I don't know why, but I just love the Chuck and Serena pairing at the moments. I think I might have gone a bit far with the dysfunctional theme in this one, but it just happened….
Please review.
You don't know when you have been this happy. It is new to you, having a boyfriend. That was always Blair's thing. You preferred to go single, play the field. As much as you could do that at 13.
But now, you have a boyfriend. And you like it. Especially this boy, because he isn't Nate. He doesn't want you to be perfect. In fact, he would rather you weren't. Because you know he thinks he probably doesn't deserve you, and you know he does. Because, whatever people think, you really aren't that great.
And you never thought you would like the boyfriend-girlfriend thing. You always thought Blair would be happier if she wasn't with Nate. Especially when Nate did something wrong. But you have already decided that you won't be that kind of girlfriend. You won't be clingy, you won't ask him for anything. Because you have seen what Blair's neediness has done to her relationship. You see the look on Nate's face when she walks in. And you won't do that to Chuck.
You don't think you could, even if you had the chance, though. Because this relationship is probably more for his convenience, his appearance, than it is anything to do with some special bond the two of you share.
The chemistry is obvious from the start. You're both beautiful people, beautiful and physical people. You are the most experienced girl in the year, and he is clearly the most experienced boy. Everyone knew that Chuck Bass had not had a good night if he hadn't kissed at least four girls.
But now he had changed. For the two weeks you had been going out, he hadn't so much as looked at another girl.
Neither of you were into PDAs. At school, the most you did was hold hands under the desks in a cute, first crush kind of way. If Gossip Girl hadn't been talking about it, you doubt anyone would really know you were together.
But you went on dates. You had phones calls. This was what made you happy. It quickly became a ritual for him to call you at 8, to check up, to ask how things were going, to make plans with you for the weekend.
And the weekends were your time. Because if you weren't a couple at school, you made up for it at parties. As soon as you went in, he went to get drinks, and you found an empty spot amongst the rest of your classmates who were playing spin the bottle, or truth or dare or something. He found you with drinks, which you both quickly downed, and then the kissing started. For the first few parties, that was all it had been.
But after a while, you would progress to finding empty rooms whenever you could. And that was when you fulfilled the rumours. The rumours that labelled you as a slut, him as a manwhore.
You never really wondered why he had chosen you, in the same way you didn't question why Blair had chosen Nate. It was just the way it was, and you were too happy to complain.
You never really wondered why he hadn't pushed you, when you told him you weren't ready. He seemed indifferent, perfectly happy with the speed they were going at. And you just assumed it was because they were doing everything else, so he couldn't be bored. Yet.
You should have wondered.
The first time you see him kissing someone else, it hurts. It hurts because he lied. He told you he had to be with his father, he couldn't go to the party tonight. He had assumed you wouldn't go either. But Blair had dragged you along, because Nate was at his country house. It would be a fun girls night.
You don't really mind about the girl. It seems really odd, but you suppose you had kind of been waiting for it to happen. You knew all along that it couldn't last forever, that it would be unreasonable to ask what had been the playboy of the UES to change in a matter of days, and become some kind of brunette clone of Nate Archibald.
It is fine because when he sees you, he dismisses the other girl. He comes straight to your side, and he greets you like he is actually really pleased to see you. And you believe him. Even though he kissed that girl, somehow you get the impression that he still wants you. That no matter what he does, he still wants to have you.
And that means more to you than anything. Because what had started as a purely physical relationship two months ago had become a weird bond between the two of you. A bond that went past that of just physical pleasures. And so you ignore it. You let it go. You hope to God that that bond is enough, that however many girls he kisses, he will always come back.
And he always does. It's odd, because sometimes you feel yourself choosing the girls he should go for. As you sit together and his eyes are searching the room for any talent, so are yours. But they aren't looking for talent, they are looking for emptiness. You don't care how pretty they are, because everyone knows the competition isn't there. But you care if they look as though they can actually hold some kind of conversation.
"She's pretty." You say impulsively, as a tall brunette with big boobs and a short skirt walks past, giggling with her equally stupid-looking girlfriends. He looks at you, just for a moment, taken aback, and then he smiles.
"I can do better," he says, picking up your hand and kissing it gently. And the rest of the night, he's yours. He doesn't scan the room anymore, he looks at you, he focuses on you.
And you couldn't be happier. Until, as you walk towards the exit, you turn around and see him walk up to that brunette and lean into her temptingly. You stop walking, and turn to watch him. The girl has stood up now, and has her hand on his shoulder as she whispers something in his ear. He straightens up, and you can tell he is smiling. He kisses the girl lightly on the lips, and then takes her hand, leading her towards the elevator, as she waves a meaningful goodbye to her friends.
You know right then and there that Chuck Bass was going to lose his virginity tonight. The brunette had that kind of look about her, a command over him that you have seen in no other girl. She had done this before. And Chuck preferred more experienced people.
