A/N - well guys, I finally plucked up the courage to post my first Suits fic! Haven't written fics of any kind since 2012, so am a bit rusty - big thanks to Emily ( specter_paulsen) for agreeing to be my wonderful beta! 8b promises more insight into Donna's background and life outside the office, so I wanted to take some time and explore that before the show comes back. Although it may not seem like it from this chapter, there is plenty of Darvey angst, fights, and more to come ~
Donna Roberta Paulsen did not pine after guys. It was one of her rules, one of the first she established, actually. It happened during her first semester of college. She met a guy, he was a bit older, he had a car, and they'd arrive arm in arm at the hottest parties on campus. All too quickly though, he got bored and moved on. It'd only been six weeks, but Donna fell hard, and spent the rest of that semester wishing he'd come back, and wondering what it was about her that made him leave in the first place.
And it made her feel like shit. She'd always been confident, always believed in herself and her abilities, and never needed someone else - especially not some throwaway college fling - to validate her. She hated how much she'd let this guy get to her. It took her nearly the entire spring semester to gain her confidence back as she dove headfirst into classes and extracurriculars that excited and motivated her. At the end of that first year, she washed her hands of the whole thing. If a guy didn't want her or couldn't commit, that was it for her - rip the bandaid off and start a new chapter. No tear stained pillow cases, no what ifs, no 1am phone calls, no wasted energy on someone who wasn't able to give her the same. Chin up, chest out; just like her mom always said.
There had been plenty of guys since, some more serious and significant than others and some she'd rather not remember, but for one reason or another, none of them stuck.
Her romantic past was a favorite topic with her sisters. They thought it was hilarious - always teasing her for not being able to keep a man, always asking about some guy she mentioned months prior, knowing full well that things had since ended. She put up with it though, because that's what sisters did, and she knew that in the times she'd really needed them they'd been there for her, no questions asked - like the time that they picked her up, trunk of the car loaded with cases of wine and whisked her away for a weekend in the Hamptons when she needed to forget just where Stephen Huntley's hands had been.
Her sisters knew about Harvey, too. They teased her that he was the longest "relationship" she'd ever had, despite her constant insistence that it wasn't like that. They liked Harvey, had even met him a couple of times. He had been Donna's +1 to both of their weddings, afterall.
She hadn't told her sisters everything, though. They didn't know she kissed him, didn't know he'd ended a relationship so she could keep her job at the firm - her job with him. They certainly didn't know about the other time 13 years ago; them knowing any of that would only add fuel to the fire Donna insisted wasn't there. They knew that Harvey was her person - her best friend - and that she'd do whatever necessary, be whatever he needed her to be to keep him in her life. She'd never admit it to him, but she needed him. She couldn't be Donna without Harvey. Her sisters knew all this and yet, they still thought the pair of them were two idiots in love; too stubborn and scared to admit their feelings to themselves - and each other.
Donna knew that she'd lied when she told him she didn't feel anything when she kissed him. She thought that Harvey knew this too, that Mike would at least clue him in, and in the days after he'd ended things with Paula she'd expected him to call her out on it. That's what they did. They could smell each other's bullshit from a mile away and called each other on it. But he never did.
She thought he'd ask her what she was thinking after they'd spent hours dancing cheek to cheek at Mike and Rachel's wedding. That's what he did when he couldn't read her facial expression - but the question never came.
Increasingly, she found herself lying awake in bed running through every interaction she'd had with Harvey that day at the office. Every joke, every heated conversation, every stolen glance. Wondering what he was really thinking when he made jokes about strawberries and whipped cream and pulling her pigtails, wondering if he'd always been so bad at apologies without her to guide him through the script.. Until one night, after a particularly unremarkable day, she came to the unwelcome realization that she was doing just what she promised her nineteen year old self she would never do. She was pining after a guy, and not just any guy; Harvey Specter. A guy she promised herself, and him, that she would put out of her mind thirteen years ago. She kissed him because she needed to know how she felt, hoping it'd force a reaction from him. They screamed at each other in the lobby and then he ended things with Paula, which allowed her to hope things were about to change between them. But nope, they were back to normal - whatever normal was for them these days. This may be one of the few times in their lives where she couldn't pinpoint exactly what Harvey was thinking, but she sure as hell knew he wasn't thinking about her half as often as she was thinking about him. And she couldn't have that. It was time to rip the bandaid off the Harvey-sized bullet hole in her heart. No more pining; it was time to move on.
