Author's Notes:
KittyKat2583: Ni Hao people! I am the one who wrote the first chapter. This my first collab with someone, and my second time writing a fanfic. If there is something needed in the normal stuff and fluff, I'm the one who should be held responsible. Together EdiblePandas and I, KittyKat2583, have collaborated and thought of the humorous parts. I hope that you enjoy the story. This first chapter is in first person from Canada's point of view, and the rest of the fic is in third person point of criticism is welcome. We apologize if some characters are OOC. By the way, the Jiangshi is a Chinese vampire that hops and resembles the western zombie.(though I don't believe in the hopping part :l it has white hair and black claws for fingernails. it is pale white and a religious man can put a sign on its forehead cure it, but it will remain a corpse. I'm not sure if it's accurate because my Chinese grandma told me about it)
EdiblePandas: And I read somewhere on the internet (so it's probably a lie but still, pretty funny) that it captures people with it's mustache! Mustache POWER!
Kat: ! I do not believe that!
EdiblePandas: Haha. I should introduce myself. Hello dear reader, I am the failure!blood and gore and guts person, EdiblePandas! For me, this is my first fanfiction and collab, so I'm sorry if it's not excellent. If you want to blame anyone for the suffering of these poor characters, blame me. I converted Kat to hetalianism, corrupted her mind, had the original idea for this fic, and write all the zombie stuff that Kat can't. Heck yes! Also, I am partially English and I will use slang the way my family does, not the way Americans do. Sorry if it doesn't fit your idea of England, but no one says "cheerio" or "gov'na" except my sister (when she is making fun of the horrible fake accents that her American classmates use), and I have never heard "bloody hell" used in the middle of a sentence, only as an interjection. If there is an English person who does use those words like that, they come from a different part of England, and their dialect is silly. I hope you enjoy the first chapter, and review, we need constructive criticism. I'll write the next installment, I hope you'll read it! These are the pairings we'll try to incorporate, but we make no promises:
FrUK, Russamer, Prucan, Spamano, (Minor)PoLiet, Gerita, Giripan
Disclaimer: We own nothing, even though I wish I could. T.T
Also, even google docs didn't recognise the word "Canada" when we were working on this. Poor Canada. Who is he again?
P.S. sorry the Author's note is so huge orz. This is the opening chapter though, and it won't be very long for the next ones (I hope). Thank you if you've read all of this!
P.P.S. Today, November 4th, is postponed Halloween where we are because of the snowstorm! Heck yes!
"OK dudes! Let's get this meeting started! Since I'm the hero, I'll start off first. So about that whole..." I tuned out America's rantings as the world meeting dragged on. His ideas were never thought through and were impossible to carry out.
As usual, I was ignored by every other country in the meeting room. Strangely, England was missing. He was always the earliest to a meeting, but the countries eventually decided that they couldn't wait for him and continued on, some nations visibly annoyed. I sat with Mr. Kumakichi in my arms, unusually thankful that I was invisible to everyone this time.
The door suddenly slammed open, startling many of the nations. Italy jumped into Germany's lap and clung to him with a shrill, "Germany! Save me!" and other nations flinched, while Russia, seemingly unaffected, just smiled innocently. In the doorway stood a frantic England, who pointed an accusing finger at America and France.
"One of you stole my spell book!" England was dripping wet from the rain and shaking with fury, which made me cringe back in fear.
"Angleterre," said France, composing himself, "why would I want your silly English spell book? I think those imaginary friends of yours have really gone to your head, Sourcils."
"You're the one who's got a screw loose, you wanker!" England retorted back to him.
"Dude, it doesn't do anything anyway. Magic doesn't work," America said nonchalantly.
"It doesn't work now, does it? You ignorant bastard!" England hit America on the top of his head, starting a fight amongst the three.
"It's about time someone took that from you, you British jerk of jerks!" Sealand popped his head out from under the table, hitting it on the underside in the process. "Ow!"
"Sealand! What are you even doing here? You're not a country! Why don't you just go home and watch anime or something?"
"I won't, you English bastard!"
"Why you little..." England dragged Sealand out from under the table.
Germany's temper was rising. It was apparent from his twitching eyebrow. He pried Italy off him and started yelling. "Silence! Quit fighting, you can settle this later! This is a meeting!" The bickering nations froze. I shrunk back in my seat more, trying to conceal myself even further. Grumbling, the nations complied and sat down, the meeting continuing as scheduled. Hours of boring speeches and presentations dragged on, England glaring at France and America with more malice than usual. Sealand had snuck, mostly forgotten, back under the table, and France began to rise to make his presentation.
Suddenly, something pounded on the window, a thunk hitting the pane. Another heavy blow fell on it and it shattered, sending shards of glass flying everywhere catching all the nations' attention. Something that looked vaguely human stood in the gaping hole, crunching the glittering pieces underfoot. It smelled of decay and the damp, rotted, and ripped fabric that might have once been a suit hung off it loosely, exposing the drooping, grey, lifeless flesh underneath. Mud covered it from head to toe and through the fabric one could see a scarlet-stained hole in its chest exposing its destroyed innards. It's dull, lifeless eyes stared out, only barely comprehending, at the countries from it's warped and decomposing face as it lumbered forwards towards the closest nations, the Asians. A tortured moan tore from it's twisted lips.
