Short Straw

Chapter 1- Just Friends

Suguru's POV

There's always the person who is so easy to hate. There is always the person you can't help but love no matter what, even if they are people you should hate. And I'm still trying to convince myself that I'm not the one everyone hates easily.

But despite the fact that everyone that really matters to me hates me, I just don't give a damn anymore. I simply wanted to roll over and die.

But that god damn alarm clock doesn't seem to be showing me any mercy today. I sigh, dragging myself up for another pointless day, in my pointless life.

Its not the fact that I was torn in two that pisses me off, it's the part that everyone said that to overcome your fears you must face them. Such bullshit.

Nervousness and anxiety rushed through Suguru from his throat to toes. Nausea rolled in his stomach, as he knew he was taking a risk. Slowly his fingers pressed down on the numbers, not yet quite sure on whether or not he wanted to do this. Pressing the wireless object to his ear, he waited for an answer.

In his heart and stomach he prayed for no answer. He hoped for and yet feared the voice, but he needed to let this out. He was done with wondering and dreaming, he had to ask.

For nights on end he would toss and turn in his sleep, dreaming of lips pressed down softly on his, words of comfort and love whispered into his ear. He dreamed and hoped for such sweetness and care. He could just feel hot fingertips brushing along his skin in the most intimate ways.

But he was so done of hoping and dreaming. None of it was enough to satisfy him, none of it was enough to ease his aching and yearning heart.

"Hello?"

The answer knocked Suguru from his thinking, and back to a reality. Stuttering nervously, Suguru crossed his legs on the bed and started the conversation.

"Hey Tatsuha-kun!" he said cheerfully, deceiving his true sense of helpless angst.

"Oh hey Suguru, how are yah?" Tatsuha replied back.

And so time passed, and the conversation was filled with lots of things. Normal things. Weather, school, ect. But as the moment slipped into a silence, a brief moment of pause, it built itself in Suguru.

His heartbeat was rapid in his throat, his breathing was short, and his mind kept telling him "ask him, do it!" and finally as his heart felt like it was about to throw out of his mouth, as his soul started to drift into a high, he-

"Tatsuha will you go out on a date with me?" it slipped. Oh shit he slipped. He fell back from his high; his senses and reality hit him. He sounded like a dumb schoolgirl for fuck's sake. His courage slipped through his grasp and he now feared the answer he knew would come. The silence sliced through him and resounded in a thumping headache worse then the ring of noise.

He knew it was coming. Any second now…it would be a no. A heart shattering, soul-splitting no.

"I…Suguru-kun I'm not exactly interested in you like that…I mean I think we're just real good friends, and not to be rude I just…"

And there it was.

"Aye, Suguru-kun, yoo-hoo! You there?"

Was I? Was I still here?

I looked up through tired eyes at Hiroshi who was persistently waving his hand in front of my face. He had a kind smile on as he pulled a chair out and sat across from me. I smiled back shortly and turned my attention back to the book I was reading. I go through a lot of books waiting for Shindou-san to show up to work in the morning.

Silence drifted through the air, and I could feel Hiroshi stare at me intently like he wanted to say something.

"…So Suguru…did you ask you know who?"

His question pulled my attention from my book…pulled me from everything. I was trying so hard to forget that. So hard to forget…

"Suguru…your lips are trembling…" and indeed they were. I felt water weigh heavy in my eyes as I looked up shamefully at Hiroshi.

He gave me an all-too knowing look, signaling he understood. Gracefully he stood from his seat, making his way to my side of the table. He pulled me to my feet, giving me a tight hug.

"Suguru…I'm sorry."

Sorry…I'm sorry too. Sorry I'm not good enough for Tatsuha. Sorry I'm not good enough for anyone.

Hiroshi Nakano…is an interesting person. Over the past year, he has become more of a friend then a co-worker. And soon I eventually sought out his advice for my attraction to Tatsuha. And yet his suggestion only brought on a hard hit reality.

Hiro's POV

Oh Suguru, Suguru…

As terrible as it sounds, I'm glad you were rejected.

Maybe I am being too cruel.

I know he's trying to hold his tears back, but its no use, his body's shaking and he chokes on sobs. Nothing I do will console him, nothing I do will ever make him mine. Life has a cruel way of working doesn't it?

Your worth is so much more then these tears and rejection, and if only you would let me show you that. Looking down at your face buried in my chest, I fight the urge to lean down and kiss away those tears. Tears you shouldn't have, for you're an angel and angels shouldn't cry.

But I'm just his friend…a friend. And friends aren't supposed to want and need friends.

"Hiroshi-san?"

I look down at his red, puffy face, tears still falling as he still lets out sobs.

"Yeah?" He smiles despite his physical state, which gladdens me to no end.

"Thank you." He pulled away from my arms, wiping his face, and making his way to the bathroom on the other side of the conference room.

Turning, I meet to my surprise Shuichi, who stood looking stunned in the threshold of the door.

"Hiro, um…"

He knows. He knows of my undying desire. He knows I try my hardest to resist my urges. He's known all to well for to long.

"…You should just tell him."

Fuck that.

End chapter 1