Author: Nirvana
Rating: PG
Category: Angst
Keyword: Camaraderie
Summary: (one-sided NaruHina. Immediately following the Sasuke Retrieval Arc). When fear and despair lent a hand, when the world seemed to crash around him and he could not support himself any longer, Naruto found solace in Hinata's arms...
Disclaimer: We all know the drill, but I must say it anyway. I do not own Naruto or any of the characters; they rightfully belong to their respective owners.
Solace
Hyuuga Hinata flinched slightly as a deafening clasp of thunder sounded around her. She paused, taking a moment to let her eyes focus on the dreary sky above her. Thick, dark storm clouds swirled and came together, white light flashed sporadically as heavy drops of water, carried by wind, streamed down her face despite the protection of her umbrella. It seemed more like the dead of night than mid afternoon. But the weather matched her sullen mood. Kurenai had canceled her only outlet, training, because of the inclement weather. Though unfortunate, it was the least of her troubles now. There were more pressing matters to attend to. With that thought in mind, Hinata trudged on through the mud, deep puddles, and pouring rain.
The young girl couldn't help but feel her mood ease up a bit as she caught sight of the familiar ramen stand, Ichiraku. She jogged the rest of the distance, pushed aside the cloth flaps and slipped into a stool at the end of the table. Like she had hoped, no one else was there except for her and the cook. She enjoyed the short lived silence, letting the delicious aroma of ramen fill her lungs and warm her soul. It was no wonder he adored it so much.
"Hyuuga-sama," Teuchi spoke quietly, pulling her away from her thoughts. "Good afternoon."
She smiled sadly. It was an honorific she had not earned. "I prefer Hinata, Teuchi-san. If you don't mind."
He returned her smile. "What can I get for you?"
"May I have two orders of miso ramen? To go, please."
"Coming right up!"
Teuchi hadn't considered any villager would dare wander into his stand in such weather. He didn't even know why he'd opened shop today. But he quickly got to work, gathering together all the necessary supplies and ingredients to create what was considered the greatest ramen dish in Konohagakure. To break the silence, he attempted to rouse Hinata into conversation.
"If you don't mind me asking, Hyuu-" he caught himself and corrected his statement, "Hinata-sama. But how will you get home? It doesn't seem like the rain will be letting up anytime soon."
Hinata nodded, watching closely as he kneaded the dough, feeling her soaked clothes cling her chilled skin. "You're right," she agreed. "But I'll manage somehow. I have an umbrella. Besides, I...I was planning on visiting a-" she stopped, considering her words. She didn't want to say 'friend' if there was a chance he didn't think of her as such. She decided on another phrase. "A comrade."
Her gaze dropped to her hands and she studied them for a long time. Small, pale, and calloused. Hinata wanted to lie to herself and say it was from rigorous training. But in fact, her hardened skin came from years of constantly falling and failing, using her palms as support, defeated every time during battle, real or otherwise.
"What's wrong with your comrade?" Teuchi eyed the bubbling miso broth carefully, turning the dial back on his stove to lessen the roaring flame.
Hinata frowned, her mood suddenly worsened. "I'm afraid he hasn't been himself lately."
-
Tsunade carefully read through the detailed medical record, nodding every so often to herself. All the written information appeared to be in order. The only thing that remained was her personal signature on the release forms. Eventually, she turned her attention to her patient and watched as his blue eyes clouded over in deep thought, his shoulders heave forward while a frown settled on his lips. Her fingers itched to touch him and she blamed it on the sisterly instinct. After all, she did once have a younger brother about Naruto's age.
"All right, Naruto. You're free to go." Then Tsunade suddenly remembered something, rummaging through her pocket. "Here. I almost forgot to give this to you."
Naruto slowly took it from her hand, already knowing what lay folded inside. But he opened the envelope anyway and began to read its contents.
