Yakusoku no Neberlanderoo Abridged
Chapter 1
Fun Times at Happy Farm
Narrator Emma: Hi! I'm Emma, Emma 63194. That's my name! I'm an orphan who lives with my mom and siblings in our beautiful home located on Super Silly Snuggle Huggubee Fun-Times Happy Farm™!
*Pan to show a shot of the beautiful orphanage and the MASSIVE wall surrounding it.*
Narrator Emma: Things can get a little silly here at Super Silly Snuggle Huggubee Fun-Times Happy Farm™, but one thing's for sure, I love my mom and family and nothing will ever change that!
Isabella: Oh Emma, what are you up to now?
Emma: *Holding up a cardboard camera* I'm making a documentary!
Isabella: Oh, you're so cute…*pinches Emma's cheek*…and tender. Why don't you exercise that big juicy brain of yours by interviewing your siblings?
Emma: That's a great idea! Thanks mom!
*Looks through the cardboard camera*
Narrator Emma: I have a LOT of siblings here at Happy Farm. Let's go say "hi" to them! *Runs up to one of the kids* This is Don. Say "hi" Don!
Don: Oh, hi Emma. Hey, is that a real camera?
Narrator Emma: *whispering* Don's a little dumb sometimes, but we love him anyway.
Don: What was that?
Narrator Emma: And then there's also Gilda!
Gilda: Uhm, uh, uh, h-h-h-h-hi? I'm G-G-G-G-Gilda. N-n-n-nice to m-m-meet you. Uhm…uh…c-c-can I g-g-g-go now?
Narrator Emma: *shoves the camera closer to Gilda's face* WHY DON'T YOU TELL US ABOUT YOUR HOBBIES!?
Gilda: Eep! Uhm…uh…w-w-w-well…uhm…h-h-h-hobbies? Uhm…yeah…I have those…I g-g-guess? I…uhm…really like…uhm…h-h-hide and seek? I always win that g-g-g-game. Why once I managed to hide for f-f-f-four weeks. A-a-a-a-actually…I'd like to play that game right now…uhm…*stares up at the camera awkwardly before running away.*
Narrator Emma: Yep! That's Gilda. Then we also have Phil…
Phil: I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!
Narrator Emma: Oh, you're so cute, Phil. And then we also have Conny…
Conny: *hugging her stuffed bunny* I love Little Bunny, and being alive.
Narrator Emma: Conny is extra happy to be alive since she's soon going to be adopted by the nice people at Cotton Candy Mansion!
Conny: Mommy says that Little Bunny and I will not have to worry about anything once I go through the gate because I technically will not be able to worry at all.
Narrator Emma: And now let's go over to this tree where we find my dear brother, Ray, who's…uhm…uh…
*Pans the camera to show Ray furiously working on a piece of machinery*
Ray: Curse that devil woman, mom! *hooks up some wires* You think you can keep me in here!? I'll remind you that I managed to escape your womb after nine months of planning, and now at last after eleven years, my latest scheme is finally coming to fruition! *holds up the gadget he's created* BEHOLD! By synthesizing together the technology you so foolishly provided me with, I have managed to create a fully-functional hand-held PORTAL GUN! AH HAW HAW HAW! AH HAW HAW HAAAAAAAW! Now all I have to do is successfully charge up the quantum wormhole generator and VICTORY SHALL BE MINE!
Isabella: *Walks up to Ray* Ray, what are you doing?
Ray: *Hides the portal gun behind his back* Oh, uhm, Mother, what a surprise. I was…uhm…uh…*tears up a fistful of grass* making a grass whistle? *proceeds to unsuccessfully blow on the blades of grass*
Isabella: Ah, that's so adorable, Ray. Well, if you're done playing with your other toy then I'll just…*grabs the portal gun and walks away*
Ray: NO! WAIT! NO! MOMMY! MY FREEDOM! MY SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! *falls on the ground and starts throwing a tantrum* Blast! I'd been planning that one since the day I learned to walk! EEERG! *Pulls at his hair in frustration* Well…I suppose self-immolation is still on the table…*angrily shakes his head before slapping himself*…No! Keep it together, Ray! Now's not the time to be throw in the towel! I'll just have to go with Plan Z now and find some feckless rube to use as my pawn. But what readily available naïve idiot could I find to exploit? *Slowly turns his head around to stare at Emma.* Oh hi, Emma, fancy seeing you here, I was wondering if…
Emma: *Starts running away as fast as she can*
Ray: Hey! Wait! Where are you going!?
Narrator Emma: And then there's my other less weird brother…*pans the cardboard camera to focus in on a tall white-haired dream-boat*…*sigh*…Norman.
Norman: Hey.
Narrator Emma: H-h-hi Norman…
Norman: Wanna play a game of tag?
