Ah, good old Valentines day, love in the air; Love. Who really gives a fuck anyways? I hated seeing all these mushy emotions going around, but knowing what it means for me, I could never like Valentines day. Today was also my birthday, 17 years old. 17 years of knowing nothing but pain and heartache my whole life. Your probably wondering; who is this bitch droning on about her depressing life? Well hello there, my name is Aimee Karoline. My close friends call me Rayne though, which is my middle name.
I'm nothing special. Dirty Blonde hair, bright blue eyes, skinny, emo, depressed. I just wish I had something good to hold onto in life. Trust me, I have nothing going for me. Today was just another beginning to the nowhere I'm headed to. The dark abyss of nothingness if I'm lucky enough.
I hop out of bed wincing at the pain I caused myself, and sauntered over to my closet. Black. I wore nothing but it; bright colors just didn't represent me. I picked out a band t-shirt and some skinny jeans, changed carefully and swiftly. Then I listened. Dead quiet. My dad must be gone for work already. He's the local Newspaper editor, which causes for a bizarre schedule.
I do my makeup a brown eye shadow, outlined in coal black eyeliner and mascara and I was ready for school. School was my own personal hell. Kids were horrible and unfriendly, backstabbers and fakes. I don't really hang around many people, I talk to few, and I don't have a best friend. Best friends mean trusting people, and I couldn't ever trust people. I am burdened with too much, and I don't want to share with others. I'm an outcast, but that's alright, it just makes my not talking to people job, easier.
I grab my bag and start walking. I go to a small school, full of preppy bitches. I'm the only one who stands out, or dares to stand out. Unlike them, I don't give a fuck about what they have to say, yeah it gets to me, sometimes if it builds up too much, it might make me cry, but I'll never show them how much power they have over me. I wouldn't benefit from that, they'd love it too much.
Almost to school, and it starts to sprinkle, only my luck I swear. It was such a beautiful day, but now its ruined. Oh well, I'm sure by the end of the day it will fit my mood perfectly. I shifted my bag on my shoulder and stepped into hell. I didn't feel like dealing with people today. A new beginning to the trimester, new classes, hopefully new faces, and a new chance. I picked up my schedule and walked to my locker.
I glanced down. German, Art, Algebra 2, English, and History. Damn. German that early in the morning. I shrugged off my jacket and shoved it in my locker. And headed off towards class. I had it with 2 acquaintances, they weren't friends or enemies. Class was boring. They whole day was freaking boring. Trying to cut down on my cussing there. It wont last long, I already know. Art was uneventful, didn't know anyone in there. Lunch was next and I didn't eat. Long story behind it, I just cant eat without permission, because if I do… he'll know.
I trudged to the library, the only other place I can go instead of lunch. Someone flagged me down.
"Hey!" They waved in my face. It was a tall chubby kid.
I awkwardly stood there. "Hi." I managed.
"Don't talk much, do you?" He laughed. "I'm Alex by the way." He smiled happily at me.
"I'm Aimee. Not to sound rude, but, why are you talking to me?" I pushed some hair out of my face.
His smile faltered. "Actually I was wondering, if you'd like to go out sometime?" He has got to be kidding me. I stared at him blankly.
"I don't even know you, and your asking me out?" Bull.
Just then, I saw his nasty friends snickering in the background. Of course it was only a joke. It always way. I sighed.
"Well yeah?" He chuckled. "Maybe I could teach you to be less of a bitch?" His face grew serious.
"Ha right. Maybe I can teach you to grow a pair of balls, who calls a girl a bitch anyways? Grow some respect you douche bag!" I was not feeling getting picked on today. My self esteem don't need it.
Him and his friends busted out with laughter. "Oh no! Emo girl stood up for herself, I'm so scared." He faked a jump at me. "Go cut yourself you fucking weirdo, no one would even care if you died or went missing. You're a waste of space, and a waste of my time." He turned abruptly and went back to his clones. All dressed in pastels and Aeropostale. They all laughed and walked away.
