Back again, with another new piece for our joint fan-fiction. I have to say, equally angst piece alert because I think Hank is an almost tragic character...puffy and tragic. So have some Hank angst, it's different from writing Erik angst and it was a lot of fun. I feel a little sorry for the poor guy though, I've turned him into something of a depressed fur ball with a fair bit of added intelligence. Jokes, I think he came off alright.
Anyways, another one of those mandatory disclaimers. I don't own any of the X-men, or their friends. If I did I would be threading the lady who manages out school cafeteria with a band of mutants if I didn't get a decent amount of free raspberry straps.
So like before, read, review, comment and enjoy!
How come you never realize what you could have had until it's too late? How come you never feel the opportunity floating by? How come you let everything go when you find a hint of possible happiness? That particular feeling of incomplete loneliness, of opportunities let to waste, is becoming an unpleasantly common one for me. A few days ago you might have looked at my life and thought that I had everything. Well, perhaps not everything, I wasn't the best looking fellow around, I wasn't confident like Alex or Sean, I didn't have Charles' incidental charm or Erik's intense personality, but I didn't need any of these things. I had something better. For the first time in my life I had found that special someone. You know, the girl that makes you feel fantastic no matter where you are, or whatever your doing, no matter what sort of things you enjoy and no matter how shy you are? But I didn't realize it the, and like everything else, I let it go to waste.
To tell the truth I thought Raven was beautiful no matter what form she took, whether it was blond and cheery or blue and mystifying. She was strong, breath-taking, courageous, beautiful and funny. She was everything I could only hope to be, and more. She made me feel good, like I was finally worth something, like I was finally more than some lame geek who only felt comfortable around company made up of computers and machines. But at the same time I was scared, because although I thought she was stunning no matter what body she chose I still felt an underlying feeling of fear effect my decisions. What if she was lying, what if she only spent time around me because she felt sorry for me? What then? So I hid my feelings, I hid them behind experiments and my efforts to develop a cure. Not because I thought she wasn't good enough, but because I wasn't. And let's be honest, I never would be, because in reality I'm always going to be that lame geek. Beastly or not. I thought I was saying what she wanted me to. I thought she took on her 'human' form because that was what she wanted. I thought so much, and yet for the first time in my life I was wrong. I was wrong about everything, and I ended up paying the price.
I think that's why the codename Beast is so fitting. I am a beast, not only in appearance but in personality. I'm not fierce or deadly, at least, I never used to be. But there are always far worst kinds of creatures than those that snarl and scratch. There a creatures like me, ones that drag others down, that can never understand. Yes, I can hide behind my contraptions and latest inventions, but fate finds everybody eventually. It hunts you down, no matter where you run, where you hide. Besides when you think back to any story, the beast is always the misunderstood character, the one powered only by rage and jealousy. People dismiss it as stereotypical, and yet I know that it rings true. It haunts me now, and I think it always will. I will forever play the role of the Beast, the one that cannot be loved by anyone, especially not he one he loves. I can't blame Raven. If I were her I would have left me as well. She was well within her rights to follow Erik, he was her prince after all. He was her knight in shining armor, she was his princess in silken blue. I was an obstacle, I stood in her way and without knowing it I turned her away. Just another Beast without his Beauty and just another Beauty who found someone better.
I could never have followed Erik, even now as I watch Moira cling to Charles out of pure desperation, salty tears pooling in the corners of her eyes, white knuckles as she grasps at his suit. I have a duty, Charles was perhaps the first person I ever met who accepted mutants no matter what their abilities were. He didn't judge, at least if he did, he didn't show it. I owe him a favor in return however I seriously doubt that I'll be any good. I'm not one for successfully repaying favors unless it's something to with covalent bonds or network connections. Charles already knows everything about genetics. Moira already knows that she's losing him, piece by piece. But I still have to stay, for both of them. Even if I can't have my princess,Charles deserves his, and Moira deserves her prince. I have to do my best, because in the last I've made unforgivable mistakes, abandoning my friend would only make my list of past guilts harder to bear.
We all have battle scars, physical, emotional, mental. They're inescapable. It's all we can hope for to be able to move on eventually, to find people who accept us despite our flaws. It's all we can hope for to be able to find someone who will love us despite our faults. And yet hope remains the key word, because not everybody does. Sometimes our scars, our fears...sometimes they prevent us from happiness. And yet we still carry on. Mutants and humans alike, we carry on as we always have. We try to pretend that everything will be okay. We try to convince ourselves that we've moved on. We try to trick ourselves into believing in new starts. Why? Because it's one of the most basic of our survival instincts. Trust me, no one knows this better than the beast. No one knows this better than me.
Once again, you can have a look at both of our personal accounts, bramber1417 and Cheshire1996, respectively. Also keep an eye on this joint account of ours : D