England was the quickest to react. "What the hell is that?"
China, who was clad in crimson traditional Chinese clothing, was in a state of shock. "Aiyah! It's the Jiangshi, aru! The legend is true, aru! It's going to devour us all, aru!"
My brother, America, seemed to be the most confused nation out of all of us. "Dude, is that a zombie?"
The reanimated corpse lunged forward at Japan, his mouth opening to dig into the nation's flesh and feast upon him. Japan's eyes widened and he was unable to move. Suddenly, a loud bang resonated throughout the room and the zombie frose, then fell down to the floor and didn't move again.
Switzerland had taken out his assault rifle and shot at the grotesque figure in the head. Of course, no one was supposed to bring a weapon to a meeting, but they weren't going to scold him for it, especially since he just saved a nation. The alarmed countries froze before talking feverishly, unable to believe what they had just seen. Yet the proof was right there, lying on the floor in the clothes it was buried in. Italy flung his arms around Germany once more and hid his head in his chest. He was shaking like a leaf. The event had even broken through Japan's calmness. Switzerland fired once more at the figure, making sure that it was dead and effectively silencing everyone.
"Everyone listen up!" Switzerland's voice cut through the deathly silence. "Whatever that was, there's still probably more of them. We need to prepare ourselves. I suggest that we go back to our hotels and scavenge up as many weapons as we can to fight those things off. Does everyone concur?" A murmur of agreement arose from the seated nations.
"Alright then. We return back to this meeting hall once we retrieve our weapons. Is that clear? OK. Move out!"
"Dude, hold on a sec. We can't just leave in the middle of a meeting. It's against the rules. What if our bosses find out? By the way, what are the rules for the meeting again?"
"You bloody idiot! Learn how to use proper English! It's not a sec, it's a second. Have I taught you nothing!"
On the other side of the room, the nations were arguing with each other to decide on what was the best option. The soft whisperings soon turned into loud yells.
"We can't go on our own. What if a zombie decides to attack one of us?" said Finland. His worried blue eyes looked up to Sweden, who was staring disbelievingly at the rotting corpse.
Prying Italy off himself once again, Germany yelled, "Everyone shut up!" all of the nations turned to face the commanding German. "Since no one can agree with each other, we're going to do it my way. All of us are going to split into groups depending on where our hotels are located. We get our weapons and come straight back to the meeting hall. Is that clear?" The heads nodded in compliance.
"Sehr gut. Now everyone group up." Germany walked over to Spain and Romano, with Italy trailing closely behind him.
The nations rose and formed into clusters, just as the raging German demanded. I walked over to where my obnoxious frère, France, England, and Russia were standing. They all seemed to be having an argument at the moment. America, who was as loud as ever, made it easy to figure out what the dispute was about.
"I can't believe that I'm paired up with a commie, an unfun Brit, and a perv," America whined.
"America, learn proper English for God's sake! And I can be fun! I'm fun-"
"Kolkolkolkol..." Russia said, effectively silencing everyone immediately, except, of course, America.
"Dude, I don't speak English. I speak fluent American." America roared his loud and boisterous laugh.
"You idiot..." England sighed with exasperation. I sadly shook my head at America's dimness.
Suddenly, my brother looked in my direction and recognized me. "Yo bro! Wassup?" It took America long enough, not that anyone notices me anyway.
"America, who are you talking to?" Russia asked with fake innocence.
"My bro. Can't you see him? He's right there." America pointed in my direction. England and Russia followed his finger's direction, but England seemed to see nothing but an empty space.
"Amerique, what are you talking about?" France stared right through me, seeing nothing.
"America, you shouldn't point, even if it's at nothing. It's rude." There went England again with his lecturing.
"Dude, are you totally blind or something? I think you need glasses. He's right there in front of us." America lowered his hand to his side.
"My vision is perfectly fine, tosser!"
"No it's not. Seriously, how can you not see him? He's less than four feet away."
"Здравствуйте, Canada. Where have you been?" Russia had his creepy smile in place.
"... I was here the whole time..." Why do people not see me?
England's eyes only then chose to detect my presence. "Oh, Canada, I'm terribly sorry for not noticing you earlier."
"Oh, bonjour Canada," France said with a wink of his eye.
"It's okay," I mumbled. I held Mr. Kumajimi tighter to my chest.
"So is this everyone? I don't want to leave anyone behind," England started. "Besides France."
"I say the same for you, Angleterre," France interjected. England glared at his long time enemy, but before they could get into the witty banter, America darted away.
"Come on dudes, let's go kick some zombie ass!" America zoomed out of the conference hall with unbelievable speed.
"America you idiot! You're going to get killed!" And so England chased after America while Russia, France, and I trailed behind.
"America! Stop running! Stop!" England yelled after the agile American. We burst through the doors of the building and into the street.
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