Falling out of reach
Something I'm looking for
Yami, don't smile at me when I no your crying inside. Talk to me. I o your lonely and im sorry I work late. But….just look and me….and cry. Tell me whats wrong and I'll listen. Call me on the phone and I'll listen to every single word like it was God himself speaking. Walk in one of my meetings and shout at me so I can pull you close to me, tell you I love you and kiss you. Everybody knows your mine, and I don't care what other people think. Let me hold you in my arms. But I can't do that until you open up to me and scream all your feelings out. I don't know how to help you baby, so tell me. Speak, scream, shot or just cry but do something. 'Cause sitting here and pretending that your okay is breaking my heart. I want to ask, but when I ask you look away and smile. "Everything is fine Seto." But it isn't. And I no. You're only happy when im looking down at you, both sweaty and hot. You smile, and I no that it's real. But then it goes back to you hating yourself and I just don't know what I can do to help you. I didn't go to work for a week to spend time with you but you didn't seem happy in all that time. I worked more, maybe we needed time apart? But when I came how you're sitting on our bed and crying your eyes out. Maybe it's me…..Am I the cause of your pain? But when i ask you say im being stupid. Yami….talk to me…..i love you.
I found the cause of your pain, and I guess on some level it was me. You and him in the bed was sure not the best way to be greeted after coming home from the office. But it sure was a slap in the face I wish I could forget. Yami told me he was sorry. He didn't want this to happen. He didn't want to hurt me. I just smile, take his hand and kiss it. And god, do I hate it, but a tear slips out, only one. I tell him I love him and all I ever wanted was him to be happy. And I walk out. Walk away from him and that bastard. I hate Joey more than I have ever hated anyone. He took the one I loved away from me and I let him. But I could never hate Yami, never. I tried, but it was useless because the more I think about you the more I love you. My heart is bleeding and my head is hurting. But I don't do anything and let him be with that mutt. I thought I now had two people I had to look after but now I only have one. That's okay thought 'cause I only need Mokuba. He is always there for me. I didn't want him to hate Yami so I told him that Yami and I just wasn't working out. But damn that kid is sharp and knew I was lying the second I said it. I hate crying, I hate it more than anything, well not as much as that stupid mutt, but I hate it all the same. So when I want to cry I stand in the rain. Thank god it was raining that night.
My hand is over my heart and my eyes are closed as my face is tilted up at the heavy grey sky. Im soaked to the bone but I don't care, I just need to stop feeling for the moment and the rain is washing away all my pain. Well, that is what I would like to think. Mokuba is sitting in the car and watching me pour my heart out and I wish he wouldn't. But I don't have the will power at the moment to tell him to go over to the car. I just need to stand in the rain….stand here and cry and make sure nobody ever sees. Nobody will…..it's raining. That's why I like the rain so much, nobody can see my pain this way.
Warm arms wrap around me and for a second I think I have finally lost it.
"Please don't cry…" Yami…please go away…..i cant…I cant- "Im sorry…" I feel so stupid and worthless. Im an idiot, I hate everything, I don't want him to see me cry.
"Please go away Yami…" I whisper. More tears are running from my face as I fell him tighten his grip. Don't be stubborn now Yami…my heart is hurting to much for you to do this to me.
"I was stupid!" He shouts as the rain starts to fall harder onto the ground. "I-I don't know why I did it! Seto, forgive me, im begging you." Don't beg more…don't wish for my forgiveness, just tell me what I am waiting for. "I love you." More tears run down my face and I finally open my eyes and turn around to face my beautiful lover. God, I needed to hear that. Now, when I look at him I see complete love. So much love that it can match my own. I love him so much….and I will never stop.
He isn't sad anymore when I come home. He runs up to me with Mokuba and hugs me tight, asking about my day. Now, I don't need to have sex with him to see the love.