"Because if you don't, Dale will blow up and kill everyone in San Francisco," Natalie explained.
"Oh. Right. Doesn't seem like a bad alternative."
The previous week, it had been revealed that Dale 'The Whale' Biederbeck was not a tremendously fat man but was, in fact, a sentient nuclear bomb. He now held the city of San Francisco hostage unless Monk debased himself.
Monk was wearing a diaper, a leash (held by Natalie) and a big cowboy hat, and nothing else. The diaper hadn't been changed in a week, so Monk was surrounded by the cloying stench of his own feces and stale urine. He had tried to kill himself three days ago, but Dale had threatened to explode if he did.
"I might be able to stand it, if it weren't for the sign," Monk lamented.
He stood in the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge, holding a large sign that read "Have you seen my mommy?"
"I hate my life," he said for the thousandth time that day.
XXXX
After a long day of public humiliation, Monk went to Russian Hill, home of the crooked, cursed Lombard Street. Normally, Monk would have nothing to do with the place, but his friend Leland Stottlemeyer lived there now.
After Biederbeck had seized control of San Francisco in a bloodless coup, he had cracked down hardest on Monk's friends. The Leland Stottlemeyer Fan Club had escaped prison and attempted to hide Stottlemeyer among their number, but it had been futile: Dale ordered the whole lot of them crucified and put up on Russian Hill. The whole scene had actually been quite humorous when viewed on Youtube; one of the club had actually shouted out "I'm Spartacus!" instead of "I'm Stottlemeyer!" (He had been summarily shot, of course).
Dr. Kroger's family had been clapped in chains and sent to work in the Rice-a-Roni mines nonstop. Julie was sad at first, having lost the only half-human half-alien she had ever loved, but quickly got over it as she began dating a mystery man. She refused to tell Natalie whom, though.
As a final insult to Monk, Dale had gone into his house and drawn little goatees on all of his pictures of Trudy. (Well, not final, since he continued to think up hilarious ways to abuse him all the time).
Monk approached the crucifix that held his old friend Stottlemeyer. "Hey captain, how's it hanging?" Natalie asked stupidly. "Oh shit, did I just say that out loud?"
"Yes, you did, Natalie," Stottlemeyer said hoarsely. "Look, Monk, Randy found a way for you to save me, but I'm not sure if you can do it..."
"Anything, captain. Anything to get you down from there."
Stottlemeyer sighed. "My brother."
"Your...no. It can't be. He died."
"No, Monk, he didn't die. That guy just said he died to sell his book. Only one man alive knows where he is now, and you have to go talk to him."
"Leland, please, don't make me do this."
"Monk, you have to visit...Hannibal Lecter."