Donated to Fandoms 4 Autism
Pen Name: KellanCougar Rating: M (one lemony reference) Pairing: Bella/Jasper Warnings & Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer. Summary: Today's the day it all begins. Bella can see it all, her entire future with Jasper spread out before her eyes. She just needs to talk to him first.
~oOo~
Perfect Day
Every day.
Every day, after lectures ended, he went to sit by the river and play his guitar.
I knew this because I had followed him once or twice. Hell, more than a few times, I'll admit.
We shared English class although we sat different sides of the room. He barely interacted in class, but I knew his grades were way up there. I guessed he was a listener and not much for talking.
Jasper Whitlock.
He had transferred to our college at the start of the fall semester, and turned my world upside down. I had noticed him immediately; his messy blond, sun-bleached hair and blue-grey eyes that changed with the weather had owned me from the first glance. Yep, one look and I was done for.
He had made eye contact with me precisely twice. The first time was when we nearly collided outside in the wet parking lot. He was walking toward me, head down, and I had tripped and nearly taken him down with me. That was when I noticed his eyes, wide and startled, as he stumbled to maintain his footing and not land on me.
The second time was in class when Mr Berty sprung a pop quiz on Romeo and Juliet. He fired questions at us one by one, and when he barked "Whitlock!" Jasper's head turned to answer him and caught my eye in the process.
So there you have it. The basis for a lifelong partnership right there, formed by a love of romantic English literature.
Noticing that he always left class bang on the bell, I decided one day to follow him and see where he went with such haste, praying it wasn't to meet a girlfriend. I was surprised and intrigued when he stopped and took out his guitar; I wondered if he planned to busk, but instead he went and sat down by the river's edge, playing quietly to himself, away from passersby. Finding a spot out of his view, I sat for a few moments to listen and was overwhelmed when he began to sing, his voice floating over the summer air to my eager ears. His voice was rougher than the guys I listened to on the radio, his accent prominent as he sang with a sexy drawl that caressed my skin like the seductive slither of a silk scarf.
I snuck away while he sang and my heart swelled with love for this lonely boy, no friends to speak of, and no one to call his own.
I followed him again a few days later, again hiding from sight, not that he'd notice, engrossed as he was in his playing. I wanted to be closer to him, to find a way to be his friend.
I wanted him to notice me.
The pattern continued for over a month. A couple of days a week I'd go listen to him play, always leaving before he was done. In truth, I had no idea how long he stayed there each evening. The rest of the time I was equal parts struggling to stay away from him and formulating a plan to approach him.
I didn't want him to be embarrassed. He obviously didn't want to be heard or he wouldn't have chosen that spot away from the footpath. It was a peaceful spot, just the breeze and the gentle sound of the water for company.
Sitting quietly out of sight on one particularly warm afternoon, I made the momentous decision that today was the day.
~oOo~
I ran my fingers through my long, dark waves. Standing up, I brushed the dirt from my jeans and checked everything was buttoned and zipped. The last thing I needed was to stand in front of him with my shirt buttoned incorrectly as I so often did when I threw it on in the morning.
All he knew of me was that I studied English Lit, and tripped over quite a bit. It was time to change his perception of Bella Swan, future girlfriend, wife and mother of his beautiful children.
I took a deep breath and forced one foot in front of the other in the time honoured fashion. At first he didn't react, maybe not noticing or hearing me approach over his music. But then, as my shadow played over his feet, he turned and looked up in surprise. A shy, gentle smile played over his lips as his eyes met mine, and he spoke to me for the very first time.
"What can I do for you, Bella?"
He knows my name!
Slightly tongue tied at being faced with having an actual conversation, my response was somewhat stuttered.
"I-I just wanted to say that your music is beautiful. It's like you... I mean... oh god... not that I think you're beautiful! You're more handsome than beautiful... I-I'm sorry..."
I turned to leave, mortified, my face flaming red behind my curtain of hair.
"Bella?"
His husky voice compelled me to stop and look at him; his face had flushed a delicate pink at my gushy monologue, his warm eyes looking into mine.
"Did you want to sit?"
He waved in the general area next to him and waited somewhat nervously for my answer. Not trusting myself to speak coherently, I nodded and sat down.
We sat for a few moments, neither knowing what to say. He turned to me with a nervous smile.
"This is sort of private time for me, you know? I've never played for anyone, ever."
I felt bad then, and went to get up and leave him in peace. His hand stopped me.