Mission Number: 0000128345
Mission Type: A-rank
Mission Objectives: A.) Retrieve Uchiha Sasuke. B.) Eliminate potential enemies and enemy threats
Coalition: Nara Shikamaru Rank: Chuunin -Appointed Leader
Uzumaki Naruto Rank: Genin
Akimichi Chouji Rank: Genin
Inuzuka Kiba Rank: Genin
Hyuuga Neji Rank: Genin
Mission Status: FAILED
There was more, so much more. The mission report had required extensive debriefing from each of them to the Hokage, every single decision, action, consequence, and their ultimate failure retold with meticulous detail. But Naruto couldn't bear to read the rest. He knew these reports were for personal records, knew it was all protocol and regulation. For him, however, it only served as a constant reminder of the guilt that weighed on his conscience and the anger that burned in his eyes.
Failure loved to mock him at every turn.
Naruto was more than eager to get home. The longer he remained in the hospital, the quicker his visitors dwindled until his only company was dead flowers and get well soon cards. Though he craved solitude, he desperately wanted to see Sakura. But she had taken the necessary measures to avoid him. Against the warnings of Tsunade and other medic-nins, he'd frequently left his hospital bed to wander the streets of Konoha, hoping to catch just a glimpse of her. However, his searching was in vain. Sakura did not want to be found and it wasn't until now that Naruto realized he was truly alone in his suffering. The single person who could understand how he felt had abandoned him. Inwardly, he smiled sadly. Nothing really changed.
He stepped out of the hospital and was greeted by the heavy rain but somehow found it appropriate. He started to walk but was caught off guard when he noticed his reflection in a large puddle. Naruto stared, loathed what he saw, and attempted to promptly take care of the problem when his sandaled foot splashed violently into the murky water. It only fueled his rage as he watched his rippled reflection glare disdainfully back at him.
Before Naruto knew it, the report was shredded to pieces and tossed away, drifting like confetti to the muddy ground. Why? Why did he fail at everything? Sakura, the only girl he would gladly go to hell and back for, begged and pleaded and cried for Sasuke's return. Begged him to bring Sasuke back because she believed he was the only one able to.
But he didn't.
He couldn't.
He failed.
Naruto stared down at his shaking hands, at his distorted reflection in the puddle. "So what does that make me? Why was I not enough?" His hands balled into fists. "Why couldn't I save you, Sasuke?"
-
Quietly, gradually, Hinata could feel her resolve diminishing as she neared Konoha hospital. It wasn't too late for her to turn around and return home. She knew Shino was making a visit to the hospital today. Maybe if she gave him the ramen, he could deliver it to Naruto for her. But that would defeat the purpose of what she was about to do. She wanted to give the ramen to him herself, though the idea of it was absolutely ridiculous. She couldn't even stand to be in the same room with Naruto, let alone talk to him. Courage was not her forte so what made this situation any different? Why go to him now?
Hinata sighed quietly, settling on making her final decision once she reached the hospital doors. If she backed down then, she could at least say she made it that far. But that idea quickly abandoned her as she rounded a corner, bumping roughly into another body. Her umbrella slipped from her grasp as she closed her eyes, expecting to hit the ground with a not so delicate thud until she felt strong hands grasping her arms.
Hesitantly, Hinata opened her eyes and soon regretted it. She couldn't breath. She was drowning in blue eyes. "N-Naruto-kun..."
Naruto scrutinized her, watched as the telltale blush rushed to her cheeks. She was trembling. "Hinata."
"N-Naruto-k-kun," she stuttered out. "How-?"
"What are you doing out here?" He noticed the coldness in his voice and how she visibly recoiled. But he couldn't bring himself to apologize, let alone care.
Hinata, on the other hand, couldn't agree with him more. What was she doing here? It was quite clear Naruto did not need any company, least of all hers. But nonetheless, gingerly, she held up the bag in her hands, almost like a peace offering.
"I thought you might want something to eat."
Naruto caught the whiff of ramen as he finally let her go, reaching down to retrieve her umbrella. "I'm not hungry." He handed her the umbrella and without waiting for a response, started for his apartment once more.
Hinata watched him leave, feeling her chest tighten painfully. That was it. Her only opportunity to actually talk to Naruto alone, to make him realize she existed, was gone in a blink of an eye. She raised her hand to him, hoping he would somehow magically stop and come back to her. But he kept going, walking farther and farther away. He always walked away from her, oblivious of and immune to the adoring looks she cast his way. This time was no different. So why? Why did it feel like this was the last time she would ever see him?
