Disclaimer - Yeah, still not Eoin Colfer, strangely enough...

To make (something abstract) more concrete or real; to regard or treat (an idea, concept, etc.) as if having material existence.

"reify, v.". OED Online. June 2011. Oxford University Press. .com/view/Entry/161514?redirectedFrom=reify (accessed August 18, 2011).

Chapter One - Pillows

Her fingers jittered against the bed rail.

'You going to talk to me today, Artemis?'

He didn't respond, just continued to stare at the wall.

'Artemis?' She leant towards him. 'Artemis?'

'Captain Short?'

Holly turned. A young sprite was stood in the doorway, his yellow surgeon's mask hanging loose around his neck.

'I'm afraid you're going to have to leave,' he said. 'We need to prepare the patient for surgery.'

Several orderlies filed into the room behind him, making a beeline for Artemis's bed. One medi-elf pressed a button behind his headboard and the mattress began to rise.

'There we are, Mister Fowl,' she said reaching out for his elbow. 'If you could just sit up for us, there's a good lad.'

Holly rounded on the surgeon. 'What are you doing? You can't just come in here like this! Where's Doctor Argon?'

The sprite motioned over her shoulder to a few of the nurses. 'Doctor Argon has been re-assigned to other patients. We're here to take over.'

There was a loud buzzing noise from behind her and the Captain whipped around. Artemis was sat in a chair by the side of his bed, half his fringe being pushed back by the hand of a pinch-faced pixie. In her other hand she held a pair of clippers.

Holly was furious. 'What are you doing?'

The boy's only visible eye stared out at her, bloodshot and weary.

'We need to clear the incision point of any risk of infection,' said the surgeon. 'Usually we would avoid shaving but in this case time is of the essence.'

He gave a curt nod and the pixie's hand swept forward. The clipper blades bit into Artemis' hair line and the first black clump fell to the floor.

'Where's Doctor Argon?' demanded Holly. 'He said surgery wouldn't take place for another four months. Who gave you permission? Who?'

'We have received permission to perform a bilateral cingulotomy from the Haven Healers–'

'And what about his permission?'

Artemis's face was screwed up in obvious discomfort, both hands clenched in his lap. The pixie tilted his head forward and another thick tuft fell onto his knees.

'We don't need it,' replied the sprite coolly. 'The boy is a minor and his mother emailed the papers through this morning. She wanted us to wait until she could get a shuttle down here to see him but we advised her not to delay.'

Holly could feel her chest tightening. She had been left in charge of him for ten days – ten days – whilst Butler and Angeline returned above ground. It had been the worse ten days of his whole therapy. He had fainted six times due to screaming fits, refused to enter the bathroom without tapping out the entirety of Beethoven's 5th, smashed a vase of freesias over an orderly's head and, after a particularly nasty "fit of the fours" (as Mulch liked to call them), ripped out all his finger nails.

On the sixth day he had stopped. He had got up in the morning, washed, dressed and just sat on his bed staring at the wall. If Holly or anyone else asked him to do something he would comply with docile obedience, but otherwise remained completely still. At first Holly wasn't worried by the lack of communication – it had been a nice change after the week she'd had – but after two days of talking to what was basically a respiring mannequin she knew the complex had reached a stage too far. After three days she had been close to despair.

Now this.

'Back onto the bed, Artemis,' said a nurse, her tone gentle but firm, 'That's it, careful now.'

Holly watched as the teenager clambered back into his cot. As soon as he was clear two orderlies lifted the bedrails and locked them into place. Artemis sat cross-legged atop his covers, observing the scene around him with simple, passive interest.

'Is this it then?' she demanded, her cheeks flushed. 'Is this your last resort?'

The sprite's patience was clearly wearing thin but his professionalism forced him answer civilly. 'This is the final option. Argon held this off for as long as possible but now it's time.'

A medi-elf appeared at his elbow and the surgeon turned away. Holly swallowed hard, her head swimming.

'Hey,' she said, forcing stretching her mouth into a smile. 'Are you alright?'

Artemis didn't reply. Bereft of his suit and well-oiled hair he looked like a lion stripped of teeth and mane. His eyes, seemingly twice the size without anything to frame them, were down-cast, tired, underlined by shadowed bruises. His spine was curved, his skin the colour of paper.

'Oh, Artemis,' whispered Holly, raising a hand to his scalp. 'Look at you.'

He didn't react, simply stared at her blankly. Her smile crumbled.

'Scuse me!'

Holly was elbowed aside as a gnome kicked the break off the bed and several orderlies began to push Artemis away. She lurched after them.

'You have to stay here, Captain,' insisted the surgeon, quickly blocking her with his body. 'You can't accompany him into surgery.'