"You don't have to go. I was just thinking it was kind of cool that someone wanted to listen. It never happened before."
"How come you play here? Can't you practice at home? Sorry if you don't want to talk about it." His face fell.
"No, it's fine. I don't play for others as I feel kinda vulnerable when I sing. People can be so judgemental; take my folks for example. They see it as a waste of study time, a dumb hobby that will never be of any use to me in life, but the truth is I'd love to be a singer one day, performing on a real life stage, no matter how small it was. It would be a real dream come true."
He fell silent as if he realised he'd revealed too much to a virtual stranger.
"So where do they think you are now?"
"The library." His grin quirked his lip and I smiled involuntarily. "They think I go there every day after class." He cleared his throat, looking embarrassed.
"So, do you need to go to the library after class to do homework? You can't do it at home if they think you already finished it."
"They expect me to study three hours a night anyway so I tell them I go to do research as it's quiet there. Of course I do all my research online at night, but parents believe what they want to hear. And to be honest, my grades are good and spending time out here helps me focus a whole hell of a lot better than two hours in a stuffy library. It clears my head, and then I go home and study."
His argument made sense and I smiled, feeling braver.
"Maybe if they listened they'd realise that your way works better, huh?"
His wry smile said it all; I guessed there was no reasoning with them, and that he'd given up trying. He spoke, sounding somewhat hesitant.
"So, what do your folks think you do when you're not home?"
I fiddled with my laces, making sure they were even; anything to avoid staring at his beauty. My voice was little more than a mumble, and I cleared my throat before trying again.
"Mom's cool. She lets me manage my own workload. If I need to study then I get it done."
He nodded.
"You're an A student, right?"
It was my turn to flush.
"I do okay."
He grinned then, his face lighting up.
"So we both do okay; guess that means we have something in common then."
My heart was hammering at that comment. Was he thinking the same way as me? His gaze flicked to me more than once during the lull in our stilted conversation. The seconds ticked by and I pushed myself to my feet, feeling like a silly little schoolgirl with her first crush. I was acting as if I'd never talked to a boy before – it was tragic.
As I dusted myself off, he looked up at me, his hypnotic, chameleon eyes pinning me in place.
"Since you know my secret now, would you like to meet after classes tomorrow? We could... I don't know... go for a walk or something?"
The way he asked, it was as if the words were foreign to him and he was sounding them out for the first time.
I agreed, unable to stop either the smile or the blush.
~oOo~
After the last lecture finished, I gathered up my papers, stuffing them in my bag and heading out to the river to wait for Jasper. Dropping my bag, I almost squeaked with fright when a voice said my name. Spinning round, I saw Jasper, hands raised, chuckling to himself.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to scare you, I swear. So, if you're ready, shall we?"
He pointed down the river path, and I nodded with a smile, not quite able to believe we were actually talking, on the road to being friends.
And more, much more.
We walked slowly, my bag slung across my body left my hands free and I clenched them to not reach out and touch him. We talked about school, and a little about our families. Renee, my mother, was a totally cool mom who pushed when she needed to but otherwise left me to sort my own life out. Jasper's on the other hand sounded beyond controlled; he had set study hours outside of school, and only escaped because they thought he was at the library.
"Jasper, all this study; what do your folks want you to be?"
He sighed.
"My mom is an English professor, and my dad is CEO of his own company. We moved here because mom got a new job. Dad works all over so he's not home much anyway; he's away on business a lot. As for me..."
He smiled at me, looking up under his eyelashes, and my heart skipped.
"I just want to be me. But they... they want me to be a lawyer, or a doctor. Something noble, you know?"
"But you just want to play guitar." Now I understood his needing to escape.
He nodded.
"I just want to play guitar. If only life were that simple. Unfortunately, my dreams aren't their dreams."
The towpath led us to a tiny outdoor café, usually swarming with tourists during midsummer, but quiet now that it was getting toward the end of the season. Jasper slowed.
"Can I get you a drink, Bella?"
I was taken aback by his old school chivalry and nodded, approaching the counter and ordering cold sodas for which he paid. As we walked away, sipping our drinks, his hand found mine, our fingers curling together as naturally as if they had known each other all their lives. The simple act of holding hands seemed to slow the conversation, and for a couple of minutes we just drank and meandered down the path, fingers clasped. Tossing his empty can into the nearby trashcan, he checked his watch. I felt his shoulders tighten, and it wasn't because of the guitar slung across his back.
