Hello, how do you do? My name is Konan. I am a citizen from Amegakure, the village hidden in rain. And in case you were wondering, yes, I am that Konan. The mysterious woman who had supported her two beloved friends' dreams of peace and died defending said friends' beliefs in a very amazing way yet sadly couldn't defeat the masked man because of a very immature asspull jutsu. As if the Sharingan wasn't overpowered enough! Excuse me for the bad word, I normally don't curse, but that just makes you see how strong my feelings are towards the original Konan's death.
Yes, I am that Konan, the ever mysterious paper based ninjutsu user from the Naruto series. Imagine my surprise when I figured that one out. I can only say that I still regret being such a hassle for my new parents.
How do I know about the Naruto series? Well I suppose we could say I was reincarnated. I could think of worse worlds to be reincarnated in such as Attack on Titan or Higurashi, and I could think of others that I really didn't want to be reincarnated as such as Sasuke Uchiha or Kakashi Hatake, so aside from the ever present guilt I still feel towards my situation I am rather pleased.
That is not to say that Konan's life is an easy one. Being just a child during the Second Great Shinobi War is...a horror inducing experience filled with fright, lack of freedom, depression, poverty and the like. In my old life I had truly never realize how good I had it, in this life I do. War teaches you to apreciate the little things in life after all.
Like time with your parents, like the quiet moments of peace, like the miracle of having food to eat, like the moment of just being able to sleep. These moments were rare, yet they were what made me hope. If it weren't for these moments I would have lost my hope. It was these moments and my parents that drove me. That motivated me. My reasons for holding on to life.
When I was little, specifically a baby, I would constantly cry. To mourn, out of fear or even because I was sad. Point is I was constantly crying. The sound of rain easily dampered the noise of my constant crying. At some point my parents made me open my eyes and realize that crying is okay, but I have to keep going despite the pain. They made me realize how selfish I was being by showering me in their love. Made me feel more guitly each time they called me by Konan. But they were my crunch. The reason I held on to my new life so stubbornly.
My mother Kimiko was a medic-nin, she quit after having me though. It was dangerous to leave your child unattended during war after all. Nowadays she is just a humble housewife. I love her very dearly, how couldn't I? She had raised a crybaby like me with patience, care and love. Even with memories of another mother, who was impossibly strict, I couldn't deny the fact that she is my mother.
She taught me everything I know after all. How to write, origami, pressing flowers, culture, history, tea ceremonies, sing and she even taught me about the economy.
Suffice to say I admire my mother greatly. She's a kind, compassionate, strong, graceful and beautiful woman.
My father's name is Kei. Just like my mother I love him dearly. He's an amazing father. He is a ninja of Amegakure, the main reason I found out about my situation was his headband.
Father is a polite and humble man. He never raises his voice, he specializes in Kenjutsu and Ninjutsu. Perhaps Konan took after him in the latter specilization. Father constantly proclaims his love to mother and I, going as far as saying that we are his reason to fight and that he will protect us with his life.
He taught me humbleness, how to act like the child I am, how to apreciate the little things, to always stand by my beliefs and how to make the most out of a bad situation. He's the reason I can be so positive.
Simply said I love my parents. I would do anything for them. And to protect the fact that they love me I'll keep lying to them. Acting like the little girl they love, acting like I am Konan. And I ignore the guilt tearing me apart one by one with practiced ease.
But even though I can say I am happy, there are still those random nights when I'm awake at midnight sobbing about a forgotten past or those nights when the constant fear I feel make me doubt everything. Only the warmth of my mother and father hugging me tightly makes the sadness go away.
The fear never goes away. I constantly fear. For my parents lives, for my future, for my sin of having stolen another's life, fear of the world, fear of the moon, fear of my surroundings. Fear...that one day I'll wake up and find that everything that happened was just a figment of my imagination. The mind is rather complex after all.
The fear is what drives my motivation to start training in the art of being a shinobi. My parents probably noticed, they were smart after all. They didn't say anything though.
I kept training regardless, perfecting my origami skills, trying some chakra control exercises -both from the series and selfmade ones-, kept doing exercises and kept asking questions. I wasn't very subtle, I've always been a straight forward person after all.
I even tried my hands at sensing. If it wasn't for my positive view on things I would have given up, but right now I kept persisting, determined to be able to sense danger before it arrived.
I swear that the amused look my mom had when I failed wasn't my imagination. I am not crazy!
Eventually I realized that although my approach may improve my skills it wasn't the best way to go about it. After all both my parents were ninjas. In hind sight I can be a little dense about things...