It's when the brunette shows up at school on the Monday that you really take in her appearance. And you are worried, because her eyes aren't as empty as you thought they were. In fact, they are deep, they are mysterious. They are far from stupid.
You and Chuck are on the steps, and his arm is around you. It is one of the rare moments where he actually shows any affection in broad daylight, and you are holding on to the moment for as long as possible. Nate and Blair are there too, holding hands like the perfect couple they always pretend to be, even at this age. You are all laughing at something, but you stop suddenly as you see her walking up the steps. You turn to look at him, and he has seen her too, but he is ignoring her, still laughing, perhaps less enthusiastically, at the joke.
She seems to be going in the other direction, and you breathe a sigh of relief, until she turns and walks straight towards the four of you. You grab Chuck's hand possessively, pulling it back round your shoulder. You can't quite believe what this girl is doing.
"Hi, I'm Georgina Sparks. I just moved here last week." She holds out her hand to you cheerfully. You glance at Chuck quickly, and he is watching you expectantly, waiting for you to greet the girl. You hold out your hand too, hesitantly, completely confused by this situation.
As the girl moves towards Blair and Nate, you pinch Chuck's hand lightly, and he turns to you with an annoyed expression on his face. You motion your head towards the pillars, and he stands up with you, saying briskly, "Nice to see you, Georgie, but we better get to class."
Georgie. You mutter it under your breath, and Blair looks at you questioningly, but the other two don't hear. You follow Chuck up the steps and he leads you to one of the pillars.
You are about to confront him, to ask what the hell he is playing at, and how the hell he thinks this fucked up situation is going to work, but then you see her walking up the steps, watching the two of you.
So you kiss him, passionately. He isn't expecting it, but he kisses back anyway, pushing you up against the pillar. You lift one eye to see if she is watching you, and she is, her head cocked to one side, as though very interested in the pair of you. When she sees you watching her, she smirks knowingly and then walks away.
You had made up your mind to hate this girl, but somehow you can't. She is funny, she is interesting, she is different. She talks back to the teachers, she doesn't do homework, she texts on her phone for the whole lesson. And you realise quickly, she still gets good marks on every test.
And it takes you a while to notice, but soon you realise she has targeted you. She sits next to you in all of oyur classes, and she meets you at lunch. You can tell that she knows you saw her with Chuck, but she is careful not to let it on to anyone that her and Chuck know each other better than just someone to say hello to at lunch.
You are thankful for that at least. Both of them are doing their part, and however fucked up this thing is, no-one else has any idea that there is anything weird going on at all.
She quickly replaces Blair as the one oyu go to parties with, because she doesn't have a Nate, and she is up for anything. You still love Blair, but Georgina has so much more life than her, and you have so much more fun when you're together.
You can see how Chuck watches the two of you when you are together. He looks kind of protective of you, and you don't know why, but you are pleased that he is at least bothering to watch.
You see how Chuck draws breath every time you tell him you are going to meet Georgina, but he always hides it quickly, so oyu learn to ignore it.
And you find that Georinga is the perfect tonic. Whenever you see Chuck with someone else, or he says he has to be with his Dad that night (a line which both of you know means he has plans with someone else), you go and see Georgina. And she knows, she doesn't bother to ask questions, she just hugs you and then takes you out on the town.
You don't really even notice how much more often you are throwing up in toilets, or calling Chuck for help. It all just happens in a blur of Georgina filled evenings.
It is a Friday night, and you and Chuck are alone in his sutie. This hasn't happened in a while, but you thought it was about time you concentrated on your boyfriend for a bit, rather than your new friend. Georgina has gone skiing for two weeks anyway.
And you know what you have to do now. You and Georgina, weirdly, have discussed, and now you are ready.
You are watching a film, you don't know what, something with lots of cars and guns, you haven't been watching. Your head is resting on his chest, and he is staring at the screen, but he doesn't look as though he is really taking it in. So you look up at him, and he glances down at you enquiringly as you raise your lips to his.
You are in mid flow when he pulls back from you. "Serena, you don't have to. Just 'cause of Georgina…it doesn't matter." And your response is merely to pull his head back towards yours and kiss him harder.
He takes it as confirmation, and lifts you up, his lips still glued to oyurs, carrying you to his bed.
When it's over, you realise it was worth waiting for, and it was definitely worth fighting for. In some sick way, it occurs to oyu that maybe the other girls were a good thing, that Chuck wouldn't have been so amazing without them.
And for the first time, you really forgive him. Not like you have done in the past, where you just forget, or try to ignore. This time you properly forgive him. And you forgive Georgina too. Because she didn't know he was yours. She was not at fault, and in your mind, neither was he.
For the next few weeks, you are blissfully happy. He pays attention to you whenever you're together, and when you aren't, he texts or calls you. You spend nearly every night together, and oyu are sure, for once, that he isn't with any other girls in that time.
When Georgina comes back from skiing, she takes you out. But it's a new kind of 'out'. It is the kind of 'out' where you wake up and you don't remember the night before. It is the kind of 'out' where you snort powders off tables, where you let strange men buy you drinks and dance with you, and where you miss your boyfriend like hell.