"We should head back, Bella. My mom will be suspicious if I'm late, and I need to stash my guitar in my car so she doesn't suspect anything."
I nodded, finishing my soda, and together we turned and headed back the way we had come.
If anything, we walked even slower back down the path, savouring both our time together and our newfound closeness. His thumb rubbed circles on mine as he asked more questions about me, and I blushed intensely every time our eyes met. I was walking on air, the sound of his voice holding me captive, his hand the only thing stopping me from floating away on a sea of happiness. I risked glancing at him when he was looking ahead, exhilarating in the shape of his nose, the length of his eyelashes, the curve of his lips; I wanted to discover them all with my fingertips and lips, to revel in the glory of his beauty.
I felt his eyes on me when I looked away; secretive looks under his messy curls that made my heart pound. I hoped his thoughts were the same as mine.
I dreamed of what it would be like when we were together properly. Of course, I knew that I was jumping ahead a little, but with Jasper I could see us becoming one, our bodies in tune, striving together for the ultimate pleasure. It would be incredible, a union so powerful that others would see it on our faces and feel somehow inadequate in their own relationships because of it.
My knowledge of the physical side was somewhat limited, my first time having been a bitter disappointment.
Edward and I had been dating for a few months when we decided to take things further. We had fooled around a little above the clothes, Edward never pushing me to go all the way out of respect for me, he said. When the time felt right, we had waited until his parents were out and then spent the afternoon in his bed. It had hurt as I had expected, but Edward apologised and tried to make it work for me. He was gentle, but due to his own inexperience it was a bit of a disaster. In the end I had to stop him as I was too sore to carry on.
The second time was more successful. We had spent more time on foreplay before he pushed inside me, but I was a little disillusioned to discover that Edward kept his eyes clenched shut the entire time, preferring to look inward it seemed rather than at me as he thrust into my body. The experience left me feeling oddly cold and lonely, finally ending when he came with a quiet grunt as if ashamed of showing any pleasure. I myself just lay there, wondering if there should be more to it than that.
Afterward, we both admitted that the earth hadn't really moved for either of us and maybe it would be best if we just called it a day. The sad thing was that I don't think either of us was really sorry about it.
But walking with Jasper now, his warm hand wrapped around mine, I could tell that we would be good together, in tune with each other's needs. A breeze blew my hair across my face and I let go of Jasper's hand to brush it out of my eyes; the unexpected feel of his fingers, delicately smoothing stray hairs back into place, sent shivers rippling through me. Our eyes met and locked, our faces close enough to feel each other's breath. His thumb caressed my cheek and, looking to me for permission, he leaned in.
That first kiss was tentative, both of us nervous as turkeys at Thanksgiving. Our lips barely touched, a fleeting moment of warmth before they parted, but it was enough to make our breathing quicken. He blinked slowly before smiling his crooked smile that made my stomach twist in yearning.
"Can we do this again tomorrow?"
I didn't know if he meant the walk or the kiss, but I was willing to agree to either.
Our life together would be so perfect. I saw myself in my wedding gown, facing Jasper at the altar, my father linking our hands as the minister spoke the timeless words. I could see our two children, a little boy with Jasper's eyes and open smile, and a little girl with dark eyes and dark hair in pigtails. We would be so happy – it was destiny. Today was the day it all began.
We parted, agreeing to meet again the next day. He left me with one last grin that lit up my soul with warmth and longing as his hand slipped from mine with the promise of tomorrow.
~oOo~
I ran my fingers through my long, dark waves. Standing up, I brushed the dirt from my jeans and checked everything was buttoned and zipped. The last thing I needed was to stand in front of him with my shirt buttoned incorrectly as I so often did when I threw it on in the morning.
I took a deep breath, just about to put one foot in front of the other in the time honoured fashion, when I saw movement and ducked back down to watch from my hiding place. A figure approached, and I watched Jasper turn and smile, laying down his guitar before jumping to his feet. From my vantage point I couldn't immediately see the person he was greeting, and so I shuffled forward just enough to sneak a peek. I wondered who it could be as he had no obvious friends that I was aware of.
Craning my neck, I saw them then. I had had no idea they even knew each other, let alone that they were friends.
I watched them draw closer, my own beautifully constructed house of cards collapsing around me.
I watched as they kissed a simple greeting.
Except it was more than that.
It was Edward.
It was a kiss between lovers...
...it was the death of my dream.
FIN