So I did the logical and most straight forward thing.
I groaned, tears of frustration welling up in my eyes, I still haven't gotten rid of my crybaby habits yet, why can't I just do this already?!
A chuckle made me jump (and remembered that I really can't sense)
There sitting next to me (how didn't I notice?!) was my father. His spiky blue hair hiding his equally blue eyes. I had gotten my hair from him, luckily it isn't spiky. You could say my father looks like Minato Namikaze, only with blue hair and blue eyes, and of course Amegakure attire. Though right now he was just wearing a black kimono.
"Daddy you scared me!" I accused placing a hand on my heart that was still beating fast, currently I was four years old. For the sake of visual, I'll say my hair is in a bob-cut and that I am wearing a soft pink kimono with white petals.
My father chuckled, his voice ever calm and collected, "You should be more aware my little bird"
I flushed a bit at the nickname, the nickname was kind of my fault, see I had asked my mom if the saying that if you fold a thousand cranes your wish will come true is real, seemed like no one has ever heard about it in the Naruverse. How embarrassing.
"I-I am aware!" I protested
"You're not a good liar Ko-chan" My father teasingly said brushing my hair
It was true. I couldn't lie to my loved ones no matter how hard I try. I smiled at my father "Welcome back daddy"
In response he planted a kiss on my forehead and brought me to his lap. I leaned back enjoying the sound of his beating heart. The fact that he was still living and breathing.
"So, what has my little bird so frustrated?" He curiously asked
"I still can't fold a rose" I mumbled staring at my latest origami craft ones the low table, instead of the rose I wanted it turned out into a cherry blossom.
"It's still beautiful" my father assured me
Although it made me feel a tad better I was still disappointed in myself. The real Konan probably- I stopped my trail of thought immediately.
"I guess" I relented, if only to get my mind off of things.
My mother, bless her perfect timing, chose that moment to walk in. She had a tray of riceballs "Welcome back dear" she greeted with a warm smile, her voice as soothing and gentle as ever.
For the sake of visual I'd say she looks like the older Konan, only that her hair was a darker shade of blue. She was wearing a light blue kimono with white butterfly patterns. I got my eyes and facial structure from her.
My father smiled in response as my mother sat down next to us.
'This is the moment Lucy, you promised you'd tell them the next time you were together' my mind reminded me
I paled a bit, 'Maybe I should do it the next time...'
'You said that about seven times already' my mind was a bit of a snark
'Eight is the charm?' I weakly offered
'Haha, no.'
I gulped, my hands started to sweat as my eyes darted nervously between my conversing parents.
How does one four year old kid tell her parents that she wants to be a ninja? A killer, thief, tool, assassin and if you're a female which I am most likely seduction? Some may roll their eyes, but I really don't want my parents to be disappointed in me.
'And it's pretty hard to break the news to two parents that their little girl wants to be a killer' my mind helpfuly added
There probably is a right way to break it out to your parents, but I being the master of tact that I am simply blurted out
"I want to be a ninja!"
Immediately my parents stopped talking. Their eyes were on me. Me? I was looking down scolding myself, my face was probably red and my eyes were tearing up.
Out of all the ways I could have worded it...
"R-run that by me again?" My mother asked breaking the awkward silence
I took in a deep breath, there was no turning back now, I hesitantly raised my head to face my mom. For once her beautiful smile wasn't there and I had the epiphany that Konan's blank expression was inspired by mom.
"I want to become a ninja" my voice had died down to a whisper, but it seemed like the room echoed my words with the rain singing along.
For a moment there was a silence, as if the three of us were mulling over things.
Then my father sighed, "We knew this would happen since eight months ago"
My eyes widened, "That's when..." I trailed off, yep I really couldn't control my emotions.
"When you started training yourself" my mother finished for me
My face flushed, guilt motivated tears welling up in my eyes. My mom gave me a small amused smile
"You thought we wouldn't notice?" She asked
I shook my head, "Just didn't know you knew from the start..."
"Although I still wonder where you learned chakra control exercises" my mom mused
My face got even redder as I looked down to cover the shame and guilt. I couldn't answer her.
"Although since you got your smarts from both me and your father I can say it's because you're smart enough to connect the dots, no my little kitten?" My mom asked
The nickname earned from my constant questions. I nodded slightly, guilt already consuming me for the white lie. Although it was partially true, I got the ideas for my selfmade exercises from my mom's answers.
"Why do you want to become a ninja Konan?"
It was the surprise for both the use of my name coupled with the fact that I honestly forgot that my father was there that made me snap my head up. My surprised amber eyes meeting his calm blue ones.