Holly bunched her fists. 'I can and I will. Just give me a uniform and spray me with some disinfectant gel – what else do I have to do?'

'I am not having you in my theatre. You will only get in the way.'

'Doctor Argon–'

'With all due respect, Captain, the human is my patient now and not Doctor Argon's. There is no reason for you to be in the room during the procedure; the patient will be unconscious throughout. You will only be a hindrance. Do you want to be a hindrance?'

The doors banged shut at the other end of the room and Holly saw that the bed had gone.

'You may see your friend after the operation,' said the sprite, sweeping the short distance to the doors, 'but until then I'd advise you get some sleep.'

The doors swung wide and then he too was gone.

Holly reached for the guest chair, lights dancing in her eyes.

Artemis. Gods, Artemis.

With her head in her hands she sank down, staring at the hair-strewn floor between her fingers. After a few moments she reached out and brushed some of the strands with her finger-tips.

Oh Gods, she thought, gathering a small curl and lifting it into her lap. Butler's going to kill me.

Artemis woke to the sound of a car-alarm.

What on Earth...?

Someone was crashing a symbol in the centre of his skull keeping perfect time with the claxon. What insufferable cretin was making all that noise? And why weren't the orderlies dealing with it?

He moaned and pushed his face further into his pillow.

'Go... stop it,' mumbled a voice from his side.

'No,' he grunted back. 'It's not my job.'

Then he realised what he'd just said.

There's someone in my bed.

The mattress rocked as the mystery occupant rolled over flopping an equally mystery arm over the blankets at his waist. With a jolt he realised he was naked.

He sat up sharply, keeping the covers held close to his chest. The intruder's head was turned away but by the dim light he could tell that it was female. Long, angel-like curls were draped over her pillow and most of her back was visible. With an ever deepening blush he realised she was naked too.

Did ... did I have sexual intercourse last night?

He thought back.

No, you had lima-bean stew and treacle pudding last night. Oh, and emergency brain surgery.

His hands flew up to his scalp. Thick, slightly greasy hair met with his fingertips. He probed further, feeling his scalp for any incision lines... nothing. How strange.

The girl beside him moaned and freed her other arm from beneath her. The movement resulted in the covers shifting down further and Artemis clasped his eyes shut. Keeping them shut, he moved the blankets carefully back over her. Then he felt a hand brush against his cheek.

'Morning,' whispered the girl.

Artemis' heart nearly shut down. 'Min- Minerva?'

She smiled at him mischievously. 'Hey.'

He dropped the cover and fell instantly out the other side of the bed.

The girl frowned. 'Al?'

He scrambled to his feet, pressing a pillow protectively to his nether regions. Minerva was on her knees.

'Al, what's wrong?'

Artemis glanced at her, and then quickly looked away.

'For God's sake!' he hissed. 'Put something on!'

For a moment her expression fell, but then she smirked, biting her lower lip. 'Why...? It's not as if you haven't seen it all before...'

Artemis cringed, desperately looking anywhere but at the bed. The room was not well lit; he could make out only silhouettes: a lamp, his violin case, the naked Minerva.

Stop looking at her.

'Why are you here?' he demanded, eyes clenched shut again. 'I'm recovering from a mental disorder. How did you even get to Atlantis? Did you- did you drug me or something?'

Minerva's voice was outraged. 'No, I did not drug you. Fucking hell, Al! This is my dorm. Youwere the one phoning me at three in the morning begging me to let you in.' He heard her get off the bed and a wardrobe door bang. 'And what the fuck do you mean Atlantis? Are you on something?'

Artemis didn't know. There were so many things wrong with this situation his usually more than capable brain was struggling to process it all. He tentatively opened his eyes to see a dressing-gown clad Minerva glaring at him, her arms folded tightly to her chest.

'Where... where are my clothes?' he asked, deciding to start with the basics.

She smirked nastily. 'You only came in a thong and I ate that last night. Remember?'

'You... ate it?'

'A-Hmm. Every. Last. Bit of it.'

Artemis put a hand to his head. The headache had worsened and a strange bubbling sensation was stirring at the pit of his stomach. It was most unpleasant.

'I'm going to vomit,' he realised.

Minerva's eyes widened.

'Out!' she bellowed. 'Out, now!'

He scrabbled at a door handle to his left, bile rising in his throat, only to be faced with a tower of towels.

Minerva was beside herself. 'That's the airing cupboard. Door! Here!'

He sprinted past her, vaguely aware of the breeze on his exposed rear end, and was met with a small landing and an additional five doors: two in front of him, two on the right and another only a metre from Minerva's.

She gestured frantically to the right. 'That one!'

