Word count: 2713
Written with the prompts:
Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition:
Mod Head!Canon: Sirius' first love at Hogwarts was Alice.
(song) Toxic - Britney Spears
(word) Piano
(color) Dusty Pink
Fairytale Challenge:
(Fairytale) The Steadfast Tin Soldier
(word) Seraphic
(dialogue) "We were always meant to fall apart"
Versatility Challenge:
100 Characters: Alice Fortescue
Special thanks to Sunne, Mal, Tiggs, and Arty for beta'ing!
First year.
It was a lazy summer afternoon, rare for September. So, the Gryffindor girls had linked arms and gone down to the lake. They wanted to enjoy the last warm rays of the sun before the chill set in, and they'd have to trade in floral dresses for thick jackets. They had found a nice place to settle near the lake by a tree. Lily hadn't gone with them, saying she had to spend time with the surly Severus guy from Slytherin.
They had been picking flowers earlier and were now busy tying them together to make flower crowns and bracelets.
A smile stretched across Alice's lips as she laid down on her back to look up at the clouds. There were barely any, but she entertained herself by trying to see what they reminded her of. When Hestia laid down next to her, she whispered to her friend, "That one looks like the cake I made this summer." The cloud in question was just a sad little lump that looked more like some kind of puddle than a cake.
Alice giggled and pointed to another one. "That one looks like my cauldron after our last potions lesson."
Hestia guffawed in a very unladylike manner, drawing the attention of Marlene and Mary, who were still braiding flowers in each other's hair. They had already finished with Hestia and Alice, who had tried to help them in return but had failed miserably.
"What?" Marlene asked, a smile tugging at her lips.
"The clouds seem to point to our flawed past," Hestia said.
Mary rolled her eyes. "Divination? Can't you wait with that nonsense until we actually have the class?"
"Planning on enrolling?" Marlene teased Mary, who stuttered at first, then huffed and tugged on one of Marlene's curls.
"Ow," Marlene said.
"I am quite good at palm reading," Hestia said, to everyone's surprise.
"Can you do me?" Alice asked.
"Sure."
The girls rearranged themselves to sit in a circle of sorts, the radio they had brought still going on in the background. Alice offered her left hand to Hestia, who started to inspect her palm.
"You will fall in love with a dark and dangerous man," Hestia said.
Marlene interjected, "What, like Severus Snape?"
Mary laughed. "I think Lily would kill her."
"Ew, a Slytherin?" Alice said.
"How about a Gryffindor?" Hestia said and indicated to a boy standing by the lake.
Alice looked over to see Sirius Black standing by the water's edge, throwing rocks in. "Sirius?" When she looked back to the girls, she noticed the way they were looking at her. Had her voice betrayed her?
"Do you like Sirius, Alice?" Marlene asked wide-eyed, the other girls hanging onto her every word.
"No," she said meekly.
Marlene just raised an eyebrow in return.
"He is sort of dangerous and exciting," Alice mumbled. The rest of the girls started to giggle.
A new song came on, and Mary exclaimed, "I love this song!" She dragged the rest of the flower covered girls up to dance.
Black.
A family alive for centuries, all of the same mold, all in Slytherin.
Then came Sirius Orion Black.
Muggles would jokingly say, "God broke the mold when he made me." When Sirius first heard that, he wondered if he hadn't broken the mold. But that wasn't true, was it? It was just that there was a part of him missing—he didn't have the madness or conviction to the cause he saw in his parents and cousins.
The Blacks were champions of the pureblood—ancient and noble—brilliant and shining like stars, which was why they were named after them. His family had always looked down upon others, but Sirius hadn't.
Different.
So the Howlers from his mom would remind him.
He continued throwing pebbles into the water, angry at the Howler he had received that morning. Yet, he knew he had never belonged to their ranks.
He looked over to where the Gryffindor girls were sitting, laughing, and tying flowers together by the lake. They were in dresses, flowery things fluttering around them as they danced to the music from the wireless. Only one girl sat still.
Alice—in a pink dress, not floral like the other girls'—was leaning against the tree, a smile tugging at her lips while shadows from the leaves danced across her face. Yet, her eyes looked sad, like there was a part of her missing, just like a part of Sirius was.
Their eyes met, and Sirius blushed and looked away, pretending he had never looked. Instead, he threw another rock in the lake.
