From the lengths the princess went to in order to keep her a secret, Helena knew that her existence was shameful. Since the two of them looked nearly identical, only one could be seen outside the princess's room at any given time, and when it was in need of cleaning, Helena had to hide in the chimney of their unused fireplace. It was clear to Helena that the princess was ashamed of her, but she didn't mind, because it was also clear that the princess needed her.
Although forbidden from using her ice magic, Princess Elsa was still feared by everyone in the castle. And Elsa, in turn, was afraid of befriending anyone because she knew what could happen if she lost control. Her parents never forgave her for the accident with her sister, and Elsa didn't forgive herself either. Helena often thought that the princess seemed as scared of her own powers as anyone. Unloved even by herself, Elsa would have shrivelled and wasted away had it not been for Helena whom her magic could only hurt if she wanted it to.
At night, Helena would whisper her love in Elsa's ear like you breathe into your hands to warm them when it's cold. Elsa knew that it was her creation — her own breath — warming her then, but she pushed that knowledge to the far back of her mind. Without Helena, she had no one.
It was a shame, thought Helena, that the princess was so alone when she had so much to give. Elsa had buried it deep, but when she returned Helena's touches in the dark and poured her passions into her, Helena found herself overflowing. She didn't know a lot about the world, but she was sure it was less rich with Elsa keeping this all pent up inside.
"Do I really seem that miserable?" joked the princess when Helena brought it up.
"Only when Princess Anna is knocking on the door," said Helena. Unlike her sister, young Princess Anna had no magic; Helena couldn't imagine how lonely she must be with no Helena of her own. "I think you would both be happier as friends."
"No, I'm sure Anna is doing fine without me." Anna had had her memory erased by the accident, so Elsa's powers were nothing but a rumor to her, and Elsa wanted to keep it that way. "She must have plenty of friends. It's impossible not to love her." She pulled Helena into a hug. "You're all that I want, Helena. If I was with Anna, all I would do is worry about hurting her again. Me and you — we're made for each other." At least one of them was made for the other. "I love you."
"I love you too," answered Helena. But she didn't believe that Elsa did not miss her sister, and because she loved Elsa, she was determined to bring them together.
Preparing to become the queen was exhausting, and Elsa would sometimes return to their bedchamber only to collapse onto the bedspread. Sometimes she'd fall asleep leaning on her writing desk. It wasn't difficult for Helena to slip out unnoticed and find Princess Anna.
Helena winced at the creak of the bedroom door, but fortunately Anna did not stir. Despite her eyes having grown used to the darkness on her way through the castle, the night outside the window was cloudy, and it seemed to fill the chamber like water in a jug. Helena felt it resist her advance towards the bed and heard it repeat every warning Elsa had ever given her. As she sat down beside the slumbering girl, Helena knew more than ever how forbidden their meeting was. But when Anna woke and noticed her visitor, she wasn't the least alarmed.
"Elsa?" she said groggily. Even in broad daylight, anyone would have mistaken Helena for Princess Elsa.
"I'm sorry Anna, but I'm not your sister. My name is Helena. Elsa is my friend."
"Elsa doesn't have any friends." Anna sat up in her bed. "This is either a trick or a dream."
Outside the bedroom window, the clouds shifted, and pale blue moonlight crept along the bed to slowly reveal the figure of Helena — her shoulder, her narrow neck, the curve of her cheek. Anna knew this figure. She'd spent years trying to approach Elsa, and when her response was closed doors, Anna took to simply passing the days watching, admiring her from a distance. Anna knew this figure well, and she could see that her visitor was not Elsa.
While Elsa gave the impression of a doe, ready to flee at any moment, the girl at her bed was instead unguarded and inviting. And yet she was just as lovely, her presence just as charmed. She appeared perfectly doll-like as she sat smiling and watching Anna study her.
At length, Anna said, "You look so much like her." Only sweeter. "Say then, how is she?"
Helena explained about Elsa and her ice. For Elsa's sake, she revealed no more about herself than that she was immune to any magical accidents. Nonetheless, Anna finally had a reason for the distance her sister had put between them. Her prayers were answered.
She agreed that they would be better as a pair, but when Helena rose to leave, Anna grabbed her hand and said, "I have no idea how to begin talking with Elsa about this. Won't you come back tomorrow?" Helena promised she would.
