Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy Seven unfortunately

Notes: this ate my soul for a day. And reviewers get cookies.

Precious Shards

I had to get out. I had to be free. I had to get back to Reno and keep my promise. And I had to get the kid out and save him. These were my thoughts as I escaped with Cloud from the laboratory where Hojo was keeping us as unwilling specimens. Cloud and I had too much to live for to die there. Five years and the staff and security had finally dropped their guards around me thinking me harmless. Well their loss. I was out of there faster then you could say "got your Cloud, Bitch!" and took my less then coherent buddy with me.

Hojo of course didn't appreciate it and sent soldiers after us, but I'm not a first class SOLDIER for nothing. While fighting off hordes of low levels Cloud remained blank. When he first blinked I almost gave away our position to the enemy with a shout of joy. Sometimes I could swear he could hear me as I babbled aimlessly about anything and everything. One of those times we (I) had just hitched a ride on a yellow truck on a beautifully sunny day. I was talking this time about what we'd do when Cloud got better and we arrived in Midgar. I was telling him I had a massively important promise to keep and then we could set up as mercenaries and live by kicking ass when my SOLDIER instincts kicked in and I spotted the sun glancing off of gun barrels.

"Run Cloud!" I yelled as I shoved my buddy out of the way from the storm of bullets raining towards us- and suddenly was floating over the scene watching little Cloud pick up my sword in what seemed to be a trance and kill the soldiers who had shot me.

There wasn't a moment of confusion, one minute I was alive and breathing, the next I wasn't. That's just how it was. It was both brighter and darker then when I was living. The colors seemed muted like a colorful shirt that had been through the wash too many times. At the same time there were more colors then what the human eye could see while clothed in flesh. Floating seemed to be the favored mode of transportation in the afterlife. Nothing was hidden from me.

It was like I had been on the stage my entire life and suddenly I was behind the curtain and able to see how everything worked. This was due to the Lifestream. Unlike other spirits I didn't dissolve into the Lifestream for my well deserved rest I remained whole, conscious. Cloud had a piece of my soul compliments of Hojo. Hojo had erased Cloud and stolen many of my memories to fill the gap. And I couldn't move on without that bit that was currently holding together my little buddy's psyche.

I watched as Cloud made his way into Midgar and joined up with Avalanche. He told them he was now a mercenary, maybe he had heard some of what I babbled about. Avalanche was a group trying to bring SHINRA down, and thinking about SHINRA led me straight to my most favoritest of people. My mind was constantly going back to the day before I left for that blasted mission to Mt. Nibel reactor. That had been what I hoped was the beginning of "the rest of my life" but was now definitely my one regret. Reno had been so broken and my carefully concealed feelings of love and adoration for him were revealed, and unbelievably he felt the same for me. Holding him all night had been heaven no matter the circumstances. I was so stupid to think I had forever! Why did I have to fucking die when I still had that promise to return left unfulfilled!?

I promised I'd come back to him and we'd talk about everything. Instead (as the Lifestream had so "helpfully" informed me) he had been told of my death in that bloody reactor. At least the lie is now true. I was dead and stuck watching over my little blond friend. I don't mind really, he needs looking after, silly git. But if I'm going to be stuck mostly whole in the live stream I'd rather be watching over my redhead.

I couldn't search out Reno because I was linked with Cloud and I didn't have that long of a leash. Cloud did run into my Reno and when he did I discovered hell. Reno was in pain, it was clear to me because I loved him. The others in the TURKS and AVALANCHE had no idea. His eyes flew right to the Buster Sword on Cloud's back and widened when he recognized it. Those beautiful green eyes watched my fighting style in Cloud and knew that this was the cadet that I had trained and taken with me on the Nibelheim mission.

The pain and cold fury in Reno's eyes hurt me, spirit that I am. But even the pain couldn't dim Reno's overwhelming beauty in my eyes. The dim color rule didn't seem to apply to him. He was just as, if not more vivid and brilliant to me as he was in life. I can't say I paid much attention or even cared about their battles. I just stood in front of the one man I loved and tried to touch him, wishing my hands could touch his face, pet his hair, and slide around his waist to hold him close. If only I could, I'd never let him go ever again. I learned something new about being dead. It didn't stop a soul from crying.

That wasn't the last time I saw Reno either. I watched him drop the plate, and be a thorn in the collective sides of AVALANCH members. I also watched the things that others couldn't see. Reno had stopped caring. His pieces that I had picked up and put together with more care then anything else in my life, were clearly (at least to me) haphazardly glued together. His hyper idiot mask fooled everyone he met. TURK was the only thing that kept him going, even as it was slowly destroying him irreparably.