When he looked again, the music had changed to a piano piece, and the girls were making Alice dance for them. Apparently she had just been shy before, but now the girls had managed to convince her. As she danced, she looked like an elegant swan—much like one that once bit his younger brother. She twirled and leaped, a skilled ballerina in her element. Combined with the flowers in her hair, she looked like an angel sent from above. There was also a blue ribbon in her hair, which caught in the wind as she danced and flew to land by Sirius' feet. She hadn't noticed, which was lucky for him, for he would cherish it from that day forward. The blue ribbon that came from the beautiful ballerina.
In the glimmer of sunlight, Sirius Orion Black fell in love.
Fifth year.
The moment Alice arrived in the hallway, Sirius kissed her.
She tasted like addiction and strawberries. He never wanted to stop kissing her, to be without the taste of those lips. He felt like he was riding on a tide of emotions when he was kissing her. It was so strange for the pink ballerina to want to be with a dangerous, leather-wearing guy from a dark family. He was falling for her, fast.
His fingers skimmed her jawline and came to rest in her hair at the nape of her neck. She stopped him and pulled away a fraction. He wanted another hit of her poison paradise, but respected her enough to stop when she wanted and let his arms fall to his side. When she stepped away and looked to the side, Sirius could feel his heart sinking.
"What's wrong, Alice?" He resisted stepping closer to hold her in his arms again. The way she curled into herself reminded him of a wounded animal that he needed to protect.
"I can't do this anymore," she said in a voice so low he barely caught it.
"Why?"
Her eyes met his again, and for a second, he thought she might change her mind, but then a tear slipped down her cheek.
"We were always meant to fall apart."
"Don't say that."
"You're toxic."
There it was, his biggest fear. His hand combed through his hair, almost as if answer frustrated him. The truth was, he had to hide his face so she wouldn't see the tears threatening to fall.
"That's it, then?" He knew she wouldn't respond because it wasn't a question meant to be answered. "After everything, that's what you leave me with?"
"Did you really think it would end differently?" She sounded angry, so he chanced another look at her. Her fist was clenched at her side, the other wiping away the tears that kept falling.
For a second, he contemplated telling her about the future he saw—where she had a son, his son, and they were living in a house filled with laughter. He had imagined a future that was everything he had wanted as a kid, but, without her, his future would narrow down to motorbikes and going out with the lads.
She seemed resolved as if nothing could ever change her mind, so he didn't try.
"I guess not," he finally answered.
To his surprise, she looked startled. Then the resolve came back, and she ran off, leaving Sirius alone in the corridor. He walked over to the window and looked up at the stars, easily finding the one he got his name from.
Why were the Blacks named after the stars, he wondered. Then he thought, maybe a star could only shine brightly when they were left alone in the darkness.
Seventh year.
The seventh year Gryffindors were all sitting together by the fireplace. It was getting late, but it was the day before Christmas holidays, and everyone wanted to stay together for as long as possible. They had been asking each other about their years at Hogwarts. Silly things, like their most embarrassing moment or what teacher they disliked the most. The latest was one they seemed to have been gearing up to all night, everyone apprehensive about answering that particular question.
"So, Sirius, who was your first crush?" Lily asked, leaning into James.
"My first crush was Alice," he mumbled, a faint tinge of pink spreading across his cheeks.
"Me?" Alice asked.
"Yeah."
"Why?" she blurted out, and Marlene laughed at her.
"It was the beginning of our first year. You four—" He pointed to all the Gryffindor girls except Lily. "—were out dancing by the lake. I remember you wore this bright pink-"
"Dusty pink." She cut him off.
"What?"
"The dress, it was dusty pink."
"There's a difference?"
"Yes, Sirius, there is."
The other girls laughed at him. Boys.
"Fine." He smiled at her. "You were wearing a dusty pink dress, and you danced to this song—"
"Norwegian Dance," she interrupted again.
"Do you wanna tell the story?"
She blushed then. "No, I just thought you wanted to know."
They shared a brief look before he continued. "You looked so beautiful. I've never seen anyone dance like that."
There was an awkward pause as the two stared at each other. The rest of the room seemed to blur while he remembered kisses shared in dark hallways.
"So innocent," Marlene teased him.
Then he ruined the moment by saying, "You gotta admit, the kisses between us were anything but innocent."
"Sirius!" she exclaimed and threw a pillow at him. He dodged it and winked at her.
Frank entered the room and sat next to his girlfriend, he noticed the weird atmosphere in the room. "What?" he asked.
"Nothing!" they all chorused.
Alice leaned into the comfort of her boyfriend—her perfect boyfriend that was everything she had ever wished for. She was so caught up in the bliss of his scent, warmth, and strong muscles, she missed the mournful look Sirius sent her. Frank smiled down at her in that heart-melting way, and the rest of the room disappeared.
