A/N: I do not own Divergent. I hope you all enjoy this, and please review. PM me if you have any ideas about how you want to change the original storyline!
"Well, today's the big day." I tell myself. Today is the day that the new initiates arrive. Of course, most of them won't really be 'new'. Here in Dauntless, people don't usually leave. I guess a regular life in one of the safer factions would be too boring and mundane after fifteen years here. I wouldn't know though. We only get a few from Candor and Erudite per year, but never any from the other two factions, Abnegation and Amity. They usually prefer the easy life of their native factions.
I am the only transfer in recent memory. Some days, I can handle it, and my decision seems like the best one I could have made at the time. Other days, ones like today, it is my greatest regret, and I would give anything to take it back, but that is not an option. It is either lie in Dauntless or live factionless, and the second path is hardly appealing.
Lost in these troubling thoughts, I stare up at the ceiling. It is stark white like most of my room. The only decoration comes in the form of three words painted boldly in black on the wall across from me.
Fear God Alone.
I painted them when I was first assigned my room, and over the past three years, it has become my mantra and my mission. Though I've spent every day of that time struggling with it, I haven't reached that goal yet.
I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, my feet hitting a pile of black clothes instead of the floor. I need to clean this place, but the chaos of the past week has mad functioning nearly impossible. I always get this way before the Choosing ceremonies. Every year I can't help but wonder: What if this is the year? What if one of them makes the same choice I made three years ago? How will I hide my secret then?
"No." I tell myself, "It's never happened before, and it won't happen now. I'm safe here." I hate myself for my own cowardice, so out of place here, and yet I still can't shake it. Enough. I have already spent far too long dwelling on this. It's time to move on.
I get up and walk across the floor, kicking clothes aside until I reach the bathroom. I turn on the hot water and start to relax for the first time in what feels like weeks as steam fills the small room.
Twenty minutes later, I emerge, feeling refreshed and ready to face the initiates. I know they'll come from only three of the five factions: Candor, Erudite, and of course, Dauntless. Nothing will change this year. I will have one more year of certainty that my secret will be safe,
I slip on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, which are both black, as all clothing is in Dauntless. I am just lacing up my combat boots when I hear a knock at my door. I know who it is without even opening the door, Lauren. We meet every year before the initiates arrive to eat breakfast and discuss our strategies. It's become almost a ritual by now.
I open the door, and she smiles automatically, but the smile fades a little when she sees my face. "Damn, Four, what happened to you?" she asks concern entering her voice.
It takes me a moment to figure out what she's talking about, but then I remember looking in the mirror this morning. My eyes are ringed with black, and I look like someone punched me. I can't tell her the truth though.
I didn't sleep. My night was an endless series of nightmares. His ghost haunted my thoughts and slipped into my dreams. I had to suppress a shudder at the thought. I was sure that I could still hear the whip-like crack of his leather belt and feel its sharp sting against my skin. "Rough night," I say dismissively. "Let's go."
We head towards the dining hall, and I take the chance to look over at her. She's wearing a black tank top and jeans tucked into sturdy boots. Her long, brown hair is tied back in a ponytail, and the light from the lamps shines on her three silver eyebrow rings, making them wink in the half-gloom.
Even before we reach the dining hall, we can hear the roar of hundreds of Dauntless in one place. They're always loud, even this early in the morning. It drowns out our footsteps completely. We find a nearly empty table in the midst of the chaos and sit down. I grab a bagel and sit across from Lauren.
"So, ready to scare some transfers?" she asks, narrowing her green eyes in a playful glare. She looks like the perfect Dauntless soldier, and I see her glee at the thought of terrifying the new kids.
I manage a smile for her benefit, playing the role of the unshakable Four. "Yeah," I say cockily. "Can't wait. Shame it's going to be so easy." She snorts in response. "What's the plan then?" I ask casually, trying to pretend that I'm not nervous. This is the first year that Eric, the most ruthless initiate from my year, is a full Dauntless leader, and there's no way of knowing what tricks he has up his dirty black sleeves.
"I don't know," she replies, a trace of worry in her voice. " The leaders are making all the plans this year. The only thing I know is that I'll be training the Dauntless-borns in Phase One, and you'll take the transfers."
