Disclaimer: I wish I would have been old enough back in the day, to buy some stocks from Toei or even funimation when DBZ was at it's height of popularity but I wasn't. :( You know what that means? I don't own Dragonball z not even a little piece of it! Sucks for me I guess. :P
Authors note: This story has been SLIGHTLY revised as of 8/24/08 8:28 pm EST. Thank You PrideIsArrogance!
I'm not sure what all the English names of Bardock's crew are so I'm using the Japanese ones. I'm mostly watched DBZ sub-titled. I did watch the special in English once but the names didn't stick. In case you don't know:
Toma-Tora
Seripa-Fasha
Panbukin-the fat one
Totapo-the "elderly" one.
A Hard Day at the Office
Chapter 1: Meaty
"Next person in line please step forward," says a blue ogre through a bull-horn. It makes his voice boom through out the room over the rest of the noise. His tone professionally formal. Ironically he sports a T-shirt and jeans, it is the equivalent of 'Casual Fridays' today in other-world.
That most of the personnel from Other-world Check in Station manage to maintain an air of calm, is likely to surprise anyone, had they the ability to witness the happenings of this office in the heavens.
A vast group of creatures all sporting halos, enraged and, panicking, are scattered in clumps that could hardly be described as a line, the crowd of them stretches, from the gigantic wooden desk in the center of the room, to well beyond the door way.
"It's over it's all over, how could I have aloud myself to fail, everyone in the world is dead!"
"No Ham, you fought your best we all did, we were just no match for those space monsters. I realize that now. I will rest in peace knowing, that I defended Meat-sei with my life."
"I can't rest so easily Bif, no not knowing that my children are dead they'll never have a chance to grow up! None will, don't you get it everyone we know is dead! The meat-jins might as well have never existed, it's the freaking end of the world it's all over for everyone!"
"Um..Hello, next person in line please," repeats the ogre, this time even louder, yet he is still unnoticed.
"Should have known it was going to be like this, after the 80th time, with one of these cases. Hasn't Frieza ever heard of paid vacations?" He mutters sarcastically to himself.
He knows, people were normally less then happy while standing on this line. It was of course not unusual for the dead to feel, as if it wasn't there time. However, it wasn't until a few short decades ago, that the ogre became familiar with seeing an entire world of people huddled in this office at a time. It was heart breaking to see for the first time, and just as much so today.
Only the other day, they had to deal with one of these genocides. The Kanasa-jins, that was a group of people the ogre would never forget, they were quiet and resigned unlike most others. Willing to organize themselves into a line for judgment, without the need of instructions. Their stony scale plated faces, almost serene. They seemed so noble in nature, making the whole matter, all the worse.
While the meat-jins, themselves wouldn't win any beauty contest even compared to the Kanasa-jins, he feels bad for them, sympathizes with their pain, all the same.
These incidents seem to have become even more frequent since Frieza the overlord he heard to be responsible for the business that dealt with the trading of planets for a price, had conquered a race known as the Saiya-jin. They were vicious, despite being forced into submission, it seemed to the ogre as if the saiya-jins enjoyed what they were ordered to do.
It was particularly satisfying seeing King Yemma, sentence one to hell. Especially when a reciting of their gruesome sins by Yemma, would do nothing more but, bring a smirk to his or her face. It would usually be the highlight of his work day in fact.
Sighing the ogre glances at his clipboard, quickly he snaps his neck up in surprise, he hears his boss, give out an annoyed grunt over head. He cranes his neck up and sees his superior, a gigantic red man with a black beard wearing a horned-hat leaning over his, skyscraper of a desk, to make eye contact with him.
"Who's next?" he asks, his deep husky voice, made even more daunting by the unmistakable hint of irritation.
The ogre's hairs stand on the back of his neck, he takes another look at the clipboard, his hands shaking it slightly. "Lets see, it's Bif, King Yemma Sir."
"BIF COME RECIEVE YOUR JUDGEMENT NOW!" King Yemma's voice was like thunder, seconds later it's dwarfed by the ear-drum shattering sound, of his massive fist banging his desk.
The meatjins grow completely silent, if there were flies in the after-life and one would have landed on the wall, all present in the room would here it.
Bif hastily steps forward. The short stubby black tentacles growing out of both sides of his face, wriggle and twist rapidly, a sign that a meat-jin is agitated. He gulps and takes a calming deep breath, he looks up, his golden halo shifts slightly in angle so, that it stays hovering over the top of the meat-jin's head. The last thing he wants to do is anger the being who has the fate of his soul, in his hands.
King Yemma however seems to have calmed down now that, order was once again restored to the check in station. He sits down on his desk's chair and, reads through the papers in a massive file, easily twice as long as a man.
"Hmm Bif, was the Sub-Commander of Meat-sei's special task force, fought valiantly against the saiya-jin invaders." Yemma speaks, absentmindedly more to himself then to Bif. He continues to flip through the sheets.
"Father of 87 you spent most of your spare time with them...Often helped the elderly with heavy loads...By all purposes a model citizen. Good very good." He gives an approving nod, while his right hand reaches for a titanic stamp, loaded with red ink.
"Heaven!" He yells in a authoritative manner as he stamps Bif's file, the sound of it hitting the paper echoing through out the room.
Bif's over joyed as, what can best be described as the physical manifestation of his former body, begins to emit a pure white light from it's center which grows outward until it engulfs his entire being. His light drenched body morphs from the shape of a meat-jin to a round ball of pure light. The little flame, does a loop in the air.
