A/N: Hi! This is my first fic ever and I hope you'll like it and please review. I'm not a native English speaker so I hope my English isn't too bad. And this is an AU so some people may seem out of character. Also is this story not really about Voldemort and stuff.
Summary: Sevitus challenge, set after Harry's fourth year. Harry is becoming depressed. Will the news of having a father help him or will he sink deeper into depression? And will Severus find out about Harry's problem before it's too late? Warning: Story contains cutting and depression.
Disclaimer: Anyone or anything that you recognize doesn't belong to me.
Why is it always me? Why? Why can't they just leave me the hell alone. The memories threatening to overwhelm me. I can't take the pressure of live any more. I just want it all to end. Nobody cares about me they only care about The-Boy-Who-Lived. All those prejudices and expectations are just too much. I take the knife Sirius gave me and I cut and as the blood is starting to flow out I feel relieved, like a weight just lifted off my shoulders. My mind is wandering again, back to the graveyard where Voldemort was reborn. How Cedric died before my eyes. How it was all my fault. School is starting soon and I would rather stay here at the Dursleys. The Dursleys who were ignoring me all summer but I couldn't care it was better than being at Hogwarts where everyone would question me about my new appearance. I look at my wrist the bleeding has almost stopped. I lie back down on my bed. I know that I wouldn't get any more sleep tonight and I'm exhausted. I don't know if I can stand it much longer. All the lies and all the secrets I just wish for somebody to care about me. Sure, I've got Ron and Hermione but they are my best friends and I don't want to put too much pressure on them. I just want somebody to love me, just me. Someone who is always there when I need him. Tears are running down my cheeks but I don't care I just don't want to feel any more. And then there was the question why I suddenly started looking less like my father and more like Hogwarts most feared potions master, Severus Snape. I just didn't want to think about that it was just so wrong.
I'm standing at platform 9 ¾. I'm relieved that I don't see Ron or Hermione as they would begin questioning me about why I didn't write them all summer and about my new appearance. I look for an empty compartment in the train and I find one at the back of the train. 10 minutes later Ron and Hermione walk in. I prepare myself for the questioning that's about to begin.
'Wow, Harry is that you, I can't believe it you look like … like Snape what happened to that unruly mop of hair?' Ron exclaims.
'Professor Snape, Ron and I'm sure Harry has a logical explanation for this, haven't you Harry?' Hermione corrects Ron.
'Actually Hermione I don't and I don't want to talk about it OK?
Hermione gives me a look that says she will let it drop for now but Ron looks like he wants to say something but he decides to keep his mouth shut too. 'So why didn't you write us all summer Harry? I've been really worried about you, you look really bad' Hermione continues.
' Thanks Hermione that's just what I wanted to hear I'm just having trouble sleeping and I wanted to write you but Vernon took kept Hedwig locked up' Well that was actually a lie Vernon didn't lock Hedwig up but I just really couldn't find the energy to write them.
'So how was your summer Ron?' I ask Hermione looks confused about the sudden change in subject. Ron begins telling me about his brother and about Quidditch. The rest of the train wasn't really eventful and I was happy that they let the subject drop.
The doors of the Great Hall opened and all the students came in except for the first years of course. The sorting wasn't really eventful. The talked about uniting the Houses but I couldn't really see that happening. I'm not feeling very hungry but after a few suspicious looks from Hermione I decide to eat something. I can feel the stares from the Head Table in the back of my head but I'm going to look at them. 'Alright everyone up to bed now' Dumbledore says
and the feast is over. I'm starting to walk out of the great hall when I hear Dumbledore's voice 'Mr. Potter a word with you please in my office'. I follow Dumbledore to his office.
'So Harry how was your summer' Dumbledore asks with that irritating twinkle in his eyes. ' It was OK I guess. Professor, I would love to talk but I would rather go to sleep now if you don't mind' I answer in a monotone voice. Dumbledore frowns and then Snape walks in. 'What is he doing here!' I exclaim. 'Please Severus take a seat I will explain why I brought you here in a minute' Dumbledore says to Snape totally ignoring my outburst. 'Well Harry and Severus certain information has come to my attention this summer and seeing your new appearance Harry only confirms it' Dumbledore says in a serious voice. I feel like I'm about to cry I know what he's going to say and I just don't want to hear it. I look at Snape his face is a blank mask but he looks a little paler than usual. 'Albus, spit out I don't feel like sitting for hours here' Snape says. Dumbledore smiles and says 'Well Severus you're Harry's biological father'