Warning: Very strong language and attempted suicide
Don't let it fool you the fluff is everywhere, and Tony has a bad mouth.
He was flying. Soaring through the air. Arms wide out, hair wind blown, eyes watering slightly. Above him was a clear sky. Bright blue with only small, cotton-like clouds. The sun was shining brilliantly, loudly to his sensitive eyes. Slight shivers ran up his spine as wind blew past exposed skin. Hastening air pulling at the scabs on his lightly tanned skin, a dull sting burning into his nerves.
A small, warm, trickle of blood running quickly up his arm, his neck, his ankles. Warmed flannel pressed up against his back. A distinct lack of the dog tags he usually wore sending a sharp stab of pain through his chest, remembering just where they were. This was bad...no...this was better…
It had seemed to take forever. To take that last step. The shining edge offering all that he needed, easily. His head screaming at him. His body wearing down despite all odds. His smile betraying the people closest to him. Forcing his hands not to shake as he gave away his heart.
I'm sorry? I'm not sure. I want to say you're welcome. You can remember me if you want to, but I know that this is better. You're better. It's okay. It's good. It will be.
Baby blues slipped closed, the right corner of chapped lips turning up slightly. I'm flying, just like you. It's freeing, just like you said.
I love you.
…
Electric blue eyes, worn from lack of sleep, and constant staring at bright screens for hours on end, scanned the living room. Surprised to find the area empty the owner of said eyes wandered around, head popping into each room shortly. Moving slowly, calmly, comfortably. Dog tags hitting his chest with each step.
Eyes narrowed slightly after making a full round of the floor. No one else was there, and that was unusual. Wrong. Something was wrong. He slid onto one of the bar stools, leaning forward on his elbows.
He had a weird feeling. He hated weird feelings because he couldn't explain them. But he was having a weird feeling moment, and not like a good weird feeling, like a bad one. Like a, now-he's-going-to-be-sick weird feeling. Like a, my-chest-is-hurting, I'm-feeling-nauseous, am-I-having-an-anxiety-attack-or-something-? weird feeling.
And then his eyes focused on the balcony. The balcony where only one vaguely familiar shoe was sitting alone by the edge. No, not vaguely familiar, that was familiar. He had bought that shoe because he had complained about the lack of casual shoe aware...of his boyfriend. His boyfriend who was oddly not present.
Almost immediately he was scrambling to his feet, his heart rate increasing rapidly. He ran over to the balcony, pushing hastily through the doors.
"JARVIS!?"
"...yes, sir..." Conformation.
He threw himself at the edge, the railing digging into his stomach. And there was his boyfriend, eyes closed, nearing the ground, soaring through the air. No, not soaring...falling.
He let out a short choked noise, and without thinking, pushed himself over the railing. Sirens went off in his head, but he didn't care. It didn't matter. His heart had just jumped off a building.
Within seconds he was surrounded by red and gold armor and accelerating as quickly as he could. He reached out. .52 seconds and they'll hit the ground. His arms quickly, harshly, too-tightly, wrapped around the falling body -pulling up at just the last second.
His flying was sporadic, unfocused, but he managed to land them back on the balcony with minimal damage. He reached up, and wrenched off the faceplate.
"Steve you fucking idiot!"
…
His body jolted as metal arms encompassed his body, startling his eyes open. He let out a short groan of pain -well, more surprise than pain , I mean he was a super soldier after all- as he was dropped onto the cold balcony, now staring up not into the blue of the sky, but into the blue of wrecked, watery, eyes.
"Steve you fucking idiot!"
A hand was fisted in his shirt, the familiar smell of grease and coffee paired with ridiculously expensive care products assaulting his nose. He just kind of sat there, blinking at the face in front of him in a shock-like state. The hand shook him roughly, the man's teeth gritting together like he was getting ready to growl.
"Why didn't you say something!?"
His head hit the flooring with a shallow thunk as he was pushed back, not fighting against the man above him. And that sound, that was a sob. A sob that sounded painful, like someone had ripped it from the mans chest against his will.
"Damn you! Why didn't you just say something!?"
And then those eyes were staring back into his again as he was hauled back up into a sitting position, limp like a rag doll.
"Say something God damnit!"
"...Tony?"
"Fucking yes?"
"Why did you-?"