Naruto suddenly stopped, realizing something. "Hinata," he whispered gently. "You were going to the hospital."
She found her voice but could not keep the stammer at bay. "H-Hai."
"To...visit me?"
"H-Hai."
"Why?"
The inquiry was innocent enough but to Hinata, it felt like the most difficult question she'd ever have to answer. Though he could not see it, slowly but surely, she graced him with a tiny smile. "We're comrades, aren't we?"
She didn't know why but she was expecting Naruto to scoff at her. Instead, Hinata saw the flash of blue as he glanced back her, knowing somehow he was thinking, debating, considering, and then, "I'm going home. Would you...like to walk with me?"
She followed him without another thought, sharing her umbrella with him as they started the long trek to his home. Hinata wasn't expecting Naruto to be his usually animated self. Anyone who was someone had heard about the unsuccessful mission, her own source of information coming from Kiba. But she wasn't prepared for this overbearing silence. Naruto was always the initiator in their sweet, if not brief, encounters. But now, the situation was different. Now, she didn't know what to do, she didn't know what to say. So Hinata just walked beside Naruto and listened to their steady footsteps and the heavy pitter-patter of the rain.
Furtively, one of the few things Hinata prided herself on was manners. All her life she had been reared severely on every aspect of politeness. She knew staring was absolutely rude. She could even imagine her father reprimanding her for such an audacity. But she couldn't help herself as her gaze drifted over Naruto's face, his eyes, his hair, and his lips. Hinata's heart ached for him. He didn't deserve this kind of misery. But she had taken into consideration she may never be this close to him again. So why not take advantage and stare to her heart's content?
"A-Ano...I know you s-said you aren't hungry but I-I bought some miso ramen from Ichiraku. If I'm not m-mistaken, that's your favorite." She kept her attention on the ground. It was easier to talk to him if she didn't have to face him. "Maybe y-you can save it for l-later?"
When Naruto did not answer, Hinata fell silent, almost regretting accepting his invitation. The only thing she was accomplishing was intruding on his time of private mourning.
Naruto, on the other hand, had fallen into his own little world, blind to everything around him. The crash of thunder echoing, his drenched clothing, and the warmth of another body so close to his were distant things. He should have been doing something with himself. Training, venting, searching for Sasuke, anything except going home to sleep and wallow in his self-pity. But he couldn't help it. He couldn't! Sasuke was his rival, his comrade, his friend. Comrades helped comrades. Simple as that. But he let Sasuke get away, slip through his very fingers the moment unconsciousness claimed him in their final confrontation.
Despite the rain, Naruto could still smell Sasuke's blood on his clothes, on his hands.
However, he still had a promise to keep. He still had a facade to maintain. But...he didn't want to pretend he was happy when he wasn't. He didn't want to have hope when he couldn't. What he wanted was to be angry, for Sakura to talk to him, for everything to be like before, for that bastard to come home-!
"Naruto-kun," Hinata murmured. "Your hand."
He discreetly opened his right hand, just catching a final glimpse of dissolving claws as his anger subsided. He watched the blood stream down his fingers. "It's nothing."
Naruto could hear Sakura crying to him. Bring Sasuke-kun back! Bring Sasuke-kun back! She loved him so much. He wondered if anyone would love him like she did Sasuke.
"You're bleeding."
Sasuke was laughing at him, taunting him. Everyone one was. Failure! Coward! Monster!
"I'm fine. It's nothing."
You're nothing! You're nothing! Filthy, nasty, demon!
"I have medicine. It'll only take me a minute to find it."
You fail! You always fail! Weak coward! Foolish demon! Liar! Liar!
Naruto didn't know when exactly he and Hinata reached the hallway leading to his apartment. He didn't know when Hinata had finally given up her search for her medicine. He didn't even know why he could still feel liquid spilling down his cheeks when they were both sheltered from the rain. What Naruto did know, what he felt, was the warmth of Hinata's body before anything else. His hand shot out, catching her extended wrist before she could touch him. Even in the dimness of the corridor, he studied those small, pale fingers for a long time. Then finally, Naruto stared into her eyes. Hinata was shaking again but now, he knew it was because of him.
