A/N This is my second fanfic, a short interior monologue of John after Sherlock jumps *stifles sob*. John is basically pretending to talk to Sherlock in his head, but obviously Sherlock can't hear him. Please read and review! Thank you!
I miss you. I don't know what to do any more. You weren't just my flatmate or my colleague. You were more than that. You were my best friend; you were my only real friend. You became my life. I just feel so empty now. So…bored. See, you had an effect on me. I used to love having some peace and quiet, some time to read, relax, watch some telly but I guess that was because I knew that soon I would be chasing criminals through the streets of London, narrowly escaping death and annoying the police force with every comment. I miss all that. If I said that to anyone else they would have me committed, but you always understood. You knew from the second you saw me that I craved excitement and danger, that I thrived on it. My therapist, Ella, told me that I should forget about you. That I should move out of Baker Street. I can't do that. What if you came back and I wasn't living there anymore. I can't stand the thought of someone else sitting in your chair, someone who would actually eat at the table. That's the only thing we moved, your experiments. Mrs Hudson understands. She is maybe the only one. Everyone else just gives me pitying looks, claims I'm grieving because of so many "unsaid words"! I'm grieving because I lost you! You left me! How could you Sherlock? I just can't believe that you would commit suicide. You loved yourself too much for that! But why would you do it? I just can't believe you were a fake; you were too genuine and honest. As much as you pretended not to have "feelings" or "emotions" I know you did, you had to. I'm starting to wonder if people were right. They always thought we were a couple and at first I denied it but as time went on it began to bother me a lot less. The other day I researched grief online and but that reasoning I should have lost a partner or a lover. Maybe Sherlock, Just Maybe, I did love you, I wonder, did you love me? Did your heart flutter whenever I smiled? Were you gripped with jealousy when I gave someone else attention? Oh Jesus Sherlock, I love you. I bloody love you! Why didn't I tell you? I should've told you! How did we not see it? Maybe you did. Maybe you thought I didn't feel the same when it was clear to everyone I did. I don't know what to do anymore. I visit your grave every day. On the way home from work. On the way back to our home. Sometimes I talk, others I just sit there, just sit.
I miss you. I love you. I believe in you. I believe in Sherlock Holmes.