Author's Note: My first Holby fanfic! Eek! It's Jac & Joseph, although I like to think that it's largely a story about the friendship. That may not show in this chapter, but hopefully will later on.

I love this couple, and this show, so it made sense I guess!

Don't you hate waking up to an incessant beeping next to your head? It's right in my ear, louder than it usually seems. It's usually only this loud if I'm hungover, but I didn't drink anything last night.

I haven't actually drunk anything in a while. I don't trust myself. It wouldn't be drinking for enjoyment, it'd be drinking to 'take my mind off things' and that's when it gets dangerous. It wouldn't take my mind off things anyway. It's not easy to forget.

I take 2 more painkillers than I should as I'm getting ready, and completely rush the morning ritual. Getting dressed takes longer than it should and I get nauseous as I brush my teeth. My visions a little blurry, meaning it takes me fifteen minutes to find my keys and phone. My bag feels heavy, and my hands shake as I try to fasten my coat. I try to brush it off, tell myself that this is normal. After all, I've only been awake for half an hour.

Traffic. Great. Who doesn't just love a traffic jam? Even better is a traffic jam when you have to be at work in five minutes. I pick up my phone to call in. Vision's better and my hands not shaking any more, that's good news.

"Darwin"

"Joseph? It's Jac. I'm ten minutes away, and stuck in traffic, so I'm gonna be late. Thought I should call in and tell you." I hang up without giving him the chance to say anything. Just the sound of his voice makes me hurt, as much as I hate to admit it. But, lucky me, being stuck in traffic gives me a lot of oppurtunity to think about all the things I want to ignore. Like him. I want to ignore him. Actually no, I want him around, it's her I want to ignore.

I try to convince myself that it's more than jealousy. It's not that he's not with me, but more that he is with her. He can convince himself that he doesn't love me as much as he wants, but we both know he does. But that's not my point. My point is that, she's worse for him than I am. I've made my mistake, I lost him once and I never would again.

Everybody thinks that my relationship with Joseph was simple. Everyone else's interpretation is: Jac knew Joseph was a Byrne. Jac starts relationship with Joseph, but it's not helpful, so she moves on. I've always let everyone believe that, but it's not necessarily true.

It's more like this: Joseph was my friend, and I really did care for him. As a friend. So when I realised he could maybe be helpful, I figured that I could make this friendship become more. But when I actually fell for him, it terrified me. I needed a way to end it. Immediately and indefinitely. Joseph's father was the perfect opportunity, and if he could help me career-wise, why not?

I didn't seem to remember that Joseph really was a good friend, and I needed him more than I'd care to think. I still do.

I know I'm not exactly one to talk, but Faye really is like poison when it comes to Joseph. Somehow, he seems to have conveniently forgotten the two dead husbands. Actually, I think he remembers. He remembers it all, he knows why I don't trust her. He sees the way she is with Linden, keeps it in the back of his mind that he has wealth where she doesn't, reminds himself of the very sick child involved. Yet he seems to see these as endearing human qualities. Something he strugggles to see in me.

Or struggled. I think he sees it now. No, I know he sees it now. He sees that I've changed my attitude. Towards him at least. He sees that he means more to me now than he ever has. He's realised that my feelings for him are genuine, and he's realised that I no longer feel the need to lie to him, or manipulate him. I think he's starting to see me as human again. I hope so.

I've somehow managed to drive to work. I don't remember the traffic moving, and I don't remember anything that just happened. It's been twenty minutes since I called and spoke to Joseph. Have I been thinking about him this whole time? Damn.

The ride up in the lift seems longer than usual. I've always had a slight fear of lifts. Really, it's just a big metal box being pulled up by... what? A wire? Doesn't seem entirely safe to me.

The doors drag themselves open and I see him, standing at the nurse's station biting his nails. He sees me and walks over to me. If walk is even the word. He's quick. He seems nervous. After staring at me for a few seconds, he grabs my elbow and pulls me aside, telling me he needs to speak to me. Urgently.

Now, a million possibilties are running through my head. What could make him so nervous? And why does he need to speak to me?

AN: If you liked, review. If you didn't, review but don't be too mean. Please?
I'm only going to carry it on if people review, otherwise it's kind of pointless. No feedback: No improvement.