"Alice?"
She turned to find Hestia looking at her, clearly having called her name several times. As she blushed and looked away, she finally saw Sirius looking like a kicked puppy, and, of course, it was directed at her.
It hurt, but then she reminded herself that she wasn't responsible for his happiness. She could only be responsible for her own. When Frank squeezed her shoulder, she thought maybe she could help make Frank happy too.
"Yeah?" she answered Hestia, distracted by less than angelic thoughts about Frank.
"Who was your first crush, then?"
She thought of the ride to Hogwarts, and a boy who stumbled into her cabin by accident. He had been following a chocolate frog from the cabin next-door, but when he saw her, he had passed the frog on the floor to tell her how he would not give up on catching it. A hero unlike any other, he had said.
"Frank," she said and looked into those deep brown eyes again. If she had only realized he returned her feelings before, she could have spent all those years in these strong arms that embraced her now.
Unknown to her, when Sirius returned to his dorm that night, he couldn't help but dig out the blue ribbon she had lost on that summer's day. In all the years between then and now, she hadn't spared it a second thought.
Azkaban, 1981
In the glimmer of sunlight, he heard the news about her. From between the bars on his window, the sun peeked out from behind the clouds that usually gathered around the Dementors. They rarely got sunlight in prison. It felt like another part of the punishment to bereave him of everything that could bring happiness to his cold heart. He didn't think they needed to bother.
When James and Lily died, he thought he could live for Harry, give up everything he was to take care of the adorable toddler. When he was denied that, he wanted revenge, but the rat managed to foil his plans, and he found himself in this hellhole.
His last, brittle hold on sanity had been the knowledge of Alice being safe and happy. Then Bellatrix had used that Black family madness and turned it against his perfect ballerina. Insane, that's what they said Alice had become.
Perfection burned away to leave charred remains.
Is it insanity when you have everything stolen from you—-every single memory destroyed? He wondered for a split second if Alice hadn't gotten the better deal of the two. She had forgotten every moment with her friends. It wouldn't haunt her like they haunted him.
If he hadn't—
It was useless, how could he protect her? He was a sad, miserable excuse of a human being.
He couldn't protect any of them.
He couldn't protect Peter from the Death Eaters.
He couldn't protect Remus from himself.
He couldn't protect James and Lily from Voldemort.
He couldn't protect her, Alice, from his own cousin!
Useless.
A tin soldier missing a vital piece even before Azkaban and the Dementors would hollow out the rest of him.
There was no escape. He was too high up in the prison to get away. Worse than that, though, there was no escape from the thoughts he was faced with, thoughts that would probably haunt him until the day he died. He was losing his head to the madness.
St. Mungo's, Christmas, 1995
While everyone had gone to check up on Arthur after the attack, Sirius snuck off to see Alice.
She was wearing pink—dusty pink, he corrected himself. As she looked out the window, she reminded him of the girl he had once fallen in love with—a seraphic beauty outside of time and space.
"Alice." His voice was barely above a whisper, but she still heard. She turned towards him, and he was faced with her glassy eyes and emotionless face. There was nothing angelic about a girl without a mind.
She stood up from the bed, ignored her husband, and walked over to Sirius.
When they were close, he thought she would kiss him again—like one of those stolen kisses before she and Frank had become exclusive. Toxic, she had described them.
"You're toxic, Sirius."
He had closed his eyes in anticipation of the kiss and thought she had said it then. As he opened his eyes again, he saw her just staring at him with that vacant, slack-jawed look. Then she surprised him by twirling on the spot like she was trying to Apparate, but couldn't.
No kiss, no words, just a haunted memory burning away to be replaced by this version of her.
He should never have come. It was a mistake to believe his presence could bring back a part of her that was lost because of the dark bald fool.
He closed his eyes again, willing those terrible tears away. He had shed enough in Azkaban, enough to last him a lifetime.
He fled, never looking back at the girl that should have stayed in his memories as a ballerina by the lake.
Department of Mysteries, 1996
The colors of that strange doorway reminded him of something, but he couldn't remember what. Blue, soft, cold, his mind ran through possibilities as he continued to duel.
He didn't even notice calling Harry by James' name.
Green light hit him, a laugh on his lips.
He fell back and the similarity finally clicked.
Blue silk, like a ribbon flowing through the air.
Death captured him like the dying embers that had once been the flame intoxicating their love. The veil would take his soul, but his heart would forever remain with the charred mind of a ballerina.