The Shadow

Chapter 1

The Looming

Where there is much light, the shadow is deep. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The tip of my pencil dotted the pages of my notebook as I flipped it up and down in frustration. The teacher kept drowning on about something or other about a lesson I had studied before in this area. I felt as if… something was watching me. I didn't exactly know how to feel about this. It had been this way for the past 3 weeks, and I couldn't get past the fact that someone was looking, staring at me. Every time, I looked around, though, there was nothing. I shuddered as a cold chill ran up my arm in my fear.

I then took out my notebook, jotting down my thoughts at this moment. Even by planning to associate with others about their feelings, doing so with one's own feelings gave you more intimacy with your patients.

As it was at the time, I wanted to enter the land of psychology, and be a doctor who helped people copes with one's raw emotion. I needed for my patients to trust me, so I was also trying to convince people I was more experienced than they thought I was. Sometimes they believed me- at others they did not.

Finally, the bell rang, signaling for the class to leave. Sighing, I picked up my Vera Bradley backpack, and swiftly headed out into the dorm hall.

Greenhill University was so huge. It was one of those rather hard colleges to get into, and only people who were focused on psychology, art, and the science. My parents had been so happy when the news came that I was accepted- but not surprised. Every child of the Meeks family was expected to get a good education, a good husband/wife, and at the least, two well-behaved and well-groomed children. It was a lot of expectation to live up to, but so far I was doing perfectly fine with it. I never failed at anything my parents had wanted from me, I always exceeded in what they needed from their youngest child.

My career had been chosen for me when I started to watch Dr. Phil, and began to enjoy the way he used his words and so forth to make people believe he knew exactly what he was talking about. Chloe, my older sister, had encouraged me to start smaller. So I then watched a show which she claimed was her favorite- a humorous little series which was called "Monk." I loved the show, but more over loved the psychiatrist, Dr. Kroger. The way they portrayed his character was the way I wanted to be: loved by my patients and adored by other Doctors.

From then on I had my life goal ahead of me. I planned each day on how I would talk to my patients, what the patients might be like, but soon I learned that there was much more to helping people then responding, 'And how does that make you feel?'

That was how I ended up in the dorm room I was squabbling in now. It was a very nice one; especially considering that it was free thanks the full scholarship that gave it to me. My roommates weren't exactly the best though. Well, at least, one of them was not.

"Gwen?" I smiled flakily at her, gritting my teeth together. I then pointed a manicured nail to the bed which was now occupied with all of Gwen's… what she called sketches and masterpieces. I preferred to refer to them as crap. "This is my bed."

She glanced at me from over the rim of her notebook. "I see that. Now the point, Miss Obvious?" Her sarcastic retort only made my lip curl in disgusted, as if I wasn't already disgusted with her already. The hair was so not… not good! You don't dye your hair, and you definitely don't get tattoos down your arm. Black seemed to be her favorite color, and she always brought her boyfriend, Trent in our dorm. Trent was an okay guy in my book- until he started going out with Gwen.

Forcing the grimace off my face, I weakly bit my lip to hold back a yell. "Well, Gwen, why don't you tell me? Let's asses the problem here." I glanced to my bed, and then back to her. "What's the problem, Gwen?"

Rolling her eyes at me, she stuck her tongue out. "I'll get it, jeez. Just stop going all psychiatrist and spare me!" Gwen's boot trumped across the carpet as she headed towards my bed, then hoisting her stuff to her side of the room. She then turned back to me, a smirk on her face. "Happy?"

"Yup." I responded, not letting myself go any further than that. If I did, I would say something I would soon regret. I plopped down on my now clean bed, taking out some homework for period I found easy. Before I had a chance to start, though, the loud knocking on the door startled me, causing both me and Gwen to look at each other.

We both gave each other a, 'you gonna get that?' look, but it then ended up I who broke and got to open the door. The blonde who entered look at me happily, eyes twinkling. "Hey Courtney." She smiled, making me smile also. Bridgette was my favorite roommate, because she was always so not like Gwen. It was great.

"Hey Gwen." She waved to Gwen, who snorted in response. Bridgette sensed to tension in the room, and slipped in the room gingerly. Heading over to her bed, she unpacked all of her studies from her backpack, then lightly unzipping a smaller pocket. She then turned to me, head held high in hopes of something.

"Courtney?" She tilted her head to the side as she asked for my attention, which I didn't understand, considering I was already looking at her. This was another thing I had noticed on my own about the human mind. We seem to ask for one's attention out of habit, even if attention is already directed towards you. This is ultimately a sign that one wants or desirers something from the person in question. I did my reading.

"Yeah, Bridgette?" The good thing about being a psychologist, or at least studying it, was that you knew how to hide one's emotions. If I had not been taught about this, she probably would have noticed the annoyance in my voice due to her wanting something from me.

She sighed. "I know you're probably really busy with homework and such," she said, implying my previous thoughts to reality. "But would you mind going to drop my car off at the Auto Zone? I can't go thanks to…" She glanced at her homework weakly, "All this."

I almost sighed, but kept it out. "Sure, Bridge. Just give me the keys." I needed to get out of this dorm anyway. I was stuck inside to much, homework and money problems were keeping me from actually living. "Sounds good. I'll probably stop and get some coffee on the way back. Want any?" Yeah, coffee sounded really good at that moment.

"Mind getting me some?" Gwen asked which surprised me. This was possibly the first time we had talked to each other without fighting. "Lots of cream too. Like I always say, I like a little coffee in my cream."

Hesitating to respond, I finally managed to squeak out an 'Okay.' After Bridgette said she didn't want any, I walk out of the dorm with her car keys in hand. Maybe my roommates weren't so bad after all.

Every single step through the hall gave me a large punch in the shoulder, followed by hilarious outburst. I was angry, but didn't show it. Once everyone learned that as a psychiatrist I wanted to be non-violent, they all tried to break me. It wasn't happening today.

I still walked down the long hall with pride, only to be stopped by a giddily laughing Noah. "What?" I asked him, not happy that smarty pants Noah was laughing, presumably at me.

He then touched the back of my shirt, peeling something off. "Just t-this," he managed between a fit of chuckles. I snatched the paper from him, eyes narrowed at the scribbles etched in.

Punch me!

I then tossed the paper to the floor, my previous thoughts of good roommates smashed along with the note.

Between the conception and the creation, between the emotion and the response,falls the shadow"- Joseph Conrad

So, yeah… this story is sort of just starting, and I was so mad about posting it! I would like to at least get a little further in The Novelty Called Love and Scribbles, but I couldn't wait! The next chapter will ultimately be the best! Can't wait! R&R!