hmmm this is gonna be a little goof because i was just suddenly struck with this.hehe...
and now the disclaimer!
I do not own devil may cry.waaaaaa..i wanted Dante but the people in the white jackets says he doesn't exist...but i know the truth..hehe...muahahahahaha.
ON WITH THE STORY!
SUMMARY
Dante is tired of everyone complaining,of everyone coming to him, so he finally gives in to the stupidest job in the world...to defeat...the...beef jerky Sasquatch...
A man with shaggy flowing silver hair was grumblnig as he stepped over a log "why are they forests again?"he grumbled to himself dunking under a huge branch."why couldn't this thing just be on the golf course again."he stepped in something gooey and wrinkled his nose."oh what the hell...SHIT!"he snarled,moving and wiping his boots on the ground.
he pouted slightly crossing his arms."damn that beef jerky."he grumbled.
"I wonder,maybe i should have the whole beef jerky scene"he smirked amused and stepped on a branch only to have it come up and whack him between the eyes."oh fuck this"he scowled turning around grabbing Rebellion."die you freaking wood from hell!" he slashed Rebellion across slicing the limbs and sliced to hard and chopped a huge redwood down and it crashed onto him...
anyone flying above the forest would see a flattened red leather jacket underneath a huge tree and a pair of black gloved hands twitching.
suddenly the tree shot up and into the air as he snarled"I'm tired of this fucking forest, I want my pizza, I want my motorcycle damn it I MISS THE NEON SIGNS!"he cursed and just ran blindly into the forest and then magically out of nowhere...a huge brown creature stood:it was covered in muddish brown fur,matted with limbs and nuts and mud and what looked like crap, its eyes were a dark brown and it stood taller then Dante himself.
"finally I found you "he panted out of breath."I'm gonna send your ass back to that queer forest your shag rug's ass crawled out from!"
the Sasquatch turned to him and let out a roar and ran at him with incredible speed"holy shit fur boy can run." Dante blinked and side stepped,watching the Sasquatch crash head long into a tree."better him then me,damn trees"
it seemed to groan and turn around and stagger toward Dante who smirked and waved the back of his red leather jacket"toro toro!" he grinned watching it run toward him again.he side stepped again and the Sasquatch ran into a another tree making it rattle.
he fell over laughing."stupid ,come on I need to send you back to the Addams family,cousin IT!" he smirked deviously and began firing his pistols...but the fur of the Sasquatch seemed to deflect them!"what the hell...you some kinda fruity tutu witch?"he cocked an eyebrow and continued firing...before one bounced back and hit him between the eyes...he fell over into a smoking pile of...beef jerky...
he breathed a sigh of relief and sniffed it.."well fuck"he exlaimed amused."this shit smells good!"he picked up a piece from the bag and popped it in his mouth and chewed and groaned loudly."mmmm almost like pizza"he purred and he heard the sasquatch let out a yell and seemed to fall to its knees..
he frowned."whats up with you hairball?"he cocked an eyebrow taking another bite."this going against your religion? your diet? your hairstylists wishes?"he snorted and took another bite watching as the Sasquatch began to disintegrate.
Moments later Dante was standing there alone with a bag of beef jerky in his hands."well I'll be damned,sassy couldn't stand his beef jerky being eaten"he nodded in agreement."this is some good stuff too..."he glanced around and smirked"now time to get out of here." he took off in a random direction...until he came back to where he'd found the beef jerky...
"THIS DAMN FOREST FROM HELL NEVER ENDS!"was roared through the forest as the birds scattered from the trees in fear...