Oh, it's that time of year again
When I come off the shelf.
Not lifted down by Dumbledore
But floated by an elf
Who puts me on a stool
In front of students and of staff,
So I can play Scategories
With children. What a laugh.
They come to the Great Hall
All filled with possibilities.
We shut the first one down
When they are forced to put on me.
Just look at all their faces,
No clue what they are in for.
We could say, "Go exploring,"
But we say, "You're through that door."
It did seem like a good idea
A thousand years ago,
But when I think about it now,
My new conclusion's no.
It falls to me to set all the
Ambitious kids apart,
Away from kids who might help curb
The greed that's in their hearts.
It falls to me to tell the
Loyal kids to all hold hands.
If they're all of that one sort
No wonder people find them bland.
And then I'm told to put
The smartest people in one room.
Well, who will help to teach them
To discuss and not presume.
The bravest ones, they'll be ok
Together or apart,
But they too run the risk
Of finding arrogance an art.
I want to shake things up this time
So when these kids make friends
They're influenced in such a way
This stale old system ends.
No Gryffindors or Hufflepuffs,
With colors flashing bright,
Or Ravenclaws or Slytherins,
Huddled together at night.
But children, only children
Free to find out who they are.
No pressure to live up to some old
Wizarding world star.
House Dumbledore, House Snape
Houses McGonagall and Sprout,
Named for folks who forged their true selves
After they got out.
But I'm a haunted hat,
What power have I for reform?
Those houses don't exist,
This year will have to be the norm.
But I'll get me to a staff meeting,
I will hold my hat head high,
I'll make my hat voice heard,
Or so help me, I'll hat die.
I cannot bear another year
Of making children match.
They match each other, yet
No two are alike in the batch.
I may not get to watch them grow
And learn and thrive and play,
But I'm the one in charge of sending them
All on their way.
And I am serious about this
Charge that's given me.
So listen to my goals of
Wizard and witch harmony.
We'll do it your way this last time
But that will not be that.
I'll sort out your priorities,
For I'm a Sorting Hat.