Title: Sweet Misery Part 1/?
Author: Emily
Rating: PG 13
Category: B/A of course. Mention of X/A, W/T and various other couples, the same as in 'IOSK'.
Spoilers: Some of season six I guess. Tara is just peachy in my story though as are Xander and Anya. This is a sequel to 'If Only She Knew' so reading that first would probably help. If Only She Knew is set five years after season six and three of BtVS and AtS. So Buffy's around 26.
Summary: All things take time, Buffy and Angel's relationship being no exception.
Distribution: Fanfiction.net, b/a lists, Wild Horses, Eternal Love if CC wants it.
Dedication: Thanks to *everyone* who feedbacked me on 'If Only She Knew', Sara, CC, Alea, Michelle...
Especially you guys at ff.net 'cause I posted the story up, got instant feedback and was inspired to finally write the sequel.
Feedback: Please yes. :) I adore feedback, who doesn't? Drop me a line or write a review if you're reading this at ff.net
~Sweet Misery~
" What's it been, over a decade?
It still smarts like it was four minutes ago
We only influenced each other totally
We only bruised each other even more so"
- Flinch, Alanis Morissette
Part 1: Buffy
I frown a little, for a moment confused and unsure of where I am and what I'm doing. My eyes flick over to Angel, sleeping soundly beside me and I remember.
Cordy slept with Spike. Isn't that what we always do when we're traumatised? Me... Anya...Cordelia... if I didn't dislike Cordy so much I'd start some kind of club. Angel came to me 'cause I suppose there was nowhere else to go and because he affects me so damn much I let him in and did the comfort supporto gal thing. But not literally with the comfort, we didn't sleep together or anything. Just slept and actually it was kinda nice.
I sigh. Last night things seemed okay. I wasn't worrying about tomorrow or the future, just seizing the moment and hell that always goes badly. But now I'm strangely wigged. What do people normally do in these situations? I don't recall ever being in one before. My ex, that's what he is really – simple and small as it sounds, comes over all distressed and I do the comfort thing but what happens next? I really don't know.
I glance at him and am relieved to see he's still asleep. I don't want to do the talking thing right now, or at all actually but I guess it's unavoidable. So I head towards the shower, running my hands through my hair and sighing a little as the hot water cascades over my skin. This is good.
By the time I'm done Angel has woken up. I see him sitting at my kitchen table and feel a sudden urge to go back to the calm and much less confusing bathroom. But I don't.
" Hey" I say and force a smile.
" Hey" Angel says.
" You want some breakfast?" I ask. He shakes his head. I start making some coffee anyway. One of the best things about humanity is eating after all. Coffee and strawberries and chicken and cookie dough fudge mint chip ice cream.
" I'm sorry for coming here." Angel blurts out from behind me.
" It wasn't fair." He continues and I feel his eyes on my back. " I just needed someone."
I laugh suddenly. "That's kinda ironic. Do you have any idea how much I've needed someone?" Oh God, I shouldn't be saying this but I've been wanting too for so long and I can't stop.
" Well I did. A hundred times over the past few years. Like when I came back from the dead? I was in Heaven, no bad hell dimensions oh no, just a good place. I didn't tell you of course. I met you and you were like a different person. You weren't there." I shrug a little. " Spike was"
Angel stands up from the table and pulls me around to face him. " Spike?"
" Yeah. *Spike*. Oh I was messed up but the sex was good."
" Why are you telling me this?" Angel asks and I feel a stupid kind of pride that I can still hurt him.
" Because I needed you and you weren't there. You weren't. And you're right, this wasn't fair. Angel, you can't just come here and spill about your problems with Cordelia. It's not fair." I bite my lip.
Not going to cry. God knows I've done enough of that.
" You're right." He says softly.
I frown at him, not having expected automatic agreement and he continues.
" You were my whole life for three years and after that. When I came to LA I wanted to forget. I tried to. I never did though but staying away from you, only seeing you a few times, it made things easier for me. And having relationships with other people, that made it easier too. I tried to forget, pretend like it...us wasn't a big deal when it was my everything."
" Did it work?" I ask equally softly, feeling suddenly guilty for my outburst and feeling an overtaking need to know his answer.
" A little"
I look up at him, meeting his eyes.
The kettle whistles and finishes boiling. I turn and start making the coffee. Angel takes the mugs and carries them to the table where he puts them down. I sit down beside him and sip from my cup.
" Tell me." Angel says out of the blue and I look up.
" About what?"
" All of it. Everything. I wasn't there and maybe I should have been."
" It's not exactly pretty. You probably don't want to hear some of it" I hesitate. That I went to Spike's crypt every night and we did it on the cold stone floor and I screamed and it felt good. That I would have easily died again because it was better being dead.
That I was lost and nobody found me.
" Tell me"
" Okay" I say softly, swirl my spoon round in the coffee and I tell him.
