"Dear Diary, Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy."
"Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."
(from the episode 'Safe')
1-1-2517
Dear Diary,
Today, I wore the maroon shirt, and River did something crazy.
1-4-2517
Dear Diary,
Today, I didn't have sex with Kaylee, I wondered why Jayne looks so much like that guy who was on the X-files when it got really bad, and River did something crazy.
1-5-2517
Dear Diary,
I sat Jayne down today and told him that his feelings were natural, that all men goes through these types of phases, and that it was nothing to be ashamed of.
Oh, and River did something crazy.
1-6-2517
Dear Diary,
Today, I almost had sex with Kaylee, does that count?
And River did something crazy.
1-8-2517
Dear Diary,
Considering that it is a small ship, and noise carries, I wish Wash & Zoe wouldn't be so....vigorous. I tried to speak with Zoe about it today, but she had so much dead panning to do.
And River did something crazy.
1-11-2517
Dear Diary,
Captain backed down from a fight today, and River did something crazy.
1-12-2517
Dear Diary,
Today I wondered if maybe Inara would have sex with me..?
Oh, and River did something crazy.
1-13-2517
Dear Diary,
Why, Lord, Why does the Captain have to wear his pants so TIGHT??!?!? Today, I had to remove his testicle from his zipper...again.... and then River did something crazy.
1-14-2517
Dear Diary,
As it turns out, Inara won't have sex with me, and River's gone off and done something crazy again.
1-15-2517
Dear Diary,
Do you think maybe Zoe would have sex with me?
1-19-2517
Dear Diary,
No, Zoe won't have sex with me either as it turns out. Oh, and River did something crazy.
1-20-2517
Dear Diary,
Today, the Captain took in yet another interstellar stray, who turned out to be not entirely honest about their motives and were really after the Serenity...and then River did something crazy.
1-21-2517
Dear Diary,
I know everyone just thinks of me as the Doctor, but...do any of them really know me? Have any of them taken the time to get to know the Simon inside? Nobody really cares about my real ambitions. No one even knows that what I really want to do is DANCE!!!
Oh, and River....yeah, you know what's coming.
1-22-2517
Dear Diary,
Well, today I danced. I danced like a young lass in the bud of her youth, with the sun on her face and the wind up her skirts. I haven't felt so merry or alive since the summer in my boyhood when Uncle Patrick introduced me to his gentlemen friends.
and River did something crazy.
1-24-2517
Dear Diary,
What the hell kind of a name is 'Thegn' anyway?
1-26-2517
Dear Diary,
Have you ever noticed that every time it's supposed to be an easy job, it NEVER IS????????
And you know what else? How come River always gets to be the wacky one? Maybe I'm unbalanced too! Maybe I have feelings! Maybe I hate the cans too!!!!! I mean all I ever hear about is ....Ohhhh...River did something crazy... Simon, guess what crazy thing River did..... Look, River's gonna do something crazy....RIVER RIVER RIVER !!!!!
1-27-2517
Dear Diary,
Crazy bitch.
1-29-2517
Dear Diary,
Today, I juggled geese, and then River did something crazy.1-30-2517
Dear Diary,
Do you think maybe Jayne would have sex with me?