BellaPOV
It's not fair.
It will be as if I never existed.
What an impossible promise to make. He was everything. My life, my reason, my air. Life meant nothing to me without him. But my life meant something to others. It seemed like the only reason to get up in the morning. I thought about calling Jake, but he hadn't called since he had gotten sick at the movies. I hoped he was okay. Then I thought back to that day in Port Angeles. Hearing his voice, the velvet voice of the one I love. Am I insane? Yes! Is that why I'm hearing voices? Possibly! I shook my head trying to clear it. Then I wondered, why? Was it familiar? Could I trigger it again? It hadn't hurt like every other memory I had of him. Even as I got dressed I couldn't help but wonder.
The rest of the day continued. I considered finally going to La Push to talk to Jacob, but I figured I'd give him another few days. The rest of the day progressed slowly and I found myself doing but sitting around and thinking. That was a bad idea. Thinking was often painful. So I decided to do some reading.
I picked up my copy of Wuthering Heights and read until about five o'clock. Then I started on dinner. After about a half hour Charlie came in with a few fish. Dinner was mostly silent aside from the usual "How was your day?" and "What did you do?" questions. After dinner I slunk upstairs to get ready for bed with a gloomy air.
I was relieved beyond measure the morning I woke up--screaming, of course--and remembered that it was Saturday. Today I could call Jacob. And if the phone lines still weren't working, then I was going to La Push. One way or another today would be better than the last lonely week.
I dialed, and then waited without high expectations. It caught me off guard when Billy answered on the second ring.
"Hello?"
"Oh hey, the phone is working again! Hi Billy. It's Bella. I was just calling to see how Jacob is doing. Is he up for visitors yet? I was thinking about dropping by--"
"I'm sorry Bella," Billy interrupted, and I wondered if he were watching TV; he sounded distracted. "He's not in."
"Oh." It took me a second. "So he's feeling better then?"
"Yeah," Billy hesitated for an instant too long. "Turns out it wasn't mono at all. Just some other virus."
"Oh. So . . . where is he?"
"He's giving some friends a ride up to Port Angeles--I think they were going to catch a double feature or something. He's gone for the whole day."
"Well that's a relief. I've been so worried. I'm glad he felt good enough to get out." My voice sounded horribly phony as I babbled on.
(A.N.: Those last few paragraphs were strait from the book and there will be more from the book as well up to a certain point.)
"Oh, fishing today?" I said.
"Well Harry called . . . and it's not raining." Charlie was creating a stack of food on the counter as he spoke. Suddenly he looked up again as if he'd just realized something. "Say, did you want me to stay with you, since Jake's out?"
"That's okay, Dad," I said trying to sound indifferent. "The fish bite better when the weather's nice."
He stared at me, indecision clear on his face. I knew that he was worrying, afraid to leave me alone, in case I got "mopey" again.
"Seriously, Dad. I think I'll call Jessica," I fibbed quickly. I'd rather be alone than have him watching me all day. "We have a calculus test to study for. I could use her help." That part was true. But I'd have to make due without it.
"That's a good idea. You've been spending so much time with Jacob, your other friends are going to think you've forgotten them."
I smiled and nodded as if I cared what my other friends thought.
Charlie started to turn, but then spun back around with a worried expression. "Hey, you'll study here or at Jess's, right?"
"Sure, where else?"
"Well, it's just that I want you to be careful to stay out of the woods, like I told you before."
It took me a minute to understand, distracted as I was. "More bear trouble?"
Charlie nodded, frowning. "We've got a missing hiker-- the rangers found his camp early in the morning, but no sign of him. There were some really big animal prints . . . of course those could have come later, smelling the food . . . Anyway, they're setting traps for it now."
"Oh," I said vaguely. I wasn't really listening to his warnings; I was much more upset by the situation with Jacob than by the possibility of being eaten by a bear.
(Again, skipping ahead a little bit)
I wasn't going to call Jessica. As far as I could tell, she had crossed over to the dark side.
I could drive to La Push and get my motorcycle-- an appealing thought but for one minor problem: who was going to drive me to the emergency room if I needed it afterward?
Or . . . I already had our map and compass in the truck. I was pretty sure I understood the process well enough by now that I wouldn't get lost. Maybe I could eliminate two lines today, putting us ahead of schedule for whenever Jacob decided to grace me with my presence again. I refused to think about how long that might be. Or if it was going to be never.
I didn't realize how much more efficiently I was moving. I thought I'd covered maybe four miles, and I wasn't even starting to look around for it yet. And then, with an abruptness that disoriented me, I stepped through a low arch made by two vine maples-- pushing past the chest-high ferns-- into the meadow.