Narrator Emma: I'd love to play a game of tag with you…and you alone…
Ray: *Panting as he manages to catch up to Emma* Huh…gasp…huh…finally…whoo! Anyway, as I was saying…*looks at Emma*…why are there hearts in your eyes?
Emma: Allergies.
Norman: *smiling* She gets those a lot around me.
Ray: *Looks between Emma and Norman* You know what, forget it. I was going to ask you for a quick favor but I can see that you two have your own thing going on here…so…*proceeds to run away while violently gagging*
Narrator Emma: *Laughing while playing tag with Norman and her other siblings* We have a lot of fun with each other, and tag's not the only great thing about Silly Snuggle Huggubee Fun-Times Happy Farm™. We also have great food…
Isabella: Now, now, Emma, that's your fourth helping this meal! *Dumps an extra potful of curry onto her plate* Have some more!
Emma: Yay! *Proceeds to wolf down even more food*
Isabella: And be sure to have some dessert when you're finished!
Narrator Emma: And then there's story time…
Isabella: *Reading a book while all the kids gather around her* And then the big bad wolf gobbled up the three little piggies and kept their piglets in a pen to fatten up and eat later. The End.
Children: YAAAAAAAAY!
Isabella: Alright children, I think it's nap time now.
Children: Aww, but we wanted to listen to Hansel and Gretel!
Isabella: Oh, alright. *opens up the book and starts reading* Once upon a time, there were two plump kids who wandered into the forest and found a house made of gingerbread. After stuffing their faces with sweets, the kindly witch who lived in the gingerbread house sold them to demons as a delicacy food item before using the profits from her sale to rebuild her gingerbread house and attract even more kids. The End.
Children: YAAAAAAAAAAAY! Thanks mom!
Isabella: Good night, children. *Proceeds to tuck them all in before putting an apple in each of their mouths.*
Narrator Emma: And of course, I can't forget about the super fun mental examinations we undergo on a daily basis!
Emma: *Sitting at a desk while pondering a question* Hmmmm…Cow is to Hamburger as Human kid is to…hmmmmmmmmm…
Isabella: Just remember to not stress and do your best answering the questions as quickly and correctly as possible.
Conny: Do we get penalized if we get a bad score?
Isabella: Oh don't worry, Conny…*face assumes a darker expression*…you'll find out soon enough.
Narrator Emma: Yeah, things are wonderful around here. Really, the only thing this place is lacking are some giraffe rides. *Steps closer to Isabella with her cardboard camera* Those would be really great. *Steps even closer to Isabella.* I mean REALLY great. Like, I would totally thank mom forever if she would just…
Isabella: You're not getting a giraffe ride.
Narrator Emma: Dang it! And I was being so subtle this time. Well, anyway, that's the ONE flaw about this place. I just really wish I could scale that wall some day and find a giraffe pet of my own to ride and take care of. I really like giraffes. I bet there are lots of them on the other side of this gigantic…*pans up to get a glimpse of the MASSIVE wall surrounding the place*…wall that keeps us safe and which we never should talk about because mother knows best and all we'll ever need is right here until the day we get adopted by the nice people at Cotton Candy Mansion. Speaking of which…
Conny: *Dressed up in her adoption clothing* I promise to write to you all every day…even though none of the other adopted kids have ever written back…or called…or communicated with us in any way whatsoever…and we received their bloody tattered clothing in the mail a few days later every time…which seems to suggest that…
Isabella: Well would you look at the time! Come on, Conny, let's get you out of here so you can meet your new parents! Everybody else make sure to go straight to bed and not leave this mansion no matter what you hear or you'll regret it forever! *Drags Conny outside before slamming the door*
Emma: *Puts down her cardboard camera* Man, Conny is so lucky. I hope I get to be adopted someday.
Norman: I am also happy for Conny and wish to be adopted someday. My only reservation is that I'd have to say goodbye to you all.
Emma: *sigh* I hope we both get adopted soon, Norman. Then I could play tag with you whenever I wanted.
Ray: Oh, trust me, at the rate you two are going, you'll be taking the same trip as Conny very soon.
Emma: What was that, Ray?
Ray: Oh, nothing important. Say! *Eyes widen dramatically as he picks Little Bunny up off of the floor before holding it up* Oh my, what is this!? It would seem that in their haste to leave this house, Conny somehow dropped Little Bunny right at my feet! Oh dear! That's going to be traumatic for Conny when she realizes her favorite stuffed animal is gone!
Emma: Oh my gosh, you're right! Come on Ray and Norman! There's still time! Let's return Little Bunny to Conny before she leaves!
Ray: Oh, you two go along without me. *hands the stuffed animal to Emma* My widdle legs are not nearly as strong as yours. I'll just hang back here and quietly read a book while you two take care of things. Let me know how things go.
Norman: *Narrows his eyes at Ray* Ray…are you?
