Disclaimer : Loveless with all its characters and plot belong to Yun Kouga.
Celestial bond is a song and is the property of Ensiferum.
A/N : I listened to it and thought so strongly of Soubi and Ritsuka that I just had to write something about them using this song.
Celestial Bond
A long time ago I went to the shore
I remember entrusting some tokens to the river near my home. I remember watching as it took them all away from me, with its promise of a better now, of better times, of better prospects, of better care takers. I remember feeling sad and hopeful at the same time.
I whispered my wish to a breeze from the North
Then I went back. To you, to your care and quiet and protection. I went back to you and it felt like home. It was soothing and nice and peaceful. You welcomed me, as I was, as I have become, as I am now. You accepted me and hugged me and kissed me softly on the top of my head. And I felt safe. I wished then for it to never end. I wished for you to never leave me. I wished for your continued and everlasting presence, for the comfort you provided so readily to be real. I wished for my family to be like you. I wished that my brother's memory had never been tainted by the truth. I wished for the previous bonds I had with my family to still exist. Above else I wished for you, with all my heart.
The wind took the wish high to the stars
But Seimei would not let us be. Seimei likes to own everything. He likes to decide and control and play chess. I don't know what he wants. But I know you don't like him. I know he doesn't like you. I know he will never let you go. I know he has hurt you. I know he was good and kind to me. I know you're as broken as I am. I know what I yearn for.
Told them what I've missed with all my heart
But you left me, Soubi. You left me and you shattered my heart and my trust. You betrayed me and abandoned me and left me tormented in that graveyard. You never looked back. Were you afraid to see me cry? Were you ashamed? Were you angry? Were you happy to finally be by Seimei's side? Were you relieved to be rid of me? Where are you now? I've taken your presence for granted. I have believed you would stick with me. I was wrong, I know that now. But it hurt so damn much, Soubi.
I was mesmerized by the rolling tide
You went away and you took everything with you. My pride, my love, my trust, my confidence. I stood there in that cemetery and watched helplessly as you stripped me of all I had and all I was. I wandered around aimlessly because you had left me bereft. I wandered under the rain, allowing it to wash me clean, to take away the pain and sadness and resentment, to erase the feeling of unworthiness and filth and betrayal. I let my tears fall down freely because with your absence, I had nothing left.
I lay on that shore and gazed into the skies
Nothing really made sense. Nothing in my life was as it should be. My father was absent. My mother was sick. My brother seemed to suffer from a serious personality disorder, despite the fact that I was the one supposedly afflicted by it. Two of my friends could become ruthless killers if need arose, the others knew nothing of my shadowed life. What should I do? To whom should I turn? Turbulent thoughts plaguing me, memories torturing me. The grey, dripping sky seemed to ease the pain.
Like a shooting star, my dream was gone
I went to your place but you were not there. All your possessions, all your things, all your paintings and little treasures were there. I could feel you everywhere. I could almost smell you. But you, you were glaringly absent. How could I fill the void, the emptiness you left in your wake? Why should I forgive you? How could I? But I trusted you. Still do. So I will forgive you. I know I will.
I made up my mind
I talked with Zero. About you and Seimei, about the bond between Fighter and Sacrifice, about the role of each, about this world I know so little about, about Nagisa-san and Ritsu-san. I listened. And I learnt something very important as all my friends talked and joked and run around throwing jibes and teasing as if nothing was wrong in this world or maybe as if they didn't have a care. Yuiko whose parents were more often than not at work rather than with her. Yayoi whose parents were more concerned about their son's results in cram school than in his social capacities. Zero, used and cast aside by Nagisa-san without a second thought. Even Moonless, hurt and molested, caring for each other as if nothing had happened. And despite everything they all went through, they were still standing proud and defiant, shouting their joy and resolve to the clear skies. So will I.
I have decided, Soubi. For once, I will lay a claim and back it and fight tooth and nail to achieve my goal.
I don't want to wake up
I dreamt I had you and Seimei both at my side. I dreamt of my mother's hugs and kisses. I dreamt of my father. I dreamt I had my memories back. I dreamt about you. I dreamt for so long to have my wishes fulfilled. Reality hit back and it wasn't gentle. Nevertheless, I don't want to let go of them. I will not let go. I'd prefer that my dreams were true so I will work towards their fulfillment for as long as it needs.
