"Garrus?"
A soft, wispy voice murmured lowly behind him; quiet, serene, and all together uncertain, reality molded back around the turian. Metal floors. Sharp lighting. A wall memorial. This moment was meant to be honorable, a time of respecting the dead and the sacrifices they made, and finding acceptance in their Commander's passing.
"Are you-" Liara began at his sudden lurch in posture. He'd been staring at the memorial wall for a few minutes now, his visage that of strong contemplation. She was no mind reader, but the asari expected he was reliving his time with Shepard, a time where she envied him from afar.
"This isn't … right."
Crew members who fought beside Commander Shepard stood solemnly, awkwardly. He heard James Vega mutter incoherently, while Kaiden Alenko, the 'second in command', patted gently at his shoulder.
"We need to honor her. What's not right about that?"
Talons had been gripping that metal plaque for some time. An emptiness filled him, an inescapable void that slowly ate away the soul, numbed his emotions and-
"And how do we know she's dead?" Raspy vocals sounded strange to his own ears; they were hollow despite hopeful premise. He turned slowly to face the forlorn faces of Tali Zorah, Vega, Liara, Javik and –Joker. The pilot's gaze never lifted from the floor as the others shifted uncomfortably around him.
They've been sitting for roughly two weeks on an uncharted planet, making repairs to the Normandy and quietly mourning their losses. Due to his rank among the Alliance crew, Alenko took charge at the discretion of Liara. She was not the ship's XO, and partly figured the humans wouldn't abide commands from an asari. No one seemed to look past the jagged edge that defined each species on board, however – in fact, more were willing to listen to the aliens now that their Commander-
"Garrus, I know it's hard-" His grip intensified, as if meaning could transcend through their armor and he'd understand the final truth. "-but we have to let go." Heavy voice eluded to the biotic's own personal demons; focus blurred as it shifted along doleful faces.
He saw Liara first; moisture collected at the corners of bright blue eyes – she looked away shamefully. Tali's expressions were always unreadable, but the hunch in her shoulders portrayed hidden weights that withered her posture. Vega was surprisingly indifferent, his attention strained on the long list of deceased crew members that blared loudly before them. The memorial grew in number, and yet he couldn't bring himself to look at the name cradled in the turian's hands. Joker's empty gaze studied metal flooring for imperfections. He hadn't spoke much since they crash landed, save but quiet jokes to himself (or was he trying to speak to EDI?). Her 'death' was a painful scar, nonetheless, and while they used to share a common paranoia around the AI, each grew to respect her. Joker even loved her. On that note, he could relate-
Javik and Liara shared a brief look, however blank it was; the Prothean expected great woe, and the Commander's fate had been sealed the moment she discovered the Reapers. He highly doubted she survived what occurred on the Crucible. At this moment, he was the only one to embrace death for what it was – a sorrowful, but necessary destiny that awaited them all at some point. Shepard fought bravely and achieved great success against impossible odds – his ancestors may rest peacefully now, in thanks to her.
"You can, but I'm not letting go until I know." Garrus pushed the plaque against the man's chest; he fumbled with it clumsily (allowing it to fall was just as disgraceful as letting the American Flag touch the floor) and mustered up a burning scowl aimed at the turian's back.
"Know how, Garrus? We lost nearly all of our communication equipment, the engine's shot, the mass effect core's leaking... we're stuck here for who knows how long. There won't be answers any time soon. We have to accept this if we want to move on-" From anger to sympathy, Alenko's arms sagged – the plaque in his hands felt like it was crafted out of lead.
He said nothing. The growing pit in his stomach devoured the intestines; it'd eventually convert into an abyss, draining him of hope right before it consumed his heart.
A silhouette outlined in dark red was upon him faster than he realized; Javik stood before him suddenly, and with a painful grip to the wrist, the Prothean's unapologetic method of mind delving rippled throughout the small group as muffled gasps.
"She is dead, turian. Accept the grievance and find peace that you were once able to call her yours." He leaned back, just as Liara hurriedly moved forward to separate them.
"Please- we have many tasks at hand. Infighting won't get us off this planet any faster..."
His gaze was smoldering; fixated, hawk-like eyes glared at the Prothean's tight-lipped mouth. He didn't get it, none of them did. Garrus overturned his wrist sharply, retracted it in a quick yank and used that same limb to shove past him. All eyes fell on the turian's slumped posture as he walked away; he needed to be alone, away from that god damn plaque, away from everyone, away from his own thoughts.
"Maybe he has a point," Joker's voice splintered on a hasty swallow. "-we don't know. And until we do, we need to get our shit together." A moment of stillness, the pilot nodded his capped head once before hobbling off to the elevator – his destination, the Normandy's lonesome cockpit.
"Let's... let's just keep up on the repairs, everyone. Me and Vega will go out scouting for any possible resources. At least the planetary scanner still works..." Alenko's directions held little command; dull pitch and sunken shoulders, he set aside Shepard's name with a heavy sigh. The group dispersed, one by one.
Did Garrus and Joker honestly believe she survived? Hope was a contagious disease.