Before long, they were meeting routinely on nights when Helena was not needed at Elsa's side. In a way, Anna felt as though she'd already been reunited with her sister.
Wanting to look nice for Elsa, Anna dusted off her old jewelry. She'd hardly ever worn any of it before, so she asked Helena for advice. Holding up two necklaces to the moonlight, Anna said, "I feel bad for liking silver more. I know I should prefer the gold one."
The moon made both necklaces gleam prettily. "Why is that bad?" asked Helena.
"Silver isn't as precious because gold is rarer. A bit like me and Elsa." As they sat together on Anna's bed, her ache showed plainly on her face, and Helena reached out to touch her shoulder. The young princess went on, "I'm always outside her door, always abundant. All she has to do is answer my call and she'll have me. But I'm never as interesting or as beautiful as her."
Helena took Anna's hand in her own and gazed into her eyes as she said, "I've learned a lot about you lately." Certainly more than Anna had learned about Helena. "And I can safely say that you are absolutely wonderful. Elsa just isn't looking."
But as Helena told her this, it was Elsa's blue eyes that Anna was peering into. Eyes that by shreds of light from the window appeared to glow. Anna couldn't help but feel like her sister really was seeing her in that moment. "I wonder what it is she's looking at instead," whispered the princess. "There is so much I want to ask her. So much I wish to say."
"And what is it that you want to say?"
Unable to find the words, Anna leaned in and lightly pressed her lips to Helena's. Maybe words weren't enough. Helena may not have known a lot about the world, but she understood what Anna meant to tell her, because she tried to tell Elsa the same thing all the time. Anna wasn't made to love Elsa like she was, but Helena still took in the girl's yearning the same way she hoped Elsa took in hers, and she answered all of Anna's questions in the same way Elsa gave her reason.
The moment Elsa entered their room, Helena ran to her and asked, "How was it today?"
"She's absolutely wonderful," said the princess. "Absolutely wonderful." She was unaware that Helena had ever met her sister, and as she told her all about her new friend, Helena was doing her best to hide a knowing smile. "Everything about Anna is," Elsa seemed simultaneously elated and embarrassed to say, "it's enthralling."
Helena had seen that reverent smile before. It was how Anna smiled when she spoke about Elsa. She didn't want to believe it, but then Elsa turned to her as if seeking some kind of permission, and there was no doubt in her mind that Elsa was in love.
"Don't you wish that you'd noticed it sooner?" asked Helena. Her mouth was dry.
"Yes, it was useless of me to worry. Her company is so disarming that I might as well be free from my ice altogether." Elsa walked over to the window. Unsure of whether she was peering out at the lake or looking back at her reflection in the glass, Helena dropped her eyes to the floor. Elsa sighed and said, "I've kept her in my periphery for so long, never daring to really see her. And now I can't look away."
At those words, Helena clenched her jaw. "You always knew?"
The princess turned around to face her. "Knew what?" she asked.
Helena roared, "That you were in love with Anna!"
Elsa's back bumped against the window behind her, and she wondered, Is this what my face looks like enraged? "I guess I did always know," stammered the princess.
"What about me then? Why did you make me?" Helena was biting back tears. "Am I just Anna's replacement?"
They stared at each other, both fearing the answer to that question. When Elsa spoke, her voice came out as a whimper. "I don't know."
"Through all the years, you weren't scared of another accident. The only person you were trying to protect was yourself."
"You're wrong. I was protecting you too," said Elsa. "It wasn't safe to bring others into our life. Who knows what they would do with you if they found out what you are." She expected another outburst, but Helena instead let out a sob and quietly hurried out of the room.
She'd never cried before, but she weeped soundlessly all the way to Anna's room. Outside the door, she paused for a moment to gather herself before calling on the princess. Anna was surprised to see her so soon after sundown, though pleased.
Helena did her best to hide the tumult inside her, but toward midnight she found herself chasing Anna's lips as the princess pulled back and asked, "Helena, what's wrong?" They lay on her bed, undressed and flushed. This was the way they'd spent most of their time together lately. Anna got to enjoy her sister's company during the day, and in another way during the night. Helena was keen, but she was never this desperate. She didn't answer the young princess's question, only bowed her head. Anna pushed a strand of Helena's hair behind her ear. "If something is on your mind, you can tell me."
