A/N: This is my first Marvel fanfic so I hope that it is not too bad.
Disclaimer: I do not own Captain America or any of the other characters, they all belong to Marvel.
Sweat ran down his face as he tossed and turned within his sleep, his teeth grit together as his face contorted into a pained expression. A single word escaped his mouth as he breathed heavily. "Bucky.."
Dark eyebrows furrowed together and light blue eyes scanned the sleeping form of the blond man who tossed and turned within his bed. His dreams seemed to be of such an intensity that he had not noticed the sound of his window pane opening nor had he noticed that someone had sneaked into his room and was silently looming over him. The darker haired man clenched his metallic hand into a fist and turned around. He should not have come. What was the use? Would that man, who had previously been his mission...who he had tried to kill several times, care what he had to say? He probably didn't even know it was him who had pulled him from the river that day...
As the dark haired man was about to leave, he heard a soft sound. His eyes widened slightly as the sound became louder and he could no longer deny what it was. It was the sound of sobbing. "Bucky... I'm so sorry... Please..."
Bucky... A few weeks ago he had asked who the hell that was. After an encounter that had both freed him from his life of killing and burdened him with the fear of being killed, he had gone to research this "Bucky" that the blonde man had seemed to associate him with... And the man, as it turned out, was him. Or rather, it had been him... The best friend of Steve Rogers, the famous Captain America, that had fallen to his death during a mission. After that, he suddenly understood why the blonde- no, Steve- had refused to fight him that day. He still considered the Winter Soldier his best friend. But did the Winter Soldier feel the same?
He had lost touch with any sort of emotion, or rather, he had been forced to when he had served HYDRA. However, as he saw the tears roll down Steve's pale face, he could not deny the twisting pain within his chest. Almost instinctively, he wiped the tears away softly and frowned slightly. However, he had forgotten for a moment that the man he was watching was by no means normal and the touch caused him to awaken.
Steve's eyes shot open and his first instinct was to subdue the person who had touched him and assess if they were a threat later. It was not that he was paranoid, it was just that after the entire ordeal he had been left feeling more on edge and he knew that if any factions of HYDRA still existed they would not hesitate to kill him...or worse... They would send him to do it. He grabbbed and twisted the arm that was connected to the hand that touched him. He tackled the person to the floor, wrapping his legs around their arm in case he needed to dislocate it.
His dark blue eyes widened with shock at the silver metal arm within his grip, the messy brown locks that lay on the floor and the blue eyes that stared back at him with slight surprise and annoyance. He let go immediately. "B-Bucky?"
The man did not respond and merely stared at Steve, who was unsure if he was going to have to fight or not. However, the man looked away awkwardly and spoke softly. "You were crying."
Steve looked at him and brought his hand to his face, but they were dry. Had that hand been wiping his tears away? He remembered a few times, such as when his mom had died, that Bucky had done that for him... "I... I was having a bad dream, that's all."
"I know." Bucky replied and his body language suggested he was quite uncomfortable. "You were saying my- you were saying the name Bucky over and over... Apologizing...in your sleep."
The captain felt slightly embarassed and his cheeks turned a little pink as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry, you had to see that... I guess it is a bit weird when a complete stranger is dreaming of you..."
"No, I understand. I went to the museum and saw the exhibition of you. And the part about me... Although, it was like looking at someone completely different. I watched some of the movies." Bucky said and seemed to smile slightly. "For people at war, we sure did look happy. But I guess that was because we always had each other, right? I...don't remember..."
Steve felt his eyes filling with tears. If only he had jumped after Bucky that day, if only he had found his friend before Zola had, perhaps all of this could have been prevented. He knew it was selfish of him, but maybe they could have both died in the cold instead of having to live in a future so unfamiliar and in a world so much crueler than the one they had left all those years ago.
He was brought back from his thoughts by the sounds of Bucky's footsteps. He was heading to the open window that he had used to sneak in. "Bucky, wait! Please... Please don't go yet..."
"Steve..." Those light blue eyes were filled with emotion. "It's just... I'm sorry. I just really don't remember. I mean, I have a few memories, but...there are so many gaps. And I feel... I know it sounds ridiculous considering what I have done, but I feel bad because I'm no longer the Bucky you knew. I'm just the empty vessel he left behind. It hurts me to see you cry like that... I think my survival made things worse for you because now all the good things you remember about me are...gone."
Bucky was surprised as he was suddenly pulled into the arms of the blonde man. Steve buried his face in Bucky's neck, just as he used to when he had been a skinny kid, and hugged him tightly. Bucky slowly put his hands around Steve's shoulders and frowned as he heard the man sob against him.
"Bucky, none of this is your fault. I don't care what anyone says. You were tortured for so many years, so many, and as hard as it was to fight against you, I'm just glad you're alive..." Steve choked out between sobs. "I would sometimes visit the museum just to watch the old movies again to see you again, I would stare at your memorial, I would hold your dog tags in my hand sometimes and I'd light a candle on your birthday and on the day you died..."
The assassin's heart seemed to ache even more. He had had no idea that his supposed death could have affected Steve that badly... Had his reappearance soothed it or had it only inflicted more pain? He was sure it was the latter but Steve seemed...relieved that he was alive. "Bucky," Steve suddenly said, "I'm glad you're alive. I really mean it, okay?"
He pulled out of the hug and stared at Bucky with bloodshot blue eyes. The dark haired man felt his throat constrict and unfamiliar emotions rush through his body. "Steve... Thank you... I don't know what to say... I'm a murderer, a traitor... I don't even know if I can be called human anymore... Or if I even deserve to be called your friend..."
"No matter what happens, even if the whole world turns against you, you will always be my Bucky and I'll always be at your side." Steve smiled with determination, his blue eyes sparkling with emotion. "And I won't lose you a second time."
The dark haired man blushed slightly as he smiled. "It's always nice to have a friend when you are on the run, I suppose... But you have your duty, as Captain America, to arrest me..if I... you know."
"Yes, I do, but I won't hurt you. And...even if you are convicted and so forth, I will visit...I'll fight for you in court, too. It wasn't your choice." Steve's expression changed to that of anger. "I wish some people would understand that... By the way, Bucky, do you have a place to stay?"
The sudden question caught him off guard. "Uh.. I don't really need that much sleep or food so... Not really, but I will get one... as soon as I'm sure I'm safe."
Steve grinned and the dark haired man raised a brow. "Well, I have a spare room and you don't have to worry about rent. You can just make dinner once in a while and take out the trash. It'll be..."
"Like when we were kids?" Bucky laughed. "I don't disagree that I can make better food than you...but are you sure? Wouldn't your friends be angry at you? And...won't I be putting you in more danger? Please, Steve, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything-"
He was cut off when Steve yawned suddenly. "Well, the room needs some redecorating but we can handle that in the morning. Guess we'll just have to share a bed like we did when we were kids."
Bucky was taken aback. Had Steve really just shrugged off the possibility of any danger that his stay might cause? He sighed internally as Steve moved over to make space for him.
He's still as reckless as ever, he thought as he layed down and smiled as the blond haired man moved closer to him. I'm glad, Steve. Everything's changed, even me, but you...You're still the same. Thank you for that, Steve- for being the same...my friend.