Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Shingeki No Kyojin/ Attack On Titan
Authors note: hey guys, I know it's been forever since I posted any new stories but I have been wanting to write this one for quiet some time. It takes place after the scouts had returned from the battle in chapter 50 of the manga. So without further adew, please enjoy.
It had been four hours since the Scouts had gotten back to headquarters after regrouping on the wall after there devastating battle with Reiner and Bertolt. The death toll was astronomical and it was no less than a miracle that all the 104th scouts were able to come out alive…alive, but not unharmed. Which brings us to Eren. He had been sitting in the dark and candle lit recovery room for over three and a half hours now.
He had waited impatiently in the hallway until the medics were done bandaging her ribs and told him that she was resting now. He quietly crept in to the room, making sure not to wake her, grabbed a chair from the corner, placed it right next to the bed and sat down.
It was going on eleven o'clock and the room was so eerily quietly that the silence could have been cut with a knife. The only noise that could be heard was the ticking of the clock that hung on the far wall and the soft, short, labored breaths coming from Mikasa as she slept. While the atmosphere in the room was mostly peaceful, almost serene, it was the complete opposite from the turmoil going on in Eren's head.
For the duration of these four hours, the amount of contemplation and self reflection going on in the brunettes head was astonishing. So much had happened over the last eight hours. Waves of guilt had racked his brain ever since they returned to the wall and found out just how many lives were lost all because his useless ass had been captured. At the time he didn't think he was worth that sacrifice. However he felt the most guiltiest for getting Mikasa hurt in the process. With this guilt he was feeling went hand and hand with the anger he had for himself for letting that happen.
He stared intently at her sleeping form and the situation at hand had made him rack his brain even more so until he finally came to a realization.
After another hour had passed Eren finally started to feel the weight of exhaustion from the day and he started to slump in his chair and finally dozed off for a few minutes.
After about fifteen minutes had passed, Mikasa stirred from her slumber and looked up from her pillow to see Eren softly snoring in his chair. Without thinking, she whispered to him. "Eren"
The boy had been half asleep, so her soft voice woke him, and snorting, he shot his head up quick, almost falling out of the chair in the process. "Huh…Mikasa…your awake." Eren fixed his posture while he rubbed his eyes and then looked at her.
Mikasa stared at Eren for a moment. From the look of his crooked posture and his baggy eyes, she deciphered that he must have been siting there for hours.
"How ya feeling?" Eren asked quietly. "I'm fine Eren, you should go get some sleep." Mikasa brushed the question off coolly.
Eren sighed. "Mikasa, you ain't gotta be fine all the time. You worry about me all the time so I think you can bear it once in a while." But there was no harshness in his tone to be found. Mikasa was somewhat surprised at his comment, but finally she relented and said. "It hurts a little bit, I can't breathe very deep without some pain."
Eren nodded slowly and there was a moment of silence between them. Mikasa noticed how Eren was looking at the floorboards with a look of contemplation. He seemed miles away. She was just about to ask him what was wrong when Eren softly spoke.
"Mika…do you think I was worth it." Mikasa looked bewildered. "What do you mean Eren?" He finally looked at her. "I mean, do you think I was worth almost a hundred soldiers dying tonight only to rescue my sorry ass?"
Mikasa gave no hesitation in her answer. "Of course you are." Eren looked back down at the floor and gave a malice chuckle. "Huh, of course you'd say that." He sighed. "But I just don't feel the same way. I'm not worth all those soldiers and I don't think I'll ever be able to lift that weight from hanging over my head."
Mikasa hadn't ever heard him say things like this, so she asked. "Eren where is this all coming from?" Eren looked back up at her. "I've been sitting here for quiet a spell Mika and I realized something." Both teens faces became morbid after he continued to speak. "Ever since mom died, it just seems like the only thing that's been leading me since then is hatred. Back then it was just hatred towards the Titans for ruining our family and the peaceful life we had, then it was hatred towards Annie after she turned out to be a Titan, and now…it's Reiner and Bertolt."
Mikasa looked sullen but with a glimmer of positivity, she told Eren. "But because of this, Everyone who has met you can easily see that you have an unbreakable drive to succeed." This compliment didn't seem to lighten Eren's spirit at all. He looked back at her and said. "Yeah but through all that rage and hatred, it made me blind to everything else and that fire, in the end, will only burn me up from the inside."
Mikasa had never heard him say anything like this before, but she let him go on. "Hell Mikasa, all I've been for the past four years is an asshole." Eren started getting a little louder and angrier at himself. "I didn't give two shits about anything else but revenge and whatever else I wanted. I was an asshole to Armin, to Jean, and the worst is I have been an asshole to you."
Mikasa tried to console him. "That's not true Eren." But he kept going, hating himself to the core right now, he raised his voice even more. "Yes it is Mikasa, all you've ever tried to do is help me and every time I just pushed you away. Just look at you Mikasa, you broke your ribs trying to save me and you could have almost died tonight, and for what! to save an asshole!"
Mikasa tried again "It's alright Eren, it's alright." Eren was practically yelling now. "No! it's not alright, it's just not fair to you, I don't deserve how kind you've been to me and what have I been in return? An asshole and only an asshole. I'm so sorry." Mikasa was literally taken aback by his outburst. God only knew what had been going through his head in the past couple of hours.
Eren was still angry at himself, but he did feel some relief after getting it all out. There was a pause until Mikasa reassuringly said. "It's alright Eren…I forgive you." Another moment of silence passed until Mikasa worked up her nerve to ask Eren a question of her own. She looked down at the bed, feeling very vulnerable, she squeaked out. "D-did you really mean what you said in the field then Eren?"
The question made Eren look to her and see the vulnerableness that was written all over her face. Knowing that Mikasa rarely dropped her stoicism and acted this way, he knew he had to reassure her. So without hesitation, he grabbed her hand, entwined his fingers with hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. This affectionate gesture that Eren hadn't done since they were kids, made Mikasa's head shoot up from surprise, to look at him.
Eren locked eyes with her, gave a genuine, warm smile and said. "Every word of it…from now on, I'll be there. I won't keep running ahead, while making you struggle to keep up." Tears of joy started to well in the corners of her eyes. "From now on Mikasa, we're gonna take on this world together, side by side. And I'll be damned if anybody stands in our way."
Mikasa gently squeezed his hand, gave the most beautiful smile and said. "Thank you Eren." All her doubts and vulnerableness had been erased by Eren's comforting words.
A few minutes passed them by in comfortable silence until both of them yawned and Eren said. "I think we both should get some sleep." Eren pulled the blanket over Mikasa that was sitting at the end of her bed. Mikasa was surprised when Eren scooted the chair even closer to the bed and sat down again. She was about to complain that sleeping in the chair would be uncomfortable for him and that it would be best if he went to his bunk to sleep.
However, one look into his eyes, and she knew damn well that he was bound and determined to stay with her through the night…and she wasn't about to argue. She laid her head onto her pillow and closed her eyes. Then whispered out.
"Goodnight Eren."
"Goodnight Mika."
After a moment she felt Eren entwine his fingers with hers again. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze one more time before smiling contently, and drifting into a peaceful slumber. Eren admired the look of serenity Mikasa had as he whispered to her sleeping form. "I promise Mikasa, from now on, we'll be together…I swear it." And with this promise, Eren himself, drifted into sleep. Until the only thing that could be heard was their soft breathing. And in the dull glow of the dying candle light, if anyone were to see them, they would see the unbreakable bond and the undying love these two have for each other.
I hope you enjoyed the story. Any and all reviews will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
