John Paul was shaking. He'd never been as nervous about sending a simple letter. He looked at the watch on his wrist and remembered Craig's words.
'I want you to keep this, I love you.'
He repeated the last phrase over and over again. Craig loved him and he loved Craig. As long as they held tightly to that they could overcome anything. With renewed determination he put the letter he'd been holding in the post box, smiled and walked away.
'Craig,
Thank you for the watch and for your letter. You have no idea how much it hurt to take your watch off and send it back to you. I was without it for a week and I felt like part of my soul was missing. I'm sorry about the note I sent. I actually wrote quite a long letter first but I couldn't send it. That probably hurt just as much as returning the watch because I said some really personal and heartfelt things in the letter, but I didn't feel comfortable or confident enough to send it to you.
That really hurt because not so long ago I felt like I could tell you anything and you would understand. I hope to be able to get that back.
I love you so much it hurts. I still spend so much time thinking about you and wondering if I did the right thing. Part of me wanted you to chase after me, to hold me and kiss me and just tell me that everything would be okay. But another part of me knew that you weren't ready for the kind of relationship I need and until you are, being together will make us both unhappy.
I understand you need time. You need time to come to terms with the fact you are bi-sexual and what that will mean for you and your life. Part of who you are means you worry about other people's perceptions of you, even people you don't know.
Between your sisters and Jake you have always blended into the background. You have been the backbone and the strength of your family for so long, that you now hate being the centre of attention. So the idea of people watching you whilst you kiss me or even just hold my hand scares you. Not because you don't want to, but because it isn't considered normal, you know that people notice you and that makes you uncomfortable. You're scared of it because you don't know what people will think of you.
It hurts not to be with you but I understand now. When you are ready to be out in public with me, I'll be there for you.
Please know that I love you and I'll wait forever if that's how long it takes.
All my love,
John Paul.'