"Great." I say sarcastically, "Candor smart-mouths, and Erudite know-it-alls. This should be fun."
"Who knows, you might get some from the other two factions too." Lauren says calmly. "Anything can happen."
"Yeah, I bet the Stiffs and Smilies are lining up to transfer here. Ugh, I don't know which would be worse!" I sneer, letting a short laugh force its way from my lips.
I can't stand that term, Stiffs. It's what we call people in Abnegation, and it still feels like a betrayal even after three years. But I can't risk letting Lauren find out my secret. I don't trust even her that much.
I finish eating my bagel and leave, wandering through the familiar hallways aimlessly. Before I realize it, I find myself at the chasm. A sense of peace unlike anything I have felt in the past few weeks envelops me. As I stare down at the rushing waters below, ,my mind clears. I know now what I have to do. I have to leave.
As much as I have tried to belong here, I will never really fit in. my entire life here has been a lie. Not even my friends know, and I'm too terrified to tell them. They only know Four, the one who never backs down, the fearless soldier, the model Dauntless. They don't know about the traitor that hides in their midst.
They don't know Tobias. They don't know the liar who hides behind them, using black clothing, tattoos, and bravado as a shield. They don't know the coward who ran, the coward who is still running. And I will never let them know.
I will train these initiates, and then I will disappear. I may be a coward, but I refuse to let Eric's violence, his madness, corrupt these people. This will be my final gift to the faction that I am still not good enough for.
A few hours later, I stand by the net, hearing the clatter of the train overhead, and I can't help but wonder who will be the first to take the plunge. It's probably going to be one of the Dauntless-born. They know the net will catch them, and the Erudite will be the next to figure that out.
A chorus of thumps sounds as bodies land on the roof. Then comes a scream. Either someone fell or they hit the edge of the roof. It's probably one of the transfers. They hardly ever land well. Then comes the order for them to jump. A stunned silence follows it.
Then, a taunting call comes spiraling down from above. "Ooh, a Stiff's flashing some skin." a male voice says, clearly audible through the catcalls and whistles. My heart leaps at this, but I'm not sure if it's from eagerness or fear. It doesn't matter anyway, I must have misheard. No one from Abnegation transfers here, it just doesn't happen. My train of thought is interrupted as a body plummets from above, landing hard in the net.
I look over, expecting to see a figure in black, but it's true. Someone transferred from Abnegation, a girl. Her slender form is curled in a ball. She slowly unclenches, staring up at the ragged circle of light far above. A joyful, defiant laugh bursts from her lips, and I can't help but smile.
She stretches out a hand toward the edge of the net, and I grab it without thinking. She hardly weighs anything, and I easily pull her to her feet. She stands there, looking a little unsure, but still exhilarated. Wisps of blonde hair have escaped from her bun, framing her face in a golden halo.
"Thank you." She says shyly, her voice musical.
"Can't believe it," Lauren says loudly from behind me. "A Stiff, the first to jump? Unheard of."
For some reason, I feel an automatic urge to defend her. "There's a reason she left them, Lauren." I say quietly. Looking back at the girl, I ask, "What's your name?"
She looks confused for a moment, like she's not sure how to answer that. "Um…". She stammers.
"Think about it. You don't get to pick again." I tell her, trying to sound kind.
"Tris." She says boldly, not being quiet anymore, like she's already casting off her Abnegation habits.
"Tris." I confirm, smiling for no reason. Lauren repeats it after me.
"Make the announcement, Four." she says."
I turn to the waiting crowd behind me, moving to the side a bit so the crowd can see the slight girl behind me. "First jumper-Tris!" I shout, which is greeted with a chorus of cheers. A scream sounds behind me. The next person has jumped, and from her clothing, I can tell she's a Candor transfer. I place a hand on Tris's back, leading her away from the net.
"Welcome to Dauntless." I tell her, still grinning.
A few minutes later, all the initiates have made the jump, and we are all underground again. Lauren and I turn around and walk through the tunnels, knowing that the initiates will follow us. I can't get the Abnegation girl out of my head though. There's definitely a reason she left. But what is it? I wonder silently. What is she running from?