Author's Note: Okkkaaayyyy people... I decided to do another weird-ass one-shot just to tell you guys that I'm still alive and well.
This short one-shot is just about Sasuke reflecting on his life; how he's regretting his mistakes and crap.
'Nuff said, enjoy! (I hope this fic isn't too confusing...)
Editted: A close friend of mine told me that this fic was confusing as heck. I couldn't agree any better. I couldn't believe that I typed that load of crap (this fic). I didn't get half of what was written here (this fic). 0.o
Sometimes, things break beyond fixing. Certain mistakes are irreversible. Tragedy may take away our physical abilities or even the life of someone we love and care for. Unlike anything else, we cannot always replace shattered hopes, bonds and dreams.
Nor can we always mend broken hearts.
There have been times when I ask myself why I'm doing all these, even when I knew it was wrong. All these mistakes, it was eating me up on the inside.
The answers have always been the same. And the answers led to nothing else but despair and misery.
And then I asked myself if all the sorrow I've caused the people I loved and cared for the most would cease and stop as if it never happened, if I returned to their wide open arms and came home.
Then again, the scars would still be there, right in the center of their hearts, hidden from the world.
I knew that I caused all that pain. I've had my share of pain, too.
Like that time I told them I didn't want anything to do with them anymore.
And that time I told him that they meant nothing to me.
Or that time I told her I didn't give a damn.
It felt like my soul was being ripped into two – no, three pieces, like a part of my soul was given to each of them, until there was eventually nothing left in me.
They had been a part of me, and I had been a part of them. How could I have been so stupid as to leave all that just to chase after my goal?
Oh, right. I lived because of that goal. I actually believed that was my one and only purpose in life.
I remembered that I actually hesitated for a single, nerve-racking moment, before I left that village I called home. She'd been there, confessing her love for me with so much affection and emotions, I almost turned my back on the path I swore I'd follow.
I recalled thinking things through; I could lead a happy and normal life in Konoha, with my team and comrades and friends, and save my revenge for when I get stronger. Or I could just ditch everything and chase after my stupid goal.
Revenge meant everything to me at that time.
A few years back, I wouldn't hesitate to throw everything away just to achieve that goal. Now, after I've gotten some sense beaten brutally into me, I was mortified at how completely dense I'd been.
Memories of my past mistakes flooded my mind; of that time I almost killed him, my first best friend, who was like a brother I never had. And that moment when my hand connected with the delicate skin on her neck.
And that masked man; I'm eternally grateful to him for trusting me with the destructive power of the Chidori. I do, however, deeply regret ever using it against my own comrades.
And that mask, I never got to see what's underneath. Even when he couldn't do anything to stop me from pulling down his mask, I held myself back. He never showed us even when we were begging on our knees, I doubt he'd want to let us see it now. He likes his privacy, and I respect that.
He'd been a father-figure for me, and I never thanked him for that.
That boy, that obnoxious and loud blonde boy, never gave up, even till his last breath. I knew that even after I've betrayed the village, shattered the hearts of many, and nearly eliminated him, he would still follow me to the end of the world.
He forgives too easily. He trusts too easily. And it cost him his life.
He had big dreams for the future; become the best Ramen-loving Hokage Konohagakure ever has, getting the village to acknowledge him for him, and not the demon in him.
Now, he can't become a Hokage, though the village does acknowledge him now, for his strength and power.
And that bond we shared; I've never thanked him properly for that either.
The only female member of Team 7 was the weakest among the three of us, and yet the most accomplished kunoichi the ninja world had ever seen. She grew up after I left with such intense training, it put mine to shame.
I recalled, long ago, when we were still young, genin, in fact, she and I were sitting next to each other under the moonlit sky while the others were asleep.
She was still in that stage where she was completely infatuated with me, until a point where I sometimes found her annoying. Then again, I would have gladly picked her over the other girls from the academy if I was asked to.
I'd taken a liking to her. I thought she'd get over her childhood crush on me as she grew older, but, I found out later on in life, she never did. For that, I was glad.
As we sat on the lush green grass, gazing up at the stars, not a single word was uttered, but somehow we were able to understand each other, even without words spoken.
Then she said my name, her soft voice breaking the silence like a pierce to the heart.
"Sasuke-kun…"
"Hn."
"I… um… Don't get mad, please. I was just wondering…"
And she stuttered and stammered and tried to form a coherent sentence. Up till now, I still find it kind of adorable.
She looked at me with those wide and innocent emerald orbs. I gazed into those endless pools of jade, and she blushed scarlet and looked away quickly. I smirked; it felt good to know that I had that kind of effect on her.
"I-I was just w-wondering, if I-I-Itachi left you a-alive for a r-r-reason?"
I think a terrifying look crossed my face, because her face suddenly drained of all colour and her breath came out in short gasps. I hastily tried to compose my expression; I hated myself for making her afraid of me.
And then she looked at me shyly in the eye, and said –
"You know, Sasuke-kun, I love you. I know you've heard that a lot of times, but I really, truly love you. Not only because of your looks, but, I love you, for… you. And I also know that you don't want my pity. But I just wanted to tell you that there are a lot of other things to live for besides your revenge and goals. Things like friends, comrades… I've always believed that there was good in everything that happens to us. Like maybe Itachi left you alive to, unconsciously, fill the empty space in my heart where no one else is able to fill. Not even Naruto or Kakashi-sensei."
I'd been stunned into silence back then, and couldn't even spit out a single word as she quickly excused herself.
That girl, she was filled with so much love and compassion. It was enough to make anyone happy, even me. I was content with my life before I left it behind to join that snake bastard. It was mostly because of her, and them.
She would have made the perfect wife and mother that me and my future children would never have. And that boy with such big dreams and accomplishments, he would have become a great uncle to my children, and that respected teacher and man, would have been a fabulous grandfather.
But as my fingertips trace the names engraved into the memorial stone, I knew that that was just another dream taken cruelly away from me. It was a result of my mistakes.
After all I've been through, all the hardship and pain, I never really got any happiness out of it.
When I'd stab my damn brother in his heart, I felt nothing but emptiness.
When I returned to Konoha, I was nothing but an empty shell; a small crack, and I could fall to pieces.
I said to myself, as I began to walk away from the past,
"So, Sakura, tell me; what was the good in all this?"
No one answered.
Author's Note: Sad thing is, I sort of got sick of Naruto (due to Fullmetal Alchemist and D.Gray-man. Damnit those manga and anime ROCK.) and couldn't find any kind of inspiration to continue my other fics. I don't think I'll be continuing my other Naruto fics anytime soon.
Hope this fic's good enough...
Till the next installment:))
(I didn't exactly get half of what I just typed in that A/N...)