Chapter 1: Carter

Hello, it's me again, your friendly neighborhood Egyptian magician, former godling, and absentee pharaoh Carter Kane. Now I know what you're thinking: you didn't expect to hear from me for a while, if ever again. You figured that once my sister and I, along with our friends, execrated Apophis (a.k.a. the bad tempered, bloody big snake of Chaos that once swallowed my girlfriend whole) and saved the whole bloody world from ending (ugh, I'm starting to pick Sadie's bad English terms….OW! I thought you were outgrowing that habit of hitting, Sadie!), anyway, you thought I'd look forward to just being bored training a bunch of new magicians on how to channel the power of the gods, should they ever return from deep within the Duat.

I know that you're thinking that because it is much the same thing that I was thinking. I was also thinking that I might have a peaceful moment in which I might find the time to gather enough courage to ask said girlfriend (who's no longer hosting an elderly Egyptian male sun god, thank goodness) if she'd like to go steady. I certainly was not anticipating to meet any other gods (other than my sister's boyfriend, who merged with her other, mortal boyfriend so that the latter can live and the former could have a life. Don't ask.) for a long, long time. Nor was I anticipating that I'd have to wear the crown of the pharaoh and lead the House of Life in a Martin Luthor King-esque peaceful demonstration, putting us in in the path of some very angry and powerful teens with feathery helmets and sharp swords, all to prevent a second American Civil War that would likely wake up a powerful and evil Earth goddess (whose nothing like our own gentle Earth god Geb, thank you very much) who would end up killing us all. I was not counting having to race to prevent Armageddon. Again.

I'm getting ahead of myself, though. I should start from the beginning. I had just woken up from a relatively peaceful rest with my neck once again aching, due to the fact I was using that extremely uncomfortable metal Egyptian headrest. I had once tried to sleep without it, only to have my Ba (That's Egyptian for soul, for those of you who may just be joining is….shut up, Sadie, I'm not such a know it all!) to have my Ba slip into the Duat and spy on a meeting between Set, the evil god of Chaos, and a demon who was only pretending to work for him but was really serving the even more evil (and before mentioned) Apophis. Since then, I've played it safe and always used that thing, but I've never gotten used to how uncomfortable it is. One of these days, I'm gonna invent a pillow that I can set around that headrest, one made from materials that won't interfere with its function of keeping my Ba from wandering when I don't want it to while saving my neck from becoming permanently bowed.

As I walked along, I passed Shelby, who was once again regaling the younger kids about how she single-handedly killed the great big snake (bless her little heart), when I spotted Zia at the dinner table sipping on a glass of orange juice. She smiled shyly when she saw me, and I could tell that she had waited to start her breakfast proper until I had gotten up (which I suppose I should try doing so earlier now, since I'm supposed to be grooming myself into a proper leader, and not just one that leads our group into life-and-death situations. You know, set a good example.) I had just sat down, spread some cream cheese on my bagel and had opened my mouth about to ask if she'd like to go out with me on a date this afternoon when there was a knock on our front door (or rather the door that serves as a link to the door of the building our home is magically sitting invisibly on top of.) Heaving a huge sigh, I gestured to Zia that I'd be back in one moment, I went to the door wondering who would be calling on an apparently abandoned warehouse building in the heart of Brooklyn.

As I opened the door, I saw a UPS delivery driver holding a thin package and one of those electronic signature devices. When he saw me, he turned to fully face me and asked, "Carter Kane?" Before I could think to play dumb or send this guy away, as there was little reason for anyone to send me anything here (due to the fact that 90% of the people I care about are already living here and 9% are either dead or unreachable due to distance in the Duat) my still-on-autopilot brain had me saying, "Yes?" The UPS man handed me the signature device and said, "Sign here, please." As I was penning my signature, I glanced up at his nametag and had to stifle a laugh. His name isn't really "Hermes", is it? I thought to myself. As I finished signing and handed him back the device, I half expected him to call over an elephant or do something equally outrageous before announcing that I was on Candid Camera. Instead, he just handed me the small rectangular package before tipping his hat, saying, "Have a nice day," before climbing back into his delivery truck and driving away.

As I closed the door, I heard Zia come up behind me and say, "Who was that, Carter?"

"UPS," I said simply, still somewhat stunned by the surrealness of the situation, then gestured at the package and said, "Had a delivery for me."

"What is it?" Zia asked me.

Shrugging, I proceeded to open one of the narrow ends of the box. When I tipped the open end of the box towards my other hand, an iPad 3 slid out into it. At least, it looked like an iPad for the most part. The main difference? The round indented button that normally has a square printed on it had the Greek Omega printed on it instead. Now I'm sure that most of you are thinking, Carter, you're not stupid enough to hit a button displaying the Greek symbol for "end", are you? Well guess what? I am.

And I did.

And that's why I dropped the tablet in startlement as a 30 foot man holding a strange staff suddenly appeared towering over me.