So...new collection of drabbles with a significant difference this time round. It's a collaboration with one of my dearest X-fan pals, bramber1417! We both went to see First Class recently and we both loved it although we have our disagreements when it comes to pairings...Anyways, since we're (I think?) planning on writing a few more joint fan-fictions in the future we have a new account. Yes, fish are cool and we should all talk about them from time to time.
Moving on, none of the characters in First Class belong to me (it's tragic really) but I like to kidnap them from time to time so I can write about them. Creepy, but true. If I did own them then I would be living in Charles' mansion with the rest of the gang by now. Well, I'd either be there or tagging along with Erik.
I apologize for the unnatural angst-ness but I was attempting to be in character. So go forth my fellow geeks, read, review, comment and enjoy
We're opposites. As different as water and fire, as earth and air. Yet he understands me better than anyone ever will, he knows this is my destiny and yet he believes I have the power to fight it. The truth is I don't. The anger, the rage, the pain, it's part of me and nothing, not even Charles, can change that. He's the only person who knows what a monster I truly am, now that Shaw is finally gone. He's the only person who would ever accept me despite the truth, because he believes I can change. Even now as he lies wounded on the ground, clutching onto the last few threads of the faith I feel, he believes. I've taken everything of his and yet I give nothing in return, for the first time I feel a sense of loss. If he dies, a part of me dies with him, if he lives then things will never be the same. We will no longer be brothers, not in my mind, because I know that deep within I'm a ruthless traitor, that's what Shaw turned me into. So I stand, hand in hand with the mutants who so fiercely believe in everything I stand for, and I think of the lie that we've all been living. Mutants and mankind will never stand side by side, just as Charles and I will never again stand side by side as brothers, or friends, again.
So I take everything. Because I have nothing left to lose, I've already abandoned the only person who will ever truly understand, forgive me for what I've done. I take it because I don't want his forgiveness. I want Charles to see what kind of person I am, see me in the light that everybody else does. I want him to acknowledge me as a murderer, I want him to be angry, I want to prove to him that I could never be good. I want him to see that my heart will always be covered in shadow, that the sun will never rise for me again. I want him to feel all this and more. I want him to know that my path is paved with death, that it always will be. But these thoughts, so angry and true are trapped within the walls of my helmet, pinned down amongst the scraps of memory and the pain of loneliness.
The only one I have apart from Charles is Raven. Beautiful, strong, kind, and yet I know that this will never last. I will kill her, just as I have killed everyone I've ever cared for. She should have left, left when she saw Charles lying on the ground in Moira's arms. She should have felt angry, like I wanted Charles to. Even now I don't understand why she took my hand, was it because she scratched the surface of my loss? Was it because she thought she could make me better? Or was it simply because she thought my danger, my anger, was appealing? I've made it hard for her from the beginning. Perhaps if I had not made so many comments on her initial feelings for Hank she would be safe now. But she made her choice, she followed me and when I look her in the eye I know she does her best to hide any regret, for my sake. So for her sake I pretend that I will not kill her, I pretend that everything will work out between us. I can only hope that I pretend enough for both of us. That the lies we spin pull us tighter together rather than let us drift apart. She is the only light in my dark world. And I owe everything to her her, because she shines enough for both of us. However every candle must eventually flicker out, and I know that it is me who will eventually stifle her flame. She deserves better, she deserves someone like Hank, someone like Charles. But she made her choice, just as I made mine, and no matter how much I fear her mistake in loving me will be the death of her. My feelings for Raven remain strong, but not strong enough to break my prison of guilt.
It's her tight grip on my hand now that brings me back to reality. I let my gaze rest on Charles for one last moment before Azazel transports us to safety, to the beginning of a new story. I feel the end of this story fade into the sky and I wonder what will become of us, now that nearly everything has been taken. Of course I don't want to leave them, Sean, Hank, Alex, their the closest I've had to family since my parents were murdered. But if I cannot stay, the price of freedom for mutants requires that I leave them and their idealistic dreams behind. I do not want to fight against my family, but sacrifices must be made if the future is to be shaped for mutants, by mutants.
I think momentarily of my mother, my inspiration, and my mind is drawn back to the man who took her life. Sebastian Shaw. I cannot explain the cold feeling of satisfaction that spread throughout my body as the coin that had brought me so much suffering sliced into his cold flesh. I know Charles didn't want me to kill him, I know he would have stopped me had I not put on Shaw's helmet. But I had waited to long to let him live, I needed to see him die and in those few moments I felt a feeling like no other. I felt power. I felt my mother and father, I felt their pain as he tortured, as he murdered them. The rage made me stronger. But I still feel a sense of dissatisfaction, Shaw is dead, but I have become what he wanted me to be. He is Frankenstein, I am his monster, and I have lived up to all of his expectations. He wanted me to have that rage, he created my need for suffering and so I have hurt only myself, and Charles. In the end it was not Shaw who was the true enemy, he killed my mother, that was why I murdered him and I believe he deserved to suffer indescribable pain. However, the true enemy is the human race, it always has been. They discriminate against us, they refuse to tolerate difference, the treat us like wild beasts, and for that they will die. They will suffer as we have. They say that the world is a harsh place, however that is because they make it so. They say the destiny is cruel, and yet they choose the paths that they follow.
It is time for mutant kind to take a stand, and for the first time I realize just how much I'm willing to risk for the future. Everything.
One last thing before I go, if you want to check out more of our stories then keep an eye out for more pieces from this account which is our joint one. You can also have a look at our personal accounts, bramber1417 and my own much loved account, Cheshire1996. Thanks for reading : )