Ray: Oh man! Just imagine how distressed Conny is right now! You two should really get going…before it's too late…
Norman: I have this strange feeling that…
Emma: No time Norman! *Grabs Norman's hand while suppressing a squeal of delight* We need to quickly run to the gate together if we're gonna reach Conny in time.
Norman: *Sigh* Alright Emma, let's get Little Bunny to Conny.
A Few Moments Later…
Norman: *Walking through the dark tunnel leading to the gate* Is it just me or does this place seem to be darker and danker than before?
Emma: *Shrugs* It's probably just rainwater seeping through the bricks. And look! There's the carriage Conny's leaving in! It hasn't left yet! *Runs up to the back of the wagon and lifts the flap* Hey Conny, we brought you…
Norman: …Emma?
Emma: …
Norman: Emma? What's wrong, why are you suddenly so…*steps up beside Emma and peers inside the wagon* …Connie…?
Emma: *drops Little Bunny as she stares in horror at the mangled corpse with red flowers growing from the chest.*
Disgruntled Voice: Oi! Is someone out there 'oo should be minding they's own business?
Norman: *Grabs Emma's hand and pulls her underneath the wagon*
Bored Voice: It's just probably another stray cat like the one we ate last week. *Door opens to reveal two eldritch horrors plucked straight from someone's waking nightmare*
Norman: No…!
Demon 1: *Cracking his knuckles* Whelp, I guess we's better package up this meat before it gets cold.
Demon 2: Just make sure to provide plenty of exposition while you're doing it. I get easily bored unless you're here to tell me demonic cultural tidbits I already know about.
Demon 1: Like the fact that this 'ole facility is basically nuttin but a giant ranch and processin' plant we use to make our patented high-quality ultra-deluxe kids meals?
Demon 2: Exactly that kind of thing. Or you could also talk about the fact that we've got our eyes on three particularly juicy kids reaching their twelfth years.
Demon 1: Man, I LOVE me a good Brain Mac. Say, you think the boss'll let me just have a nibble of this 'ere kid?
Demon 2: Only if you've got a few extra stray cats for us to eat when we both lose our jobs.
Demon 1: Ah, but I could do it real careful-like! Like, nibble off a coupla fingers or something. Nobody'll notice.
Demon Manager: *entering through the door* Nobody'll notice what?
Demon 1: Oi! Hey boss! Uh…we were just…uh…*stuffs the corpse into a glass jar*…packagin' the meat like you asked. See? Nice and intact. Not a bite out of it.
Demon Manager: We're you doing that whole exposition thing again? You know I hate it when you do that. It wastes valuable company time. And what if somebody were listening in on us?
Demon 2: Oh come on, boss. What are the chances of that ever happening? I mean, this human's whole job is to keep the human children in their pens at night, right?
Isabella: Yes. I definitely made sure nobody came here tonight.
Demon Manager: Yes, Isabella has indeed done a good job working for us this entire time to provide high quality meat for our various luxury food items. But that still doesn't excuse the two of you wasting company time. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to dock your pay by one hour.
Demon 1 and 2: Ah man!
Emma: *Completely horrified and dumbstruck*
Norman: *Mouth opens and closes like a fish gasping for breath*
Demon Manager: *Sniffs the air* Hey…wait a second…are you sure you locked up all the kids, Isabella? I'm smelling something that's still alive.
Isabella: *Frowns* I'm pretty sure I did.
Demon Manager: Well, we'll know soon enough. So let see here…what do we have? *Sniffs the air* I'm picking up something like a…leucitic Norwegian…and then the other scent is…*sniffs the air*…what are you? *Sniffs* Brunette? *Sniffs* Blonde? *Sniffs* Redhead? *Sniffs* Auburn?
Emma: *frowns before whispering* Ginger!
Demon Manager: No! *Sniffs in deeply* GINGER! *Looks under the cart only to find nothing*
Later just outside the farm…
Emma: *Crying and screaming incoherently* Ajzzzzzzbsssssssssbllllllllllllll BLUH BLUH BLUH BLUH…CONNIE! ?
Norman: BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! DEMONS!
Emma: BLUH BLUH BLUH BLUH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!
Norman: BLAH! BLAH! OUR LIFE IS A LIE!
Emma: MUH! MUH! MUH! Feeble denial?
Norman: WUH! HUH! HUH! HUH! Nope that was Conny!
Emma: *Begins bawling into Norman's shirt.*
Norman: *Stroking Emma's back* It was real…it was real…oh God! What we just saw!?
Emma: She's dead! Conny's dead! And Mom…Mom was…
Norman: …she was with them…
Emma: Oh God…this whole time…us…all our siblings…
Norman: *Nods grimly*
Emma: *Begins bawling anew*
Narrator Emma: This is the story about how everything changed the day we learned the truth. At that moment, we saw the horrible reality. All this time, our home was a pen. Ourselves and our siblings…cattle. And the woman we loved the most…
Isabella: *Picks up Little Bunny and gasps*
Narrator Emma: …our enemy.