If you think that the Durlseys, of number four Privet Drive, are normal besides Petunia's late sister, Lily, and nephew, Harry, you are by all means wrong. The Dursleys have a very secret life. If you think these people would never go into the sick chats on AOL, sing karoke, or play volleyball, tennis, basketball, and go fencing, well, maybe you are right somewhat. They would never stoop so low to play sports. Even practice fencing on an unarmed and unprotected Harry Potter. It's just too much work. They also don't go into the chats on AOL because one, they don't have AOL because it would be BOL and two, they are to stupid to download it off the site. The Dursleys' can't sing, so that takes care of karoke... or do they...? We have sent in Wizard Reporter Hattie Speriluna to check out the story.
Hattie: Hello, everyone out there in TV, or should I say fic? land. It's great you all are out here tonight, though you might want to send the little kids to bed, since you are about to witness a horrible event. camera moves to the window and inside you can see Dudley doing yoga*
Dudley: *falls backwards with exhaustion from moving his head to his heels once*
Mrs. Dursley: *runs in* Dudley! How are you going to practice tonight? *picks him up and drags him to the couch, but can't do it, so calls in the backhoe*
Dudley: I'll be able to Mummy, though I'm so fat but no one will admit it so I don't like to move. Even the the fridge.
Mrs. Dursley: I'll bring down your dress, Dudley. *goes up the stairs into Dudley's room. There we see ten or so dresses of all sizes and makes and some slacks and normal boy clothes, though all in LXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX*
Dudley: *sings off pitch and gasping* Oh baby, baby...
Mrs. Dursley: *while coming down the stairs hears Dudley* Dudley! Don't wear yourself out!
Dudley: Yes, Mummy.
Mr. Dursley: *walks in the door* Oh! Hope I'm not late! *rushes up stairs then comes back down in a tight, hot pink sequined dress*
Mrs. Dursley: *puts on her dress*
Dudley: *puts on his dress*
Mr. Dursley: *hits the music and the da-da-da starts*
Dudley, and Mr. & Mrs. Durlsey: Oh, baby, baby, how was I supposed to know, something wasn't right here?
Neighbor dudes and dudettes #s1-46: *in unison* Gasp, choke!
Dudley: The... *gasps* reason... *gasps again* I breath is you! *dress snaps and all the neighbors and Mr. and Mrs. Dursley gasp, seeing Dudley in his underwear and a women's bra*
Mr. Dursley: Dudley... I never knew... my own son! A wanna-be trans!
Piers, Dudley's best friend... and maybe something else: *walks to the door, wanting to know if Dudley can come put and play* What the...?
Harry: *cones back from Hogwarts, gets punched by Piers, gives him a black eye, opens the door, and sees Dudley* My, God!
Dudley: *cries* Mum-ey! Harry's makin' fun of me.
Harry: That's right I am, fatso!
Mr. Dursley: HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY SON! *grabs Harry by the neck*
Mrs. Dursley: *notices the camera and gasps* Someone got all of this on tape!
Camera Dude #4: *realizes this isn't a good situation, pulls out the camera, and puts it towards Hattie*
Hattie: Now, before we all get killed, you now know the secret life of the Dursleys'. Karoke, pink dresses, and... erm... other things... Tune in next week for, When Flobberworms go bad!
A/N: Did anyone else find that extremely whack? And all in under fifteen minutes. I think it was way too short though... please review!
Disclaimer: Yo, yo, yo!