"Woohoo!" it yells out excitably.
"Just take this exit here, and go on to the building next door, they'll get you boarded onto a plane for heaven," says the ogre raising his hand to direct Bif's soul to the right direction. To him directing people to heaven has always been pleasant, and almost as satifying as seeing Saiya-jins go to hell.
Somewhere along the center of the now straight mostly silent line, a few short cheers, no doubt Bif's children excited at hearing their father's last resting place.
"Next person step forward please," the ogre now has the room's full attention.
Ham grudgingly moves up until he's right in front of the massive desk, his body is tense, his lizard like tail and facial testicles twitch and sway. Ham the ogre knows in not frightened by the outcome of the his sentencing, as much as he is resentful about being dead without suceeding in saving his planet.
"Ham, Commander of Mea-" Yemma abruptly stops speaking, he puts the file down and looks towards the door in on the center of the wall, across from his desk from which the newly dead enter.
A intensely loud slamming sound, which sends vibrations through out the ground, is the culpriate that stole his attention from the judgment. It is followed by a few small thuds, the ogre can only assume they are shingles from the roof following on the ground, loosened by the impact of whatever had been, banged against the wall of the Check in Station with such concrete shattering force. As far as he could see however, there was nothing but pale pink sky, littered with fluffy yellow clouds.
King Yemma gets up at once walking around his desk, and then parallel to the line of dead, which seem so tiny now by contrast, the head of the tallest of them, not even coming close to reaching the red giant's knees. They looked up gawking in awe as he passes by.
A red bespectacled ogre runs inside, he stops immediately in his tracks at the shock of seeing King Yemma up away from his desk, his T-shirt ripped and full of holes he has a bump on his head so large it looks, it's as if a third horn is growing out of his forehead, only that it's thicker and rounder then the other two, also bright red and throbbing. His breaths are rapid. He can't seem to stop himself from slouching forward and, placing his hands on his slightly bent knees to support his upper body.
Yemma looks down and raises an eye-brow in puzzlement, clearly surprised to see the ogre in such distress."What in the Kais' name is going on out there?"
"Kin-King Ye" The ogre tries to answer his bosses question as quickly as possible, but he's clearly to out of breath, he puts his open hand up in the air, as a non verbal request for Yama to wait. The latter furrows his brow and lets out an inpatient grunt.
The red ogre quickly straightens up. He laughs nervously before speaking.
"King Yemma sir, it's really nothing we've just been having a little trouble with four fairly new arrivals and-"
"Fairly new? What do you mean by fairly, how long have they been here?"
Again some nervous laughter from the ogre, before contorting his face in to a painfully strained smile.
The ogre yielding the clipboard can't help, but feel bad for his friend.
"Well I think it's been around tw-twelve...um maybe thirteen hours sir," the red ogre gulps audibly.
"Twelve hours? Twelve hours! Why aren't they in line, it's your duty to direct the new arrivals inside. You should also know if they get a little rowdy, to call for help this isn't the first time some dead guys don't want to be, well be dead." King Yemma folds his arms, looking at the red ogre expectantly.
"Well sir I'm no Goz or Mez, but I assure you" his voice cracks slightly after the word assure he pauses for an instant then continues,"That every thing is under contro-"
Yemma cuts him off, his tone is sharp "Are they meatjins?"
"No, King Ye-"
The big red judge of the after life, lets out a annoyed grunt looks back in the direction of the ogre with the clipboard who is standing by the left leg, of his desk the ogre's expression is full of concern.
"Quickly, look for any none meatjins names, who are they?"
He thought his hands were shaky earlier today, now he would give anything for that level of steadiness . He flips page upon page over the top of the clip board, some of them rushing back down, into place for the ogre's lack of a tight grip on them. Irritated he grabs the rogue pages and releases them from the clip board placing them behind it. At last he finds them, their names stick out like a pit bull, amongst poodles. He quickly reads them out to King Yemma.
"Panbukin, Totapo, Seripa and To-"
"Toma" It was another voice, one clear and confident in comparison to the ogre's that finishes the verbal call out.
A Saiya-jin in blue armor hovers at mid levels in the entrance. He smirks slightly noticing has the room's full attention.
"They're dead too!" Yells out Ham, he starts to cackle maniacally his voice aquiring a comically high-pitch tone.
"Now I can really rest in peace!" He adds in between laughs.
"Yeah, but it's not like any of you weaklings had anything to do with it, so I don't see why you're laughing so much, meat head!" The meat-jin's in the line begin to yell out a barrage of curse words at Toma, who then begins to laugh, as maniacally as the meat-jin had a few moments earlier. His laughter however, seems forced.
"But you are dead anyway, so I suggest you settle down, before I tag this onto your sentence which won't be pretty as it is!" Says King Yemma, who notices three other saiya-jins now hovering behind, the one in blue armor.
Toma's expression becomes somber he moves forward in the air so that he's about five feet away from Yemma bravely coming to level with his face.
"Look your erm...hornedness, it's like I told your minions we know we're dead, we know we're going, to hell that's fine. Thing is we don't know what it'll be like when we get there, if we'll even be able to talk to each other, so you see we're waiting for a friend. We'll go quietly if we can stay in this place till he gets here."
There is evident sadness in the Saiya-jin's solid black eyes now, they seem unusually shiny, almost as if they're moist with tears being forced at bay.
"That'll, probably be real soon too" he then says as an after thought, his voice is very soft almost a whisper. His head is hung low with apparent sorrow.