Author: Emily
Rating: PG 13
Category: B/A of course. Mention of X/A, W/T and various other couples, the same as in 'IOSK'.
Spoilers: Some of season six I guess. Tara is just peachy in my story though as are Xander and Anya. This is a sequel to 'If Only She Knew' so reading that first would probably help. If Only She Knew is set five years after season six and three of BtVS and AtS. So Buffy's around 26.
Summary: All things take time, Buffy and Angel's relationship being no exception.
Distribution: Fanfiction.net, b/a lists, Wild Horses, Eternal Love if CC wants it.
Dedication: Thanks to *everyone* who feedbacked me on 'If Only She Knew', Sara, CC, Alea, Michelle...
Especially you guys at ff.net 'cause I posted the story up, got instant feedback and was inspired to finally write the sequel.
Feedback: Please yes. :) I adore feedback, who doesn't? Drop me a line or write a review if you're reading this at ff.net
~Sweet Misery~
" What's it been, over a decade?
It still smarts like it was four minutes ago
We only influenced each other totally
We only bruised each other even more so"
- Flinch, Alanis Morissette
Part 1: Buffy
I frown a little, for a moment confused and unsure of where I am and what I'm doing. My eyes flick over to Angel, sleeping soundly beside me and I remember.
Cordy slept with Spike. Isn't that what we always do when we're traumatised? Me... Anya...Cordelia... if I didn't dislike Cordy so much I'd start some kind of club. Angel came to me 'cause I suppose there was nowhere else to go and because he affects me so damn much I let him in and did the comfort supporto gal thing. But not literally with the comfort, we didn't sleep together or anything. Just slept and actually it was kinda nice.
I sigh. Last night things seemed okay. I wasn't worrying about tomorrow or the future, just seizing the moment and hell that always goes badly. But now I'm strangely wigged. What do people normally do in these situations? I don't recall ever being in one before. My ex, that's what he is really – simple and small as it sounds, comes over all distressed and I do the comfort thing but what happens next? I really don't know.
I glance at him and am relieved to see he's still asleep. I don't want to do the talking thing right now, or at all actually but I guess it's unavoidable. So I head towards the shower, running my hands through my hair and sighing a little as the hot water cascades over my skin. This is good.
By the time I'm done Angel has woken up. I see him sitting at my kitchen table and feel a sudden urge to go back to the calm and much less confusing bathroom. But I don't.
" Hey" I say and force a smile.
" Hey" Angel says.
" You want some breakfast?" I ask. He shakes his head. I start making some coffee anyway. One of the best things about humanity is eating after all. Coffee and strawberries and chicken and cookie dough fudge mint chip ice cream.
" I'm sorry for coming here." Angel blurts out from behind me.
" It wasn't fair." He continues and I feel his eyes on my back. " I just needed someone."
I laugh suddenly. "That's kinda ironic. Do you have any idea how much I've needed someone?" Oh God, I shouldn't be saying this but I've been wanting too for so long and I can't stop.
" Well I did. A hundred times over the past few years. Like when I came back from the dead? I was in Heaven, no bad hell dimensions oh no, just a good place. I didn't tell you of course. I met you and you were like a different person. You weren't there." I shrug a little. " Spike was"
Angel stands up from the table and pulls me around to face him. " Spike?"
" Yeah. *Spike*. Oh I was messed up but the sex was good."
" Why are you telling me this?" Angel asks and I feel a stupid kind of pride that I can still hurt him.
" Because I needed you and you weren't there. You weren't. And you're right, this wasn't fair. Angel, you can't just come here and spill about your problems with Cordelia. It's not fair." I bite my lip.
Not going to cry. God knows I've done enough of that.
" You're right." He says softly.
I frown at him, not having expected automatic agreement and he continues.
" You were my whole life for three years and after that. When I came to LA I wanted to forget. I tried to. I never did though but staying away from you, only seeing you a few times, it made things easier for me. And having relationships with other people, that made it easier too. I tried to forget, pretend like it...us wasn't a big deal when it was my everything."
" Did it work?" I ask equally softly, feeling suddenly guilty for my outburst and feeling an overtaking need to know his answer.
" A little"
I look up at him, meeting his eyes.
The kettle whistles and finishes boiling. I turn and start making the coffee. Angel takes the mugs and carries them to the table where he puts them down. I sit down beside him and sip from my cup.
" Tell me." Angel says out of the blue and I look up.
" About what?"
" All of it. Everything. I wasn't there and maybe I should have been."
" It's not exactly pretty. You probably don't want to hear some of it" I hesitate. That I went to Spike's crypt every night and we did it on the cold stone floor and I screamed and it felt good. That I would have easily died again because it was better being dead.
That I was lost and nobody found me.
" Tell me"
" Okay" I say softly, swirl my spoon round in the coffee and I tell him.