Heaven
Summary: I knew the only way I was going to figure anything out was if I saw you…
Author's Note: I was listening to 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls and I started to type…and this is what came out. I hope you like it, reviews are very much appreciated!
Disclaimer: Well, they were on my Christmas List…but they weren't under the tree…maybe next year!
She sat on his front porch, her cheeks pink with cold and her hair dusted with a sprinkling of snowflakes. The sun was sinking and the winter sky was colored shades of pink, casting her in a rosy hue. As he slowly walked along the cracked sidewalk, all he could think was 'beautiful.' She looked like something out of a painting, like some sort of fallen angel.
She didn't notice him right away. She was looking at her feet, watching the tears dripping from her cheeks onto her boots. She sighed and lifted her head, brushing away her tears. She noticed him then and took a deep breath.
"Hey," was all she said, looking anywhere but at him, He stopped before the steps, saying nothing. The silence was awkward and to be honest, he wanted nothing more than to walk right past her and disappear into his house, leaving her behind.
"I didn't know where to go…I got in the car…and this was where I wound up." She finally looked at him then, her mismatched eyes full of tears.
He sat beside her on the cold steps, and in a fit of insanity, put his arm around her. She fell against him, sobbing into his jacket and he slid both arms around her slim body, holding her close.
"Why don't we go inside, it's getting dark and its freezing," he murmured after a several minutes.
She nodded and wiped her eyes. They stood up and he went to unlock the door.
He went to grab some beers and she sank onto his couch, suddenly exhausted from the entire day.
They drank their beers in silence, and she finally found her voice in the bottom of the brown bottle.
"I walked down the isle toward him and instead of being happy, I felt like I was going to cry with frustration. I saw my entire life like it had already been lived, like I had no choice in what my future would bring. All I could think was that I was going to become my mother the moment I said 'I do.' As much as everyone seems to think that's all I could ever be…I know it's not…you always said I could be so much more."
"It's true; you could be anything you want to be."
She smiled, taking a gulp from her bottle. "Who are you, and where is the bastard that you usually are?"
He looked at her, unable to do anything but be honest with her for the first time in ages. "I don't know…I'm tired of being that guy. I can't be a bastard if you aren't the superficial bitch."
She nodded, "I'm tired of always being the spoiled brat. When I was walking to the altar, that was my future, who I was always going to be. The worst part was, I knew he'd let me. I knew he'd never ask me to be more. That's why I ran. I just turned around and left."
He felt a surge of pride for the woman beside him. She had grown so much from the girl she'd been when they'd first kissed on the hood of her daddy's Lincoln, from that girl he couldn't keep his hands off during that long summer. She'd become a woman during their two years, but when it had ended, she'd lost herself. She went back to the girl she'd been before, a girl she didn't want to be.
It was that girl, the one he didn't know anymore, that he left behind. He'd moved to Chicago two years ago and opened a new Grooves store in the heart of the city. It had taken only half a year for him to lose touch with his old friends. They had their own lives, and he wasn't a part of it anymore. His surrogate mother had called him last week, out of the blue, and had spent almost two hours catching him up on the lives of his former friends. She'd said she missed him and wished he would come home for a visit. He'd said he couldn't, of course, but he'd hung up with a smile, secretly glad to hear from someone who cared.
He hadn't been too surprised when he'd heard his former girlfriend was marrying her foreign boyfriend of two years. He was surprised it had taken that long; she was never one to want to wait for a commitment.
She shifted beside him on the sofa, interrupting his inner thoughts. "I ran all the way to the apartment, grabbed some clothes, got in the car and headed to Chicago. I knew you were here and I knew the only way I was going to figure anything out was if I saw you…"
She trailed off, and turned to him. He wasn't sure what she wanted from him, wasn't sure what her coming here even meant, but he knew that this was another chance to fix what had broken between them.
He decided not to hold back. "I was going to propose. When I went to see you in Chicago, I had a ring in my pocket and a speech in my head. But…I got there… and everything happened…and I all I could think was I was never going to be good enough for you. I went to Vegas, got trashed and got married to a stripper who I didn't even know."
He paused, and she slid her hand into his. He looked at their joined fingers and gathered up some courage. It was time to be real, to give her the honesty and truth he'd denied her for so long.
"I didn't love her, hell, I barely liked her. I only stayed with her to hurt you; I wanted you to know what I felt that night in your motel room. I was such an asshole to you…you didn't deserve that. But…god, by the time I figured things out, it was too late. You were happy…without me…and I knew it'd be ok if I left, you were going to be fine."
They were both silent for a few moments. She looked out the window, watching the snow fall to the ground, coating everything in pure white crystals.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me this two years ago?"
"I'm a dumbass…and I was stubborn…I don't know. I guess I needed to grow up."
She laughed, "I think we both did."
She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face, she felt free and alive for the first time in ages. He smiled at her and they grinned at each other like fools for a few moments. Then, the moment grew serious, her grin faded and her heart began to pound. He brushed a strand of hair from her eyes and leaned closer, brushing his lips against hers.
They pulled apart after a few moments, both of them reeling from the release of over two years of pent up emotion.
"This is crazy," she murmured, breathlessly, "I feel like I'm sixteen again."
"Me too…I couldn't stay away from you that summer."
They kissed again, spending several minutes reliving that first summer make-out.
She pulled away, and took a ragged breath, "I still have feelings for you, in fact, I don't think they ever went away. I tried so hard to bury them, but when I walked down the isle…I realized he wasn't the one…you are, you always were, from the moment I met you at six years old."
He was stunned, "I'm not good with words or feelings…but…you know I love you. You were the first and only girl I ever said that to, and I meant it with all my heart. I think…I think we could make this work. I know it's going to be hard, but I think we're finally ready."
She nodded in agreement, "I'm ready to try. I want to be with you, I've been wanting to be with you…it just took a walk down the isle toward the wrong man for me to see it."
He kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her. She snuggled closer, feeling safe and content.
"I wish we could've figured all of this out years ago…it would've saved everyone a lot of pain," she said, quietly, thinking of her former fiancée.
"I know, but what's done is done. Everything is going to be fine…now that we're together, nothing is going to tear us apart again. I promise."
And he meant it, with all his heart.