Donna's sisters were shocked when the guy she mentioned, James, at their monthly brunch the month before was still in the picture. Even more so when that was still the case the following month, and the month after that. The last time Donna mentioned a guy for this long it was Mark, and they all knew how that ended, twice. Even Mitchell was insignificant enough to only be mentioned in passing a handful of times. Her sisters were happy for her, but couldn't help but wait for the other shoe to drop.
The next time they met for brunch, four months after Donna first mentioned James, she did something that really surprised her sisters. They were so taken aback by what she said that they both just stared at her blankly.
"Did you hear me?" Donna asked.
"I…yeah, we did. Are you sure?" Asked Grace, the oldest of the trio.
"Yes!" Donna replied excitedly, " I want you both to come over for dinner next weekend and meet James"
After a quick, reassuring glance at Grace, Claire - the youngest of the three - replied "that sounds great Dee - can't wait!"
The following Saturday, Donna moved quickly around her apartment with final preparations for the evening. She assembled the drinks on the counter - scotch for James, white wine for Claire, and red for her and Grace. She was lighting the candles on the dining room table when she heard a knock on the the door. Moving to the entryway, she glanced at the clock in the hallway.
"I said 7:30, not 7:15 Grace!" Silently cursing that Paulsen family punctuality they'd all inherited from their dad, but her older sister had never been able to shake.
Swinging open her front door with a sarcastic comment ready on the tip of her tongue, she let out a breath and smiled widely when the face that greeted her wasn't Grace, but James.
She gave him a hug and a quick kiss and he stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind him. She stood in front of him with her hand resting on his biceps just above his elbows, smiling up at him.
"You're early" she breathed.
"Well" leaning down to kiss her, "as I've been told many times" winking at her before continuing, "Paulsen women are never late. And I wanted to be able to do this before your sisters got here."
Before she could laugh or respond to his previous comment, he tightened his grip around her waist and took a step closer, bringing their bodies flush against one another. Softly backing her up against her front door he kissed her, more intently than their earlier two. Breathing him in, Donna opened her mouth to deepen the kiss. Her hands traveled up his arms and over his shoulders. One grabbing on to the lapel of his jacket, pulling him closer while the other moved up to the back of his neck, her fingers toying with his short hairs.
Knowing full well that her sisters would be there any minute, and that she'd never hear the end of it if they found her like this, she reluctantly broke the kiss. Still wrapped in his arms, she looked up at him and smiled.
"I missed you this week" she said as she took both his hands in hers and led him into the apartment.
It was true. James had been traveling for work all week and she hadn't seen him since the previous weekend. She was surprised at how much she'd missed his presence. They usually only saw each other one or two nights during a given week because of both of their late hours, but even still, she found herself missing their morning coffee dates at that place that was the perfect distance between both of their offices. She liked that he'd become significant enough to miss like that, but she liked it better now that he was back.
"I missed you too" he replied as he helped himself to a glass of scotch. "Luckily, I don't have anywhere to be until Monday morning, and can think of a couple ways I'd like to fill that time." He smiled at her as he leaned against the counter, facing her.
She met his gaze as she poured herself a glass of wine. "Oh" she quipped as she rested her elbows on the count counter opposite him. "Is that so?"
"Perhaps, but you'll just have to wait until this dinner is over to find out."
"Ah a man of mystery, I like it," she replied as she opened the refrigerator to retrieve the evening's snacks and appetizers. She handed him a platter of cheese and crackers and he wordlessly followed her into the living room.
"So" he said as they settled onto her couch, drinks in hand "am I meeting everyone tonight, or just the sisters?"
"Just Grace and Claire tonight" Donna replied, cuddling up to his side, enjoying the last couple minutes of alone time with him before her sisters arrived. "I figured it was better to ease you in rather than throw you to the wolves right away."