He lurched forward and let fly. Most of it landed on target.

Blue, thought Artemis as he dropped to his knees, why blue?

'Min?' croaked a voice. 'Min, what's all the noise?'

Locks were clicking open and he could hear the soft pad of slippers shuffling out onto the landing.

'What's going on?' groaned someone.

'It's eight am, Minnie.'

'Christ, what's that smell?'

Artemis felt panic swell in his chest and he wretched again.

'Someone's in the bog.'

The door behind him creaked open. There was silence and then-

'Oh. My. Fucking. God.'

Artemis took several steadying breaths before turning around. He was met with four very stunned faces.

'Aw, mate,' said the only boy of the group, his surprise turning quickly to glee, 'this is classic.'

'What the fuck are you doing in our toilet?' demanded a girl still wearing last night's makeup.

'I...' Artemis clutched at his pillow. 'Minerva...'

Every face turned to the blonde girl still stood in the door of her room.

'Don't look at me,' she said innocently. 'Never seen him before in my life.'

There was the tramp of heavy boots on stairs and a red-faced man wearing a cowboy hat and an olive work-fleece clambered onto the landing.

'Inspection!' he wheezed. 'Get your rooms ready! I'm here to see that you're all complying with the college fire safety –' Then he spotted Artemis. His piggy eyes widened as he took in the cushion and the naked, quivering body behind it. 'What the bloody hell...'

'He doesn't go here!' trilled a pasty-faced girl with stringy hair. 'None of us know who he is. We just found him this minute, in the loo.'

The man's hands balled into fists. 'Is that right?'

Artemis sensed danger and shot a glance over at Minerva. A small part of his brain registered how much older she looked. The last time he had seen her she had been fifteen years old – wash-board thin and barely five feet tall. This girl must be at least nineteen, curvy, and at least five foot eight.

Well, this is your dream, genius.

The cowboy took a sudden step forward. 'Get out of it!' he bellowed. 'Go on! Get out of it! Bloody pervert!'

Artemis hesitated, analysing his options, before realising he had no choice but to run. He bolted across the landing and down the stairs, the porter thundering after him. The stairway was narrow and uneven, but as he soon found out, quite congested.

'Whoa there, sexy,' laughed one girl as they collided.

'Sorry,' he muttered, quickly bypassing her and sprinting down another flight.

'Nice arse, lover boy.'

'Gonna give us a peek then?'

'Run, Forrest, run!'

Jeers and wolf-whistles followed him down every identical floor. His feet slapped painfully against the concrete and his arms ached as teenager after teenager attempted to snatch away his pillow. One boy took a swipe at his backside and his hand connected with a sharp crack. The following roar of laughter was deafening. Eventually, after much torment, Artemis reached the ground floor and the main reception. The porter from upstairs had obviously radioed ahead and there were three angry, uniformed men waiting for him in a line.

'Come here,' growled one, making a lunge for him.

Artemis twisted, surprising even himself, and managed to dance out of the way of the way of his spade-like hands. He charged towards the doors, praying that they hadn't had the foresight to lock them. They hadn't. He emerged onto a busy road teeming with traffic and pedestrians.

'Nice arse!' yelled one driver, leaning out from their window.

Hmm, thought Artemis, so I've been told.

He hobbled quickly down the front steps and onto the pavement, the porters in steady pursuit.

'Hey!' called a particularly dumpy one, puffing heavily. 'Stay... where you... are!'

Artemis gripped his pillow.

I think not.

He braced his legs to run when - crash.Artemis was tackled sideways, straight into the side of a parked Mercedes. He gasped, winded, and tried to get up.

'Police!' announced a voice from behind him. 'I'd advise you to stay down, sir!'

'What?' Artemis twisted, stricken, but was slammed back to the car. The metal banged painfully against his legs, stomach and –

A huffing porter stooped to the ground, snatching up Artemis' abandoned cushion. The teenager groaned and creased forwards, his forehead sinking onto the bonnet.

'If you would stand, sir,' barked the officer at his back; a woman by what Artemis could tell of her voice.

His only response was to moan louder. She jerked him upright.

'So what's the problem here gentlemen?'

'He,' spat a porter whose voice Artemis recognised as the one from upstairs. 'Has been perving around our girls. I found him naked upstairs doing God-knows-what in the toilet-'

'I wasn't perving, I was vomiting,' snapped Artemis. 'One of your girls had just thrown me naked out of their room.'

There was a chorus of whistles and jeers from behind him and Artemis realised that the teenagers from the stairs had come out to watch.

'He's lying,' insisted the cowboy porter. 'I asked them all and none of them had a clue who he was!'

The officer nudged against Artemis' spine. 'Well?'