Years past and the Sephiroth Clone was killed by Cloud. Aeris joined me in watching over Cloud. Then came the "larvae" or Yazoo, Loz, and Kadaj. They awakened Cloud to the reality of living and not just existing. Hell for a moment he had been able to see me and hell did that feel good. Slowly Cloud began to sift through his poor confused mind and start isolating my memories from his. Occasionally I'd get a glimpse of my redhead but as a general rule former Avalanche members had little to do with the TURKs. Slowly they aged and Aeris and I watched over them… and time passed….

The next time I saw Reno was on the tenth anniversary of the day I rescued him. He had been kicked out of most of the bars and came to Tifa's Seventh Heaven as a last resort. Cloud and Tifa just stared at the redhead drinking himself into oblivion with disturbed faces. It's not as if Reno didn't drink himself silly often, but tonight it seemed like he was serious about it. I stood next to him and talked at him hopelessly wishing he could hear me. "Oh Red, what're you doing? Why can't you take care of yourself?"

Cloud by now had gotten most of his memories back and remembered me talking to him about a Reno. He wondered if he could bring Reno's mind to happier things.

"Reno" he said as a greeting.

"Hey there Cloudy-Boy!" said a rather intoxicated Reno.

"Did you ever know a Zack Fair?"

"Yeah, I knew the bastard." Reno spat venomously and I winced. "Stupid guy broke his fuckin' promise. He died at Nibelheim, yo." Cloud blinked when he realized he'd hit a nerve… a huge, sensitive nerve.

"No he didn't. He was with me in Hojo's lab for five years."

"WHAAAT? No way! Yo! That's not even funny man!" Cloud put his hands up placatingly.

"He took me with him when he escaped. I wasn't coherent really but I remember him telling me we'd go to Midgar and be mercenaries." I had to let out a "yay" because the kid had heard what I'd said. Reno stood up so fast that he wobbled and his stool fell over.

"You mean that fucker's still alive, yo?!" he growled. I thought it was sexy as hell, but Cloud and Tifa, who was behind the bar clutching the photo of Sephiroth, myself and mini Tifa, stared in surprise at the normally jovial Reno.

"No, he was killed saving my life during our escape. We were so close to Midgar…only a few miles." Cloud said hesitantly and sadly.

"Fuck…." Reno had gone to pieces again. "Fuck!" he said fervently. Above all else I wanted to hold him and kiss the tears that were gathering in his eyes away and gather up those precious shards and put them together again.

"He said he had a super important promise to keep, was it to you? The Zack I knew kept his promises." Cloud decided to push it a bit.

"Damn right I do!" what can I say? I have to talk to them. Reno righted the stool, sat on it and dropped his head to the bar in misery. Cloud and Tifa exchanged looks.

"Zack was my best friend." Reno said.

"Talk about understatement." I muttered. Cloud was sympathetic.

"Mine too, he taught me a lot, him and Sephiroth." He took the picture from Tifa.

"Stupid idiot was everyone's friend." Reno muttered. Cloud handed the picture to Reno. I watched him lovingly trace my figure and wished I could feel it.

"You see how happy I am Red? That's because at that point I knew I was coming home to you." I whispered in his ear even though he'd never hear me.

"You broke your fucking promise Zack." Reno told my photo.

"I know Red, I know." I said miserably. He must have been pretty drunk. Cloud echoed my thoughts.

"I think you've had enough, I'll take you back to your apartment."

"I have not!" Reno yelled, "He didn't come back! He promised! And he didn't fucking come back!" Cloud only half listened to his babble as he forcibly took Reno home.

That was the last time I saw Reno. I heard snippets of conversation about him; he'd been drinking himself unconscious a lot lately, and he'd upped his smoking ridiculously, and he was overworking himself. I worried incessantly.

One day watching Cloud being forced into cleaning the counters by a demanding and pissy Tifa, I knew and at the same instant I felt some one staring at my back. Slowly turning I saw Reno. He was bedraggled and tattered and I knew that his appearance was a testament to the shape his soul and heart were in. My smile could have split my face in half I'm sure.

"Hey beautiful." I said, beaming.

"Bastard, you bro-"
"I know, no excuses. But Red, I love you." And then I couldn't stand the distance anymore. I floated over and cupped his face lovingly. Then I pet his hair. All the while I was murmuring his name like he was fresh water on the lips of a man just out of the desert. Then I slid my arms around his waist and held him as close as I could.

"Finally, Holy, Reno it was torture seeing you and talking to you but not being able to touch you or be heard." With every word I said and every touch I gave his tattered and bedraggled appearance was going and leaving only the completely gorgeous Reno that I had always seen.

"My precious, precious vase, my Red, my Reno, I love you." I said it over and over, repetition is key you know.

"Fuck, Zack, you make everything better."

"I know." I said with a naughty grin, "I'm just that amazing."

"Hell yeah, ya think dead people can fuck?"
"Dunno, cutey, I was waiting for this fucking beautiful redhead to find out."

Reno smiled, and I almost died all over again to see it, then tackled me.