Donna hoped he wasn't able to pick up on the slight nervousness in her voice. She didn't mention it to him, but it was a big deal for one of her boyfriends to meet anyone in her family besides her sisters. She can't remember the last time that happened. Her sisters' husbands really were the brothers she'd never had - they were incredibly protective of her, something she appreciated in varying degrees, but she knew they only wanted her happy and looked after- something they made alarmingly clear when she had to talk both of them out of showing up at Stephen Huntley's door and beating the shit out of him.
A rapid knock on her door broke the comfortable silence between the two of them. Donna set her wine glass down on the coffee table and walked toward the noise.
She took a deep breath before she opened the door. "Here goes nothing" she thought.
Conversation flowed naturally between the four of them as they transitioned from the living room to the dining room. Donna heard Claire and James laughing at a joke she hadn't caught as she and Grace went into the kitchen to grab everyone drink refills.
As she poured him another glass of scotch, Donna looked up at her older sister.
"What do you think? Do you like him?" She asked nervously.
"He's great Dee" Grace patted her hand reassuringly. "He makes you smile, and I haven't seen you smile like that in awhile. I like anyone who can make you throw your head back laughing."
"You know," Donna whispered as she topped off her sister's wine glass. "It's not just his jokes that make me throw my head back."
"That," Grace laughed as she took a sip from her now full glass of wine "Is a conversation for another time," she finished giving her sister a sideways smirk. "But seriously Dee, If you're happy, I'm happy."
Linking elbows with her sister, Donna led the back to the dining room. "I am, Gigi. I think I really am."
The effortless conversation from earlier continued throughout dinner; making Donna wonder what exactly she had been so nervous about. James was getting along great with her sisters. It was easy, natural even. If her happiness and comfort around James were as apparent as Grace said, she knew her sisters' husbands would take to him just as quickly as they did. She couldn't help but image a similar dinner party months down the road; the six of them laughing and talking about everything and nothing. She couldn't help but image Christmas - the two of them helping her nieces and nephews decorate the tree, or him sharing a glass of scotch and a cigar on the back porch with her dad and brothers. Is this what happened when you found the one? Did you start to picture them folding into the fabric of your family - celebrating holidays together and co-hosting just because dinner parties?
It was his voice and her sisters' laughter that awoke her from her little daydream.
"Hey DeeDee" he laughed "can you pass me the rolls?"
Hearing him use one of her childhood nicknames caused her to laugh, and nearly choke on her wine.
"Excuse me, Mister" narrowing her eyes at him as she pulled the basket of rolls farther from his reach "but there are only two people on this planet who can call me that and they happen to be sitting on either side of you."
"It's true" Claire sighed.
"Yep" Grace agreed, grabbing a roll from the basket before finally passing it to James.
"Ok, that was a set up" James laughed as he leaned back in his chair.
"Seems like it was" Donna replied as she teared off a piece of her roll and playfully chucked it across the table in his direction.
"So" James asked as he leaned closer to Claire, meeting her gaze. "Does Donna have any other childhood nicknames I should steer clear of?"
"Oh, there's another one. But she loves it. Anyone can use it" Claire replied.
A devilish grin spread across her face as she made eye contact with Grace. Realizing what Claire was thinking of, Grace laughed and flashed Donna a huge grin before continuing.
"Oh definitely, it's her favorite. Isn't that right, Robbie?"
Now it was James' turn to laugh and choke on his drink. "Robbie?" he questioned as he looked between the three sisters. Claire and Grace couldn't hide their laughter - Donna's latest heavy pour of wine clearly getting to them. Donna, although smiling, was looking between her two sisters seemingly deciding which to assassinate first.
"Oh no, nope" she started, popping the p as she spoke the last word, her eyes now locked on him.
Sensing that there was an interesting backstory to this nickname, he fixed his gaze across the table at Donna. "Robbie, huh? Where does that come from?" he asked.
"It's my middle name." Donna sighed.
Confused, "your middle name is Robbie?" he asked.
"Roberta" Claire corrected quickly, still unable to get her laugher under control.
"It's awful, isn't it!?" Donna exclaimed as she took a sip of her wine.