What was only a few moments, passed by like an eternity before he gently pulled her wrist forward, bringing her hand to rest against his wet cheek. Instinctively, Naruto licked at his lips and tasted the sweetness of the rain and the salt of his tears. It was so strange. He couldn't remember when he started to cry. But for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to stop.
Hinata's very tiny fingertips brushed over his trembling lips as Naruto let his head fall against the crook of her neck. Unable to support them both, she pitched back and brought him with her, their bodies leaning heavily on his front door, the aged wood groaning in protest under their combined weight. She froze up, wondering if this was real or if her imagination had created this fantasy. Either way, it really didn't matter to her. What mattered was that she was here. With Naruto. Comrades helped comrades. Simple as that.
Carefully, Hinata dropped the bag of ramen before wrapping her hands around his torso, wet clothing clinging to wet clothing as she brought her hands to rest on his back and the nape of his neck. She released a barely audible gasp when Naruto quickly latched onto her, holding her as close as possible when the first sob shook his body. Then another and another.
She was shaking again, her heart hammering against her chest. Every delicate touch of comfort and reassurance she offered to Naruto hurt. Feeling his tears burn on her skin and listening to his weeping and hitched breaths, was like a knife being shoved and twisted inside of her. Relief. Remorse. Sympathy. All these emotions and much more clashed for dominance in Hinata as her own eyes began to pool with tears. She had realized something: Naruto needed this just as much as she did. She was no stranger to bottling up her emotions. She knew, in the end, it always came down to some type of emotional breakdown. And Naruto...he was always alone. She was probably the first person to witness this and Hinata wondered, was it like this for Naruto? When fear and despair lent a hand? When the world seemed to crash around him and he could not support himself any longer? If so, why? Why did he have to carry his burdens alone? Why did he have to hide behind his smile?
As for Hinata, she didn't want to put on her mask just yet. She loved this courage Naruto always cast upon her, the bravery he bestowed because the old Hinata would never hold Naruto this tightly, never let her fingers comb through his hair or trace the markings on his whiskered cheeks. Never, ever under normal circumstances. It was a completely new feeling and Hinata cherished every second of it. And for an instant, she felt like she'd been ripped from her old body and shoved into another. But whoever this new person was, Hinata so desperately wanted to be her.
She could feel Naruto's heated breath in her ear as he choked on his words. "I-I d-don't understand! W-Why couldn't I-I bring him h-home?! Why wasn't I-I s-strong enough?! She...she w-was d-depending on m-me! I-I let h-her d-down." He gripped at her tighter, his eyes squeezing shut. "Hinata, I-I l-let everyone d-down. I f-fail! I-I always f-fail!"
For a second, she would have gladly confessed everything to him. Naruto was so many wonderful things but most of all, he was such an inspiration and didn't even realize it. But Hinata wisely chose not to speak, deciding it was best for him to just let it all out. She smiled wistfully, sudden memories flinging her to the past. Hanabi, her dear sister, had been like this when she was much younger, secretly crying to herself after every harsh training session she had with their father. Hinata would always stumble upon her, take the little girl in her arms and hold her until she fell asleep. It was the only bonding she and her sister ever did, a silent pact kept between two siblings. But that was years ago. Hanabi no longer cried and Hinata was no longer her solace.
But maybe she could be Naruto's.
If only for this moment.
Author's Notes: Yay! Finished! This is my first one-shot and I'm really happy about the way it turned out. I don't know where this came from but I feel like it's emotional and romantic enough without it being OOC. I wanted to stay true to the characters. Anyway, thank you for reading. Please feel free to leave a review with a comment, suggestion, inquiry, or whatever fits your fancy.
Also, I'm looking for an experienced, willing, and unbiased beta reader. For the past few months, I've been writing a Naruto ficlet and I would love to have someone else's critique and opinion. If anyone is interested, please leave your e-mail address or a link to your page so I get in contact with you. Thanks very much!