Helena's response was a low mumble, so she asked her to say it again. "How was your day with Elsa today?" asked Helena.
"I'm getting to know her very well." Now that she knew her sister, it felt odd talking about her with Helena. Still, she couldn't help smiling as she said, "In the beginning, I was afraid I'd scare her away with my rambling. I figured that once I got her to listen to me, I wouldn't be able to stop talking." She started to say something more but stopped herself, smile fading.
"What?"
"A lot of the time, I find myself unable to say a word — I'm simply too fascinated by her." She turned to the bedroom window. It was too dark to see the lake. "There are many things that aren't how I dreamt they would be. Somehow, they're even better. It's as if I've been staring at a picture my whole life and I'm only now seeing the real thing."
Helena's eyes widened. With their bodies pressed close together, she felt lonelier than she'd ever felt before.
There was a warm hand caressing her cheek, but her vision was misty. She vaguely registered Anna's voice saying, "Helena, you're crying. What is it?" Suddenly, Helena wished that it was Elsa comforting her instead — and at the same time, she couldn't stand to think about her.
Letting her tears fall, Helena took her lover's hands to hold to her chest. "Listen, I've changed my mind. I don't want you to be with Elsa any more."
The poor girl was shaken by the sudden look of anguish on Helena's face. "Why not?" she asked. "We're happy together."
That only made Helena panic more. "But we're happy too. We don't need anyone else — do we, Anna?"
"I'm not sure what you mean."
"It's what Elsa used to tell me. I asked about you for years, but she always said that we didn't need anyone else."
"She doesn't think that anymore. She's braver now."
Helena leaned closer. "That may be true." Her breath was hot against Anna's ear as she whispered, "Still, Elsa doesn't do this," and put her hand on her. Anna's quiet gasp did not bring a smile to Helena's lips as it usually did. "And she doesn't do this." Anna moaned into her pillow. "Isn't this what you want from her?"
The princess clung to her, even as she stammered, "You're not Elsa."
Helena ceased her caress and looked into Anna's eyes. "But I could be Elsa. Her magic created me."
Anna trembled in the embrace as the following silence rung in her ears. "Please," she begged and meant please say no more, but she already knew it must be true. It made too much sense.
"I was born from her will. I am a part of her."
When she tried to hug Anna, the princess pushed her away. Unbeknownst to Helena, Elsa had been wrong about Anna having other friends. She'd grown up with Elsa's repeated rejections and did not have the courage to reach out to anyone else. She didn't believe herself to be worthy of love, and now the only person who'd ever loved her was not even human. "Please leave," said Anna.
The sun had just begun to rise as Helena tiptoed into her and Elsa's bedroom, but the princess wasn't there. Helena couldn't bring herself to feel relieved — there was still a confrontation to be had about her questions yesterday, and she didn't dare hope that Elsa had an answer they could both live with. She sat down on their bed and thought about what she could say. Hours passed, and by noon, she had yet to move a muscle.
Anna had made it clear that she did not want anything more to do with her. Once again, Helena had no one but Elsa. But unlike before, Elsa now had somebody else. Helena sat and pondered their situation until the sun was setting, and that's when the princess finally returned. Helena still hadn't moved.
Elsa slumped down beside her on the bed. She was crying messily, and Helena asked why.
"Anna called me a witch," said Elsa through hiccups and sobs. "She called me unnatural, just like mother and father after the accident."
Helena gripped Elsa by the shoulders. "Does she know about me?"
"She doesn't," answered Elsa, and despite her clawing guilt, Helena was glad. Elsa didn't know that the source of Anna's loathing was sitting on the bed with her. Elsa still didn't know about Helena's plot — she knew absolutely nothing, so there was still a chance to mend things.
With a heavy sigh, Helena hugged Elsa firmly, and the princess did not fight her. "I didn't know that your parents called you that," whispered Helena.
Elsa said nothing, but buried her face in her shoulder.
"You were right all along, Elsa. All we need is each other. You were right all along."
"I suppose I was." Elsa had stopped sobbing. She returned the hug and muttered, "Don't let go."
"I will never let you go. I love you."
"I love you too."
"No, you don't understand." Helena slid down onto the floor so that she was sitting in front of Elsa. She held her maker's hands and stared up into her eyes. "I love you, and I'm yours to do whatever you want to. Use me, hurt me — as long as I get to be with you."