What he said was true. No one would care if I went missing. I know I sound like a total teenager, but it's the truth.
Thy day dragged on forever, I got cussed out, made fun of, and joked on all day. Its horrible that I have to keep all these emotions bottled up inside of me. No one would want to listen anyways.
Valentines day. Fuck you.
I heard whispers behind me. About me, nonetheless. I felt a tug on my hair, and I turned around.
Hanna the school bitch was sitting there in all her preppy cheerleader glory. She looked perfect, black hair, blue eyes, curvy and compact. She was beautiful. Too bad her attitude ruins her. "Do you have a valentine today Aims?" She asked. With her stupid name she tried to call me, when she was about to turn total bitch.
"Nope, how about you?" I don't see why I even talked to her. She don't need the satisfaction for what she's about to do or say to me.
She looked like she was hurt. She gasped real big. "Well duh. As you probably know, I'm dating star of the football team, Daniel. He told me he has something romantic set up for us, isn't he the sweetest?" Apparently it was a rhetorical question. She sighed and clicked her tongue. "Aw poor Aims, but of course you wouldn't know about being romantic now would you? Considering, you've never had a date in your life." Cue Bitch mode.
"Aha! Nice one. Coming from the slut who dated the whole football team. How long does poor Daniel have until you dump him? Probably until after you hit it and quit it right?" I said smoothly.
"You emo bitch! You have no right to talk." She stuttered out.
"I don't give a fuck alright?"
"Just wait, tomorrow you'll wish you could never show your face at this school again. You stupid bitch." She whispered quietly, to where only I could hear.
The bell rang, and she left. Angry. Too bad, I already wish I didn't have to show my face here ever again. I loved being a "bitch." I walked down the halls, and of course people threw paper balls at me, and tried to trip me. Nothing new.
Thunder shook the whole school, and I knew I was going to be in for it walking home. I grabbed my jacket and took off. It was raining really bad, and there was a lot of lightning. I took off at a sprint, running towards my house, I refused to call it home. It was my other hell hole, even worse than school, if that could even be possible. It was.
I was down my street when I saw the moving trucks. I was slightly intrigued, because in my 17 years, I have never seen people moving here. They were moving in across the street. I guess I'll be able to see them tomorrow, if its hopefully sunny, there would be no way I would wait outside in the rain, just to glimpse at the new people, who I'm sure is just as preppy as the rest of this stupid place. I glance to where my house is.
Shit. My dads home already. Going to keep his word to his promise for me tonight. Great. I stood hesitantly at the front door, and slowly turned the knob. I took off my jacket and put it and my bag in the corner. He came out from the kitchen holding a beer.
"Happy birthday darling." He slurred. "Remember what I promised you right?"
How could I forget? I nodded, because I knew he didn't like when I didn't answer. He came over to me and yanked me by my hair to the ground. He kicked me, and called me a whore and slut, every other name in the book. Nothing I couldn't handle. He abused me almost every night now. He only didn't when he was passed out or away on business trips. He made me hate my life so much, high school made me hate my life so much, why did I have to be born?
He dragged me to my room by the hem of my shirt and shut the door. He tossed me on the bed, and used me. I hated being used, it made me feel dirty. The punishment was over early. I had 2 minutes to dress before he came back. So I just changed into sleep clothes. Knowing I didn't want to go into the box uncomfortable. I slipped my cell phone into my bra so I could tell the time. He came back then.
He opened my closet door and shoved me in, not forgetting to lock it from the outside. I wasn't going anywhere. Darkness. Oh how I was scared of it. It absolutely terrified me. Bad things lived in the dark, things I don't want to think about, but I cant help but to. I opened up a loose floorboard found what I was looking for. And cut. It made me feel alive and good, unlike all the negative comments people have to say to me.
I finally tried to sleep and succumbed to the blackness.