the squirrel.

Emmett got his hands around him first but dropped him almost instantly. "Ow! Herman bit me!" he exclaimed, shaking his hand.

"Who cares! Catch that squirrel!" Alice said as she ran after it.

Then, it was chaos. Alice managed to grab it but it wriggled out of her grasp and jumped on her head. She let out a squeal before slapping it off, sending it from first base to third-roughly a quarter mile away. Jasper and Carlisle ran at it from different sides and ended up barreling into each other, sounding like thunder as they slammed together. Edward bolted after it, but just as he was about to snatch it up, the squirrel stopped and turned around. Edward, who had gained so much momentum, couldn't even stop fast enough and ran right through a tree. Emmett ran up behind it and, instead of grabbing it and killing it, he kicked it down the field with a giant grin on his face.

"What the hell Emmett?" Rosalie yelled as she ran after the squirrel.

"That's what he gets for biting me!" Emmett yelled triumphantly back.

"Ugh. I've had enough," Bella said running straight it and ran right over it, crushing the granite like squirrel with her foot. "Someone throw me a lighter," she commanded as everyone stared at her, completely dumbfounded.

Alice reached into her pocket and threw a purple lighter to Bella who caught it easily and lit the small pile of dust that was laying on the ground. The disgusting smell of burning vampire squirrel wafted in the air as some purple smoke slithered above the pile of ashes.

"You killed Herman," Emmett deadpanned.

"You killed him first," Bella countered.

"Touché."

Ha ha. How did you like it? Do you want more?? My next idea for an awesome Emmett one shot is Girl Scout Cookies.

Summary: Nessie joins girl scouts and when her troop starts to sell cookies she wants the prize that goes to the girl who sells the most. Who would be better to help her than her Uncle Emmett?