It is easier than you think to keep up the routine with Georgina. The first time you had woken up with no memory of the night before, you hadn't enjoyed it. But now you realise it is better this way. This way there is no guilt.
And the only thing you are sure of is that every night you are doing things you should definitely feel guilty about. But at least you know, for sure, that you haven't gone all the way with anyone else. Yet.
Not that it would even matter. Because you aren't really a couple anymore. After those weeks, you drifted apart. It dawns on you, as some guy is eating your face in a bar, that you are now only together for appearance's sake. So that if anyone asks, you were with him. He now acts as your alibi.
And you haven't seen him in a while. You are pretty sure he is still with other girls, just as you are with other men. But you know he isn't obeying the 'no sex' rule you have put into operation. When you see him at school, you relish the moments you have together.
Because even if they are rare, you can tell you still really like him. And you think he still likes you, because his eyes still light up when he sees you, and you still catch him watching you in lessons, with that same protective, slightly sad look in his eyes.
So, you start to lead two different lives. It takes you a while to get used to it, but soon you become an expert at juggling the two.
Chuck seems to have resigned himself to the fact that you have a new life, but he still holds on to you at school. And georgina still holds on to you at night. They seem to be fighting for oyur attention, and oyu have to decide which one it will be.
Over Christmas, it calms down a bit. You get back to normal. You stop going out with Georgina every night. And you start seeing Chuck properly again.
It's nice, because it's more grown up than it has ever been before. You both seem to have accepted what you did in the past, and in the holiday spirit, have forgiven and decided to have another go.
Georgina isn't too happy that you aren't coming out so often anymore, but oyu know it's worth it when you see his face as you tell her over the phone that you are staying in with your boyfriend.
And this time, the good doesn't last for two weeks. It last for six months, and counting. You seem to be enough for him, and he is definitely enough for you. You have turned a corner in your relationship. Everyone notices, Gossip Girl even does a page about the 'Reconciled Lovers'.
And you don't so much as look at another guy when you go out with him. You don't really question whether or not he has anyone else, because you don't really want to know. You convince yourself that even if there is someone else, it has never been better between the two of you, so it really doesn't matter.
Besides, you trust him.
As you walk into the room and hear the noises coming from the bed, you know. You know what's happening, but you look anyway. You want to see what he's replacing you with this time. As you pull the duvet off the bed and reveal the two naked bodies, something sticks in your throat. Because you don't just recognise one of those bodies, you recognise both of them.
This time, it isn't just a random girl. It is your best friend. Again. And this time he looks guilty. You can see it, and it makes it worse. Because he never does that, he never shows that he has done something wrong. But now, he is. And that just confirms it.
"Serena…oh shit, I'm so sorry." As Georgina scrambles to put some clothes on, Chuck just watches you. You can feel his eyes on you, but you can't look at him. You just stare at the brunette girl, wondering if she even cares. Georgina looks up at you, her eyes glazed over. She is drunk, as usual. She kisses you on the cheek and then rushes past you. You haven't moved since you found the couple, but as you hear the door slam, you move your hand up to your face and wipe the part of your cheek she kissed.
He doesn't try to speak. He is still watching you, and now you turn to look at him. He is lying there, completely naked, as vulnerable as you have ever seen him, and he isn't smirking arrogantly, he isn't glaring at you. He is looking at you with concern. You know he knows how much this is hurting you. And he doesn't know what to say.
Neither of you move for at least twenty minutes. You just stare. The tears are gradually forming in your eyes, and you try to hold them back, but you can't. As the first tear trickles down your face, he moves towards you, slowly, tentatively.
As you feel his thumb wipe the tear from your cheek, you don't know what to do. You still don't quite believe it. You don't understand. And the tears are falling freely now, too quickly for him to wipe them away. But his hands are still on your face. He is holding your head still, gently, but with his usual authority.
This is odd, for both of you. It isn't like you haven't found him with other girls before, but you have never stuck around for the fight. You usually run out. He calls you later, he doesn't even mention it. He takes you out for supper. He is attentive, he is sweet, he is charming. He is very un-Bass like. And for some reason, you don't really know why, but you always let it happen. Because when he is attentive, when he is sweet, when he is charming, you forget about everything. You just want him.
But this time, it's different. You aren't quite sure why you stayed. At first, it was shock that kept your feet rooted to the ground. You thought it had changed. Then it was his eyes, boring into you like drills. A challenge. You couldn't look away, you didn't want him to win, to see how much it hurt you. Now it is his hands. Your eyes are still locked in silent combat.
"I'm sorry." He speaks slowly, with conviction. He means it. And he has never said this before. A Bass has never said this before. And for a Bass, he might as well have said 'I love you', it means the same to you. And you have already forgotten. You are already kissing him again, like nothing ever happened, and he is kissing back, with more force than usual, with more urgency, as though he was scared, just for a moment, that he might lose you too.