Then I remembered what he asked, I didn't even need to think "I want to become strong so I can protect"
For once I felt confident. I felt determined and sure of myself. Even so I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes
"Women should stay in the kitchen" My father responded
My mouth fell open in shock, my father had never been sexist before, so why was he? Was he trying to discourage me? By saying something so offensive? Another thing about me that one should know is that I hate discrimination against genders.
"Gender doesn't matter when it comes to being a ninja!" For once I raised my voice
My mother gasped, my father didn't seem taken aback. "You aren't ninja material. You're too soft, kind and naive. You'll never make it as a ninja, give up now before you die"
I clenched my fists, somewhere in the moment I had gotten up from his lap and stood in front of him, "It doesn't matter. I can learn to control my emotions. I can become cold if it's to protect you and mom! If I'm too soft then I'll become harder to cover it up, if I'm too kind I'll be meaner to hide it, and if I am too naive I'll become a genius so no one will notice!"
Finally I unclenched my fists "I'll do whatever it takes to become stronger, to protect" I finished more calmly. As usual my eyes were tearing up.
My father stared at me for what seemed like forever, I for once did not avert my eyes.
"Do as you please. There's no stopping you when you want something"
My eyes widened in surprise at my father's approving smile "I..." was speechless. The only thing I could do was look at my mother's sad yet approving smile
"You got your stubborness from your father" she said with a nod
Me being me I could only fall to my knees and break down crying.
Crybaby Konan is a fitting tittle for me.
My mom's arms wrapped me in a hug "It's okay kitten, we knew this day would come. We're not disappointed. Just worried." Her soothing voice murmured as she played with my hair
It was probably my body that shook as I clung to her, my sobbing getting louder.
The truth was that I wanted them to say no. I didn't want to become a ninja. I didn't want to kill, I didn't want to throw away my morals, I...I'm so scared! What if I die again? Oh god, I don't want to die again! No!
Please someone, anyone, help me. I want to live. Death is so scary, I don't want to go through it again.
(My need to protect overpowered my fear. But the fear didn't go away, it never does)
And that's how I broke the news to my parents. When I stopped crying I asked my mom to teach me medical jutsu. I know that if I were to let someone die in front of me without being able to help, I would break. I need to know how to heal. Healing isn't something that could make me physically strong, but it would help me in my goal. To protect.
My mom easily agreed and we started almost immediately. It wasn't easy at all. It was a surprise that Sakura was able to suprass Tsunade in three years when there was so much to medical ninjutsu. I suppose I should give Sakura more credit, but it isn't my fault that the author didn't properly convey how hard it was and made me believe that Sakura should have learned something else as well. But I suppose Sakura's strong point isn't strength. It's her love and desire to support.
Back on topic. Medical Ninjutsu is hard. Learning how to identify sickness, viruses, poisons, allergies and the like while also learning each and every way to counter them. Then the atanomy, everything that has to do with your body including cells and dna. Aside from the theory learning how to properly apply the correct amount of chakra and work under pressure.
Simply put, learning to become a medic is a very hard and eye opening experience. At the same time I am glad I still don't have much chakra, or else my control would have failed.
My father on the other hand simply woke me up one day and dropped the fact that he was going to teach me Taijutsu and hand seals on me. I'll leave that totally embarrassing memory to your imaginations.
Of course I never really gave up on trying to sense chakra. After a year it thankfully paid off.
Perfecting my origami still had some ways to go, but I was pretty proud with my skills. It seemed like Konan's body really was a natural at the art of folding paper.
I guess this could count as my beginning as Konan. It isn't anything flashy, but these memories of my early childhood is something I hold very dear even now years into the future.
But even the best memories can be sad. I still wouldn't dream of getting rid of them regardless. Not the memories of this life nor my previous life.
I was once Lucy. Now I am Konan. And my dream isn't to change the story. It is to protect my loved ones. Having the power to do that is enough for me. I don't need anything else. But I suppose I am still young. When young, one's dreams are always fickle.
"If you ain't scared, you ain't human" -Alby, Maze Runner
AN: Yes, another fiction I shouldn't be writing. Anyways, only the first chapter is in First Person, the rest will be in Third Person. Why did I decide to make this fiction? Mostly because I never see SI-OC stories of Konan on various sites, and I wanted to do something that's never been done before instead of writing a SI-OC Sakura fic. Besides I think that as a character Konan was wasted, there were so many possibilities! So why not write them in my story?
Bam! You have yourself this fiction, "Paper Trails"