Grace rolled her eyes and looked between her two sisters. "Here we go," she laughed and leaned back in her chair, just as Donna launched into a rant about her middle name that she'd heard so many times she could recite it herself.
"It's not even like it's a family name!" Donna continued, "there are no Robertas, or even Roberts, on either side of our family. Where did it come from?"
"It's not that bad!" James started, standing up to help Grace start clearing the table. He walked behind Donna's chair and placed a kiss on the top of her head before continuing. "I kind of like it."
"Don't lie to me" Donna deadpanned, looking in his direction.
Claire and Donna got up from the table, brining the remaining few items into the kitchen. They carried dessert and yet another bottle of wine into the living room as the conversation continued.
"And it's not like our parents ran out of nice, normal names. There are plenty of names out there. Claire here was born two years later and her middle name is as normal as they come. Why couldn't she get stuck with Roberta?"
"It's true" Claire replied smugly as Donna refilled her wine glass "Elizabeth is a great middle name."
Donna looked between her sisters as the pair of them burst into laughter yet again. "You both suck," she said as she took a sip of wine, putting an end to the conversation. She sat down on the couch and draped her legs over James' lap.
"So James," Grace started. " Now that we've determined that Donna has the worst middle name in the world, What's yours? Can't be as bad as Roberta."
"Oh, James is actually my middle name, but it's what I've been called since I was a kid"
"Oooh, why's that?" Claire asked "Horrible and embarrassing first name?" She added jokingly.
"Not really" James explained "My first name is Henry, but I have a twin sister - Heather - and growing up I hated how similar our names were, so I insisted on being called James."
"Henry James Spidle" Grace said, pronouncing each word slowly. "Very refined."
"Regal even," Claire agreed.
As Donna reached across the coffee table to pass James his glass of scotch, her two sisters exchanged knowing glances over her head.
The evening ended with Claire and Grace asking questions about James' work and family. They learned all about his job in finance and his time playing football at Yale. They learned that he and his brother shared a massive record collection that their grandfather had given them before he died. He shared a love of cars with both his dad and his brother and, whenever the three were together, they enjoyed racing their dad's refurbished Cadillacs down his parent's long driveway. He was close with his siblings and his dad, but his relationship with his mom was a bit more complicated. They were in a better place than they'd been before, but it was still a work in progress. His brother lived in the City too, and was a professor at NYU. His sister was a middle school math teacher near the town in Massachusetts where they'd grown up.
It was just after midnight when they said their final goodbyes to her sisters. Closing the door behind them she turned around and leaned against it, a big, slightly tipsy, slightly exhausted smile spreading across her face.
James grabbed both her hands and pulled her toward him, lazily snaking his hands around her waist. The pair stood in content silence in her entryway for a couple seconds as Donna moved her hands from her sides to rest on the back of his neck, her thumbs tracing the outline of his defined jaw.
"So" Donna breathed as she looked up at him, trying to read his expression "what did you think?"
"They're wonderful, Donna" he replied, tucking a lock of her curly auburn hair behind her ear. "I can't wait to get to know them better."
Donna breathed a sigh of relief as she looked back up at him and smiled. The night had gone off without a hitch and she couldn't wait for the next time they all got together.
"Now," he continued, a sly smile spreading across his face "about those weekend plans I mentioned earlier" his voice trailed off as his grip around her waist tightened.
"Oh right" Donna replied, her tone matching his as she inched closer to him. "Remind me what those were again" she leaned in, lips just brushing his before she turned around and reached back, grabbing his hand in both of hers as she led him to the bedroom.
Donna's sisters exited her apartment building arm in arm, recapping the evening. When they got to the street corner where they'd part ways, the pair stopped. Claire finally asking the question that had been on both of their minds since midway through dinner.
"He's really great, Gigi, handsome, smart, funny, accomplished. And she seems really happy. But -" Claire paused, looking up at her big sister before she continued, "did he remind you of someone?"
"Harvey." Grace responded, without missing a beat. "She's dating Harvey."
"But not" Claire sighed.
A/N - thanks for reading my first ever Suits fic, and stay tuned for more chapters here! Please, let me know what you think and leave a review!