"So then," Antonio slurred to the world at large, "Lovi called me a... a... tomato bus-turd, and then, and then he head-booted me in the stomach!" Most of the bar's patrons murmured sympathetically. It wasn't the first time they were hearing this, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. Antonio knocked back the last of his brandy mournfully. "Gracias," he groaned as the bartender refilled his glass.

He glanced up as a shadow passed him and spotted a familiar young Japanese man, not yet 25, sliding onto the barstool beside him and ordering a bottle of red wine. Antonio squinted, trying to remember where he'd seen him before. Then it clicked.

"Hola!" He said cheerfully. "You're one of Lovi's people, aren't you?" Just thinking about his precious little tomate made him happy and upset him all at once.

The man looked confused, but returned the easy grin. "Who?"

"No, no." Antonio shook his head emphatically. "Who is Alfredo's brother."

"I'm afraid I wouldn't know," the Japanese man laughed. He emptied three glasses of wine in quick succession - a sure sign of love problems.

"Lovino Vargas. You should know him. Lovi told me all about his precious mafia, and he said there were a lot of 'fucking foreigners' there nowadays, and there was a lot of swearing but I wasn't paying attention because he got all mad and his face was so red and he looked just like a little tomato..." Antonio broke off and gazed dreamily into the distance. The distance looked very bubbly. He realized his face was in his drink.

"Oh, right," said Happy Man #2. "The baby said something about the grandfather of the mafia and the Vargas family." He frowned, trying to remember. "I think Tsuna met the head of the family, but he was shaking too much to say anything when he got back. Just something like 'curses to rival the damn Varia'."

"That's the one. Isn't he cute? He's a big softie, really. Cursing is his way of showing he cares." Happy Man #1 said with an air of experience. "Come to think of it, he mentioned a tuna boss this afternoon after the conference. I think that's why he was mad. And then I tried my Cheer Up Charm on him, but then he got even madder and shouted at me some more and kicked me out. And now I'm here."

"I know what you mean," Other Happy Guy said sympathetically, draining his seventh glass. "Today I was training with Squalo, and then Hayato was all mad when I got back. He shouted a lot and I tried to calm him down, but he called me a baseball idiot and stormed out. Haha, stormed."

Silence fell for all of five minutes while the two lovelorn men attempted to drink themselves into comas. Then Silence wondered what the hell it was doing, lying there in some anonymous Italian pub, and picked itself up and moved to Hollywood to star in a movie about quiet homicidal sheep.

Antonio finished his twelfth large brandy and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. Annoyingly Cheerful Dude did the same. They clasped hands and shook somewhat unsteadily.

"Antonio Carriedo."

"Takeshi Yamamoto."

They both promptly passed out on the bar counter.

Elsewhere…

"You sodding git!" "Arrogant arse!" "Annoying." "Fucking trash."

"But Iggy-" "Hey, Lal-" "Wait, Norge-" "VOOOOOOOOOOII!"

SLAM.

"Aw, hell. Guess I'll hit up one of the pubs."