"What the hell do you mean why?! Like I'm going to let you die? Fucking hell no! I'm not going to lose you Steve! Contrary to popular fucking belief, I actually do have feelings, oh and you know a fucking heart -which I gave to you by the way. So, like throwing yourself off a building is going to be okay, like, oh yeah Steve? He jumped off a fucking building. What? No, it's okay. I'm just fucking dandy thank you very much. No, ha, I never loved him so much that I couldn't stop thinking about him, that I wanted to wake up next to him every morning for the rest of my life, and have him pull me out of my workshop because I haven't eaten or gotten enough sleep. That I wanted to snuggle with him on our couch, hold his hand when we're together, take him out to the nicest restaurants and the dives that remind him of the 40's. Like I wouldn't do fucking anything in the whole fucking world for him, because he is my world, and if I lost him I would probably fucking die!" The rant dipped of with something of a surprised sob, anger giving way to tears that were unwelcomed by the person they belonged to, the dark haired head bowing forward.
He blinked a few times, then noticed his own cheeks were wet with tears, his mouth slowly curving up into a sad smile. He tentatively placed his hands on Tony's arms, skimming them slowly up until he had his arms encircled around the mans chest, and tugged him forward.
"I love you too." It came out broken, wavering.
"Shut up." Was muffled against his shoulder. "You fucking liar."
"Tony…" The other man tried to pull back, but he tightened his grip slightly, only allowing the other enough room to look into his eyes. "I'm not lying."
"You jumped of a building Steve. My building."
"I gave you my dogtags."
"You tried to fucking kill yourself."
His brow furrowed slightly in confusion. "That doesn't mean I don't love you."
"Really? Because I think killing yourself to get away from someone is a damn big blinking neon sign saying I DON'T LIKE YOU."
"I wasn't…"
"You weren't what Steve?" The genius bit out.
"I wasn't trying to get away from you...I was trying to get away from myself...to...to get rid of myself. I don't belong here...I don't...I shouldn't be here, I don't do anything worth being alive here...I just...I pull others down…"
"Fucking...Steve." Rough hands came up on either side of his face, baby blues locking with electric. "No. You might have not been meant to be here, but that doesn't mean we don't need you. You...fuck...you bring our team together, you-you're all nice and sassy and official and Steve if anyone pulls anyone down it's me-us pulling you."
"Tony…"
"I'm serious Steve."
He took in a deep breath only to have it cut off by a pair of slightly chapped lips, a beard scratching lightly around his mouth. He let his eyes slip closed, shoulders slumping as he resigned himself to Tony. The kiss only lasted a few seconds more, but it was calming, it was a stabilizer.
"I know I'm not the best with feelings, but you should have just talked to me Steve. I'm not a big fan of...you know, I mean you know the best, but...this, this is huge. Steve, this is bigger than huge."
"I...I know…"
"You don't, but we're not going to talk about it right now okay? Because I don't know about you, but I'm already fucking exhausted. So, I'm going to get food and we're going to snuggle on my big, fluffy couch, and watch some stupid cliched movie, because screw me if I'm going to do anything besides just enjoying my boyfriend after what just happened."
His mouth twitched up slightly. "Yeah..okay. But, Tony?"
"Yeah?"
"Take off the suit, it makes it hard to cuddle with you."
"But I like the suit."
"Which do you like more?"
"I'm not going to answer that question for the better judgment of keeping my manhood in tact."
Steve let out a short laugh. "Okay, fine. I guess you'll be watching that movie alone then. "
"Steeeeeveeeeeee!"
The grin that had formed on his face slowly dropped, giving way to a more serious expression. "I'm sorry…"
"What?"
"I would have missed you too much."
Tony's eyes fell to his chest.
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah, well. We're even Steve, okay. I've done stupid stuff, and now you've done an immensely stupid thing. So, we're even. But next time, lets not do any stupid stuff. I'd rather just have you here with me."
"Yeah. Okay Tony. I- okay."
"Alright so…" The dark haired man pushed up, his metal boots clanking against the balcony. "Let's eat!"
He let out a soft chuckle, slowly pushing himself up to his feet, and following his boyfriend inside. "Love you too Tony…" I love you so much. I'm sorry I even thought about leaving you.
I hope you enjoyed it! I love them so much~
I'm planning on adding a little epilogue of sorts, so stay tuned.
~Castor