"But I don't want that," said the princess. She hoped that Helena was just babbling, perhaps punishing her for the day before.
"I just need you to know this. Even if I'm just a replacement to you, even if you laugh at me and trample me, you are the only one in my heart." She brought Elsa's hands to wrap around her neck, and she felt the princess tremble against her skin.
Searching Helena's eyes, Elsa found nothing but a terrible sincerity. "Helena, please stop. You're scaring me."
"My love scares you?"
Elsa rose and walked to the door. In the window on the other end of the room, she saw herself reflected faintly. Helena remained on the floor but turned around, still looking up at her, and Elsa wished that she would look away — or blink, at the least. For the first time, she found the attention from her own character uncanny. And yet she stayed.
At last Helena understood how right Elsa had been before all this. The world held nothing that they did not already have together, and their meeting with the outside had spoiled their love.
They still adhered to their precautions, never leaving the room at the same time. Everything was back to the way they had always been, except that Helena never objected to their confinement anymore, and Elsa did not reach for her at night.
They had been like this for days when Helena returned to their rooms earlier in the afternoon than she'd planned. There had been a time when she used to enjoy wandering around the castle and hoping she'd catch a glimpse of Princess Anna, but there was nothing of interest outside of her maker's chambers as of late.
She had expected to find Elsa at the writing desk, or perhaps napping, but when she stepped inside, Elsa wasn't there. There was no time to be confused, however, because suddenly twittering voices neared the door from outside, and Helena hopped into the chimney where she hid from cleaning castle staff. Squinting through a crack in the chimney, she managed to make out Elsa as she entered the room. Anna was with her, and the two of them stopped talking as they fell onto the bed together.
Helena watched them and did not look away, did not make a sound. There was no change in her face as she watched them. Her features had never looked so much like a doll's.
It had been so long since Anna last came to her sister's bedroom door, and she was nervous to knock. She hadn't met with Helena since the night when she turned her away, so if Helena was the one to answer, she might become suspicious.
Anna touched her knuckles to the wood cheerlessly and called, and the door opened narrowly to reveal Elsa's gentle face looking surprised to see her. Anna studied her closely. Once, she could've told her sister apart from her creation with ease. but as she squinted at the figure in front of her, all she saw was a girl, rattled. "Is that you, Elsa?"
"Yes, but I can't talk for long — Helena will be back soon. You should go."
The dismissal caused a fear to flare up inside Anna. She couldn't stand the thought of Elsa hiding behind closed doors again, and she spoke without thinking. "I haven't seen you in a while. Helena doesn't know about us, does she?"
Elsa's eyes grew wide. "Do you really want to be saying that?"
Embarrassed, Anna looked up and down the hall, but there was no one to overhear them. Then she realised the rigidness of Elsa's voice, and she noticed her eyes. Elsa's eyes stared unblinking, and yet there was violence in the intensity with which they bore into Anna. "Helena?"
Just as Anna uttered her name, the girl was wrestled to the floor by another. Petrified where she stood, Anna could do nothing but watch as Helena was straddled by Princess Elsa and held firmly in place.
"Anna, get away!" said Elsa. "I don't want you to see this."
Helena grunted,"Stay," but didn't look away from her attacker. When she said, "You know that I love you," Anna wasn't sure who she was speaking to until Elsa replied.
"I know." Tears welled in her eyes. "And you'll never let me go, will you?"
Helena stopped struggling. "I will never let go."
Elsa put her hand on top of Helena's chest where her heart would be, and Anna jumped as Helena shattered into a thousand shards of ice, spreading across the floor.
Anna ran over to her sister. The sound of crunching ice was loud beneath her shoes. "Are you hurt?" she asked, looking her over.
Elsa threw herself into Anna's arms and cried, "I had to do it, Anna. She wouldn't let me leave the room. I had to do it."
It took a long while before Elsa calmed down enough to leave. Anna was terrified to think that Elsa might have found out that she'd known about Helena, but as they walked away, Elsa kept saying she'd explain later — she was clearly still unaware.
Relieved and with an arm around her sister, Anna didn't see Elsa hiding a piece of ice in her hand. Elsa held onto it closely before sneaking it into the sleeve of her dress. The icy lips on the shard were cold, but the faint breathing against Elsa's skin was as warm as it had always been.