When will time heal and fulfill the dream of my heart?
When will we unite as one and light our own star?
But I do wonder, when night is upon me but sleep isn't. I do wonder, when there is a dull at school. I do wonder when I walk past your apartment or the park and when I see Kio. I do wonder when I look at my brother's altar. I wonder when you will come back to me. When I will hear back from Beloved. I wonder what it would be like to have you as my Fighter — for good this time and with my whole acceptance of it. When will I be yours and you will be mine? Loveless will be as renowned as Beloved and as unbeatable. But I promise you, Soubi, I will take care of you, like Youji does with Natsuo. Like Mikado and Tokino. Like Mei and Ai. As it should be. As you deserve to.
All these memories I will treasure in my heart
Now that my anger has abated, I treasure the memories I have of you. I may only have my pictures to testify for your existence but you are still vividly present in my life. Everything and anything remind me of you. You imprinted yourself into my home, my school, my town, my friends, my thoughts and my life. You are far too ingrained now into me to be cast aside, forgotten or ignored. I don't know whether I should rejoice or mourn over that fact. I am not sure it is healthy or normal. But what is normal in my life anyway? All I know is that you are here and I will not let you go that easily. All I know is I want you near. All I know is that you left but I didn't agree to it. All I know is that Seimei always deals with the best hand and I'm rather tired of it. All I know is I'm still angry and I want you back.
Words are so vain
You came to me. You protected me. You cared for me. Accompanied me to school and then back home. You took me out. You fed me. You tended to my injuries. You took an interest in my thoughts. You stood there and borne my anger, my resentment, my tears, my wrath. You never raised your voice at me — nor your hand. You bought me ice-cream and ruffled my hair like Seimei used to do. You secured my affection and care. You bonded us together, interwove our lives inextricably. There are no words now to describe what you did. To describe how I feel. To describe what we are. To describe what we should be, Beloved be damned.
A bond beyond quintessence
Because you swore yourself to me, Soubi and I do not take promises lightly. I do not care you took an oath to my brother first. I care that you assured me you wouldn't leave me. I care that you pledged yourself to me. I care that you kissed me even against my will to show me you weren't only obeying an order. I care that your actions when Seimei was supposedly dead made me believe you. I care that you hugged me when I needed it most. I care that you were soft and nice and made me feel accepted. You told me I was Loveless, with that wan smile, sad look in your eyes and soft almost pleading quality in your voice. Now that I think about it, you never said you were Loveless too. Never thought yourself to be. Never even dared hope you might. But I know you to be. I don't care you're a blank. I don't care Seimei carved Beloved into the tender skin of your neck. I am not Seimei. I am not you. I promised I won't leave you. So I won't. I promised you'll be my Fighter. So you will. This is the bond we formed. This is the connection between us. This is our relation. I am your Sacrifice and you are my Fighter, because we chose so. Because I care for you as much as you care for me. There is no need to say it. There is no need to claim it. There is no need to shout it. It is so and it is absolute. This is absolute — this choice, this need, this bond. Not Seimei's words. Not the Spells words. Not your scars. This. Us. Our bond.
For a thousand lifetimes
I will wait to feel
I will work hard. I will get you back. I will wait for the right time to come to pick you up, like Seimei did, truly believing his bond with you is stronger than ours. We are one and we will not be undone, whatever Seimei wishes, whatever my brother does, whatever you've been taught. I haven't. I am not constrained by preconceptions. I am not inhibited by teachings. I am not restrained by orders. What I have learnt, I have learned with you or during Battles. It might take some time but I will prevail and I will wait for you.
A passing moment of bliss
And when you'll finally be mine, I will be ready. And I will welcome you back because there is no other way. I will never turn my back on you. I will open my life, my arms and my heart back to you. Your place is at my side because this is where you smile and where I'm comfortable.
To be embraced by silence
Until then, you will bear with my brother. You will treasure your memories of me and you will never renounce us. These are my orders to you, Soubi. I expect you to obey. I expect you to enclose our bond and secure it away from Beloved. Do what you must but say true to me. You have been mine since the day we met and you still are, despite my brother having cheated death. Silence our bond for now or Seimei will use it to hurt you. Quiet it, hide it, constraint it in the deepest part of yourself but keep it alive and tend to it for I will come back for you and I will bring you back.
The end