'Well,' snapped the boy, 'obviously this is a misunderstanding.'

'Well, he seems to think it's pretty clear.'

Artemis snorted. 'It's his word against mine – why don't you do your job and carry out a little policing, hmm?

The officer's grip tightened painfully on his arms and Artemis winced. 'Who was the girl who threw you out?'

'Minerva. Minerva Paradiso.'

'Is there a Minerva here?' called the police woman. 'A Minerva Paradiso?'

'Here!'

Her approach was accompanied by a dozen whistles and calls. The crowds were obviously enjoying themselves.

'Can I help you officer?' asked Minerva, smiling sweetly.

'This young man has been accused of public harassment but he says he was with you.'

'Really?' exclaimed Minerva. 'How odd.' There was another round of jeering from the front doors.

'He says he was thrown out of your room and was merely using the bathroom when Mister...'

'Kirkenhazard,' supplied the cowboy porter quickly.

Artemis frowned; he had heard that name somewhere before.

'When Mister Kirkenhazard here found him... vomiting, and came to the wrong conclusion.'

Minerva frowned, apparently distressed. 'I don't know,' she said. 'I don't think I recognise him. May... May I have a closer look just to make sure?'

Artemis gritted his teeth as he was turned bodily to face her.

Minerva furrowed her brow apparently thinking hard. Behind her the college had erupted into a new cacophony of cat-calls, shrieks and digital shutter clicks.

'Hmm,' she said, tapping a finger to her chin. 'Nope. Definitely never seen him before.'

Artemis was pressed back onto the bonnet. He felt his arms being shoved up behind his back and the cold snap of handcuffs connect around his wrists. 'Minerva!' he shouted over his shoulder. 'For God's sake, Miner–'

'I am arresting you on the charge of public harassment,' said the female officer. 'You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.'

And with that he was pulled off the car and marched forward. 'Minerva!' he yelled, twisting towards her. 'Minerva!'

A uniformed arm reached out and snatched the pillow back from the pug-faced porter.

'Here!' he protested. 'That's Duke College property that is!'

'Not anymore,' muttered the police woman then - 'Kelp! Finally!'

Artemis lurched. A male police officer was hurrying towards them up the pavement, at least three layers of wool wrapped around his neck. He was tall but skinny as a broom handle, his nose, forehead and cheeks smothered with freckles. His pale eyes locked with Artemis's.

Grub Kelp.

'Holly!' gasped the policeman, his cheeks scarlet. 'What are you doing? What's he-?'

The pillow appeared in his hands.

'Here,' she snapped, 'Hold that up for him. And how many times do I have to tell you? When we're on duty you will address me as W.P.C. Short.'

The blood pounded in Artemis's ears.

'W-What happened?' asked Kelp, still utterly bewildered. 'I only went to change my gloves-'

'A lot happened. This guy's been caught flashing girls in the college dorms.'

Artemis struggled to turn around. 'Holly!' he gasped. 'Holly, it's me!'

'Eyes front, please, sir,' replied Holly. 'I don't particularly want to see any more of you than I'm already seeing.'

They drew level with the police car and Kelp scrambled to open the back door. As Holly's hand pressed to the top of his head, pushing him down and inside, Artemis managed to glance up.

Hazel eyes, hooked nose, plump lips and a shock of red hair peeped out from beneath a regulation bowler hat. Her ears were not pointed, her left eye was not blue and she was well above one metre in height. She was petite, not tiny: her hair was short but not shorn. Artemis drank it in. Holly was human – a human being.

'Holly,' he whispered. 'Holly.'

Then a pillow collided with his face.

W.P.C. Short grinned down at him. 'That's my name, don't wear it out!'

The door slammed shut.

Okay, I was a little disheartened by the comments left last time (it was a general response of "what the heck's going on?" and I just thought "Jesus! This is RA all over again! Sod this!") so I took the chapter down. However, after a marvellously strange, albeit encouraging, PM from a certain Mr. Woland I've decided to give it another chance. If people don't like it this time, or find it too confusing (if you're a little confused that's fine - welcome to the world of reading my fanfics, they do make sense eventually, I promise!) then I'll call it a day. Heck, I know when to take a hint and if it's not liked *shrugs* I'm consign it to a dark place at the back of my hard drive. No worries!

But otherwise, my lovelies, what do you think? Honest, constructive criticism is still always welcome! IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS LOG IN BEFORE YOU REVIEW (if you can) OTHERWISE I CAN'T HELP YOU UNTIL I POST THE NEXT CHAPTER!

And - for those of you waiting for RA updates - I just got the first draft back from my beta so keep checking your inboxes! I'm not dead yet ;)

Cheers!

Holi