Mr. Moms

Disclaimer: Still wished I owned Criminal Minds, but I don't CBS does.

Summary: Hotch and Dave play Mr. Mom to the kids they have with Emily and JJ.

A/N: In this AU fic, Hotch and Emily have Jack and a little 3 month old daughter named Lily, while JJ and Dave have Henry and a 8 week old son named Christopher.

This one was one of my favorites that needed some retouching. Originally two separate oneshots that I decided to post together for a min-twoshot epic. Enjoy.

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Stacia Tauscher said, "We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today."

Hotch looked out the window holding his three month old daughter watching Emily and JJ depart to go have a girls day out. Shopping and whatnot.

"Watching her leave isn't going to make her come back any faster, Aaron" Dave said rocking his eight week old son.

"Says the man who kept checking his cell phone every three minutes" Hotch said placing Lily in her bassinet.

"Shh" Dave murmured when his newborn son, Christopher, started stirring "At least Emily didn't make you clean up the house, like JJ did to me."

"She did make me clean the house" Hotch replied, looking over at Dave, "I'm apparently better at cleaning the house then cooking or raising my children."

Dave chuckled at that, "Classic."

"Yeah, whatever" Hotch replied, watching Jack and Henry ride their bikes out in the backyard.

Dave turned to his younger friend, "What's on your mind?"

Hotch sighed, "Just wondering how life changed all of a sudden."

"Aren't you happy?" Dave asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

Hotch looked shocked "Of course I'm happy. I love my children and Emily more than anything. It's just..."

"You're wondering if it's real." Dave stated, not even bothering to ask, "Like you're going to wake up and this was all some kind of dream?"

Hotch nodded "How did I get so lucky?"

Before Dave could reply the sound of Jack and Henry came stomping in.

"I'm hungry Daddy" Jack said "Where's Mommy? I want her to make the special sandwiches."

"I could make you boys some sandwiches" Hotch told his son, walking the boys towards the kitchen.

"It has to be the special, the way mommy does it" Jack emphasized sitting at the table with Henry.

"Well how is it special the way mommy does it?" Hotch asked pulling out the peanut butter and jelly.

"She puts the Skippy heart inside with my name on it" Jack told his father seriously.

"No jelly" Henry said pointedly "Don't like jelly."

"Henry" Dave called out "Manners."

Hotch put the peanut butter and jelly sandwich in front of Jack, and a peanut butter sandwich in front of Henry.

"There you go boys" Hotch said.

"You didn't do it like mommy did it" Jack said "Where's mommy? I want mommy."

"Mommy and Aunt JJ are having a girls day" Hotch told his son "It'll be ok, just eat the sandwich."

"Get mommy back" Jack told him, "She's the only one who makes my sandwich right."

Hotch rubbed his head with the palm of his hand "Jack, shh. You don't want to wake up Lily or Christopher."

At that second both infants started crying, along with Jack pouting.

Henry offered half his sandwich to Jack.

"I want my Mommy." Jack whispered to the blonde boy.

"She's with my Mommy." Henry told him.

Hotch tried comforting his crying daughter and his upset son.

"Jack, why don't you and Henry go watch a movie in the bedroom." Hotch told him.

Dave looked over at his friend and saw him look pleadingly.

"Come on kiddos" Dave said taking both boys by the hand "So where are the good movies?"

"Daddy has a lot of movies on his tv." Jack said racing ahead "Here."

Dave looked at the movie Jack handed him "Nope. Not this, no scary movies."

"But I like this movie." Jack said showing it to Henry.

"I wanna watch" Henry pleaded.

"Your mommy will kill me if she finds out you watched a scary movie" Dave told Jack, turning to Henry "And your mommy would help if she knew."

"Jack, no scary movies!" Hotch called up the stairs.

"No fair." Jack said crossing his arms "Mommy is better at being home than you."

Hotch groaned and said "Watch that Wimpy Kid movie you like."

Dave picked up the movie while Jack muttered, "Fine, but I'm not a baby. I'm a big boy."

"Sure thing kiddo." Dave said putting the movie in the dvd player.

Henry and Jack watched Dave walk out of the room.

Jack told Henry "Get the scary movie."

Hotch sat downstairs muttering "No wonder they needed a break."

"What's that?" Dave said picking up his fussing son.

"No wonder they needed a break." Hotch repeated "They do this all day on maternity leave, we've done this a few hours and I feel like I need a shot of bourbon."

"Not until after they come back." Dave said.

The sound of the quiet caused both men to fall asleep.

"I feel so much better." JJ said following Emily back into the house.

"Shh." Emily whispered, noticing the men asleep, while the babies stirred.

"Aw..." JJ said "Isn't that sweet?"

Before Emily could reply the sound of the young boys upstairs screaming alerted them and the men out of their sleep.

"What the?..." Hotch said stirring up.

Hotch and Dave followed the brunette and blonde up the stairs.

"Mommy!" Jack called out seeing her.

"Mama." Henry said running to bury his face in her legs.

"What's wrong?" Hotch said seeing the boys being comforted by Emily and JJ.

JJ looked over at the screen and her eyes enraged "You let them watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre?"

"What!" Emily said seeing Jack hug tight to her.

"No." Hotch said "I thought you put the Wimpy Kid movie on."

"I did." Dave protested "I swear it, Jen. They changed it."

"Nice." Emily said.

"Blaming the boys." JJ said carrying Henry downstairs.

Emily followed her out holding Jack, "We're going to have a discussion about this."

Hotch groaned while Dave rubbed his forehead.

"I'm not Mr. Mom" Hotch said walking downstairs "I am a hands on parent and husband but I don't do this..."

"I know." Emily said setting Jack down making him his perfect sandwich "We'll have to work on this thing, to make sure the are ground rules for one of us being with the kids."

"My sandwich" Jack said smiling "Thank you Mommy."

"What is this special sandwich?" Hotch asked.

"A peanut butter sandwich with a heart traced in the peanut butter and his name on the other side." Emily said.

Dave looked over at JJ and said, "Anything I need to know?"

JJ smirked and said "Henry doesn't like jelly."

"I figured that much out when he complained." Dave said "How about the fact that he likes scary movies."

"Well I always give him the humours parody horror films like the Scary Movie franchise." JJ said.

"Well one of them is a sneak." Hotch said seeing both boys eye each other.

Emily and JJ looked over at their boys and their husbands and nodded.

"Well it's not so bad..." JJ said.

"Not bad at all, Mr. Mom." Emily said smirking "If the FBI thing fails you always got a fall back job as a house cleaner."

Hotch and Dave watched the girls while entertaining the kids.

"Wonder where the boys got it from?" Hotch muttered to Dave seeing Emily and JJ smirk at each other.

"I already know," Dave sighed in defeat.

Franklin P. Jones said, "You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."

THE END

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